Station Jokes

175 station jokes and hilarious station puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about station that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out these funny station jokes that will have you laughing! These jokes involve everything from train and metro stations, to gas stations and radio stations. Enjoy the laughter and share these station jokes with your friends and family.

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Funniest Station Short Jokes

Short station jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The station humour may include short street jokes also.

  1. Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
  2. To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday Can you please stop calling my new phone?
  3. Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why? Inflation
    Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!
  4. Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain. Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea river
  5. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. At work, I have a workstation.
  6. Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
  7. My friend told me that I don't understand the meaning of irony... ...which was ironic because we were at a train station
  8. I almost lost my job as a DJ at a country music station I accidentally played the same three songs for five hours. Fortunately, our listeners didn't seem to notice.
  9. Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
  10. In a couple weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day April Fuels!

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Station One Liners

Which station one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with station? I can suggest the ones about province and town.

  1. I don't usually brag about going to expensive places But I just left the gas station.
  2. The toilet at my local police station has been stolen. Cops have nothing to go on
  3. Where do Bees use the bathroom? At the BP station. (thanks grandma)
  4. Somebody stole all the toilets in the police station The cops have nothing to go on
  5. A large hole appeared outside the local police station. They're looking into it.
  6. The toilet was stolen from the police station. The cops have nothing to go on.
  7. What is the only meal served in nuclear power stations? Fission chips.
  8. In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work? The crust station.
  9. What does Usain Bolt do when he misses the bus? He waits at the next station
  10. I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font. Now that is bold.
  11. Someone stole all the toilet seats at the station! Authorities have nothing to go on.
  12. A thief stole a toilet from the police station. At this point they have nothing to go on.
  13. My 5 year olds joke Why did the turtle cross the road
    To get to the shell station
  14. Air used to be free at the gas station, now it's $1.50. Do you know why? Inflation.
  15. What's a lobster's favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar? The crust station.

Gas Station Jokes

Here is a list of funny gas station jokes and even better gas station puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You know air used to be free at the gas station and now it's $1.50. You know why? Inflation
  • My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
  • When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a coke. Now, they have cameras everywhere.
  • I don't like to brag about the expensive trips I go on….. ….but I went to the gas station today.
  • Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink? Nowadays, there's cameras everywhere.
  • This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire... When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
  • If your girl complains that you never take her anywhere expensive Take her to the gas station.
  • It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. "It was pump #5," I replied.
  • Did you hear about the guy who swapped the labels on the pumps at the gas station? It was an April fuels joke.
  • I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border. I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

Police Station Jokes

Here is a list of funny police station jokes and even better police station puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
  • Layer at the police station: "I won't say anything without my lawyer present. " Police officer: "YOU ARE THE LAWYER!"
    Lawyer: "Yes, I know, so where's my present?"
  • Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats? It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.
  • Someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet. Right now the cops have nothing to go on.
  • Someone stole all the toilets from my local police station Investigators have nothing to go on.
  • Someone stole my favorite coffee cup right off my desk at work. Now I have to go down to the police station and look at some mug shots.
  • There's a hole in the women's bathroom wall at the police station The detectives are looking into it
  • Someone stole all the toilets from the local police station Detectives have nothing to go on.
  • I woke up in the Police station this morning with no memory of the previous night. I really need to stop drinking on duty.
  • I was mugged at a bus station, and burst in to tears. A police officer came up to me and said 'I'm fining you £60'.
    I said, 'oh, for crying out loud'
    The police officer said 'yes'
Station joke, I was mugged at a bus station, and burst in to tears.

