state Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious state puns

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression. I said, "I'm so sorry"

"...but you can't count Missouri twice."

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62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

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To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

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North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there's no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

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A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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Osama Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...

He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"

"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."

"Why, what did you answer?"

"The Empire State Building."

"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."

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If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.

We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible

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When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully

Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"

Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."


Me: "Police identify yourself"

Trooper: "State Police"

Me: "Police"

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Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.

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A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

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Can you call the British PM a fool?

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".

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If you heat your solid state drive into a gaseous state drive, do you get cloud storage?

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What state has the smallest soft drinks?

Minisoda

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Cop pulls over a couple

Cop: Your back tail light is out

Husband: I didn't know. I'll get it fixed tomorrow.

Wife:I told you two days ago to get it fixed.

Cop: Sir, your license is also expired.

Husband: I didn't realize that.

Wife: I told you last week that the state sent you a letter about that.

Husband: Honey, can you keep your damn mouth shut ?

Cop: Does your husband always talk to you like that ?

Wife: No. Only when he's drunk.

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Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

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In what state are most cows found in?

Solid

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I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down.

They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.

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A state trooper just pulled me over...

He walked up to my car and opened his ticket book.

I said, "you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the Louisiana State Trooper Ball aren't you?"

He replied, "Louisiana State Troopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence.

Then he closed his book, walked back to his car, and drove away.

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Breasts are like beer...

Men may state a preference, but we'll take whatever's on tap.

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There are four states of matter.

Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives.

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Just had the following conversation in court

Judge: State your name.

Me: Not Guilty


Judge: What?


Me: I had it legally changed.


Judge: You're Not Guilty?


Me: Thanks, I'm outta here

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A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...

and spots a speeder.

He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."

The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."

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Golden State Warriors "No one can choke harder than we did."

Atlanta Falcons "Hold my beer."

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Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Cr

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During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.

"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."

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Statement from the moderates regarding "The Darkening"

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I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is.

Maybe Alaska.

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What do you call a 70 year old man trapped in the emotional state of a 14 year old girl?

Mr. President.

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My dad bought himself a new hearing aid.

"It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."

"Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"

"Two-thirty."

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A woman gets pulled over by a state trooper...

As the Officer walks up to her window and flips open his little book the lady says: "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper ball, aren't you?" The Officer looks at her with a puzzled look on his face and says: "but ma'am, state troopers don't have balls." There was a silence, the officer tipped his hat, turned around, got back in his car, and drove away.

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Name a popular state that most people live in.

Depression

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It's a miracle!

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"

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An Irish priest...

An Irish priest was driving to New York and got stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He asked, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," said the priest.

The trooper asked, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looked at the bottle and exclaimed, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

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A state trooper pulls over a priest

A state trooper pulls over a priest. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

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Louisiana State Trooper

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Louisiana state trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, "I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the Louisiana State Trooper's Ball". He replied, "Louisiana state troopers don't have balls". There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.

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What are the most funny State jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about State? Well, here are the best State dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and State pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes