Statistics Jokes
119 statistics jokes and hilarious statistics puns to laugh out loud. Read science jokes about statistics that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Why not take a break from the statistical definition and abstruseness of analytics and have a few laughs with these clever statistics jokes? Take a look at these short and funny jokes about statists and incomes that don't require any knowledge of AP Statistics to understand.
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Funniest Statistics Short Jokes
Short statistics jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The statistics humour may include short stats jokes also.
- Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
- Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend. - I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women. Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?
- Never get married. It'll only end in divorce. The statistics don't lie. 100% of divorces started with marriage. Can't say I didn't warn you.
- A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
- Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness, Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
- This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated! - 44% of Marriages end in divorce. That means 56% of marriages are fatal.
I love statistics. - It's statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun that's why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here
- Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people. This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.
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Statistics One Liners
Which statistics one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with statistics? I can suggest the ones about math and data.
- I was shocked to read this. Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy
- Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy
- My statistics professor told me I was average... ... I told her "that's Mean".
- Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan? because of the tally-ban
- I don't understand statistics like mean, mode and median Is that normal?
- can somebody tell me how statistics are done mathematician: by all means
- I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework. What are the odds?
- Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic. Well, 46.8%.
- In college, I failed statistics 5 times in a row. What are the odds?
- Every 40 seconds... A statistic is misused.
- I Got Worried After Reading the Statistic on Marriage 50% of them last forever!
- What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? Muhammad, statistically
- Statistically, 1 out of 10 friends is gay. I hope its Steve, he's really cute
- Statistics and mini skirts.. ...they hide more than what they reveal.
- The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded... ... that 7 out of 10.
Statistics And Probability Jokes
Here is a list of funny statistics and probability jokes and even better statistics and probability puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Kevin Garnett say on his last day of Statistics 101? Anything is probable!!!!
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Statistics Jokes
What funny jokes about statistics you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean analysis jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make statistics pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics show that the average person has s**... 89 times a year
Today's going to be great!
Jimmy approached his teacher
After looking at the syllabus for their next lesson on graphing, Jimmy approached his teacher with a stern look on his face and said, I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!
It's my birthday, so here's a related joke.
Why are birthdays good for you?
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Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Next time somebody tries to argue using statistics....
Remind them that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang r**....
I'd like to tell you that I'm a lover, not a fighter...
Unfortunately, I've been punched in the face more often than I've gotten laid. Thus, statistically....
Followup: So let me tell you about the only time I've ever been punched in the face...
I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk.
They're just staggering.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If 1 / 9 men are homosexual, does that mean that statistically, there is at least 1 gay man in my class?
If so then I hope it's Michael, he's cute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics say that the typical man has s**... 92 times a year...
I feel that December will be amazing
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bacon....
"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.
Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.
Johnny's parents hired a tutor to help him with statistics
after his first session with the tutor, his parents asked him how it went.
johnny said "well, today i learned that correlation is not equal to causation"
johnny's mother was pleased: "so hiring this tutor is really helping you understand statistics!?"
johnny responded "well, not necessarily."
Statistic Joke
A restaurant had a poster for the meanest spicy sandwich. I ordered it and it turned out to be very average.
The thing about statistics
The thing about statistics is, if you gather enough, you'll find a coincidence.
They should name American Pharoah's first offspring "Regression to the Mean"
Because, you know, statistics.
The World Health Organization has stated that eating bacon increases your chances of getting cancer.
Statistics also show that not eating bacon dramatically increases your chances of blowing yourself up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child m**......
Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.
Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?
Because it's a co-median ^_^
Statistics are like Bikini Atoll
Their essence utterly obliterated for the purpose of proving a political point.
What physical trait does a shapely woman who studies statistics have?
Belle curves.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.
They do, however, say "zed".
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, s**...
But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.
Facts of life
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.
He's doing confidence intervals.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Based on statistics
The most used s**... position among married couples is d**......
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Phone statistics in third world countries:
Phone statistics in third world countries:
Boy to Boy 00:00:59
Boy to Mom 00:00:50
Boy to Dad 00:00:30
Boy to Girl 01:23:59
Girl to Girl 05:29:59
Girl to Boy Missed call
Husband to Wife 00:00:03
Wife to Husband 14 Missed Calls
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Statistics on a Plane.
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
Can you believe that the final answer on my statistics exam was: 50/50
What are the odds?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I looked up car c**... statistics online
The results were very impacting
My statistic skills are mediocre at best
And average at worst
How can you live forever?
Live for at least 100 years. Statistics show that very few people die over the age of 100.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb
I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.
Statistically...
9 out of 10 injections are in vein.
Soviet Economics
1980s. Soviet Economy minister is making speech at Communist Party session:
- According to latest statistics, our incomes rose 20%, our quality of life rose 30% and our buying economic power rose 40%
From the audience: That's great that YOURS did, but what about OURS??
If you're ever losing an argument, randomly quote a statistic
People will believe you 80% of the time.
Two Statistics majors walk into a bar
What're the chances!
What did Santa say to a Statistics class?
Null hypothesis Null hypothesis Null hypothesis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had s**... in the shower.
The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had s**... with 10 people
Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay
According to statistics, a man is ran over every 5 minutes in a city.
I wonder how is he still alive.
Statistically, there should be one gay student per 30 student classroom.
I don't remember having any gay classmates, though. Weird...
I just got married and I am scared of the statistics..
I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..
Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was talking to some friends about my f**... for anything statistics related...
and apparently it's not a standard deviation.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters
Ten long miserable years
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistically,
6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't Happy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics say that 85% of gay men are simply born homosexuals
The rest are s**... into it
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistically, I think I'm gay
I've enjoyed 100% of the p**... that I've played with
The divorce rate has now reached 50%.
That means statistically speaking, either you or your spouse are going to end up divorced.
You know I read a wild statistic the other day that said like a woman is 70 percent more likely to laugh if she finds the dude attractive
At least I know I'm funny
Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing
65% of my emails aren't going out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
According to statistics, the highest s**... rate is found near piers.
I think it's because of pier pressure.
Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.
Politicians just have better lawyers.
My friend told me a statistic today, however I found it was false
Did you know 80% of statistics are false?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."
I shrugged and said, "h**..., anybody can win the lottery."
My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"
I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."
In the movie Top Gun, there are hot shot pilots pushing everything to the limit in sophisticated fighter jets.
Statistically they were GOING to lose a pilot, but even Death didn't know which one to take so he just walked around the room like "Duck, duck..."
My grandpa always told me that statistics are like skirts
They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing
Statistically humans eat more bananas than monkeys
Yeah, I don't see a lot of people eating monkeys around here
According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.
But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.
I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.
I really didn't mean it.
Statistics can be misleading.
For example, 5 out of 6 people think Russian roulette is perfectly safe.
I didn't think I'd ever be turned on by population statistics...
But then I came to my census
The CDC is now recommending wearing TWO masks as a way to get a better seal around your nose and mouth.
It's also a good statistical approach to get the average American to wear ONE mask. (Sorry, that was a mean joke.)
There are many problems with math puns.
Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.
But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.
Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.
A man was riding on the bus and reading and article about life and death statistics. Fascinated he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says "did you know that everytime I breathe somebody's dies?"
The fellow turns to him and says "have you tried mouthwash?"
Today I Learnt... Statistics is mainly about..
Rejecting H0s.
