The Best 68 State Jokes
Following is our collection of funny State jokes. There are some state ohio jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these state florida state football puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest State Jokes and Puns
It's a miracle!
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"
I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down.
They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.
Wife spices things up!
A wife, worrying about the state of her marriage, decides to spice things up in the bedroom by adding some costume play. She buys a sexy supergirl outfit and when her husband is in bed slips it on. She walks out, poses seductively and says "Superpussy". Her husband, not looking up from his crossword says "I'll have the soup thanks".
Texas: The Miracle State
At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.
After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.
"Say, is this really a healthy place?"
"It sure is," the man replied.
"When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"That's wonderful!" said Bill. "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."
What state has the smallest soft drinks?
Minisoda
Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?
I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.
ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...
Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.
"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."
"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"
"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...
He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
That's weird
A man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of whisky and drinks it all. Tipsy, he now orders half a bottle of whisky. Drunk, he orders a glass of whisky. Heavily drunk and in a sorry state, he now orders half a glass of whisky. Then he says,
"That's weird. The less I drink the drunker I get"
A North Korean soldier runs across the DMZ and yells to the US Army "Kim Jong Un is an idiot!" and gets thrown in a labor camp for 16 years by the government.
1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and the other 15 for revealing a state secret.
A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...
and spots a speeder.
He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."
The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."
You can explore state residents reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean state california dad jokes. There are also state puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.
1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.
Statement from the moderates regarding "The Darkening"
If you heat your solid state drive into a gaseous state drive, do you get cloud storage?
Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?
Because the whole state is inbred
There are four states of matter.
Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives.
I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is.
Maybe Alaska.
Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?
Because the hamburger is in the ground state.
Unshakable Fact # 5
Arguing over a girl's breast size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:
Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
Osama Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...
He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."
Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...
Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...
I say let's do it, and find two more new states.
Then we'd have 53 states.
A nice PRIME number...
ONE NATION - INDIVISIBLE
D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.
D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.
A state trooper pulls over a priest
A state trooper pulls over a priest. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Just had the following conversation in court
Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You're Not Guilty?
Me: Thanks, I'm outta here
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
Golden State Warriors "No one can choke harder than we did."
Atlanta Falcons "Hold my beer."
In what state are most cows found in?
Solid
What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?
Mr. President.
Name a popular state that most people live in.
Depression
Can you call the British PM a fool?
During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.
The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?
Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".
What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth?
The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair
Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.
What a sad state of affairs.
The statement "You are what you eat" isn't really true.
If you eat a vegetarian, you probably aren't a vegetarian.
Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?
It's a sad state of affairs.
Cr
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
My dad bought himself a new hearing aid.
"It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."
"Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"
"Two-thirty."
I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples' education that would pay for.
At least 4 or 5.
When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully
Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"
Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."
Me: "Police identify yourself"
Trooper: "State Police"
Me: "Police"
A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death
He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".
If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.
We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible
62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".
Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry
... but you can't count Missouri twice.
BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.
They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State
Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.
My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza..
.. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.
Why is Donald Trump moving to Egypt?
To live in a state of de Nile.
Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.
Denial.
In other news, the United States has recently accepted a 51st state.
All the states unite around adding the State of Emergency to the country.
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18
The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.
FACT: 24 astronauts AND the Wright Brothers were born in Ohio.
Something about that crappy state makes people want to flee the Earth.
TIL Texas is called the lone star state
because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system
A priest and a police officer walk into a bar.
A priest and a police officer walk into a bar. They each spend some time drinking, before both leaving.
The priest goes to his car, and the officer sees he is having difficulty to walk.
As he goes to enter, the officer stops him. He says "are you in a fit state to drive, reverend?"
He replied "yes, I have only had water."
The officer says "that's a lie, I can smell wine on your breath"
The priest looks to the sky and says "You did it again, lord!"
It's a good thing Gatorade was created by the University of Florida
If it had been Florida State, they'd call it Seminole Fluid
What state is Lake Michigan in?
In liquid state 😛
Texas is the Lone Star state.
Of course, that's out of a possible 5 stars.
I have a friend who really hates living in Central USA.
She says she's in a constant state of Missouri.
I got pulled over by a state trooper the other day.
Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?
Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.
Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!
Ivan from Russia went to an anti-war protest in St. Petersburg carrying a sign that said: Putin is insane!
So, the courts sentenced him 22 years in prison. 2 years for treason, 20 years for giving away an official state secret.
A man in Russia was arrested for saying that Putin is an idiot and given a peculiar sentence to one year and fourteen days precisely in prison.
That's fourteen days for criticising the government, and one year for revealing a state secret.
Do any of you know what the 49th U.S. State is?
I'm Alaskan for a friend.
Justin Timberlake announced he would be joining the war effort in Ukraine.
Rumors state that he will be positioned somewhere along the Crimea River.
I passed the empire state building yesterday
What confuses me the most is I didn't feel a thing.
I don't know which state in the US she is
I guess Alaska
One of my friends asked me the other day if my daughter knew what the 49th state in the USA was
I have no idea I said
But Alaska
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the state arizona state university jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working state florida state piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.