The Best 79 Stare Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stare jokes. There are some stare deutsch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stare gazed puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stare Jokes and Puns

What do i do when i see someone gorgeous?

I stare,
I adore,
I smile,

Then i put the mirror down.

Babe why are you so quiet?

"Babe why are you so quiet?" Bob's girlfriend asked him after dinner. "I invited you over to meet my parents, not to stare at your plate all night!" Bob replies "Well, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some condoms and asked the pharmacist to help me choose some." "And?" The girlfriend says. "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist." Bob says

A man walks into a bar....

...sits down, orders a beer, and begins to gaze longingly at the barmaid. The barmaid hands him the beer, returns the stare and says...

"Take a pitcher, it'll last longer."

Stare joke, A man walks into a bar....

Alright, let's get out the "too soon" jokes about Paul Walker to get them out of our systems.

I'm just saying, the stare and drive obviously didn't work this time.

What's the difference between an introverted scientist and an extroverted scientist?

An extroverted scientist will stare at YOUR feet.

My dad's favourite joke.

This is the joke that my dad has been telling for as long as I can remember:

A robber goes into a McDonald's and points a gun at the cashier. "This is a robbery. Give me all the money!" The cashier looks at him with a blank stare and says: "Would you like fries with that?"

A pirate walks into a bar...

... with a steering wheel coming out of his zipper. The bartender notices, and says to the pirate, "Hey, buddy. You know you got a steering wheel coming out of your pants?" The pirate looks at the bartender with an annoyed stare and says, "Arrrrr! I know. It's driving me nuts."

Stare joke, A pirate walks into a bar...

Two british men are sitting at a bus stop...

When a man, clearly not from their town, comes up towards them.

"Parlez-vous Français?" The man asks the two Brits.

Confused, they stare blankly at the foreigner.

"Hablan ustedes EspaΓ±ol?" The man tries again - still no reaction from the two men.

Frustrated, the foreigner tries one more time.

"Sprechen sie Deutsch?"

but the two men at the bus stop still have no clue what he's saying, and the foreigner storms off in a huff.

A couple seconds later, one of the men sitting on the bench turns to the other and says, "We should probably learn a language."

The other man turns to him and says, "Why? He knew three, and it didn't do him any good!"

A man with wide open arms

One evening a woman was coming back home when she saw a man at the end of the street moving towards her with wide open arms and a vacant stare , she panicked ,picked up a rock and threw at him while running away .The man stood up shaking his head and exclaimed "goddammit ,it's the 4th window this hour, my boss is going to kill me"

3 pregnant woman....

Three pregnant women are sitting around a table discussing their pregnancies. The first one says, "I eat so many dills, my baby is gonna love pickles."

The second woman says, "My baby is gonna love cheese, I eat swiss by the block!"

The first two mothers stare at the third waiting for her say what her baby will love. After a long pause she says, "I guess I'm going to have a gay son."

"I'm gonna treat you like I treat my homework"

"Oh, you're going to slam me on your desk and do me all night?"

"No, I'm going to stare at you and think there's so many better things I could be doing..."

You can explore stare scowl reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stare intently dad jokes. There are also stare puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem.

If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it.

What does the sun and cleavage have in common?

You can look at both for a second, but if want to stare you need to wear sunglasses.

I still carry a picture of my wife in my wallet

Been married 20 years, but I still carry my
wife's picture in my wallet.
Whenever I face difficulties in life, I take
out my wallet and stare at her picture.
And it comforts me knowing that...
If I survived being married to this psycho,
I can survive anything.

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice box?

Because it says "concentrate"

Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window.

If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in.

Stare joke, Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window.

She doesn't follow Newton's law

I give her a stare but she doesn't give me an equal and opposite reaction

Donald Trump visits and old folks' home...

to mingle with the people and pick up a little good P.R. at the same time. He walks up to a sweet old lady in a wheelchair who smiles at him with an other wise blank stare.

"Do you know who I am ?" asks Donald Trump.

She responds, "No, but if you ask the desk, they'll tell you.

I made just one mistake last night and my wife wont stop giving me the death stare.

Excessive choking.

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

It said Focus.

Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder

what happened to my roof

How do you know if an introvert likes you when you're talking to them?

They'll stare at your shoes instead of theirs.

Q: why did the blond stare at her orange juice for 2 hours?

A: because it said "concentrate"

As I stared at my grandpa on his deathbed not knowing what to say, he turned to me and mumbled "take my picture...

it'll last longer."

How do you make someone stare at a screen for 30 seconds?

Please wait...

Hey girl, are you the SAT?

Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."

Did you know that when a woman wears a bikini, 90% of the body is exposed?

But men are so classy that they only stare at the 10% that's covered

Why did the boy stare at his orange juice for so long?

Because it said, Concentrate.

Snowman puns to celebrate the snowstorm in my area

What do vampires get when they bite snowmen?

What is a snowman's favorite cereal?

Why didn't the snowman answer the question?
"He didn't snow the answer"

What does a snowman like to ride?
"An icicle"

How can you tell a snowman is angry at you?
"You get the cold shoulder... or an icy stare"

What I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous

I stare, I smile, and when I get tired I slowly put the mirror down.

I'm a lot like a mirror.

People always just stare at me in disappointment.

Never stare at a dog with a prosthetic foot...'s a faux paw.

I have recently become a new man

I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

I wanted spiritual guidance but all she did was stare at my feet.

She was trying to read my sole.

Been married for 20 years

Been married for 20 years, but I still carry my wife's picture in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life, I take out my wallet and stare at her picture. And It comforts me knowing that... If I survived being married to this psycho, I can survive anything.

Why did the chicken stare at a piece of lettuce?

Because chicken sees a salad.

