start Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious start puns

I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
I replied "you just ask nicely".



👍🏼

Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

👍🏼

What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?

A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.





👍🏼

My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"

I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

👍🏼

Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it's because you're drinking my fucking beer.

👍🏼

What starts with "e," ends with "e," and contains one letter?

An envelope.

👍🏼

I've just started to read a horror novel in braille.

Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.

👍🏼

A boy and his dad are talking.

"Hey Dad."



"Yes son?"



"Did you ever get shot in the army?"



He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;



"No, but I was shot in the leggy."

👍🏼

I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great,

I love being my own boss.

👍🏼

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people looking both ways before they start

👍🏼

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."

I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."

"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.

"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"

"In the lake."

👍🏼

A shark and his son go looking for a snack...

The father says, "I'm going to teach you how to catch a human. First you raise your fin out of the water and start circling, then you go in and eat them."

"Why circle them?" asks the son.

The father replies, "They taste better without shit in them."

👍🏼

I'm an asshole on the outside, but I'm like an onion

You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying

👍🏼

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

👍🏼

I'm starting a support group for women that can't reach orgasm.

If you can't come let me know.

👍🏼

A Guy walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

👍🏼

I searched google for "how to start a large fire"

52,000 matches

👍🏼

So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less.

The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."

👍🏼

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.

"I think there's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."

👍🏼

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

👍🏼

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...

👍🏼

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

👍🏼

I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago.

Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

👍🏼

I was given MDMA and LSD tonight...

What a shit way to start a game of Scrabble.

👍🏼

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest


Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes


Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic

Until Bush did 9:11

👍🏼

I started a club for guys with erectile dysfuntion

It was a total flop. Nobody came.

👍🏼

So i started a club for guys with erectile dysfunction....

Was a total flop, nobody came.

👍🏼

If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive...

....they would start to find me attractive.

👍🏼

When do you start on red and stop on green?

When you're eating a watermelon!

👍🏼

Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window.

If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in.

👍🏼

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

👍🏼

LPT: How to pick up girls

Try this:

1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."

👍🏼

I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . .

. . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?

👍🏼

8 dudes have as much wealth as 4 billion people. We need to start killing them

But it will take a while to kill 4 billion people

👍🏼

I was awakened with a blowjob today

I need to start sleeping with my mouth closed.

👍🏼

What are the most funny Start jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Start? Well, here are the best Start dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Start pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes