O B C D...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
An envelope.
"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"
"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.
A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Larry starts Monday.
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.
Coconut.
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!
Then silence.
A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!
A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "Only 75 cents."
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
The doctor tells them theres been a mix up and doesn't know who's baby is who's. The English man runs in and grabs the only brown baby and starts to walk out. The Indian man looks relly confused and says "I'm pretty sure that's not your baby it looks Indian so it's mine". The English man says "I know, but there's not a chance in hell I'm leaving here with a baby that could be Welsh."
Jokes on her, I'm 4'11
Popcorn
She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
Thanks, I'll be here all week.
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle
She starts every conversation with "were you even listening to me?"
A guy goes to the whorehouse but he's strapped for cash.
"What can I get for 5 bucks?
"5 bucks... That'll get you a 'penguin.' Rose! Come, take this man back and give him a penguin."
Rose takes the man to her room, undoes his pants and starts giving him a blowjob. But right before he is getting ready to come, she gets up and walks away.
The man becomes upset and, with his pants still around his ankles, waddles after her. "Wait, so this is a penguin?!"
"Um, we dont serve beer".
Slightly miffed, the law student says, "pint of cider then?"
"Yeah, we dont have any cider either".
"Well, you must at least have a glass of fucking wine?" asks the law student, infuriated.
"No sir, we don't. Now please take your seat, the bar exam starts in one minute".
Parole.
She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.
and tells him she's moving to Las Vegas. The husband asks, "Why Las Vegas?"
She says from what she understands, she can get $100 for every blowjob she gives. Upon telling her husband this he starts packing as well. The wife asks, "Where are you going?"
The husband says, "I'm going to Las Vegas too! I want to see how you can live off $200 a year!"
about sex. She suggests some 69 and has him lay down with her on top. As she starts sucking him, she lowers her pussy to his face and accidentally farts. Embarrassed, she jumps up and says they should try again. As soon as she squats on his face, she farts again. The guy then says: Can we try something else? I don't think I can take 67 more of these.
"Count"
you dumb cunt.
A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :
• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?
• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?
• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.
Slow down.
A man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, and has an idea. He picks her up by her sides, and throws her as far as he can into the ocean. He yells to her "Well, you're fucked now!"
his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"
The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks it does it's own oil change.
It's just a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental.
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"
Student: I is the...
Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"
1...
2...
2 and a half...
2 and three quarters...
2 and five sevenths...
Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Starts? Well, here are the best Starts dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Starts pick up lines to share with friends.