The Best 69 Stars Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stars jokes. There are some stars galaxies jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stars star wars christmas puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Stars Jokes and Puns
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson....
...were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons
Can the ninja throw his ninja stars?
Shurikan
My wife's starsign was Cancer, which is quite ironic really, thinking about how she died...
she was attacked by a giant crab
Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party
and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".
Two blondes in NY are sitting on a balcony at night
Two blondes are sitting on a balcony at night staring at the stars and moon. One of them asks the other, "what do you think is further, the moon or Florida?" The other responds, "hello?!?! Can you see Florida from here?!?!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.
After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Sherlock says
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Watson?"
Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!
"Daddy, how do stars die?"
"Drugs, normally."
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
I really like white dwarf stars...
...My favorite is Peter Dinklage.
You can explore stars sun reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stars daytime dad jokes. There are also stars puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I just bought a movie with 3.142 stars out of 5
It was a pi rated DVD
I rate the next One Direction album...
...four out of five stars.
I sat back looking at the stars and began to think..
Where the HECK is my roof?!
My wife's star-sign was Cancer, so I guess you could say it was ironic how she died.
Mauled to death by a giant crab.
My wife's starsign was cancer, which makes how she died pretty ironic.
Attacked by a giant crab.
Son: Dad, how do stars die?
Dad: Drugs, usually.
Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review
Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.
I was honest with my review: "This telescope sucked. Two Stars."
I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have.
He said, "shuriken."
Sherlock and Watson go camping
Sherlock and Dr. Watson go camping. They pitch their tent and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson and says: "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes asks, "And what do you deduce from that?" "Well, if there are millions of stars," Watson says, "there must be some with planets, and some of those planets must be like Earth. And if there are planets like Earth, there might be planets with life." And Holmes says, "Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."
Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?
Because they're meteor
Sherlock and Watson take a vacation
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder
what happened to my roof
Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common...
I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.
"Darling, your teeth are like stars."
"So yellow and so far apart..."
When I see stars I think of you...
Because you're only beautiful from a distance.
After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
I told my girlfriend she has eyes like stars...
Very dim and far apart.
A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
Love
Girl: what do you think of our love
Me: count the stars
Girl: awww.... its infinite
Me: no, its a waste of time.
What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?
One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.
I went to a restaurant on the summit of Mt. Everest.
I give it 3 stars. Food was good, not much atmosphere though.
"Dad, how do stars die?"
– Usually an overdose.
What do you call a movie with 3.14 stars?
Pirated
By all means shoot for the stars
Just aim for their bodyguards first
"Hey, can you help me sharpen these throwing stars?"
"Shuriken"
I went to see a stage performer that does live sacrifices of celebrities during his act
I gave him 5 stars.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…
Where the f*ck is my roof?
The heaviest things in the universe
3 - Neutron stars
2 - Black holes
1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke
Orion's Belt is a waist of space.
Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
(Dark) What do you call depressed American kids?
Shooting stars
You're eyes are like the stars!
Not because they twinkle, they just are so far apart.
Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.
Bad joke. Only three stars.
I gave that movie 3.14 stars!
Cause I pi-rated it.
Ladies. If your man is giving you both the moon and stars
You should be willing to sacrifice uranus
My son is into astronomy.
He wanted to know how stars die. I told him, "Usually of an overdose, son."
I asked my astronomy professor, "How do stars die?"
He replied, "Usually an overdose."
If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags
Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy
I'm in bed, looking up at the stars and think to myself...
"Where the hell did my ceiling go?"
I have a joke on Orion's belt, but it's not great.
Only 3 stars
What did the ninja say when asked if he can kill a man with ninja stars?
Shuriken
Orion's Belt is a waist of space
Terrible joke... 3 stars
The doctor told me to rate my pain.
Apparently "zero stars, would not recommend" was the wrong answer.
A kid once asked me "How do Stars die?"
I told him "Usually of an Overdose."
The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.
But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
Chinese Flag Rating
I'd give it uhhh 5 stars.
My girlfriend said she was looking at ninja stars online. I told her to stop being racist.
They're just called Japanese actors.
Ladies, if he's willing to give you the Moon and the Stars....
You should be able to sacrifice Uranus.
The Captain's Drink
Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer stars and stripes, ya flag waving boy scout!"
America turns to Crunch, "Why's he suddenly "irate"?
Crunch says, "Well, that's what happens when you take the P out of a pirate"
Texas is the Lone Star state.
Of course, that's out of a possible 5 stars.
What u think about our love?
boy: what u think about our love?
girl: try to count the stars in the sky.
boy: awww. . it's infinite?
girl: no darling! It's a
waste of time!
Marvin the Martian destroys the NBA stars single handedly in the newest SpaceJam movie
It's a Martian-Scores-Easy film
[Posting cause randomly remembered it. Sorry if repost.] 2 friends were talking while having a drink together
Friend 1: my grandpa had a barnhouse so big, if you put a calf through one end, by the time it came out the other end it would be a full grown cow.
Friend 2: my grandpa had a bamboo so big he could move the clouds out of his way so he could see the moon and the stars at night.
Friend 1: You're bluffing. Where'd he even keep a bamboo that big?
Friend 2: In your grandpa's barnhouse.
Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars?
Shuriken.
(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like)
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
"Usually an overdose, son," I told him.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
It's a constellation prize.
I was staring at the stars
wondering where the sun was and then it dawned on me
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stars star war jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stars star wars birthday piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.