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Stayed Jokes

128 stayed jokes and hilarious stayed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stayed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Stayed Short Jokes

Short stayed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stayed humour may include short staying jokes also.

  1. Since this is the first year that I've remembered my cake day, here's my four year old's favorite joke. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
  2. At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you. Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.
  3. What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
    Bit of British humour right there ;)
  4. With all the negativity in the world today... ...at least charlie sheen is staying positive.
  5. I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay in my current job. He asked which companies? I told him the gas, electric, and phone companies.
  6. My wife packed my bags and told me to leave . . . As I was headed out the door, she said "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." I said, "so now you want me to stay?"
  7. Jesus died for your sins. But did He stay dead?
    At most, He lost a weekend for your sins.
  8. My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home." I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"
  9. What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar? "The girls get older, but he stays the same age"
    -first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)
  10. My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered... "Swarm."

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Stayed One Liners

Which stayed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stayed? I can suggest the ones about stays and remained.

  1. Why do bees stay in the hive in the winter? Swarm
  2. I once stayed up all night trying figure out where the sun went Then it dawned on me
  3. How do you get a dozen Americans out of a car? Tell them to stay inside the car.
  4. A man walks into a bar ... and stays there my entire childhood.
  5. Why do spies never use capitalization? They like to stay low-key.
  6. The CEO of Apple came out gay... Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight
  7. My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats. I guess I should really get off Tumblr
  8. My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats. Guess I can't go on tumblr anymore.
  9. My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats... But it's 2017 and I'll date who I want
  10. What kind of dog can stay underwater for a long time? A subwoofer
  11. 2019: Stay away from negative People 2020: Stay away from positive people
  12. If you don't like the way women drive, Stay off the sidewalk.
  13. Trinity: "I really can't stay." Neo: "Baby it's code outside."
  14. How to always stay positive in life: | life |
  15. Never give up on your dreams... Stay in bed.

Stayed joke, Never give up on your dreams...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about stayed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of stayed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Stayed Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about stayed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean lasted jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make stayed prank.

Yo Mamma's so dumb....

She stayed up all night studying for her blood test

I stayed up all night wondering why there was no light..

Then it dawned on me.

Mental Hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic

who stayed up all night debating the existence of Dog?

Overcrowded church

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.

I got a full house and four people died.

so 3 men and 1 woman stranded on an island...

with no hopes of getting away they try to make the best out of their fate and decide to have s**.... the woman refuses, because she doesn't want to take all 3 men at once. so they have an agreement, saying that each man is allowed to have s**... with the woman for one week until they hand her to the next men. this 'circle of s**...' works pretty well and everyone is happy, until the woman gets ill and dies. the first month was okay for the 3 men. month 2 was getting pretty tough but they kept going. month 5 was very very hard for all of them, but they still stayed hard. finally in month 6 they decided to bury the woman...

Paybacktime


A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye

Stand by your man

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I was laid off, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."

After the Great Flood

After the Great Flood, Noah sends the animals to go forth and multiply.
A pair of snakes stayed behind. Noah asked, why they stayed.
The pair of snakes replies We can't multiply, we're adders ...
so Noah builds them a log table

An old man was lying on his deathbed.

An old man was lying on his deathbed. His wife of forty years was holding his hand.
He looked at her and said Margaret, It seems like you have always been with me when I was in need. Remember that time I fell down the stairs? You stayed with me. And when I lost my job? You were right there. Now that I am dying, you are here. You know what, Margaret?
What, John?
I think you're a jinx.

An older man was asked how he had stayed married so long...

An older man was asked how he had stayed married so long. So he said that the secret to a long, happy relationship was to put a dollar in a jar everytime he looked lustfully at another woman. That way, he could afford to take his wife on an annual vacation.

An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...

When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"

A teenager buys condoms for the first time...

The cashier says, "That'll be $9.95 plus tax.".

Horrified, the boy exclaims "I thought they stayed on by themselves!"

I stayed up all night waiting for the sun to rise

then it dawned on me

The last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for a wake up call.

So the next morning the front desk called me and asked "What are you doing with your life?"
"I'm up."

So two boys are by the lake...

...and see a n**... women. One runs away crying while the other stays.
Later, they meet up and the one that stayed said, "Why did you run away like that?"
"Mummy said if I saw a n**... women I would turn to stone, and I felt something going hard!"

Did you hear of the guy who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?

He just could not explain it! Then it dawned on him.

I took a girl home last night after telling her I was good with my mouth...

We stayed up all night chatting, she eventually stormed off and I'm not sure why, maybe she doesn't think I'm the cunning linguist I claimed after all?

WAR BOARDER

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

I stayed up all night...

