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State Jokes

152 state jokes and hilarious state puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about state that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is a hilarious look at some of the funniest state jokes about Ohio State, Penn State, the Show Me State (Missouri), Michigan State, Mississippi State, Indiana, and Arkansas and their residents. Get ready to laugh!

Funniest State Short Jokes

Short state jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The state humour may include short constitution jokes also.

  1. If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
    This is not a political post, I just want to travel
  2. It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.
  3. "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
  4. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
  5. President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states. Solid, liquid and gas.
  6. Someone got 25 years in prison for saying Putin was an idiot 5 years for insulting the leader and 20 years for revealing state secrets.
  7. 62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville". Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
  8. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
  9. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
  10. Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
    Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
    United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons.

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State One Liners

Which state one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with state? I can suggest the ones about country and district.

  1. Breaking: donald trump has just won another state. Denial.
  2. What start with W, ends with T and has two letters in between. Just stating the obvious.
  3. Why is Texas called the Lone Star state? Because of all the one-star reviews
  4. What's the biggest city in the United States? Obesity
  5. Texas is the Lone Star state. Of course, that's out of a possible 5 stars.
  6. In which state is the Great Salt lake? Liquid
  7. How can you donate money to Taliban? Just pay your taxes in United States
  8. If you heat your solid state drive into a gaseous state drive, do you get cloud storage?
  9. What state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda
  10. In what state are most cows found in? Solid
  11. There are four states of matter. Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives.
  12. The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin? Detroit
  13. Why is Donald Trump moving to Egypt? To live in a state of de Nile.
  14. I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is. Maybe Alaska.
  15. The United States government.

State Trooper Jokes

Here is a list of funny state trooper jokes and even better state trooper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Georgia State Trooper pulls over a car. He says... ...to the driver, "Got any ID?"
    The driver says, "'Bout what?"
  • It's like the weather saw a state trooper It went from 90 to 45 real quick
  • State trooper pulls a car over... then shoots at the occupant

Out Of State Friend Jokes

Here is a list of funny out of state friend jokes and even better out of state friend puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have a friend who really hates living in Central USA. She says she's in a constant state of Missouri.
  • I have a friend who absolutely hates living in Central USA She lives in a constant state of Missouri.
  • My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our buddy Ty is now the state boxing champion. People from China refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
  • My vegan friend got hit by a car He's in a vegetative state.
  • My friend said to me today: With what's happening in the United States it looks like they are cursed. As if they had built their state on an Indian cemetery !
  • Do any of you know what the 49th U.S. State is? I'm Alaskan for a friend.
  • Canadian visits friend in the states Canadian: "How is it 30 degrees here in October?"
    Friend: "The real question is, how is it 30 degrees THERE in October?"
  • One of my friends asked me the other day if my daughter knew what the 49th state in the USA was I have no idea I said
    But Alaska
  • My friend asked me how I was enjoying my visit in Oklahoma's state capital I said, "It's an OK city."
  • So I was talking to my friend about this new Jewish state... He didn't believe me when I initially told him,
    so I said "Yeah man, Israel."
State joke, So I was talking to my friend about this new Jewish state...

Empire State Building Jokes

Here is a list of funny empire state building jokes and even better empire state building puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course the Empire State Building can't jump
  • Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building? He had a plane to catch
  • How can a flea jump higher than the Empire State Building? The Empire State Building can't jump.
  • If Darth Vader lived in America, where would he live? The Empire State Building
  • I passed the empire state building yesterday What confuses me the most is I didn't feel a thing.
  • I can jump higher than the empire state building I rely on the fact that the building can't jump.
  • What do you get when you drop an egg off the Empire State Building? New Yolk
  • A man falls from the top of the Empire State building. When he hits the ground, a woman walking by screams "oh my God what happened"!!
    The man looks up and says "I don't know, I just got here"
  • What did the physicist say to the young man who was about to jump off the Empire State building?

