The Best 88 Statue Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Statue jokes. There are some statue sculpt jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these statue statue of liberty puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Statue Jokes and Puns
What did Hermes do when he broke the statue?
He Apollo-gized
fiance: just pretend to be religious for 10 minutes and he'll agree to marry us
me: okay
\[at church\]
priest: it's nice to meet you both
me: \[seeing crucifixion statue on wall\]
jesus what happened to this guy?"
I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down.
They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.
Statue of Liberty
How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?
It doesn't have both arms raised.
And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States
Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse.
But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I'd hit rock bottom.
What did one statue say to the other statue he hadn't seen in a while?
"Statue bro?"
I knew that sexual fetishes could get more and more perverse over time, but...
...it wasn't till I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
A Gem Joke that Rocks
Diamond: Hey, Ruby, did you hear that I'm getting embedded into a statue next Tuesday?
Ruby: But we were going fishing on Tuesday! You sure you can't change the date?
Diamond: Sorry Ruby, it's set in stone.
What do they say about building an erotic statue?
"If you build it they will come."
Penn State has taken down the statue of Joe Paterno.
However, they have opted to leave his name on the library, as a reminder to stay quiet.
What did the statue say to the other statue?
Hey, S-tat-ue?
You can explore statue smiths reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean statue curator dad jokes. There are also statue puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did Snoop Dogg go to the store before he sculpted his statue?
Fo' chisel.
A couple of my friends tried to steal a statue last night...
But it turned out to be a bust.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken!!
Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!
My body is like a Greek statue.
Even if the staff at the museum don't think so.
My sexual desires have been getting out of control...
But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
"I don't understand what this statue of a man talking is supposed to mean"
"It's confusing, but I think it's a figure of speech."
Being a statue wouldn't be so bad
You can be rockhard all the time.
So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...
So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf Hitler... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"
A joke from my 5 year old brother...
Q: What has four legs but doesn't move?
A: A statue of a dog!
What do you call a statue holding some Mouthwash?
A gargoyle!
What do you call a fountain whose angel statue has been stolen?
A sans seraph font.
Archaeologists discover the remains of a slave-worker under famous statue in Giza
Reports claim he died of Asphinxiation
If an angel statue is removed from a fountain...
...would that make it a sans seraph font?
There's 2 statues in a dark room, what did one statue say to the other statue?
Is statue?
Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow?
Because she's really French, and the French have no GUTS!
Why did the Pharaoh Build a Statue of Himself?
Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Did you know that the number of legs in the air of a horse statue indicate how its rider died?
If there are no legs in the air, the rider survived the war.
If there is one leg in the air, the rider was mortally wounded and died after a battle.
If there are two legs in the air, the rider was killed in battle.
If there are three legs in the air, the rider died in a tragic circus accident.
If there are four legs in the air, the rider was abducted by aliens and died in space.
One time, the parents went out to dinner.
The sitter called and asked if she could cover the creepy clown statue in the kid's room.
The dad said: "Get out of the house. Call the police. We don't have a clown statue!"
By the time police arrived the scene, they found they did have a clown statue and the dad had alzheimer's.
My attempt to steal that head of a statue failed.
Well, I guess it was a bust.
A terrorist tells the suicide bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...
The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"
I got a statue of Dwayne Johnson for outside my house
Whenever anyone asks about it, I get to tell them it's in The Rock Garden
What did the statue say when he met his long lost statue brother?
He said, "Hey, is-statue?!"
What does the Statue Of Liberty stand for
She can't sit down.
Back in 1950's Egypt...
Nasser wanted to know the age of a ancient statue that had been recently excavated. He went up to his KGB advisers and asked if their technicians could help. Just a few hours later, one of the KGB men told Nasser "The statue is just about 5,000 years old." Nasser was very impressed and asked "How did you Russians figure that out? My best archaeologists were dumbfounded by that one!" The Russian told Nasser "He confessed."
Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow?
You would be to if you gave birth to a nation
A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.
But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."
I'm no confederate statue...
But for the ladies, I always go down
What Did the Statue Say to the Other Statue?
Is-tat-u?
The President of Brazil, France and United States share a flight around the world
The United state president puts his hands out of the windows and says:
"We are in the US! I just touched the Statue of Liberty"
Some time passes, the French president puts his hands out and says out loud:
"Now we are in France. I just touched the Eiffel tower".