How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera?

Stare at it for 30 seconds

NASA warned us not to stare at the eclipse, but i did it anyway

I cant see what they were so afraid of... At all...

What do children and ATMs have in common?

If you stare at them for too long, chances are somebody will call the police.

What's the difference between children and ATMs?

A child won't say "Please insert".

How do you make a bee stop bothering you?

Stare at it.

Seeing is bee leaving.

The doctor told me to watch what I eat if I wanted to lose weight.

I stare at my extra large pepperoni pizza with a Diet Coke for at least an hour before I scarf it down and I haven't lost a pound.

I have this weird compulsion to stare at seaweed

I desperately need to see kelp

How can you tell if an engineer is extroverted?

They stare at *your* shoes when they talk to you.

Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone?

'Cause I could stare at you all day...

(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)

An over the shoulder stare followed by a seductive wink is one of the sexiest things in the world.

Not during a rectal exam though!

I've been married for 20 years,

and I still carry a photo of my wife in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life I stare at her picture, and it comforts me knowing that...

If I survived that long married to her, I can survive anything.

I stared into her eyes and she stared right back into mine, and then we started to cry

But then I blinked and lost

A sultry, over the shoulder stare, followed by a slow, seductive lick of the lips is one of the sexiest things in the world...

According to my doctor, not during a rectal exam though...

When I get a new wallet, the first thing I do is take out any of those little pictures that come with it...

I want to pretend the guy I shanked for it didn't exist, not stare at his family every time I go for some cash.

When people ask me what I do for a living I just tell them I'm a senior analyst

It sounds better than saying I just stare at old people all day

My girlfriend is how I get through tough times.

Been dating her for 5 years and I always keep her picture in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life I take out my wallet and stare at her picture. And it comforts me knowing that if I can survive being in a relationship with this psychopath I can survive anything

A joke from a friend.

4 beer company owners walk into a bar. The owners of Bud, Miller, Coors, and Guiness.
The bartender asks for what they want.
The owner of Bud replies with Bud Light.
The owner of Coors replies with Coors light.
The owner of Miller replies with Miller light.
The owner of Guiness replies with water.
All the other owners stare at him and he says if you aren't drinking real beers neither am I.

The wife has done nothing but stare through the f**king window since it started snowing.

If it gets any worse i might have to let her in.

Don't stare at a glass of water

Take a pitcher it'll last longer

I was confused as to why my interviewer gave me a blank stare when I told her my best quality was my flexibility..

I guess she's never seen a man put both his legs behind his head before.

Emmanuel Macron meets Putin and tells him...

"You lack freedom in Russia. In Paris, anyone can walk in the street and shout 'Macron is an idiot!', and nobody will touch them."

Putin gives him a basilisk stare and slowly says:
"In Moscow, anyone can walk in the street and shout 'Macron is an idiot!', and nobody will touch them, either."

Ladies at the Golf Course

Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club, when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies stare in awe at the size of his manhood. The first lady says, "He is definitely not my husband." The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, "He is not mine either." After a very considered inspection, the third finally says, "He's not even a member of this golf club.

A man walks up to a hotel counter to check out.

The woman at the counter notices his bulge, and can't help but stare at it. The man asks what are you doing? The woman says I'm checking you out.

On warm summer nights I like to stare off longingly into the sunset and wonder

Why can't I see anything?

Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl

Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"

What's one thing that women hate more than being stared at?

When you stare at the woman standing next to them.

That's my original for the year!

Two swallows are talking:

"It will rain."

"How do you know?"

"Humans stare at us."

I've started wearing a bike helmet, cause I find safety important. Now people stare and make fun of me.

I'll never go to that spinning class again.

Why don't arts students stare out the window in the morning?

Because then they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

This snow is really bad here, it has been snowing since Friday, all my wife has done is stare through the kitchen window.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her in.

People say that there is always one wierd person on the bus, but I don't get it.

I travel by bus everyday and I never see any wierd people. Everyone looks normal. It doesn't matter how long I stare at them.

Wow you're as bright as the sun!

When I stare at you my eyes hurt.

Boobs are like the sun.

You can stare at em longer if you're wearing sunglasses.

She's Naked.

A taxi driver spot a girl hailing for a cab outside a nightclub. She was completely naked. He stopped and she went into the taxi.

Throughout the drive, the girl noticed that the driver kept looking at her with the front mirror. "Hey man, never see a hot naked girl before huh? Why don't you keep your eyes on the road", she said.

Then, the driver stopped driving before turning around and stare at her intensely.

"Nah, I'm just wondering where you keep the money for my cab, Bitch!"

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."

"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."

"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.

The others stare, shocked and bewildered.

"How can you tell?" they ask.

"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."

Sometimes I lay awake In bed and stare up at the sky then think

Where the hell did my roof go?

Ask someone: What sound does a dead duck make?

Then just stare at them silently until they get it.

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?

It said "Concentrate"

A corporal needed to use the pay phone but didn't have change.

He saw a private mopping the floor nearby and asked, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "Sure, hang on." The corporal gave him an icy stare and yelled, "That's no way to address your superior! Straighten up and let's try that again! Private, do you have change for a dollar?"

The private stood at attention and boomed, "NO SIR!"

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours?

A: Because it said 'concentrate'

My 5 year old just came up with this one

Knock knock
Who's there?
Cucumber who?
I'm gonna cut you open

- ends in death stare -

How can you recognize an extrovert Finn?

When they talk to you they stare at the tips of *your* shoes.

A solar eclipse is like a woman breastfeeding

It's beautiful, it's natural, it should be celebrated, but that still doesn't mean you should stare at it

Why did the boy stare at the bottle of orange juice?

Because it said concentrate.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stare leer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stare intensely piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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