Stay Safe Jokes
28 stay safe jokes and hilarious stay safe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stay safe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Stay Safe Short Jokes
Short stay safe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stay safe humour may include short stay warm jokes also.
- Under Kennedy, America went to the moon... Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.
Much love from Toronto, stay safe! - What does LGBTQ stand for in 2020 Lets get back to quarantine, obviously
Stay safe everyone - why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing her seat-belt.
Stay safe tonight everyone! - A made up a joke about covid-19 that will work only in the future... ... It'll be fun when nobody gets it.
(Stay safe y'all) - I got arrested for asking around for advice on money laundering I don't get it.
During this COVID-19 pandemic, I thought the least I could do to stay safe was to disinfect my money. - Want to know another creepy coincidence? Jack the Ripper, Vlad the Impaler, and Winnie the Pooh all share the same middle name. Stay safe, my friends!
- The world is a dangerous place. Just the other day, I was walking down the street and I punched a guy in the face for absolutely no reason. Stay safe out there, folks.
- How are meteorologists like guys on Tinder? They promise you 12+ in, but you only get 4.
Inspired by today's "storm" in New England. Stay safe out there! - Is Hurricane Michael a Chef? Because it's dominating the pan handle right now.
Honestly though, I hope that everyone down there stays safe and the damage is as minimal as possible.
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Stay Safe One Liners
Which stay safe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stay safe? I can suggest the ones about keep warm and stay at home.
- Why are bass guitarists always safe? Because they stay out of treble.
- Stay safe lads What are an electrician's last words?
"Hey, what is that cable used f..." - What comes after u? Me.
Ps. It's nnn stay safe boys - After the Paris attacks... I just hope Mercutio stays safe.
- FriEND, BoyfriEND, GirlfriEND... Only Communism doesn't have end... Stay safe kids
Stay Safe Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about stay safe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stay woke jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stay safe pranks.
When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, Go forth and multiply."
All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, Go forth and multiply, but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, Why have you not followed my command?
* We can't multiply. We're Adders. *
Two rabbits were chased by hounds
They ran until they couldn't run anymore. Holed up in a hollow log, the rabbits were safely out of reach while the hounds bayed outside.
The boy rabbit looked at the girl rabbit and asked, "What do we do now?"
"We stay here until we outnumber them."
- w**... Guthrie
Vietnam vs COVID
What do the Vietnam War and COVID-19 have in common in the USA?
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Agent Orange is responsible of a lot of birth defects even years after it ends.
Stay Safe, don't inject Bleach!
Helicopter c**...
A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend
The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them.
Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door.
The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!!!"
"Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!!"
Hurricane Season
The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.
When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his wife was rooted to the spot.
She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with him forever.
Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, he felt personally safe enough to open the door and let her in.
I asked my friend why animals stay in groups...
He replied, "There are several reasons. Name an animal and I'll tell you why."
Perplexed, I took the opportunity and asked him about why penguins stay in groups.
"That," he responded, "is because penguins often use eachother to test if something is safe. Penguins sometimes even push other penguins into the water to test for killer whales."
Amazed by his knowledge, I ask him about birds.
"There are several reasons for this, as well, but the major one is so that they have a much lower chance of being targetted by a predator, like an eagle."
At this point it was just for fun, but finally, I asked him about lions.
"Oh, that? It's just the pride of lions."
3 men were in a contest...
Three men were in a contest to find out which of them is the most hardheaded.
The first man is called to the stage and sees a jackhammer. He proceeds to use the jackhammer on his head, miraculously ending up unharmed. The audience is silenced and so are the other two men.
The second man, not wanting to be beaten, prepared a stack of bricks and told everyone he was going to smash the bricks with his head. Surprisingly enough, he was able to do it and leave the bricks into bits and pieces, while staying safe and uninjured.
The last man, who apparently didn't know what to do to beat his competitors, was called next into the stage. Still unsure with what he was gonna do, he refused to enter. They called him again, but still to no avail.
Everyone fell silent and the third man was proclaimed as the winner.
The other two competitors complained because he did nothing.
"WELL, he is the MOST HARDHEADED"
An elderly woman was driving through thick fog...
... and could barely see more than one car in front of her and couldn't see the road anywhere after. She already had slow reflexes, so she decided that to be safe, she would stay close to the car in front of her and use their taillights to stay on the road.
She does this for a little while, and eventually the car in front of her stops. A young man gets out of the car and comes up to the woman's window.
"Ma'am, can I help you?"
"Oh no, I'm fine. I was just driving close to you so I don't veer of the road."
"Well, it looks like you've been following me."
"I'm sorry that it looks that way, but I need something to help me stay on the road! So if you don't mind, can you please keep driving?"
"Hmm.. I don't think I can help you with that ."
"Why not?"
"For one, you're in my driveway. This is my house!"
(Based on a true story from my English teacher).
Train accident..
There was an accident at this train station and 20 people were dead or badly wounded after a train had hit them. Surprisingly all victims were blonde. However, there was one blonde who was intact.
A TV reporter asks the blonde, "It was a very unfortunate accident. What do you think was cause?"
Blonde replies with excitement and anger, "It happened because of wrong announcement at the station when the train arrived!"
TV Reporter is surprised, "Wrong announcement?"
Blonde says, "Yeah! The announcer said the train was coming on the platform no. 2. All these people waiting for the train on platform number 2 rushed off platform and came on the tracks."
TV Reporter is speechless, "Ummm... well... fortunately you stayed at the platform and now you are safe."
Blonde replies, "What fortunately? I came here to commit s**...!"