After a while the Brazilian president also puts his hands out of the Airplane and says:
"Yes, we finally are in Brazil. I just had my watch stolen"
An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a Hitler statue.
The Jew spits on the statue.
Arab: why did you do that?
Jew: because he killed half my people.
The Arab spits on the statue as well.
Jew: why did you do that?
Arab: because he didn't kill the other half.
My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue...
Completely pale, no arms.
Why did Penn State move the Joe Paterno statue into the campus library?
To keep the children silent.
You know this country is in bad shape
When the Statue of Liberty has to work part time as a sign spinner.
Two 12-year olds are sitting in a park.
Laying next too each other, relaxing and cousy.
Then all of the sudden in the moment, the boy gets a kiss from the young girl.
His face turns red while backing off.
"What's wrong? Wasn't it good?" Asked the girl.
"No no no! It's just that my mom told me if I ever kiss a girl, she would turn me in a statue. And I feel it's already starting!!"
Hitler was a very evil guy, we all hate him.
So we should make a statue of the man who killed him.
I went to a museum of modern art the other day and saw a cone statue.
I really enjoyed it and would have liked to prolong my visit, but it was truncated.
What did the cat say to the statue?
Cat: "Statue bro?"
Statue: "Nah, it's meow"
Why do so many Incels take a tour to the Statue of Liberty?
So they can finally get into a woman.
I work as a living statue.
It's a permanent position.
Not many people know that Nelson was 5' 6" in real life. His statue in Trafalgar Square is 17'4"
That's a Horatio of around 3:1
Why did the French give the statue of liberty to America?
They had no use for a statue with only one hand raised
Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the United States?
They had no use for one with one one hand up.
Statues sure have a hard life
They are always erect.
Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA?
Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.
"I broke a statue"
Museum Administrator : "Sir, that's a 700 year old statue that you just broke"
Visitor : "oh..really ?....thank God...I thought its brand new"
After I stole the priceless statue and turned the corner, I collided into the female security guard's chest...
...It was a huge bust.
Why can't statues move?
Because they're too stoned
Penises are an important part of human culture and anatomy and must be honoured
I suggest we erect a statue
A blind man walks into a sculpture store.
He'd been planning a heist targetting the jewellery store beside it. Fumbling around to gain his bearings, he eventually comes into contact with a statue of a woman, to which he finally exclaims, "Well, this is a bust!"
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!"
A woman and her lover were in bed, when the woman heard her husband getting back.
The woman said Quick! Rub baby powder on you and pretend to be a statue. The lover did that.
The husband walked into the room.
Honey, what's this statue doing here? He asked.
I saw that the Smiths got one, so I decided to get one as well. She replied.
The husband got into bed, and the woman fell asleep. A few hours later, after checking his wife was asleep, he quietly got up, walked into kitchen, made a sandwich and got a glass of milk, came back, and went to the statue.
Here, have something to eat and drink. I stood like an idiot for 3 days at the Smiths, and no one offered me anything to eat!
An American, a Frenchman and a Romanian were flying together
– Now we're in America, said the American proudly. Look, the Statue of Liberty!
After several hours, the Frenchman says:
– Now we're in France! Look, the Eiffel Tower!
After some more couple of hours, the Romanian says:
– We are in Romania.
– How did you realize that? It's dark outside.
– My wrist watch has disappeared
Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches.
That's Horatio of 3:1.
The difference between a cookie and a cracker.
Cookies don't care if you pull down a civil war statue.
To solve world hunger we need to eat the rich and erect a giant statue of Bernie Sanders. Why do we need the statue?
Well, I'm glad that the first step didn't raise any questions.
I wanted to move a statue of a god
But it remained idle.
Did you hear about the guy caught stealing a statue?
The robbery was a bust.
What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn?
A metro-gnome
The statue of unity and the statue of liberty walk into a bar
"So buddy", asks the statue of unity "How's the liberty in your country"?
"Same as unity in yours"
With all the talk about and acts of tearing down statues there should be a rule where a statue of a person stands for so many years before being re-evaluated...
We can call it the Statue of Limitations.
Do you know why the USA have the Statue of Liberty?
Because that's where it was buried.
