Starting Pistol Jokes
26 starting pistol jokes and hilarious starting pistol puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about starting pistol that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Starting Pistol Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good starting pistol joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
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Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting p**....
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So there's this man with a parrot.
And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a p**.... He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the t**..., shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
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A panda bear walks into a restaurant
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it.
After eating, he pulls out a p**..., kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."
The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out of the door.
So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading 'Panda'. It reads:
'Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.'
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Ready, Set, Go...
Did you hear about the muslim who was shot by a starting p**...?
It was race related.
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UK police today arrested a man for shooting a starting p**... at someone.
They are treating the offence as race related.
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The 2024 Olympics should be held in Chicago.
So they can figure out which gunshot is the starting p**....
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I was hiking with my buddy. Suddenly, a 10ft grizzly bear appeared out of nowhere.
The bear started to charge at both of us. Luckily, I had my 9mm p**... with me. One shot to my buddy's kneecap was all it took. I walked away at a comfortable pace.
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I can't believe what this country has come to. There was another shooting today
The guy used a starting p**.... Police are saying it was race related
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A black man was reportedly killed with a starting p**...
They're treating it as a race related incident.
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I was in an interview for a job as a sprinter.
The guy said, "When can you start?"
I said, "After the sounding p**..., of course."
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I found out today that a guy was shot outside my local bank with a starting p**...
The police are saying it was race related.
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A guy walks into a bar with a p**... that shoots blanks.
The bartender says "you can stay, but don't start anything."
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Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with his p**....
Then, he started shooting.
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A man was shot with a starting p**... and then beaten to death with a relay baton.
Police believe it may be race related.
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Nobody wants to play laser tag with me…
They always say I get too into it when I start p**... whipping everyone.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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An athlete is about to start the four hundred metre race. He sets himself ready at the starting blocks and the starter p**... fires.
As he's half way through the race he peaks around to see how his apponents are doing.
To his suprise, they're all miles behind.
Bizzarly, one seems to be actually running backwards. One is walking on his hands, making slow progress. Two are piggy backing each other, taking turns, and another is simply standing on the starting line.
He reaches the finish line and claims first place. He approaches the race official and asks, "what's going on? I thought this would be competitive."
"Oh, the real race is later today", the race official replies, "that was the d**... run".
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A man looking to join the Texas sheriffs is being interviewed for the job
The deputy doing the interview says, "Well all of your referrences check out and your qualifications are good. The only thing left is to see how you do on the attitude test."
The deputy slides a service p**... and a box of ammo across the desk. "Take this and go shoot 6 i**... Mexicans, 6 black guys, 6 Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
The guy asks, "Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude!", says the deputy. "When can you start?"
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A couple was on their honeymoon
They decided to go for a ride on a stage coach. So they took a horse and a stage coach and went for a ride along the coast.
Suddenly the horse trips and almost falls down, shaking the stage coach, but keeps going. The man says loudly "one!"
After a couple hundred meters the horse trips again, and the man says "two!"
After another couple hundred meters the horse trips again. The man says "three!", takes a p**... and a shoots down the horse.
His wife, in chock, starts screaming "oh my god! What have you done?! Why have you killed the horse?! You're a monster! I should never have married you!"
To which the man replies "one!".
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Texas Sheriffs Deputy Exam
A man in Texas looking to join the Frio County Sheriffs Dept. was being interviewed. The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications look good, but there's an attitude suitability test you must pass before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a Smith and Wesson 45 p**... across the desk, he says to the man, "Take this p**...; go out and shoot six i**... aliens, six m**... dealers, six Muslim extremists, six 'Progressive Liberal' democrats, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" the man asked.
"That's the attitude we're looking for." said the Sergeant, "When can you start?"
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One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench...
One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them, so he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.
After several rounds, two finalists emerged: Mr. Hicks from a small town named Fife and a man from Sweden named Sven.
So they had the final. The Mayor fired the starting p**... and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish that one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. Sven kept on eating and ended up eating a total of nine tench fish.
The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!
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Look it up in the dictionary
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a p**..., kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."
The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out the door.
So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading "Panda". It reads:
"panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy and his lady are riding in the desert
Out of nowhere, their horse stumbles. The cowboy gets down, steps in front of the horse and says, "that's one."
A few miles later, the horse stumbles again. The cowboy climbs down, looks at the horse and says, "that's two."
Further down the path, the horse stumbles a third time. The cowboy gets off, pulls out his p**..., and shoots the horse dead.
The cowboy's lady starts yelling. "What have you done? That was our only horse and we're miles away from any towns. We will never make it through this desert on foot!" The cowboy looks at her and says, "that's one."
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Starting Pistol One Liners
Which starting pistol one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with starting pistol? I can suggest the ones about handgun and machine gun.
- Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with his p**.... Then, he started shooting.