    Don't do it. You have so much potential.
  • What's the difference between your mom and the Empire State Building? Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building

Show Me State Jokes

Here is a list of funny show me state jokes and even better show me state puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Surveys show people from Massachusetts go camping more than any other state. Their destination usually includes one of Connecticut's many passing lanes.
  • What is the most dangerous state of water? Ice is.
    I'll show myself out now.
  • I'm so sorry What would you call the Islamic State if they tried to take over Antarctica?
    Ice-is
    I'll show myself out.
  • If the United States government had a reality TV show... It would be called House of Tards.
  • According the United States National Tourism Office Wal Mart is the greatest place you can take your family to see the kind of people you used to have to pay admission to see in a freak show.
  • My wife won best in show in the crafts division But it turns out, it was an inside job.
    Her friends and family stuffed the ballot box.
    Deep State Fair.
  • A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
    1. Heart disease
    2. Chuck Norris
    3. Cancer
  • Aladdin sings to Jasmine "I can show you the woorld..
    Except the United States"
  • If Missouri and Oregon became one state.... It'd be known as the show me your b**... state.
  • A comedian, a r**..., and the President of the United States are in an elevator .. and then Barack says to the other guy "Always liked you most in The Cosby Show".

Ohio State Jokes

Here is a list of funny ohio state jokes and even better ohio state puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Biden has won so many times in Michigan now he's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.
  • Congrats to Ohio State, you didn't have the worst performance of the evening... ...Mariah Carey's got your back.
  • What state is round at both ends, and high in the middle? Ohio.
  • What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at the ends? Ohio.
  • Which US state is happiest to see its Japanese residents wake up? Ohio.
  • Which US state is friendliest toward the Japanese? Ohio
  • What's the most weeaboo state? Ohio-gozimas
  • What do you call a meijer in a large city? An Ohio State Coach
  • You know what I really love about THE Ohio State? They really put the O in Ohio.
  • "Worst performance" "We had the worst performance of 2016" ~ urban myer (Ohio State's head coach)
    "Hold my drink....."~ Mariah Carey
State joke, "Worst performance"

Uproarious State Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about state you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean status jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make state pranks.

It's a miracle!

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"

I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down.

They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.

Plane Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

Wife spices things up!

A wife, worrying about the state of her marriage, decides to spice things up in the bedroom by adding some costume play. She buys a s**... supergirl outfit and when her husband is in bed slips it on. She walks out, poses seductively and says "Superpussy". Her husband, not looking up from his crossword says "I'll have the soup thanks".

A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…

…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. Right away, officer, replies the man, and off he goes.
The following day, the same man is driving on the same road with the same twenty penguins in the bed of his truck. This time, however, the penguins are all wearing sunglasses and straw hats. Sure enough, the man is stopped by the same officer. After pulling the man over, the officer approaches.
What is the meaning of this? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday, why are they still in the bed of your truck? Did you really think these disguises would fool me?
They're not disguises, officer, you see I DID take them to the zoo yesterday—in fact, we had so much fun, we're going to the beach today.

Midwestern joke I heard years ago...

State officials in Ohio are trying to pass legislation to change the name of the town, Mechanicsburg, to Engagement. When asked why, one official commented that it made clear sense because the town is halfway between Dayton and Marion.

Texas: The Miracle State

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.
After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.
"Say, is this really a healthy place?"
"It sure is," the man replied.
"When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"That's wonderful!" said Bill. "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.
"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."
"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"
"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

Kennedy's USSR joke

A man runs into the the Kremlin yelling, "the Premiere is an idiot the Premiere is an idiot".
The man was immidetaly arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 23 years in prison.
3 years for insulting a high ranking member of the party and 20 years for divulging a state secret.

That's weird

A man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of whisky and drinks it all. Tipsy, he now orders half a bottle of whisky. Drunk, he orders a glass of whisky. Heavily drunk and in a sorry state, he now orders half a glass of whisky. Then he says,
"That's weird. The less I drink the drunker I get"

A North Korean soldier runs across the DMZ and yells to the US Army "Kim Jong Un is an idiot!" and gets thrown in a labor camp for 16 years by the government.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and the other 15 for revealing a state secret.