Train Station Jokes

Here is a list of funny train station jokes and even better train station puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Gaming: What's the difference between a train and SONY? When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.
  • What don't they name train stations after astrology signs? No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!
  • A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is where a train stops. In my office I have a workstation. What more can I say.
  • Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master? Because he had a locomotive
  • So I met this guy at the train station... who was trying to kill himself. But I knew he was just looking for help, so I put him on the right track.
  • Two old men are riding on a train in north London, when it stops at a station. First Old Man: Is this Wembley?
    Second Old Man: No, it's Thursday.
    First Old Man: So am I. Let's go get a beer!
  • I was at the train station. The woman next to me said, "Is the next train from London to Edinburgh?"
    I said, "I doubt it. I don't think trains are that long."
  • What mythical creature keeps time for trains at the station? A metro-gnome
  • I unexpectedly had a good time today. I was sitting next to a blonde on the train and as my station was coming up I said;
    "Please excuse me, I'd like to get off".
  • A train station is where a train stops... A train station is where a train stops, a bus station is where a bus stops, now you know why they call it a work station

Radio Station Jokes

Here is a list of funny radio station jokes and even better radio station puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've just been sacked as the weatherman at the local radio station Apparently I was too 'cheerful' when giving out the really bad weather reports!!!
    That's it!! No more mist and ice guy.
  • What's the difference between Chris Brown and a radio station? Radio stations only have 90 minutes of nonstop hits.
  • Gun loading announcement... Apparently my local radio station had an announcement on how to load a gun.
    But I never got the bulletin.
  • I called into a Russian radio station to request that they play some U2... They shot me down :(
  • Ever listen to the radio station WPMS? 3 weeks of the blues, one week of rag-time
  • Which forks work at the radio station? Tuning Forks.
  • A radio station said to call their hotline to win a prize All I got was a burnt hand
  • I was scanning radio stations and landed on a religious show where the host made mention of Jesus's will. I thought wow, someone should read that. It would probably solve a lot of arguments.
  • What is Harry Potter's favorite radio station? Sirius XM
  • I heard Hotel California for the 6th time on the radio during my cross country road trip. You can change the station any time you like, but the song never leaves

Station Wagon Jokes

Here is a list of funny station wagon jokes and even better station wagon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If someone named Patricia owns a station wagon... ...Does that make it a patti-wagon?
  • Today I got behind the slowest black station wagon ever It was driving so slow and bad the other lane was going off the road and everyone behind it was crying. Glad I passed it
Station joke, Today I got behind the slowest black station wagon ever

Happy Station Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about station you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bus stop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make station pranks.

The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.

His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

Tom went to the Police Station

Tom went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You'll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.
No, no no! said Tom. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!


*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*
Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"
Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.

A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

A hobo got robbed

A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.
"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"
"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.
"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"

Lawyers and Engineers

Three lawyers and three engineers are at a train station on their way to a conference. The lawyers line up and buy three tickets, but the engineers only buy one ticket between the three of them. The lawyers are confused, and ask how the engineers plan on taking the train with only one ticket. The engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So they all board the train. The lawyers each take a seat, but the engineers all crowd in to a bathroom. The train starts moving and the conductor comes around punching tickets. He punches each of the lawyers' tickets, and then knocks on the bathroom door and says "Ticket please!" The engineers crack open the door and slide out the one ticket, which the conductor punches and then slides back through the door.
The lawyers think this is pretty clever, so on the return trip, they buy one ticket for the three of them, but then the engineers don't buy any tickets at all. The lawyers ask how the engineers plan on taking the train without any tickets, and the engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So once again they board the train. The three lawyers crowd into one bathroom, and the three engineers crowd into another bathroom. Once the train starts moving, one of the engineers exits the bathroom, knocks on the door of the lawyers' bathroom, and says "Ticket please!"

Why a fourth time?

A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a f**... director.' After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a f**... director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse careers. With a smile on her face she explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'

A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station

A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?

One's a crusty bus station, the other is a b**... crustacean

Cats and ladders

A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".

A drunk is walking around downtown...

When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "


This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

Old man driving alone

An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."

A penguin has some car trouble...

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

Unnecessary Arrests

The other day, a police officer was walking through the park. He saw two kids. One of the kids was eating fireworks. The other was drinking battery acid. The officer immediately arrested both kids and brought them to the station. When they got there, the officer's superior told him to let one of the kids off and charge the other one.

45 year old charming guy

Having recently turned 45, I thought I had lost all the appeal and charm I used to have with the ladies, until today that is. At my local gas station, the pretty young girl who has served me every other day or so for several weeks asked for my number. I was taken aback. I explained how I was flattered but was perhaps a bit too old for her and that if I were 20 or so years younger I would happily take her up on her offer, I explained how love and s**... attraction, when intertwined, can be exciting and that I hadn't felt this way in years and asked that she save her love for someone who will truly care for her and respect her not only as a woman, but as a person.
. . . . "No," she said. "Your pump number, sir."

