Stars Jokes

What are some Stars jokes?

After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

Son: Dad, how do stars die?

Dad: Drugs, usually.

Orion's Belt is a waist of space.

Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Bad joke. Only three stars.

Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common...

I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.

"Daddy, how do stars die?"

"Drugs, normally."

"Hey, can you help me sharpen these throwing stars?"

"Shuriken"

"Dad, how do stars die?"

โ€“ Usually an overdose.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myselfโ€ฆ

Where the f*ck is my roof?

Can the ninja throw his ninja stars?

Shurikan

A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...

When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.

"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"

When I see stars I think of you...

Because you're only beautiful from a distance.

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

The heaviest things in the universe

3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

Love

Girl: what do you think of our love

Me: count the stars

Girl: awww.... its infinite

Me: no, its a waste of time.

I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have.

He said, "shuriken."

Two blondes in NY are sitting on a balcony at night

Two blondes are sitting on a balcony at night staring at the stars and moon. One of them asks the other, "what do you think is further, the moon or Florida?" The other responds, "hello?!?! Can you see Florida from here?!?!"

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

My wife's starsign was Cancer, which is quite ironic really, thinking about how she died...

she was attacked by a giant crab

I told my girlfriend she has eyes like stars...

Very dim and far apart.

Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder

what happened to my roof

I went to a restaurant on the summit of Mt. Everest.

I give it 3 stars. Food was good, not much atmosphere though.

My wife's star-sign was Cancer, so I guess you could say it was ironic how she died.

Mauled to death by a giant crab.

I just bought a movie with 3.142 stars out of 5

It was a pi rated DVD

I sat back looking at the stars and began to think..

Where the HECK is my roof?!

Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.

Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.

Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"

Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".

"Darling, your teeth are like stars."

"So yellow and so far apart..."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson....

...were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Sherlock and Watson go camping

Sherlock and Dr. Watson go camping. They pitch their tent and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson and says: "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes asks, "And what do you deduce from that?" "Well, if there are millions of stars," Watson says, "there must be some with planets, and some of those planets must be like Earth. And if there are planets like Earth, there might be planets with life." And Holmes says, "Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Sherlock says

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."

"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."

"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."

"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What does it tell you, Watson?"

Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!

Sherlock and Watson take a vacation

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."

"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."

"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."

"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

By all means shoot for the stars

Just aim for their bodyguards first

Sherlock Holmes & Dr Watson's Camping Trip

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

I went to see a stage performer that does live sacrifices of celebrities during his act

I gave him 5 stars.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping

They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.

Watson replied: I see millions and millions of stars.

Holmes said: and what do you deduce from that?

Watson replied: Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.

And Holmes said: Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping...

They pitched their tents under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the night Holmes woke Watson up and said "Watson, look up at the sky. Tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars" replied Watson; to which Holmes said "And what do you deduce from that?"

"Well, if there are millions of stars and systems, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely that there are some planets out there like Earth. And if there are even a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.

And Holmes replied "Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole your tent!"

**

A dad and son went on a camping trip...

A dad and his son went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the son said, "Dad, look up into the sky and tell me what you see".
His father responded, "I see millions and millions of stars".
The son asked, "So what does that tell you?"
The father answered, "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, son?"
"It tells me you forgot to pack the tent again"

A Sherlock Holmes Joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner , they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes replies Watson.

And what do you deduce from that?

Watson ponders for a minute. Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?

Holmes is silent for a moment.

Watson, you idiot! he says. Someone has stolen our tent!

My wife's starsign was cancer, which makes how she died pretty ironic.

Attacked by a giant crab.

I really like white dwarf stars...

...My favorite is Peter Dinklage.

What do you call a movie with 3.14 stars?

Pirated

You're eyes are like the stars!

Not because they twinkle, they just are so far apart.

I rate the next One Direction album...

...four out of five stars.

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

anyone interested in a good Sherlock Holmes joke?

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.

At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions of stars."

Holmes asks, "And, what does that tell you?"

Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes retorts, "Someone stole our tent."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip

They set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies: "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

(Dark) What do you call depressed American kids?

Shooting stars

Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review

Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.

I was honest with my review: "This telescope sucked. Two Stars."

A father and son went on a camping trip

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip.
They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father : "Look up to the sky and tell me what you see?"
Son : "I see millions of stars."
Father : "And what does that tell you?"
Son : "Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets."
Father slaps the son hard and says, "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"

MORAL : Too much education can spoil or common sense.

Sherlock and Watson Go Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip

In the middle of the night Holmes wakes up and gives Dr. Watson a nudge. "Watson," he says, "look up in the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of stars, Holmes," says Watson.

"And what do you conclude from that, Watson?"

Watson thinks for a moment. "Well," he says, "astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meterologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

"Watson... someone has stolen our tent."

I don't know if this has been posted before but it's one of my favourite jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes." Replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately quarter to four. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson, you idiot!" He exclaims. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

Clever kid.

A couple wants some private time, but their flat is small and they can't guarantee that their young son won't be able to hear them. In the end they come up with a plan- every time they want to make love they tell their son to stand out on the balcony and describe everything he sees (this way they get warning when he's about to come back in). So one evening the kid stands on the balcony and says "It's dark and the stars are out. I can see orion! A lot of the flats have their lights on. There's a man walking his dog, the Johnsons are having sex..."
The couple leap out of bed "what?! How can you tell that the Johnsons are having sex?"
"I can see little Timmy Johnson standing out on their balcony."

Orion's belt is a big waist of space

Okay, I'm sorry, that was a terrible joke. Only three stars.

"Mom, why is my sister named Star?"

"Because your dad loves stars honey."
"Oh, thanks mom."
"No problem, Richard."

If the cops were asked to rate a GTA game...

They'd give it 5 stars.

I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating.

It was a constellation prize

Why did Kevin Spacey go to space?

To molest young stars.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping

Sorry if re-post, a friend sent it to me over a text, and I thought it was worthy enough to go on here!


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip. After dinner, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged Watson.

"Watson, look up at the sky. tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see billions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Did you know Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating?

1.1 million stars

Tell a person there's a million stars in the sky and he'll believe you.

But tell a person that the bench is freshly painted and he'll touch it just to make sure.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping
trip...

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they
retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours
later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful
friend.

'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you
see.

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes, replies
Watson.

And what do you deduce from that?

Watson ponders for a minute.

Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately
a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that
God is all powerful and that we are a small and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell
you, Holmes?

Holmes is silent for a moment. 'Watson, you idiot!
he says. Someone has stolen our tent!

How to make Stars jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Stars to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Stars? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Stars pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes