Following is our collection of Start jokes which are very funny. There are some start inception jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these start settle puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
An envelope.
Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.
"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."
I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.
A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an erection. He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills
Start a war.
...the end of his sermon. He tells the congregation "Now for next week, I need everyone to read Leviticus chapter 28. It ties into my sermon" A week passes. The preacher reached the pulpit and asked "How many of you read Leviticus chapter 28?" Everyone raised their hands. The preacher looked and said "Ladies and gentlemen, there is no 28th chapter to Leviticus. Now let me start my sermon on lying."
I'm only making a little prophet.
You can explore start initiate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean start retire dad jokes. There are also start puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."
Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."
-1
As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."
Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
He asks the first police officer he sees "why am I here?"
the officer replies "for drinking"
The man replies "great, when do we start?"
It was a total flop. Nobody came.
We're called Hispanic at the Disco
On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.
If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in.
Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot
. . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...
"I think there's water in the carburetor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said "well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?".
The guy says "oh I went to yale".
The employer: "oh great!! Well you're hired, you start monday"
Guy: "Yay! I got a yob!"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.
After an attempted mugging last week I've decided to start carrying a knife. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
Interviewer: I see here that you had a five-year gap between jobs. Can you please explain it?
Me: Oh that's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: That is very impressive. You can start tomorrow.
Me: Yay, I got a yob.
I can feel itβ¦
But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! I'm your dietitian..."
Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"
start with a large fortune
The sails are going through the roof
But it's still only my first week in Israel.
But it will take a while to kill 4 billion people
They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.
When you're eating a watermelon!
I'd start thinking about you.
52,000 matches
instead of the John.
It sounds much better when I say that I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.
and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."
....they would start to find me attractive.ο»Ώ
Popcorn
They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
I thought, that's a funny way to start a conversation
Robin: What's a tery
Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."
Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."
IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of abuse I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
I love being my own boss.
White people looking both ways before they start
They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.
My Friend asked me Are you mad at her?
I relied with Don't you start too
Strange way to start a conversation....
"Like a boycott?"
"Don't you start"
I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*poof*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
My wife asked me "Are you even listening?!"
What a strange way to start a conversation.
A teapot.
βI think there's water in the carburetor.
βHow do you know? said the husband scornfully. βYou do not even know what the carburetor si.
βI am tlling you, repeated the wife, βI 'm sure there's water in the carburetor.
βWe'll see, mocked the husband. βLet me check it out. Where's the car?
βIn the swimming pool.
What a weird way to start a conversation..
And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:
- That'll be $25.
The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:
- You see, we don't really have many horses coming in here.
To which the horse replies:
- With prices like these, I'm not surprised.
They start talking and after a few drinks the conversation shifts to cars. The Jedi living a life of austerity and frugality only has a 1991 Camry. The Sith and Mando laughs at him saying he has a Bad Car. The Sith having manipulated others into giving him their wealth shows off his McClaren F1. The patrons at the bar are amazed and even the Jedi has to admit it's a nice ride. They both end up saying it's a Good Car. The Mandalorian walks around the corner and after a few minutes comes screaming back on his jet pack and blows up the other cars. He has the Beskar.
Get in here doofus! The Reddit Enthusiasts Meetup is about to start!
73 virgins sit down.
Are we going to start having to sing hymns and herns?
It's called "Holy Smokes"
The first one says, "What a beautiful night...look at that bright, full moon." The second man stops and looks at his drunk friends. "You fool, that's the sun, not the moon", he mumbles. Soon, they start arguing.
As they are arguing, they pass by another drunk man. They both stop his ask him, "Can you tell us wether that thing up in the sky is the sun or the moon?"
The drunk man looks up, and then looks back and says, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
So the assholes can see who they voted for.
Next year is 2020 too.
It keeps the pilot cool. If you see it stop, and you will start to see him sweat
A pirate with bad luck
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