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Statistics Jokes

121 statistics jokes and hilarious statistics puns to laugh out loud. Read science jokes about statistics that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Why not take a break from the statistical definition and abstruseness of analytics and have a few laughs with these clever statistics jokes? Take a look at these short and funny jokes about statists and incomes that don't require any knowledge of AP Statistics to understand.

Funniest Statistics Short Jokes

Short statistics jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The statistics humour may include short stats jokes also.

  1. Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
  2. Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
    Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.
  3. Statistics say that 1/3 of people cheat in their relationships Which got me thinking,
    Is it my wife or is it my girlfriend who is cheating?
  4. I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women. Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?
  5. Never get married. It'll only end in divorce. The statistics don't lie. 100% of divorces started with marriage. Can't say I didn't warn you.
  6. A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
  7. Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness, Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
  8. Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating..... I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend
  9. This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
    That's scary!
    It means 75% are running around untreated!
  10. Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman... ... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

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Statistics One Liners

Which statistics one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with statistics? I can suggest the ones about math and data.

  1. I was shocked to read this. Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy
  2. Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy
  3. My statistics professor told me I was average... ... I told her "that's Mean".
  4. Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan? because of the tally-ban
  5. When are minorities not minorities? When you look at crime statistics.
  6. I don't understand statistics like mean, mode and median Is that normal?
  7. can somebody tell me how statistics are done mathematician: by all means
  8. Statistically, 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't Happy.
  9. I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework. What are the odds?
  10. Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic. Well, 46.8%.
  11. Statistically speaking... 6/7 dwarfs aren't happy.
  12. In college, I failed statistics 5 times in a row. What are the odds?
  13. Every 40 seconds... A statistic is misused.
  14. I Got Worried After Reading the Statistic on Marriage 50% of them last forever!
  15. What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? Muhammad, statistically

Statistics And Probability Jokes

Here is a list of funny statistics and probability jokes and even better statistics and probability puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did Kevin Garnett say on his last day of Statistics 101? Anything is probable!!!!
  • I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had s**... with 10 people Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay
  • They say 1 in 10 people are gay. I've had s**... with 10 people.
    That *really* weirds me out, because statistically speaking, one of those dudes was probably gay.
Statistics joke, They say 1 in 10 people are gay.

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Statistics Jokes

What funny jokes about statistics you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean facts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make statistics pranks.

Statistics show that the average person has s**... 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

Jimmy approached his teacher

After looking at the syllabus for their next lesson on graphing, Jimmy approached his teacher with a stern look on his face and said, I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!

When a statistician passes the airport security check...

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

It's my birthday, so here's a related joke.

Why are birthdays good for you?
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Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.

Next time somebody tries to argue using statistics....

Remind them that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang r**....

I'd like to tell you that I'm a lover, not a fighter...

Unfortunately, I've been punched in the face more often than I've gotten laid. Thus, statistically....
Followup: So let me tell you about the only time I've ever been punched in the face...

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk.

They're just staggering.

If 1 / 9 men are homosexual, does that mean that statistically, there is at least 1 gay man in my class?

If so then I hope it's Michael, he's cute.

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

I heard the latest statistic that 1 in 3 people cheat on their significant others

that means either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.
Hmm....

Statistics say that the typical man has s**... 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

Bacon....

"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.
Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.

Johnny's parents hired a tutor to help him with statistics

after his first session with the tutor, his parents asked him how it went.
johnny said "well, today i learned that correlation is not equal to causation"
johnny's mother was pleased: "so hiring this tutor is really helping you understand statistics!?"
johnny responded "well, not necessarily."

Math puns are boring

Algebra puns are too linear, arithmetic puns are too basic, trigonometry puns are too graphic, calculus puns are all derivatives. Only the statistic puns are the occasional outlier.

They should name American Pharoah's first offspring "Regression to the Mean"

Because, you know, statistics.

The World Health Organization has stated that eating bacon increases your chances of getting cancer.

Statistics also show that not eating bacon dramatically increases your chances of blowing yourself up.

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child m**......

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

Statistically...

9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang r**....

Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it's a co-median ^_^

NEW study shows that Birthdays are good for your health

Statistics show that people who have more birthdays, live the longest!

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman:

What it shows is interesting, but what it doesn't show is the most important part.

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, s**...

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded...

... that 7 out of 10.

Facts of life

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

Based on statistics

The most used s**... position among married couples is d**......
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

s**... Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...

But graphing is where I draw the line!
 
 
 
 
 
Actually, graphing is fine, but calculus is my limit.

I looked up car c**... statistics online

The results were very impacting

I don't understand why society is so against gang r**....

I mean statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy it.

How can you live forever?

Live for at least 100 years. Statistics show that very few people die over the age of 100.

Statistics and mini skirts..

...they hide more than what they reveal.

Soviet Economics

1980s. Soviet Economy minister is making speech at Communist Party session:
- According to latest statistics, our incomes rose 20%, our quality of life rose 30% and our buying economic power rose 40%
From the audience: That's great that YOURS did, but what about OURS??

If you're ever losing an argument, randomly quote a statistic

People will believe you 80% of the time.

Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had s**... in the shower.

The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.

According to statistics, a man is ran over every 5 minutes in a city.

I wonder how is he still alive.

According to statistics one in three people live next to a p**...

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

Statistically, there should be one gay student per 30 student classroom.

I don't remember having any gay classmates, though. Weird...

I was talking to some friends about my f**... for anything statistics related...

and apparently it's not a standard deviation.

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

Statistically, older people are the most common carriers of AIDS...

Hearing Aids, Walking Aids, Seeing Aids...

Statistics say that 85% of gay men are simply born homosexuals

The rest are s**... into it

The divorce rate has now reached 50%.

That means statistically speaking, either you or your spouse are going to end up divorced.

You know I read a wild statistic the other day that said like a woman is 70 percent more likely to laugh if she finds the dude attractive

At least I know I'm funny

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

According to statistics, the highest s**... rate is found near piers.

I think it's because of pier pressure.

The problem with math jokes

Calculus jokes are derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are too formulaic but arithmetic jokes are just basic.
The outlier is the occasional statistics pun.

In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."

I shrugged and said, "h**..., anybody can win the lottery."
My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"
I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

My grandpa always told me that statistics are like skirts

They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing

According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.

But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.

I really didn't mean it.

Statistically, 1 out of 10 friends is gay.

I hope its Steve, he's really cute

Statistics can be misleading.

For example, 5 out of 6 people think Russian roulette is perfectly safe.

I didn't think I'd ever be turned on by population statistics...

But then I came to my census

Statistics show that on average people have s**... 89 times per year.

With that being said, I'm about to have a wild couple of days.

Statistics are like bikinis....

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics.

But graphing is where I draw the line!

The CDC is now recommending wearing TWO masks as a way to get a better seal around your nose and mouth.

It's also a good statistical approach to get the average American to wear ONE mask. (Sorry, that was a mean joke.)

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.
But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.

Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.

Statistics joke, It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.

jokes about statistics