Trying to remember if I had amnesia or insomnia

So a lepper hires a p**......

... And theyre going at it, having a good time. He finishes, and she turns to him and says:
"I've something to admit. I have AIDS."
He responds: "Oh, no biggie, it stayed inside you anyways."

Restaurant for dogs

Waiter: What can I get you, sir?
Dog: I see you serve the book report. How is that prepared?
Waiter: A kid stayed up all night working on it.
Dog: Ooh! I'll have that.

So many years after his death, I stayed in room 1401 and remembered how great Mitch Hedberg was.

"The hotel I'm staying in has no 13th floor 'cause of superstition. But people on the 14th floor: You know what floor you're really on. What room are you in? 1401? No, you're not! If you jump out that window, you will die earlier."
— Mitch Hedberg
R.I.P.

God had asked Jesus and the Devil to type out their quarterly reviews...

They are almost finished when suddenly, the power goes out. When it comes back on and they reboot their desktops, the Devil's screen is blank while Jesus's reviews stayed intact. Frustrated, the Devil asks Jesus why he still has his reviews. Jesus's response, "Jesus saves."

A dad puts his little girl to sleep...

And the girl says, "Goodbye Grandpa" and the dad asks why she said grandpa, the girl replied, "I don't know it just felt right".
The next day the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just a coincidence.
The dad puts the girl to sleep and a few months later she says, "Goodbye Grandma" and the dad went along with it.
The next day the grandma died and the dad thought that she knew who would die next!
Several weeks later, the dad puts his girl to sleep and the girl says, "Goodbye Daddy" and the dad freaked out when he left the room.
He stayed at the office until midnight jumping at every sound he heard. When he came to his house at 1am and crawls into the bed, his wife says
Wife :: Why were you at work so late?
Husband :: I had a terrible day..
Wife :: What happened?
Husband :: I don't want to talk about it.
Wife :: Well, you won't believe the day I had! My golf pro died right in front of me during golf lessons!
Edit : Formatting

Husband in coma

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."

My girlfriends father wouldn't let us sleep together when I stayed over at her house

Which is a shame because he's very attractive.

I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key..

Stayed stationary.

A man goes into a bar

And that's where he stayed for most of my childhood.

Why did the hipsters die of dehydration?

They stayed away from the mainstream.

My boyfriend and I are Cherokee Indians. He stood me up at our favorite restaurant last night...

But it's OK. I don't think we could have stayed anyway, we didn't have a reservation.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms for the first time.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms for the first time. He brings a box up to the counter and the clerk says, "That will be five dollars plus 15 cents for tax."
The young man screams "Tacks, I thought they stayed on by themselves!"

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

Jesus returned to earth...

And stayed anonymous for a while, but eventually a priest discovered who he was. He was discreet, but insisted that he take a solid gold cross. Before he took it, he prayed to his father and said,
"Father, should I accept this gift?"
God replies, "The solid gold cross?"
"Yes."
"What would you do with a solid gold cross? You could hardly carry a wooden one!"

I went as a congressional bill for Halloween....

I stayed in the House and didn't do anything.

There once was a family of 5 from China.

Their names were Hu, Fu, Bu, Su and Chu. They wanted to move to the USA so they had to americanize their names. Hu became Huck, Bu became Buck, and Chu became Chuck. Fu and Su stayed in China.

I used to live in New Orleans till Katrina took everything I had.

Sometimes I wish she'd stayed in Latvia.

I was put into a special ed class in highschool.......

I came for the easy grades, but I stayed.....
...***For the ladies***

3 Irish brothers always get a pint together after work

2 of them moved away, and the 1 brother who stayed would order 3 pints so it would feel like any other night at the pub with his brothers
One day he orders 2 pints, the pub falls silent and the barkeep says they are on the house and offers his condolences. The barkeep then asks which brother had died and the guy says his brothers are both healthy. "But you only ordered 2 pints" to which he replied "oh, I quit drinking"

I don't get the point of a lap dance

If I wanted a woman to take my money and frustrate me s**..., I would've stayed home with my wife

They told me to drive it like I stole it

So I stayed at the speed limit, followed the road rules and paid attention to my surroundings

Tax on Condoms

A woman walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the woman. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the woman, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
You're running around with other women, she charged.
You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!

My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with

"Only with you babe..." I replied
"Awww, really?"
"...Yeah, with the others I stayed awake."

I just stayed up for 10 days straight

I only sleep at night

I played doctor with my girlfriend

She stayed over for the weekend and I sent her a bill for $200,000

I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was

And then it dawned on me

I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Two atheists were lost in a desert.

Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.
One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"
The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."
The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."
The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"

My ex told me she had a stalker

I stayed in the bushes for hundreds of hours and still haven't found one

2 teenage friends were outside when they saw a female streaker walking down the street.

One of them ran away as soon as he saw her, but the other one stayed and watched for a while.
They saw each other at school the next day, and the one who stayed asked his friend why he ran away. His friend said "My mom said that if I ever look at a n**... girl too long I'll turn to stone. And I already felt something getting hard."

i**... and Mikey

There was a father and two sons. The sons were called i**... and Mikey.
They stayed in their apartment while their dad went to the store. Unfortunately, their dad forgot the keys to his car. He shouted to i**..., "Throw my key out of the window!"
And then i**... threw his brother out of the window.

A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store

A nervous looking young man walks into a drug store. He walks up to the counter and mutters, "Uh... hi... I'd like to buy some... condoms."
Cashier replies, "sure thing! That'll be $9.75 including tax."
The young man starts to panic and says, "Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!!!"

A man stayed late at the pub after work when he got a call from his wife

Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"
Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"

Justin Bieber is like winter.

Kind of cute and exciting in the beginning, but after its all said and done you wish he would have stayed in Canada.

A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel

Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"
Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"
Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."
Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, and we didn't go to the spa!"
Receptionist: "I understand, sir, but it was there if you wanted to."
The husband pulls out $100 and hands it to the receptionist.
Receptionist: "excuse me, sir, but you're $300 short"
Husband: "The cost for sleeping with my wife is $300"
Receptionist: "I did not sleep with your wife!!!"
Husband: "I understand, but she was there if you wanted to."

I stayed up all night to think of a fleshlight joke

But I could never get it to come.

Courtyard

My coworker wouldn't shut up about the hotel he stayed at
I told him if you love it so much, why don't you Marriot?

3 buddies went camping and stayed in a cabin.

The cabin only had one bed so they decided to share it.
The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said I had a dream I was getting jacked off.
The guy on the right side of the bed said that's weird I had the exact same dream.
The guy in the middle said you guys are lucky. I had a dream I was skiing.

A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...

They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and b**...-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast.
No one expected the Spandex intermission.

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
 
(I'll see myself out.)

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every day.

One day he told her, "You have been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were there. When we lost the house, you were there. When my health started failing, you were there. You know what?" "What is it, dear?" she asked. He responded, "I think you bring me bad luck."

Over a year ago, I left a full load in my friends dishwasher when I stayed at his home.

Lucky me, he's the father.

Great Easter joke I heard today

**Wife:** "What are your plans for Easter?"
**Husband**: "Same as Jesus."
**Wife**: "What do you mean?"
**Husband**: "I will disappear on Friday and and reappear on Monday."
**Wife**: "AWESOME, if you do that I'll do the same as Mary."
**Husband**: "What do you mean?"
**Wife**: "Show up pregnant, untouched by my husband"

Husband stayed home all Easter.

My wife asked me if she was the only one I had slept with and I said yes.

I stayed awake the whole night with the rest of them.

After Adam and Eve arrived in Eden, he stayed out late a few nights wandering the garden.

Eve became suspicious.
Are you running around with another woman? Eve fired off.
What other woman? Adam exclaimed You're it!
That night, Adam was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.
What are you doing?
Counting your ribs.

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.

So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?

How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?

Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.

I took an anti-body test today and it came back negative

s**... because I stayed up all night studying.

I stayed up all of last night wondering where the sun went

Then it dawned on me

I'm saving a bunch of money on pizza delivery.

When the doorbell rings I answer it completely n**.... So far, nobody's stayed long enough to take my tip.

After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...

The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.

Young Guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms for the first time.

The cashier said "That will be 5.99 plus tax".
The young guy says "Tacks!!! I thought these things stayed on by themselves!!!"

What happened when Sin and Cos stayed out in the sun for too long?

They both became tanned gents!

a fly stayed on pence's head for a couple of minutes at tonight's debate

at least the fly knew when his two minutes were up.

The Blond Secretary

One day the boss walks in and see's his blonde secretary sobbing on the phone He asked " What's wrong" she replied " My mother just died" he says " maybe you should take the day off" But she stayed at work a couple hours later he walks out and see's his secretary is balling again and he says " what's the matter now?" She says " I just found out my sisters mother died too!!"

Have you heard the one about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia?

He stayed up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

Thinking about how much weight I've put on over the pandemic, I can't help wishing that I stayed in Britain…

I'd eat pizza every day and I'd just keep losing pounds.

My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess

So I took her to Paris.
We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.
Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
You're running around with other women, she charged.
You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth.
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone **poking** him in the chest. It was Eve.
What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded.
*Counting your ribs!*

Stayed joke, Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

jokes about stayed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these stayed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.