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a voluptuous lobster?

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a b**... crustacean.

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"

Graveyard shortcut

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."

Two policemen . . .

Two policemen call the station on their radio.
"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"
"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."

I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are.

Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.

I love the way Pitbull says "Mr.World Wide" at the start of a song.

Because it gives me time to change the station.

Kit Kat

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, fatty."

What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station, the others a b**... crustacean.

A drunk guy calls a radio station...

...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"

"No. I just wanted to request a sad song for Rebecca."

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.
Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant.
No, not yet. The floor's still wet.

I was at a gas station and I accidentally filled up my e**... with diesel.

She died.

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,
"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

I got really emotional at the petrol station earlier.

I don't know what came over me, I just started filling up.

A Grand Prize

I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."

What do s**... and pizza have in common?

It's not very good when you buy it from a gas station.

Bartering with Beer

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.
I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less self almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,
would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"Depends on what kind of beer you've got!"

Hospital and Cop

*In class*
Teacher: "Jay, why are you down today?"
Jay: "Because my mom is at the hospital and my dad's at the police station."
Teacher: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Do you want to go home?"
Jay: "Yes, please."
After Jay has left the classroom, the teacher asks the other classmates, "Why is Jay's father at the police station and his mother at the hospital?"
Classmate: "Because his father is a policeman and his mom's a nurse."

When I was a kid, I found a bottle of v**... someone had left at the treehouse at the playground. So I took it to the police station.

The police told me not to worry. They would get to the bottom of it.

A blonde... in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest

A Soviet newspaper announces:

"Last night, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station fulfilled the Five Year Plan for heat energy generation..."
" four microseconds."

Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with implants?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is b**... crustacean

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...

And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!

Whats the difference between Batman and a b**...

Batman can walk into a gas station without robin

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

s**... is like a gas station...

Sometimes you get full service, sometimes you have to ask for service, and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.

A blonde walked into a gas station...

A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.

Whats the difference between a greyhound station and a big titted lobster...

Ones a crusty bus station. The other is a b**... crustacean

I saw a woman once

Who was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She starts waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead. She was waving an i**... fire arm.

A woman opens up a stand near the train station selling apples for 1$

Each day, the same man walks over to the stand, leaves a 1$, but doesnt take any apples. This went on for an entire year, until one day, the man left a dollar and was about to leave but the woman grabbed him by the hand. The man says: "I see you are finally interested why I keep leaving a dollar but not buying any apples well-" The woman cuts him off: "No I am not the least bit interested, apples now cost 2$ instead of one".

A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with breast implants?

One is a Crusty Bus Station and the other is a b**... crustacean

A reporter goes to a distant town in Alaska.

First he goes by train and then he has to ride a dog sled for several hours to get there. Upon arriving, he asks the town mayor:
"Have you considered building a train station closer to the town?"
"We have," answers the mayor, "but we eventually decided that the train station should be closer to the railroad."

A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots

Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Officer: "the floor is still wet."

[Police Station] Me: I want to talk to the thief who broke into my house last night Police: Why do you want to talk to him?

Me: I just want to know how he got into my house without waking up my wife. I've been trying it for years

Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.

Once done, one uses her p**... to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.
The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any p**...!"
"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

At the tube station earlier I saw a homeless man sitting on the floor with a three legged dog next to a sign that read: Help, I'm starving.

He can't be that hungry, he hasn't even finished his dog.

Recently the police were called to the residence of an elderly couple. The Chief radios the station that the wife has shot the husband.

The Sgt. at the station stammers "What? Why?" The Chief calls back "Well, apparently she warned him about walking on her freshly mopped floors one more time..." Sarge is in utter disbelief "Did you go and arrest her??" Chief said not yet. Sarge asked what the h**... he's waiting for. Chief radios back "The floor still isn't dry..."

Station joke, Recently the police were called to the residence of an elderly couple. The Chief radios the station

jokes about station