Statist Jokes
102 statist jokes and hilarious statist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about statist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Statist Short Jokes
Short statist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The statist humour may include short libertarian jokes also.
- Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
- Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend. - Statistics say that 1/3 of people cheat in their relationships Which got me thinking,
Is it my wife or is it my girlfriend who is cheating? - I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women. Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?
- Never get married. It'll only end in divorce. The statistics don't lie. 100% of divorces started with marriage. Can't say I didn't warn you.
- A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
- Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness, Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
- Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating..... I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend
- This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated! - Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman... ... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.
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Statist One Liners
Which statist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with statist? I can suggest the ones about ten and statistician.
- I was shocked to read this. Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy
- Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy
- My statistics professor told me I was average... ... I told her "that's Mean".
- Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan? because of the tally-ban
- When are minorities not minorities? When you look at crime statistics.
- I don't understand statistics like mean, mode and median Is that normal?
- can somebody tell me how statistics are done mathematician: by all means
- Statistically, 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't Happy.
- I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework. What are the odds?
- Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic. Well, 46.8%.
- Statistically speaking... 6/7 dwarfs aren't happy.
- In college, I failed statistics 5 times in a row. What are the odds?
- Every 40 seconds... A statistic is misused.
- I Got Worried After Reading the Statistic on Marriage 50% of them last forever!
- What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? Muhammad, statistically
Hilarious Fun Statist Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about statist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean statistical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make statist pranks.
Statistics show that the average person has s**... 89 times a year
Today's going to be great!
Three statisticians are hunting when they see a rabbit.
The first one shoots and misses him on the left.
The second shoots and misses him on the right.
The third one shouts, "We've hit it!"
When a statistician passes the airport security check...
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."
A statistician and his wife are going I vacation.
As they are packing, the statistician puts a bomb in his suit case.
"Good god, what's that for?" His wife asks.
"Well, there's low odds of one bomb being on a plane, what are the odds of there being two?"
Two statisticians walk into a bar...
What are the chances of that?
3 statisticians go hunting
They see a deer. The first statistician shoots, but his shot misses by a foot to the left. The second statistician shoots, but her shot misses by a foot to the right. The third statistician says "Alright, we got it!"
Statistics humour
The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."
Three statisticians are bow hunting in the woods and see a deer...
The first shoots his arrow and misses to the right by three feet.
The second shoots and misses three feet to the left.
The third throws up his arms and yells, "We got him!"
Statistics say that the typical man has s**... 92 times a year...
I feel that December will be amazing
A statistician and an engineer...
A mathematician and an engineer are standing about 20 feet away from an absolutely gorgeous blonde woman who is eyeing them both seductively.
She says to them, "Every time you approach me, you may only travel half the distance between us. Will you ever reach me?"
The mathematicitian says, "No, I'd never be able to reach her."
The engineer smiles and says, "Close enough."
Statistic Joke
A restaurant had a poster for the meanest spicy sandwich. I ordered it and it turned out to be very average.
Two statisticians are out hunting...
Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"
Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child m**......
Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.
Statistically...
9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang r**....
Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?
Because it's a co-median ^_^
Statistics are like Bikini Atoll
Their essence utterly obliterated for the purpose of proving a political point.
Statistically speaking
5 out of 6 people are pro gang r**....
Almost 65% of statistics are made up.
The other half are lies.
Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey.
They do, however, say "zed".
Three statisticians go out hunting together...
After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and ends up shooting too far to the left of the rabbit. The second aims, misses, and shoots too far to the right. The third shouts out "We got him!"
Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman:
What it shows is interesting, but what it doesn't show is the most important part.
Statistically speaking, every male has had a crush on a teacher...
For me, it's my wife's yoga instructor.
Three statisticians go hunting
They spot a bird, and take turns trying to shoot it.
The first statistician shoots 10 feet above the bird
The second statistician shoots 10 feet below the bird
The third statistician shouts "We got it!"
