The Best 67 Stat Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stat jokes. There are some stat statistical jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stat promptly puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Stat Jokes and Puns
Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year
Today's going to be great!
Three statisticians are hunting when they see a rabbit.
The first one shoots and misses him on the left.
The second shoots and misses him on the right.
The third one shouts, "We've hit it!"
When a statistician passes the airport security check...
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."
A statistician and his wife are going I vacation.
As they are packing, the statistician puts a bomb in his suit case.
"Good god, what's that for?" His wife asks.
"Well, there's low odds of one bomb being on a plane, what are the odds of there being two?"
Two statisticians walk into a bar...
What are the chances of that?
What state has the smallest soft drinks?
Minisoda
Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?
I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.
My statistics professor told me I was average...
... I told her "that's Mean".
Three stat professors were out hunting...
...when they came upon a deer by a river.
The first professor fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left.
The second professor fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.
The third stood and exclaimed "Alright! We got him!"
Which state serves the smallest soft drinks?
Minnesota.
3 statisticians go hunting
They see a deer. The first statistician shoots, but his shot misses by a foot to the left. The second statistician shoots, but her shot misses by a foot to the right. The third statistician says "Alright, we got it!"
You can explore stat instant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stat haste dad jokes. There are also stat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Statistics humour
The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."
Three statisticians are bow hunting in the woods and see a deer...
The first shoots his arrow and misses to the right by three feet.
The second shoots and misses three feet to the left.
The third throws up his arms and yells, "We got him!"
Statistics are like bikinis.
What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.
Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,
Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...
I feel that December will be amazing
They say statistically, 1 out of every 3 of your neighbors are likely to be a pedophile.
Luckily for me, I live next to two gorgeous 12 year olds.
States are like butts
No one likes the flat ones.
A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...
and spots a speeder.
He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."
The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."
Statement from the moderates regarding "The Darkening"
Two statisticians are out hunting...
Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"
Stats show the average person has sex 89 times per year
Looks like I'm in store for a wild December
What U.S. State has the smallest sodas?
Minisoda
There are four states of matter.
Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives.
Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...
Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.
Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy
In which state does the Mississippi river flow?
Liquid.
My stats teacher told me I was average.
I thought that was mean.
Three statisticians go out hunting together...
After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and ends up shooting too far to the left of the rabbit. The second aims, misses, and shoots too far to the right. The third shouts out "We got him!"
My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.
I guess the N's justify the means.
Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...
... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.
When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.
He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."
Statistics say that 1/3 of people cheat in their relationships
Which got me thinking,
Is it my wife or is it my girlfriend who is cheating?
A state trooper pulls over a priest
A state trooper pulls over a priest. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
A statistician, a mathematician, and a biologist are standing outside a house.
They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.
The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."
The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"
Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"
A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar
Guy: You're the most average girl out here.
Girl: Hey, you're mean!
Guy: No, you are.
In what state are most cows found in?
Solid
Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is "Oklahoma is OK"?
Because they can't spell "mediocre".
Only 49 states like computers...
The last state isn't Dell-aware
What state has the worst drivers?
The Islamic State.
What did the statue say when he met his long lost statue brother?
He said, "Hey, is-statue?!"
The statement "You are what you eat" isn't really true.
If you eat a vegetarian, you probably aren't a vegetarian.
Three statisticians go on a hunting trip...
They spot a deer, immediately the first statistician takes a shot and it misses two meters to the left. The second statistician takes a shot and misses two meters to the right. "We got it!" yells the third Statistician
The state of Florida is a navigational anomaly...
The further north you go the more southern it gets.
Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had sex in the shower.
The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.
Statistically, there should be one gay student per 30 student classroom.
I don't remember having any gay classmates, though. Weird...
Statistically,
6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren't Happy.
Statistics say that 85% of gay men are simply born homosexuals
The rest are sucked into it
According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.
I think it's because of pier pressure.
Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.
I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
A state trooper pulls over a elderly lady
The state trooper approaches the car, and asks the elderly lady if she knows why he pulled her over. The elderly lady said of course i do, you wanted to give me a personal invitation to the state troopers ball the state trooper replied uh ma'am. State troopers dont have balls. He stood there for a second, tipped his hat, and walked back to his car.
North Korea is handling Covid surprisingly well
Last week 9/10 doctors said Covid-19 was under control,
This week the stat went up to 9/9!
A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar
**Guy**: You're the most average girl out here.
**Girl**: Hey, you're mean!
**Guy**: No, you are.
can somebody tell me how statistics are done
mathematician: by all means
A state trooper is sitting at the end of a tunnel and pulls over a motorist for speeding.
License and registration the officer says.
No problem replies the motorist.
What are you doing out so late sir? the officer asks.
Just had a late night at work he replies.
Really? What do you do for work? the officer says.
Well...I'm an asshole stretcher he says.
An asshole stretcher?
Yeah, I take assholes and stretch them as far as you want, up to 6 feet
What would anyone do with a six foot asshole?! The office exclaims.
Well, the state gives them a car and puts one at the end of a tunnel!
A state trooper pulled along side a speeding driver and is shocked when he sees a elderly woman behind the wheel knitting.
The trooper rolled down the window and yelled, "Pull Over!"
"No!" yelled the woman, "It's a cardigan!"
Which US state is the sneeziest?
Mass-atchoo-setts
Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.....
I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend
A state trooper pulls a man over for speeding.
The officer tells the man, If you can give me an excuse I've never heard before I'll let you go.
The man says to the officer, A few years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were him trying to bring her back to me.
The officer replied, Slow it down and have a nice day.
A statistician gets on a plane.
A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"
Statistician goes "Calm down, you see, I'm not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?"
Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people.
This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.
What state is Lake Michigan in?
In liquid state 😛
Statistician joke...
Why did a statistician take a zebra with him when he boarded a train?
Because statistically, it's a lot less likely to be a train accident with a Zebra inside it...
According to state media, one of the Chinese Olympic torchbearers is part Uighur.
I believe they gave him a spleen or a kidney.
Which state has the biggest tax rate?
Taxas
In which state in the US would you find the most introverts?
Wyoming.
They're Cheyenne away from everyone else.
I don't know which state in the US she is
I guess Alaska
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stat immediately jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stat statistician piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.