started Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious started puns

I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
I replied "you just ask nicely".



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Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.

[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum

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My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!

The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.

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I was having sex with my friend's wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.

She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me...

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We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.

I have no idea who let her into my office.

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65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

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Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.

Nyetflix.

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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!"



The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

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I've just started to read a horror novel in braille.

Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.

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I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

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2 blind guys were about to fight

I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.

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I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home

She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old...

It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two.

Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

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I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had.

He started counting and fell asleep.

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In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo.

All the other paintball players started freaking out though.

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I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
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Now both of them have condom balloons :D

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As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

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Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way.

Trying to get into smaller pants.

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So my mate has started dating twins!

I asked him the other day "how do you tell them apart?"

He said

"Well, Stacy is the blonde with a perfect ass, great tits, and a fantastic figure...


... And Brian's got a cock"

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I bumped into an old school friend today

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"

I said, "No, she's a fucking optician."

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I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

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At the grocery store, I went to the checkout line with the cute cashier...

I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.

Package of Ramen noodles.
Quart of milk.
Half a dozen eggs.
A couple of frozen dinners.

As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"

I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, what gave it away?"

"Because you're fucking ugly."

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Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

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I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.

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Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...

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I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

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I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago.

Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

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Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush.

I also pull out way to late.

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I started a club for guys with erectile dysfuntion

It was a total flop. Nobody came.

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So i started a club for guys with erectile dysfunction....

Was a total flop, nobody came.

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I met this girl the other day and she

took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.

I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open.

Oh shit , it's my boyfriend ! she exclaimed Quick, use the backdoor .

Now it's at about this time I probably should have left.....
......but you just don't get an offer like that every day.

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Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window.

If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in.

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I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore.

The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.

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At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing.

I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, "Make that 52."

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What are the most funny Started jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Started? Well, here are the best Started dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Started pick up lines to share with friends.

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