The Best 32 State Trooper Jokes

Following is our collection of funny State Trooper jokes. There are some state trooper states jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these state trooper texas puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest State Trooper Jokes and Puns

When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully

Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"

Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."

Me: "Police identify yourself"

Trooper: "State Police"

Me: "Police"

A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...

and spots a speeder.

He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."

The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."

It's a miracle!

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"

A state trooper pulls over a priest

A state trooper pulls over a priest. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

A guy finally buys his dream car

... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.

Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."

The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."


A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…

…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. Right away, officer, replies the man, and off he goes.

The following day, the same man is driving on the same road with the same twenty penguins in the bed of his truck. This time, however, the penguins are all wearing sunglasses and straw hats. Sure enough, the man is stopped by the same officer. After pulling the man over, the officer approaches.

What is the meaning of this? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday, why are they still in the bed of your truck? Did you really think these disguises would fool me?

They're not disguises, officer, you see I DID take them to the zoo yesterdayβ€”in fact, we had so much fun, we're going to the beach today.

A man is pulled over at 2am by a state trooper

State trooper: Hey, where you headed at 2 am sir?

Elderly man: I'm just on my way to hear a lecture about the dangers of drinking and staying out late and smoking marijuana with friends who are a bad influence.

State Trooper: Really? Who's giving that kind of lecture at 2 in the morning?

Elderly man: That would be my wife, officer.

The police vs the senior citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...

He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.

The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.

"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."

The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."

The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."

A young woman was pulled over for speeding

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

The State Trooper walked to her car window and opened his ticket book.

The woman said, "I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers' Ball."

The trooper told her, "Ma'am, State Troopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence... The trooper tipped his hat, and returned to his car.

Emergency flashers

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my cardboard cutouts. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody tooted their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.

He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

"What's going on here?"

"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.

"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!

You can explore state trooper secede reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean state trooper legislature dad jokes. There are also state trooper puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A state trooper pulls a man over for speeding.

The officer tells the man, If you can give me an excuse I've never heard before I'll let you go.

The man says to the officer, A few years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were him trying to bring her back to me.

The officer replied, Slow it down and have a nice day.

A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?""Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again

A man gets pulled over for speeding...

The office saunters up to his car and he rolls down the window.

"I've heard every excuse for speeding in the book. I bet you can't give me one I haven't heard. But if you do, I'll let you off with a warning."

The man replies.

"Well you see officer, few years back my wife went and ran off with a state trooper."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, when I saw your lights turn on I was afraid you fellas was coming to give her back!"

A state trooper pulled along side a speeding driver and is shocked when he sees a elderly woman behind the wheel knitting.

The trooper rolled down the window and yelled, "Pull Over!"

"No!" yelled the woman, "It's a cardigan!"

A state trooper pulls over a elderly lady

The state trooper approaches the car, and asks the elderly lady if she knows why he pulled her over. The elderly lady said of course i do, you wanted to give me a personal invitation to the state troopers ball the state trooper replied uh ma'am. State troopers dont have balls. He stood there for a second, tipped his hat, and walked back to his car.

A man gets pulled over for speeding

When the officer approaches his vehicle he tells the man "sir, it's been a long day, and I'm ready to go home. If you can give me a good reason as to why you were speeding I might let you go without a ticket."

The man looks at him and says "well officer, years ago my wife left me for a state trooper, and when I saw you coming for me, I thought you were bringing her back.

Officer says "Have a nice day sir"

It's 3 in the morning and an elderly Jewish man is flying down the highway at 105 mph. A state trooper pulls him over.

"Where in the hell are you racing to at this hour?"

"To a lecture, officer."

"Who gives a lecture at 3 a.m.?"

"My wife."

A state trooper is sitting at the end of a tunnel and pulls over a motorist for speeding.

License and registration the officer says.

No problem replies the motorist.

What are you doing out so late sir? the officer asks.

Just had a late night at work he replies.

Really? What do you do for work? the officer says.

Well...I'm an asshole stretcher he says.

An asshole stretcher?

Yeah, I take assholes and stretch them as far as you want, up to 6 feet

What would anyone do with a six foot asshole?! The office exclaims.

Well, the state gives them a car and puts one at the end of a tunnel!


The state trooper is driving down the highway when...

he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of his truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck several times, and then drive away. Two miles down the road he does the same thing. Another two miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the truck driver to explain and the driver says "The load limit is ten tons, and I'm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I've got to keep some of them flying around."

I got pulled over by a state trooper the other day.

Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?

Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.

Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!

A man is pulled over speeding..

the State Trooper walks up to the driver's window and asks the driver "do you know why I pulled you over?" "Yes" the man says, "I was speeding." "Why were you speeding?" the Trooper asks.

"My ex-wife left me for a Trooper, and I thought maybe you were him, trying to bring her back!"

Two Alabama State Troopers

Two Alabama state troopers were chasing a Mustang on I-20 East towards Georgia. When the suspect crossed the state line, the first trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie trooper parked behind him and asked, "Hey, Sarge, why'd you stop?"

The sergeant replied, "Ah, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we ain't ever gonna catch him."

A young woman was pulled over for speeding

A state trooper walked to her car window, floppong open his ticket book.

The woman said: I bet you are going to try to sell me a ticket to the troopers' ball.

He replied: State troopers don't have balls.

There was a brief silence. He closed his ticket book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.

Two priests on a drive

Two priests are on a drive when they are pulled over by a state trooper. When the trooper gets to the window he tells the priests that he is out today looking for a couple pedophiles. The two priests look at each other and begin whispering really quietly. After a moment the priest in the driver's seat looks back up at the state trooper and says, "We'll do it!"

A Georgia State Trooper pulls over a car. He says...

...to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "'Bout what?"

A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door...

"Mr. Smith," The officer goes on, "as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."

So, Mr. Smith says, "alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!"

State troopers arrested an alleged assassin accused of bludgeoning a man to death with two small porcelain figurine in a rice fieldβ€”

Police admit this may be the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

A California state trooper pulled over a driver who ran a stop sign.

"C'mon, Officer. I slowed down, didn't I?" argued the driver.

"But you must come to a complete stop at the sign," said the trooper.

"'Stop.' 'Slow down.' What's the difference, really?" quibbled the driver.

The cop was so irritated that he whipped out his billy club and started hitting the man's arm with it, shouting, "Well, do you want me to stop or slow down?!"

A Jumper

On January 9 a group of Pekin IL , bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.

The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".

The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!

It's like the weather saw a state trooper

It went from 90 to 45 real quick

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:

"Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the state trooper illinois indiana jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working state trooper statehood piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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