The Best 74 Statist Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Statist jokes. There are some statist people jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these statist sex puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Statist Jokes and Puns

Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

Three statisticians are hunting when they see a rabbit.

The first one shoots and misses him on the left.

The second shoots and misses him on the right.

The third one shouts, "We've hit it!"

When a statistician passes the airport security check...

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

Statist joke, When a statistician passes the airport security check...

A statistician and his wife are going I vacation.

As they are packing, the statistician puts a bomb in his suit case.
"Good god, what's that for?" His wife asks.
"Well, there's low odds of one bomb being on a plane, what are the odds of there being two?"

Two statisticians walk into a bar...

What are the chances of that?

My statistics professor told me I was average...

... I told her "that's Mean".

3 statisticians go hunting

They see a deer. The first statistician shoots, but his shot misses by a foot to the left. The second statistician shoots, but her shot misses by a foot to the right. The third statistician says "Alright, we got it!"

Statist joke, 3 statisticians go hunting

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

Three statisticians are bow hunting in the woods and see a deer...

The first shoots his arrow and misses to the right by three feet.

The second shoots and misses three feet to the left.

The third throws up his arms and yells, "We got him!"

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

You can explore statist rape reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean statist great dad jokes. There are also statist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

They say statistically, 1 out of every 3 of your neighbors are likely to be a pedophile.

Luckily for me, I live next to two gorgeous 12 year olds.

Statistic Joke

A restaurant had a poster for the meanest spicy sandwich. I ordered it and it turned out to be very average.

Two statisticians are out hunting...

Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

Statist joke, Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy


9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it's a co-median ^_^

Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.

They do, however, say "zed".

Three statisticians go out hunting together...

After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and ends up shooting too far to the left of the rabbit. The second aims, misses, and shoots too far to the right. The third shouts out "We got him!"

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman:

What it shows is interesting, but what it doesn't show is the most important part.

Three statisticians go hunting

They spot a bird, and take turns trying to shoot it.

The first statistician shoots 10 feet above the bird

The second statistician shoots 10 feet below the bird

The third statistician shouts "We got it!"

Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.

He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."

My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.

He's doing confidence intervals.

Statistics are like a bikini

What it reveals is suggestive, but what it conceals is essential.

Statistics say that 1/3 of people cheat in their relationships

Which got me thinking,
Is it my wife or is it my girlfriend who is cheating?

Statistics say that 30% of women are on medication for some sort of mental issue...

That means there are 70% running around out there unmedicated...

A statistician, a mathematician, and a biologist are standing outside a house.

They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.

The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."

The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"

Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"

Statistically speaking...

6/7 dwarfs aren't happy.

A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar

Guy: You're the most average girl out here.

Girl: Hey, you're mean!

Guy: No, you are.

My statistic skills are mediocre at best

And average at worst

Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb

I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.

Statistics and mini skirts..

...they hide more than what they reveal.

Three statisticians go on a hunting trip...

They spot a deer, immediately the first statistician takes a shot and it misses two meters to the left. The second statistician takes a shot and misses two meters to the right. "We got it!" yells the third Statistician

Two Statistics majors walk into a bar

What're the chances!

Three Statisticians Walk Into A Bar...

The bartender asks them "Would you all like a drink?"
The first statistician says "Maybe".
The second statistician also says "Maybe".
The third statistician then smiles, and says "Yes!"

Three statisticians go out hunting...

and come across a large deer.
The first statistician fires, but misses by a meter to the left.
The second statistician fires, but also misses, this time by a meter to the right.
The third statistician doesn't fire, but starts shouting in triumph "We got it! We got it!"

Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had sex in the shower.

The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.

What does a statistician call all the dogs in the world?

A pupulation

How do statisticians cook their meat?

Median rare.

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

According to statistics, a man is ran over every 5 minutes in a city.

I wonder how is he still alive.

According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

Did you know that, statistically, only one in seven dwarfs...

Is happy?

Statistically, there should be one gay student per 30 student classroom.

I don't remember having any gay classmates, though. Weird...

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

I saw some statistics about homosexuality in men

They say 50% are born gay and the rest are sucked into it

Why are Statisticians all pragmatists?

Because they know the n's always justify the means


6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't Happy.

Statistically, older people are the most common carriers of AIDS...

Hearing Aids, Walking Aids, Seeing Aids...

Statistics say that 85% of gay men are simply born homosexuals

The rest are sucked into it

Statistically, I think I'm gay

I've enjoyed 100% of the penises that I've played with

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it's because of pier pressure.

Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.

Politicians just have better lawyers.

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend

Statistically humans eat more bananas than monkeys

Yeah, I don't see a lot of people eating monkeys around here

According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.

But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.

A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar

**Guy**: You're the most average girl out here.

**Girl**: Hey, you're mean!

**Guy**: No, you are.

Statistically, 1 out of 10 friends is gay.

I hope its Steve, he's really cute

Statistics can be misleading.

For example, 5 out of 6 people think Russian roulette is perfectly safe.

can somebody tell me how statistics are done

mathematician: by all means

What does a statistician say on christmas?

Hβ‚’ Hβ‚’ Hβ‚’

Statistics show that on average people have sex 89 times per year.

With that being said, I'm about to have a wild couple of days.

Statistics are like bikinis....

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years

That's mean

A Statistician is playing darts

The first dart veers wildly to the left. The second dart veers wildly to the right. The statistician exclaims, "bullseye!"

Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.....

I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend

Statistically speaking, 6 out 10 statistics are wrong.

Including this one.

Statistics say that 2 out of 10 people don't understand how percentages work.

Unlike us, the other 90%.

A statistician gets on a plane.

A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"

Statistician goes "Calm down, you see, I'm not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?"

Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people.

This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the statist repost jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working statist made piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes