Starting Conversation Jokes
134 starting conversation jokes and hilarious starting conversation puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about starting conversation that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Starting Conversation Short Jokes
Short starting conversation jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The starting conversation humour may include short starting speech jokes also.
- My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
- My girlfriend said to me "Are you even listening to me?!" Strange way to start a conversation.
- "Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
- My wife yelled at me "are you even listening to me" I said "that's a funny way to start a conversation"
- My girlfriend is weird, she always starts conversations with, "Are you even listening to me!" Thanks, I'll be here all week.
- My wife screamed, "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" I was taken aback... what a weird way to start a conversation.
- My wife asked me "Are you even listening?!" My wife asked me "Are you even listening?!"
What a strange way to start a conversation. - My wife just stopped and said, "you weren't even listening were you"... I thought, that's a funny way to start a conversation
- My wife has an odd way of starting conversations. She always begin by saying "Hey, are you even listening?"
- My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" What a weird way to start a conversation..
Share These Starting Conversation Jokes With Friends
Starting Conversation One Liners
Which starting conversation one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with starting conversation? I can suggest the ones about conversation and meeting opener.
- My wife asked me if "I was listening to her?!" Strange way to start a conversation....
- My wife yells at me "are you even listening?!" Strange way to start a conversation.....
- My dad asked me "are you even listening?" What a strange way to start a conversation.
- My psychiatrist told me I was dissociating What a weird way to start a conversation.
- How do you start a conversation with a bunch of idiots? HELLLOOOOO AMERICA!
- Today I was told a question is a great way to start a conversation. What do you think?
- Why do trappers never start a conversation? Because they don't want to break the ice
- Why cant Kim Jeong Un get a date? He starts off every conversation with "Send Nukes".
- TITANIC! Sorry, I had to start the conversation with an ice breaker.
- How the Moon starts a conversation? He says: 'Hallo!'
- I tried to start a conversation with a mute Native American but he didn't know "how."
Starting Conversation Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about starting conversation you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean short conversation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make starting conversation pranks.
A man walks into a s**... Bank.
He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle.
He decides to start a conversation with him.
He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?"
The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.
If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
I start every conversation with my employees by saying, "
I shouldn't be telling you this" just so I know they will listen.
Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.
While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.
After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.
Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.
God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.
They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.
He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!
A guy goes on a blind date for the first time...
...And is kind of having a hard time getting a conversation started. He decides to try to get her to talk with a very simple topic: Music.
"Do you like dubstep?" He asks.
"Like it?" She responds, with an excited look on her face. "I wub it!"
Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long
A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
WW2 joke. I read this conversation between two Counter-Strike players ingame...
(I came in mid-conversation and for me it started like this)
Player1: I cant believe your nick is Jewhunter, that's so offensive! My grandparents were in a concentration camp during the war.
Player2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather died in a concentration camp.
Player1: My god that's awful...
Player2: Yea, he fell down from the guardtower.
Player1 has left the game
Marital problems
"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me.
On the subject of Macs and viruses...
I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"
And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
"You haven't listened to a word I've said."
Strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..
Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."
"You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?"
It always felt like a strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation...
A young man visiting a ranch went out walking with...
...one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
Whenever I feel a conversation is becoming dull, I start talking about sunscreen...
because it's topical.
It's so bizarre how my wife starts every conversation with "Are you even listening to me?"
I hate when people try to start conversations while waiting for a u**...
Why don't people mind their P's and Q
I hate it when my dates try to start conversations
How on earth do you reply to "mppphhhhh mmmmmhhhh phhhhhmmmm"
Can't believe how weird my wife is.
Every time we have a conversation she always starts with:
- Did you hear what I just said?
Many times when I am troubled or confused...
Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a v**... Martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.
This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"
And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."
I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."
And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".
I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"
He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."
2 surgeons are sitting down having lunch.
They are both engaged in a conversation when all of a sudden, one of the surgeons starts laughing hysterically. A dermatologist walks over to their table to join them. He asked the surgeons, "what's so funny?" One of the surgeons replies, " you wouldn't understand. It's an inside joke. "
Another blonde joke.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Plank goes to a ball game
A small plank of wood goes to Watch a baseball game. For the first few innings, the plank is super into it. But by the seventh inning, its interest starts to fade.
A man nearby notices the fading enjoyment and starts up a conversation.
"Hey man, how you liking the game?" He asks.
"I really like it. I think it's pretty cool" the small plank replies.
"Really," says the man, "cuz it seems to me like you're a little board."
At willcall for a concert, I start a conversation with the lady in front of me.
It was the first time I had used a pick up line to talk to a woman.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money...
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A Bosnian Joke
Mujo is the husband.
Fata is the wife.
Fata has to go to the doctor.
After an hour the doctor comes out of the room and starts a conversation with Mujo.
Doctor: Mujo, I have some bad news... Fata doesn't look so good...
Mujo: I know Doctor... but She cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids!
Hope you guys enjoyed this joke, I did.
A busdriver and a pastor have a conversation...
The pastor complains: "Every time i start preaching, people stop praying and fall asleep."
The busdriver replies: "For me it's the other way around. When i shift into 5th gear and hit the pedal, they wake up and start praying."
What are some very short, witty, funny, punny jokes than you can use to start a conversation with a girl? (no extreme s**... stuff)
But compliments would help
I moved to the south, people are different here.
I moved to the south, people are different here.
I started a conversation with a midget, but had to walk away. He was a little racist.
A barber starts a conversation with a new customer
* Barber: Where have you been getting your hair cut before coming here?
* Customer: Actually my dad's been doing it for a while now.
* Barber: Is he Jewish or Italian?
* Customer: He's Italian, why do you ask?
* Barber: Well either he's cheap or he knows what he's doing.
A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris
And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in Paris?"
"I'm a scientist, I research s**..."
The man is now tempted:
"What have you discovered about s**... in your research?"
"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest p**... and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"
"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"
A good way to start a conversation is 'What's your favorite color'. A good way to end a conversation is
What's your favourite colour of a person.
A cobra and a librarian start a conversation
- Sssssssssssssss
- Sssssssssssssss
- Sssssssssssssss
Skype conversation
A: you home
B: Please! If you are asking me, please add at least a question mark. I'm starting to feel paranoid that you are actually watching me
A: haha?
Date night
I was on a date with a girl last night and the conversation started to get s**.... She was holding my hand and I said; "just by using these fingers I could make you scream."
Seductively she leant forward and purred "well go on then, show me..."
So I poked her in the eye!
I was woken up at 5am by a crow...
It just wouldn't stop cawing. After an hour I felt like shooting the d**... thing! Then another crow joined it and they started to have a jolly old conversation. I wanted to blow both their heads off! One more crow and there definitely would've been a m**....
Every conversation I have with my wife starts with her saying
"Did you hear anything I said in the last 10 minutes?"
A Duck and a Fox walk into a bar...
The Fox says "Duck"
The Duck says "quack"
They both hit their heads because the Fox was just trying to start a conversation
I called the cops on two guys who were gonna start fighting anytime
Turns out they were just having a conversation in Italian
Girl: You weren't even listening just now were you?!
Guy Thinking: "Hmm, that's a weird way to start a conversation."
A blind man and his mistress.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out n**..., spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
My wife berated me last night about my conversational skills...
"Have you even listened to anything I said??" is a very odd start to a conversation.
Two old men are in the middle of a conversation...
When one old man tells the other, "My old friend my time is coming and all I ask from you is that when I die, you put two packs of cigarettes in my grave." His friend sits still in silence thinking about his friend's kick impending death when suddenly he asks, "Ok my friend, I'll stick a lighter in there for you too." His friend starts to laugh and says, "Oh no, don't go through that trouble. Where I'm going I won't need a lighter."
Wife has strange ways of starting a conversation..
... out of nowhere she'll ask me: are you even listening at all?
A story from a factory
One day, this guy's at work at a factory that makes glue and whiteout. These two substances are stored in these large vats. One day, the guy falls into one of the vats. His supervisor comes to help and the two start a conversation:
Guy: I'm okay. I just fell into the vat of glue.
Supervisor: You actually fell into the vat of whiteout. See, it says so right there.
Guy: I stand corrected.
On the plane
A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:
-What's your name?
-Angela Benz, sir.
-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?
-Yes, sir. A very close one.
-How close?
-Same price.
My wife yelled at me today, saying, "You were not even listening now, were you!?"
What a weird way of starting a conversation!!
My boss always complained about getting into conversations
I told him that the best way to end a conversation was to never start one.
He hasn't talked to me since that day.
Nagging wife
The wife said, "You haven't listened to a fecking word I've said, have you?"
I thought, that's a strange way to start a conversation with me.
My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
So my wife glared at me from across the table and firmly stated You weren't even listening were you?!
I wasn't sure what to say, but I thought That's a strange way to start a conversation .
Oprah said she might run for president, and it started a conversation about who would run against Trump. But we already know who becomes president after Trump ...
Lisa Simpson
A woman turns to her husband and says, "I feel like you aren't even listening to me."
To which the man turns to his wife and says, "that's a strange way to start a conversation."
My girlfriend and I were in the kitchen the other day
She looked at me and said, You haven't listened to a word I've said have you?
What a weird way to start a conversation.
My wife was like: "Are you even listening to what I'm saying?!?"
And I was like... that's a strange way to start a conversation.
My wife always starts conversations
with, " are you listening to me?" Such a strange way to start a conversation.
What do you call two Chinese boys moving through a party starting conversations?
MingLing.
I had a conversation with a guy from Scotland the other day.
And somehow we started talking about how many things we have shagged and and then he started falling asleep.
How to start a fiscally successful church:
Step 1: Learn how to converse with your God
Step 2: Do That
Step 3: Prophet!!!
For an introductory guide on how to talk to your God please send 9.99 to my church address. Email for details.
Why should you never start a conversation about the Titanic?
Because that cruise ship is no ice-breaker.
My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"
Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
My friends call me the Titanic because I'm so bad at starting conversations with girls
I can't break the ice
My wife told me "You're not even listening to me!"
I thought to myself, that's an odd way to start a conversation.
When I meet someone new I always try to start a conversation about the Titanic
Yes, I know. It's a terrible ice breaker.
What do you call it when two robots finally start a conversation with each other?
A circuit breaker.
My wife just stopped and asked me if I was listening
I thought that's a weird way to start a conversation
My wife said to me Did you even hear anything I was just saying?
I thought to myself That was a weird way of starting a conversation .
My medical knowledge and Spanish is pretty much the same.
Just enough to start a conversation that ends with me getting a rare disease.
My wife glared at me from across the table and said, You weren't even listening were you!
I couldn't help thinking "Huh. That's an odd way to start a conversation .