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State Of The Union Jokes

20 state of the union jokes and hilarious state of the union puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about state of the union that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest State Of The Union Short Jokes

Short state of the union jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The state of the union humour may include short state jokes also.

  1. If Donald Trump talks about "fake news" during the State of the Union... Does that make it the State of the Onion
  2. If the United States got the moon for winning the space race, what did the Soviet Union recieve for second place? A constellation prize.
  3. I thought my wife was watching the State of the Union last night Turns out it was The End of The F**king World on Netflix.

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State Of The Union One Liners

Which state of the union one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with state of the union? I can suggest the ones about presidency and states rights.

  1. We should get all the ex-soviet states back together Then we could have a Soviet Re-Union
  2. Which former European state exported mainly napkins? The Serviette Union
  3. John Boehner killed a bug at the state for the union address It was a House fly.
  4. My State of the Union I am from Illinois, but I also lived in Arizona for a while.

Fun-Filled State Of The Union Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about state of the union you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean state university jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make state of the union pranks.

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...

Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a man went down to his local dealership to buy a car. After he had accepted the man's money and the paperwork had been signed, the dealer informed the man that his car would be ready in 10 years and that he could come back then and pick it up.
Taking note of the date, the man turned to leave but paused on his way out the door and asked, "morning or afternoon?"
"It's 10 years from now, what difference does it make?" replied the dealer.
"Well, I'm busy in the morning." said the man.
Confused, the dealer asked, "what could you possibly have planned for the morning ten years from today?"
"The plumber's coming to fix my sink," replied the man.

Oh the irony?

On 2/02/22, both Groundhog Day and the US State of the Union address will occur on the same day.
One involves the meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication .
The other involves a groundhog

During the collapse of the Soviet Union...

... An elderly woman is surveyed by the government to conclude what the state of mind of the populous is.
**Survey man**: Where were you born?
**Woman**: St. Petersburg
**Survey man**: Where do you live now?
**Woman**: Leningrad
**Survey man**: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
**Woman**: St. Petersburg

In the bad old days on the Soviet Union,

a dissident published a pamphlet in which he openly said Stalin was a fool. Sure enough, the man was arrested days later for this crime. So, the dissident went to court and said "I'm innocent and want to defend myself! What I said was truthful - I did not commit libel!" The judge said to him "you don't understand - you're not being charged for libel, you're being charged with revealing a state secret."
-heard on an Intelligence Squared debate.

There a man in the Soviet Union who always complained about the constant shortages

One day the KGB went to the apartment he lived and arrested him. The occupant of the apartment knew that he was gonna die so they didn't make a fuss out of it. But after a week much to the apartment's occupant surprise, the man returned relatively unharmed except for some bruises so the occupant asked him why he wasn't shot despite his constant criticism of the state. The man answered, "The Gulags have the same problem as we do, they've ran out of bullets!"

Secede from the Union

United States: Should we do something about guns?
Texas: WE CAN AND WILL SECEDE FROM THE UNION IF WE SEE IT FIT TO DO SO
United States: How bout dem immigrants tho
Texas: WE CAN AND WILL SECEDE FROM THE UNION IF WE SEE IT FIT TO DO SO
United States: I like ice cream
Texas: WE CAN AND WILL SECEDE FROM THE UNION IF WE SEE IT FIT TO DO SO
United States: Let's ban w**...
Texas: aiight cool
California:WE CAN AND WILL SECEDE FROM THE UNION IF WE SEE IT FIT TO DO SO

Pluses in the Soviet Union

Two Ukrainians are drinking together. Between shots of v**..., they are discussing many issues. One of the men was but a very young child when the Soviet Union dissolved and Ukraine and the other former member states gained their independence. Having very little recollection of what life was like back then, he asked the older man, Tell me, my good friend, were there pluses in the Soviet Union? The older man replied, There were. They were printed on batteries.

Obama milk joke

Barack Obama: We’ve already announced over 500 reforms, and just a fraction of them will save business and citizens more than $10 billion over the next five years. We got rid of one rule from 40 years ago that could have forced some dairy farmers to spend $10,000 a year proving that they could contain a spill — because milk was somehow classified as an oil. With a rule like that, I guess it was worth crying over spilled milk.

Stalin calls a meeting in the Politburo

To hold a debate on wether there will be money in the Soviet Union. The two main factions, led by Trotsky and Bukharin, represent left- and right-wing views. Trotsky said, "We should absolutely abolish money, the state should be able to provide all of its citizens." Bukharin rises to speak, saying, "We must have money, as we shouldn't run social experiments." In his synthetic, dialectical wisdom, Stalin says, "There will be and won't be money." Everyone turns to look at him, quizzically. Someone finally speaks up, "How is this possible, comrade?" "Some people will have money, and others won't.