A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...

and spots a speeder.
He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."
The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."

A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.

Statement from the moderates regarding "The Darkening"

Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list...

It's a pretty bad state of affairs

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is i**...

what is 40 feet long and only has 3 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair.

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen!
--------
Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.

Which American state is not great, but not bad either?

OK.

If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?

The police officer.

o**... Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...

He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."

Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...

Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State...
I say let's do it, and find two more new states.
Then we'd have 53 states.
A nice PRIME number...
ONE NATION - INDIVISIBLE

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.

A state trooper pulls over a priest

A state trooper pulls over a priest. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Just had the following conversation in court

Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You're Not Guilty?
Me: Thanks, I'm outta here

My girlfriend often accuses me of telling sexist, condescending jokes that target women.

I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.
So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

Golden State Warriors "No one can choke harder than we did."

Atlanta Falcons "Hold my beer."

What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?

Mr. President.

Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is "Oklahoma is OK"?

Because they can't spell "mediocre".

Name a popular state that most people live in.

Depression

Can you call the British PM a fool?

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.
The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?
Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".

What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair

A man is pulled over at 2am by a state trooper

State trooper: Hey, where you headed at 2 am sir?
Elderly man: I'm just on my way to hear a lecture about the dangers of drinking and staying out late and smoking m**... with friends who are a bad influence.
State Trooper: Really? Who's giving that kind of lecture at 2 in the morning?
Elderly man: That would be my wife, officer.

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.

What a sad state of affairs.

The statement "You are what you eat" isn't really true.

If you eat a vegetarian, you probably aren't a vegetarian.

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.
Cr

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."

My dad bought himself a new hearing aid.

"It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."
"Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"
"Two-thirty."

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples' education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully

Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"
Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."
Me: "Police identify yourself"
Trooper: "State Police"
Me: "Police"

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

Why are there ornamental cannons on the state house lawns?

They are a monument to the state employees. They don't work and are impossible to fire.

If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.

We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible

10 september 2001

The child of Bin Laden comes home grumpy. His dad asks him "what happened?". "Today I got an F in geography class". "And what did she ask you?". "What's the tallest building from New York and I said Empire State Building". "Eh, don't cry over it, I'll take care of that for you."

My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry

... but you can't count Missouri twice.

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza..

.. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.

Why did California become a red state?

Someone threw a gender reveal party.

A man walks into a gym and kills everyone there brutally

After the investigation, the police state that the victims could only be described as ripped and shredded

In other news, the United States has recently accepted a 51st state.

All the states unite around adding the State of Emergency to the country.

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long.

A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

FACT: 24 astronauts AND the Wright Brothers were born in Ohio.

Something about that c**... state makes people want to flee the Earth.

TIL Texas is called the lone star state

because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system

A priest and a police officer walk into a bar.

A priest and a police officer walk into a bar. They each spend some time drinking, before both leaving.
The priest goes to his car, and the officer sees he is having difficulty to walk.
As he goes to enter, the officer stops him. He says "are you in a fit state to drive, reverend?"
He replied "yes, I have only had water."
The officer says "that's a lie, I can smell wine on your breath"
The priest looks to the sky and says "You did it again, lord!"

It's a good thing Gatorade was created by the University of Florida

If it had been Florida State, they'd call it Seminole Fluid

What state is Lake Michigan in?

In liquid state 😛

A man in Russia was arrested for saying that Putin is an idiot and given a peculiar sentence to one year and fourteen days precisely in prison.

That's fourteen days for criticising the government, and one year for revealing a state secret.

Justin Timberlake announced he would be joining the war effort in Ukraine.

Rumors state that he will be positioned somewhere along the Crimea River.

I defeated a state chess champion in two moves

My karate lessons really paid off.

Did you know that the state vegetable and official state pastime of Alabama are the same thing?

Pumpkin

why do monarchs feel so important?

Because small changes in their initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system.

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.

State joke, People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news th

jokes about state