Starting A Business Jokes
114 starting a business jokes and hilarious starting a business puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about starting a business that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Starting A Business Short Jokes
Short starting a business jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The starting a business humour may include short business ideas jokes also.
- My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items It's a small scale operation
- I've started a business crafting small figurines of Jesus. I'm only making a little prophet.
- I've started a business selling prayer mats which are also trampolines... Prophets are going through the roof.
- I've just started a new business selling trampoline in Prague Getting a lot of orders, but the Czechs keep bouncing.
- I'm starting a business.... I'm gonna do math tutoring, but solely for midgets. I'm calling it Making The Little Things Count.
- I'm starting a new business tomorrow. It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
I'm calling it, "Resolutions." - My friends and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects. It's a small scale operation.
- I'm thinking about starting a business that recycles discarded chewing gum... I just need help getting it off the ground.
- A man has started a business in Afghanistan. He's selling landmines that look like prayer mats... Prophets are going through the roof.
- A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks… He called it "Beep Repaired."
Share These Starting A Business Jokes With Friends
Starting A Business One Liners
Which starting a business one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with starting a business? I can suggest the ones about business idea and business operations.
- I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great, I love being my own boss.
- Do you know how to make $20B in the Tech business? Start with $44B
- I started a boat business in the attic. The sails are going through the roof
- I started a cold air balloon business. I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.
- Thought of starting an origami business but too lazy to do all the paperwork involved.
- I started a business putting explosives in prayer mats Prophets are though the roof.
- I started my own traffic control company. It's a slow-moving business.
- I've started a boating business from my attic. The sail are going through the roof.
- I'm starting a cryogenics business. It's called... Icy Dead People.
- I want to start my own distillery, but i'm a bit hesitant.... it's a whisky business.
- I've been trying to start a hover car business but I can't get it off the ground.
- Ever since I started a company painting ceilings… Business has been looking up.
- I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership I lost my focus
- My friend became rich after starting a home business selling human organs. Now he's dead.
- I've just started a business where I weigh tiny objects. It's a small scale operation
Starting A Business Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about starting a business you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean small businesses jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make starting a business pranks.
Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...
A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.
A young couple is out carousing one evening...(could be repost)
While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you t**... clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to s**.... When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.
She replies, "I can't, I'm n**...."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover yourself with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.
When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her c**... and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Italian are all on a plane.
All three are heading to China for 2 months for a business trip. The Frenchman and the Englishman start talking about the night before:
Englishman: "I'll have you know I made love to my wife 3 times and this morning she told me she adored me"
Frenchman: "Ha ha! That is very good my friend, however, I believe I have you beat; last night I made love to my wife 6 times and this morning she told me should would never love anyone else!"
The Englishman congratulates the Frenchman and then they look over at the Italian who hasn't said anything the whole flight.
Englishman: "How many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
Italian: "Once"
Frenchman: "Once? What did she say in the morning?"
Italian: "Don't stop"
Last day for your taxes
A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
Stand by your man
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I was laid off, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
A business man goes to Japan for a business meeting...
This man gets there late at night. He was feeling a little lonely, so he got a Japanese h**.... He has his way with the h**... and feels like he did a pretty good job, considering she was screaming out one word the entire time in Japanese. The next day, this man went golfing with the Japanese business men he was going to meet with. During their golf outing, he gets a hole in one! The Japanese men start screaming and celebrating in Japanese words. The man got very excited too and yelled out the only Japanese word he could think of, and that was the one he learned from his h**.... He yelled out this word, and all the Japanese business men look at him strangely. One of them comes up to the business man and asks "what you mean wrong hole?"
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
An Englishman starts his own business in Afganistan
He is making land mines that look like prayer mats! He is doing quite well! Profits are going through the roof!
How I learned to miknd my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."
The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"
What business are you in?
I'll start
'What business are you in?'
'I'm in the Necrophiliac business.'
'How is it?'
'Fucking dead.'
**************
'What business are you in?'
'I'm in the Parkinson's business.'
'How is it?'
'Bit shaky at the moment.'
A game we played as 13 year olds. Plenty more in the tank
My sister and I decided that we want to start our own businesses.
She's going to open a furniture store called 'Sofa King' and I'm going to open a soup restaurant next door called 'Stew Pit'.
Explosive Opportunity
A British engineer started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says that prophets are going through the roof.
A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan..
making land mines that look like prayer mats. He's doing very well, business is booming and Prophets are going through the roof.
Husband in coma
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
What starts with N, has two Gs in the middle, and has no business wearing a pointy white hood?
Your noggin
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."
My brother and I started a business manufacturing Dracula toys
I have to make every second Count
During the summer, a kid started a yard work business....
...After several weeks his mother noticed he was becoming more and more depressed. She asked her son, "why are you so blue lately, your business is doing great"?
The son replied, "Mow money mow problems".
I've started a glass coffin manufacturing business.
My friend asked me if I thought it would be successful. I replied "remains to be seen".
My neighbour started a business giving away chairs...
It was a Chairity
Why did the tree leave his career of 15 years to start his own business?
...he wanted to branch out.
A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving.
She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"
1...
2...
2 and a half...
2 and three quarters...
2 and five sevenths...
Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.
A boy was eating chocolate...
A boy was sitting in a park eating a bar of chocolate. After finishing it, he opened another one and started eating that too. Then the man sitting next to him said
"Do you know that you're damaging your teeth there son?"
"My grandfather lived for a 132 years" the boy replied.
"Was it because of eating chocolate?" the man asked curiously
"No. He knew how to mind his own business."
A man went to China.
He hired a p**... to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.
The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shouting in excitement, and the man decided to join in, shouting the word he hears last night, thinking it was that of excitement.
Everyone turned to the man in silence. After a full minute of awkward silence, the one who made the shot asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
I was in a cab once
And the driver starts by saying "I love my job, I own my business, work my own hours, and no one tells me what to do..." Then I said, "Turn left".
My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals..
He's just mining his own business.
A v**... goes to a brothel for his first time.
The woman takes him into a room and says, "We're going to try this position called 69. I think you'll like it."
He lies down on the bed. She gets on top and they start going at it. Everything is fine for the first few minutes, and then she lets out a huge f**..., right in the guy's face. She apologizes and they get back to business.
A few minutes later, she rips another f**..., bigger than the first one.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "I don't think I can take another 67 of those, though."
Cutting down personal expenses
The business man was worried about his personal finances after a few sloppy years and thought to himself that he'd better start cutting down on private expenses.
Therefore he turned to his wife and said:
"Honey, if you could learn to cook and clean, we wouldn't need our household services."
The wife replied: "Sure. And if you could learn to satisfy me, we wouldn't need the gardener either."
Two retired business men sitting on a beach.
Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"
An Asian man decides to move to Manhattan to start a business, but when he gets to New York there are no high rise buildings. Where is he?
Rong Island.
A CIA employee retired to start a kitchen remodeling business...
It's called counter intelligence.
An unfortunate business idea
I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.
With Net Neutrality gone I'm finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons
You may laugh now, but you won't be when my pigeon deliver n**... faster than your service provider
Just started my own business selling John Lennon memorabilia on Ebay...
Imagine all the PayPal.
My great-grandfather started up an underground distillery during Prohibition
It was a whiskey business
Entry level position available!
3 years forklift experience required
5 years general labour required
Class 5 drivers license required
2 years kitchen experience required
4 years retail services required
2 years hospitality services required
4 years janitorial services required
3 years business degree preferred
5 years relevant experience required
$11 an hour to start(with 20¢ raise for every year of employment)
.
.
.
.
That's it. The joke is the current hiring system of the world.
I'm looking to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum...
I just need help getting it off the ground...
I'm starting a private Mexican restaurant.
It's called Nacho Business.
A high-end lawyer is leaving his car when he gets sideswiped by a passing truck.
He calls the cops and he start complaining to them about how the truck had ruin his beautiful Roles Royce. The cop looks at him and sneers, you lawyers, always so concerned about your money. You are so busy worrying about your car that you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing.
The lawyer looks at his missing arm in horror and screams, oh no, my Rolex!!
An Irish peanut farmer recently got married...
His new bride wants to be a part of the family business, and the farmer thinks that's a great idea, so he has her start trucking deliveries into town. A couple days go by, and the farmer's neighbor stops in to see how things are going with the new misses, and the farmer says Well, she just started drivin' me nuts.
How I learned to mind my own business???
One day I was walking near a mental institution. Everyone in the courtyard was yelling: 13 13 13 !!!
The fence was to high to see anything, but I found a hole so I got close to peak through it.. A crazy guy poked me in the eye and everyone started yelling: 14 14 14!!!
Our lives are so busy that my girlfriend and I have started scheduling s**....
Of course, I came early and she's late.
I've started a waxing/hair removal business, and I have decided to only take female clients for the time being.
I don't want to go nuts right away.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every day.
One day he told her, "You have been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were there. When we lost the house, you were there. When my health started failing, you were there. You know what?" "What is it, dear?" she asked. He responded, "I think you bring me bad luck."
[OC] I have a friend who breeds hound dogs and I'm trying to get into the business myself, but I don't know where to start.
Maybe I should get some pointers from him
I've started selling transparent urns, and I think this business could really take off.
Remains to be seen.
I just started a p**... hair removal business, and I'm only taking in female customers for the first few months.
I don't want to go nuts right away.
Just started a business selling birds. The profits are brilliant.
So far I have sold some homing pigeons 25 times this week already.
Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.
People will be lined up for blocks.
I'm starting a photography business from home soon
I'll let you know if anything develops.
I've started a business crafting small figurines of Muhammad.
It's making little prophets.
Why did the egg and the s**... start a business?
Because s**... cells.
My neighbour
My neighbour started a new business making boats in his attic.
The sails are through the roof.
I was gonna start a butcher shop
But I hear it's a pretty cut t**... business
I was so busy with maths homework that I didn't brush my teeth for a week
The calculus had built up, and it was starting to get quite hard.
Why was the other bread jealous of the flat bread that started his own business?
He was a self made naan
In a a gents restroom, a man is sitting in a stall doing his business.
Suddenly the man in the next stall starts a conversation:
"Hello there!"
"Umm... Hello"
"How are you?"
"I'm uhh..fine... How about yourself?"
"I'm doing great. What are your doing right now?"
"Uhhhh..... Nothing much.... Just sitting here...."
"Shall I come over?"
"*Nervously* Noooo!! That would be so awkward"
"Alright man I'll hang up now, the idiot in the next stall is responding to everything I say."
The Black Panther is starting a landscaping and sod business.
He's calling it Wakanda Grass.
I'm going to start a new business, do it yourself crematoriums.
I will call it Build a bier workshop.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?
What dear? She asked gently.
I think you bring me bad luck.