When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.
He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."
My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.
He's doing confidence intervals.
Statistics are like a bikini
What it reveals is suggestive, but what it conceals is essential.
Statistics say that 30% of women are on medication for some sort of mental issue...
That means there are 70% running around out there unmedicated...
A statistician, a mathematician, and a biologist are standing outside a house.
They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.
The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."
The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"
Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"
A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar
Guy: You're the most average girl out here.
Girl: Hey, you're mean!
Guy: No, you are.
My statistic skills are mediocre at best
And average at worst
Statistics say that 95% of the population is dumb
I'm glad to be in the 10% that isn't.
Statistics and mini skirts..
...they hide more than what they reveal.
Statistically...
9 out of 10 injections are in vein.
Three statisticians go on a hunting trip...
They spot a deer, immediately the first statistician takes a shot and it misses two meters to the left. The second statistician takes a shot and misses two meters to the right. "We got it!" yells the third Statistician
Two Statistics majors walk into a bar
What're the chances!
Three Statisticians Walk Into A Bar...
The bartender asks them "Would you all like a drink?"
The first statistician says "Maybe".
The second statistician also says "Maybe".
The third statistician then smiles, and says "Yes!"
Three statisticians go out hunting...
and come across a large deer.
The first statistician fires, but misses by a meter to the left.
The second statistician fires, but also misses, this time by a meter to the right.
The third statistician doesn't fire, but starts shouting in triumph "We got it! We got it!"
Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had s**... in the shower.
The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.
What does a statistician call all the dogs in the world?
A pupulation
How do statisticians cook their meat?
Median rare.
According to statistics, a man is ran over every 5 minutes in a city.
I wonder how is he still alive.
According to statistics one in three people live next to a p**...
Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds
Did you know that, statistically, only one in seven dwarfs...
Is happy?
Statistically, there should be one gay student per 30 student classroom.
I don't remember having any gay classmates, though. Weird...
Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters
Ten long miserable years
I saw some statistics about homosexuality in men
They say 50% are born gay and the rest are s**... into it
Why are Statisticians all pragmatists?
Because they know the n's always justify the means
What's the statisticians favorite sauce?
Tztatisiki
Statistically, older people are the most common carriers of AIDS...
Hearing Aids, Walking Aids, Seeing Aids...
Statistics say that 85% of gay men are simply born homosexuals
The rest are s**... into it
Statistically, I think I'm gay
I've enjoyed 100% of the p**... that I've played with
In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.
The Ns justify the means.
According to statistics, the highest s**... rate is found near piers.
I think it's because of pier pressure.
Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.
Politicians just have better lawyers.
Statistically humans eat more bananas than monkeys
Yeah, I don't see a lot of people eating monkeys around here
According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.
But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.
A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar
**Guy**: You're the most average girl out here.
**Girl**: Hey, you're mean!
**Guy**: No, you are.
Statistically, 1 out of 10 friends is gay.
I hope its Steve, he's really cute
Statistics can be misleading.
For example, 5 out of 6 people think Russian roulette is perfectly safe.
What does a statistician say on christmas?
Hₒ Hₒ Hₒ
Statistics show that on average people have s**... 89 times per year.
With that being said, I'm about to have a wild couple of days.
Statistics are like bikinis....
What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years
That's mean
A Statistician is playing darts
The first dart veers wildly to the left. The second dart veers wildly to the right. The statistician exclaims, "bullseye!"
Statistically speaking, 6 out 10 statistics are wrong.
Including this one.
Statistics say that 2 out of 10 people don't understand how percentages work.
Unlike us, the other 90%.
A statistician gets on a plane.
A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"
Statistician goes "Calm down, you see, I'm not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?"
Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people.
This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.
Statistician joke...
Why did a statistician take a zebra with him when he boarded a train?
Because statistically, it's a lot less likely to be a train accident with a Zebra inside it...
It's statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun
that's why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here