Apparently they're going to erect a statue in memory of Dame Vera Lynn ...
Don't know where, don't know when
Protesters pulled down a statue of Francis Scott Key last weekend
Francis Got Keystered.
Horse Statues
If a statue depicting a person on a horse with all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in a battle.
If a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in a battle.
However, with a horse's all four legs in the air, the person died of falling from the horse.
My friend asked me why there were protests at the lumber mill the other day.
I told him they were protesting the Christopher the lumberous statue.
So this guy's in bed with a married woman when her husband's car gets home
She brings the guy, completely naked, into the living room and tells him to stand completely still as she covers him in white powder.
Honey, what's that? , said her husband.
Well, it's a statue. I saw the Robinsons down the street got one and I wanted one! , said the woman.
The husband bought it, and the day went on and eventually the couple went to bed.
At about 2 a.m., the husband gets up, goes down to the kitchen, makes a sandwich and grabs a beer. He goes into the living room, and tells the statue : Here you go; I spent two whole days like that at the Robinsons and nobody even offered me a damn glass of water!
An American, a Chinese and an Indian went on a world tour by Air.
The American proudly declared "we have reached my homeland USA" pointing at the Statue of Liberty.
After some hours, the Chinese pointed at the Great Wall of China and exclaimed "friends, we have reached China".
More hours went by and all eyes were on the Indian. He calmly opened the window and put his hand outside. When he pulled his arm back, his wristwatch was gone. Unconcerned, he announced "Guys, welcome to India."
Nelson was 5ft 4". His statue on top of the column in London is 18ft.
Thats Horatio of about 3:1
Once an American, a French and an Indian were travelling in an airplane.
To find out where they have reached, the American stretched his hand out of the plane and said, "We have reached America".
The other two asked how for which he replied,"Well my hand hit the Statue of Liberty".
Next the French stretches his hand out and said,"We have reached France".
The other two asks how for which he replied,"Well my hand hit the Eiffel Tower".
Then the Indian puts his hand out of the plane and said, "We have reached India".
The other two asks how and he replied, "Well someone stole my watch".
On our first date, we took turns humping the base of the Statue of Liberty
...we really got off on the right foot.
A Jew walks into a church to see what it's all about
Before the pastor begins his sermon he exclaims: "Jews are not welcomed in this church! All Jews must leave immediately".
The Jew gets up, walks to the podium on which is standing a magnificent statue of Jesus, picks it up and says: "come on Yossle we are not welcomed here"
A competition is held to determine who is the world's best magician
David Blaine performs first with his famous trick. He waves his hand, and, *poof*, the card disappears.
David Copperfield performs next. He waves his hand, and, *poof*, the Statue of Liberty disappears.
Finally, a guy with a beard dressed in rags and sandals comes on stage. Nobody expects him to best the world's most famous magicians. But he waves his hand, and, *poof*...
...the 300,000-man strong Afghan National Army disappears.
A man goes to pray to a statue of an angel at his church
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then at least twice a day, if not more often, he goes to church, kneels for the statue and prays:
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then, after years of this, a miracle! The statue springs to life in an aura of light and heavenly music and then bends over, looks the man in the face and speaks:
"Please, please, PLEASE buy a lottery ticket!"
Did you hear about the marble statue with low self esteem?
She was taken for granite
A little boy asked Jesus for a new bike.
He prayed every night.
On the first night, he told Jesus "If you get me a new bike, I will never scream or yell again."
On the second night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I will be nice to my siblings forever."
On the third night, he told him "If you get me a new bike, I'll do anything you want!"
On the fourth night, the little boy was fed up with Jesus not answering his prayers.
He took a statue of Mary, wrapped it in a blanket, and stuffed it in a closet and locked it. He told Jesus, "If you ever want to see your mother again, you better get me a new bike!"
Control system theory joke
As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.
Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the other passengers to try to see out the window. Because of the sudden shift in weight, the pilot lost control, and the plane crashed, killing everyone aboard.
The official report said that the accident was due to instability caused by poles in the right half plane.
So a guy living in Afhganistan was arrested for constantly rebuilding a statue of St. Peter after people kept breaking it down.
He's a re-Pete offender
this was an original joke and please don't track my IP address I value my life
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the statue two statues jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working statue memorial piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.