stash Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stash puns

I store drugs right under my nose

Don't believe me? Check my stash


What's the difference between my porn stash and Call of Duty?

One is full of screaming 10 year old boys and the other is Call of Duty.


2 Drunks in a pick-up truck

Are parked on a gravel road when they see the Sheriff pull in behind them. The passenger starts to panic but the driver says "It's cool man, just chug your beer, rip off the label, stick it on your forehead, and stash the bottle under the seat." So the sheriff gets to the truck door and sees 2 drunks with Budweiser labels on their faces. He cocks his brow inquisitively and says "You boys ain't been drinkin, have you?". The driver beams a smile, points to his his forehead and says "Oh no officer, we're on the patch".


The worst stash spot

At the back woods bum-duck county police station the phone rings...

'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'Ah'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Mr. Virgil Smith....ya see sir, he's hidin' marijuana inside all his firewood pieces! Don't quite know how he gets it inside dem logs, but he's a-hidin' it there.'

'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They searched the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no sign of any marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?'

'Yup sure did!'

'Did they chop all-a ya'all firewood?'


'Happy Birthday, buddy!'


A mother cleaning her adolescent sons room finds a stash of hardcore German S&M porno mags...

Mortified, she puts them back so he won't know, but hides one in her apron to show her husband. Later that night they're in bed and she shows him the magazine... The father chuckles at first, assuming it was a Playboy, or Penthouse, but quickly becomes horrified at the images of whippings, and ball gags, and leather degradation... After an awkward moment the mother asks, "What do you think we should do"? Her husband thinks for a moment, then replies, " I have no idea, but I'm damn sure we shouldn't spank him".


I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners...

Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...

(I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)


Grandpa snoops around....

Grandpa snoops around and finds grandma's stash of money in the cookie jar. He tells his grandson; Come on boy, let's go to town .

They walk to the general store and grandpa picks up a bottle of whiskey. The grandson says; Papaw, can I have some of that whiskey? The old man asks him; Boy, can you touch your asshole with your dick? No, Papaw, I can't , says the boy. Well then you are too young to drink whiskey , said the old man.

As they walk outside, the grandson finds a dollar bill on the sidewalk. He runs back into the store and buys a big chocolate bar.

As they start walking home, the old man asks his grandson; Boy, can I have a bite of that candy? The boy asks him; Papaw, can you touch your asshole with your dick?

Well boy , said Grandpa. I sure can touch my asshole with my dick .

Then go fuck yourself Papaw, cause you ain't gettin' none of my chocolate


How many of those brownies did you eat, private?

"All of them sir!"

"That was my stash private."

"Negative sir it was labeled private!"


I asked my son what he wanted to be when he grew up. He told me he either wants to be a pizza delivery guy or a pool cleaner.

Little bastard must have found my porn stash.


My close friend is a drug dealer and he won't give me any in his stash.

What a lame ass pharmacist. :(


Rich old man prepares for his death

A rich old man was on his deathbed. He knew he was soon to depart this world, but he could not bear the thought of leaving his wealth behind.

So he summoned his wife and instructed her to visit the bank, withdraw a large amount of cash, and stash it in the attic in a burlap sack. "I'll just grab the sack as I float up to heaven," the man said to himself.

His wife did as he requested and a few days later the man died. But in all the hustle and bustle of the funeral arrangements she forgot about the cash in the attic.

Years later she was cleaning out the attic and came upon the sack of money. "I knew it," she said, "I just knew it. I should have put it in the basement."


I didn't expect a bug to crawl out of my Meth stash...

But it just came out of the blue.


I found my Dad's old porn stash

I had no idea he was in so many movies.


Why do Mexicans have a secret cheese stash?

In queso emergency.


50 Shades of Little Johnny

Johnny's Mum was cleaning under his bed when she found a stash of BDSM magazines.

A bit concerned she asks Johnny's Dad what he thinks she should do.

Johnny's Dad responds "whatever else you do, don't spank him"


I thought I had lost my porn stash

It was right under my nose all along.


What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a porn stash?

My porn stash isn't enough to get me off anymore.


What do you call a cocaine addict whose stash runs out



A man's wife tells him she'd like to go on vacation...[NSFW]

And he's like "i can't, work, projects, deadlines" so she goes on vacation by herself.
She leaves and comes back with a brand new car, jewelry, and a stash of cash.

He asks her how did you get all this money? She's like " I gave blowjobs and earned enough for all this".

"Oh come on, nobody would pay more than $5 for a blowjob from you." says the husband.

"Oh honey, but I didn't charge more than that!"


I knew an amateur boxer with a coke habit.

He kept his stash in his headgear because he thought it would soften the blow.


I was screwing my mistress in my marital bed when she got all guilty and weepy and insisted that we come clean.

So I finished her off in the shower.

(I figure things will be all back to normal after I work out where to stash her body.)


My Mum found the weed stash in my bedroom

She must have caught Elon's Musk


Why did King Trident punish Ariel?

He found her stash of sea weed.


LPT jokes shower thought.

If somebody calls you gay, just reach into the secret stash of glitter in your pocket and while throwing it yell out...PROVE IT...And sashay away my friend sashay.


How near was the boy to his dad's tobacco stash before getting busted?

Close... but no cigar.


Police today said they found a stash of cocaine in a horse box

They're on the look out for drugs mules


You never get a second chance to make a first impression...

...unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.


Me and my husband were finalizing our divorce today, and we couldn't agree on which one of us should get our weed stash

We ended up deciding on joint custody.


My weed stash is like the Koran...

If you burn that shit, you'll get stoned.


I'm going to make a movie about the raid to steal Osama Bin Laden's porn stash.



I have discovered there is something worse than finding your grandpa's stash of playboy...

It's figuring out the reason why some of the pages are stuck together!


What do you call a stash of French cows?

A moustache


I'm a responsible drug user.

I always keep a backup stash.


Seriously, though.....🤔

How appropriate is the word 'arsenal', when referring to your backup stash of toilet paper?


If I said you have a nice body would you...

stash it under the floorboards with the rest of them or bury it in a shallow grave?


What are the most funny Stash jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stash? Well, here are the best Stash dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stash pick up lines to share with friends.

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