starbucks Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious starbucks puns

A lady goes to the doctor for help with her sex life...

Doctor: Give your husband viagra.

Lady: I can't, he hates pills.

Doctor: Just put it in his coffee.

Next week she returns, unhappy.

Doctor: Was it good?

Lady: It was the worst sex I ever had. He had a few sips of coffee, then he pushed everything off the table and fucked me on it right then and there.

Doctor: Well, then what's wrong?

Lady: I'll never be able to show my face at Starbucks again.

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TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

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philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And mathematics is just applied philosophy!"

The laughter roars even louder, and then the physicist turns to the philosopher.

"Shut the fuck up and make my coffee."

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I once took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name.

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This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

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I heard Starbucks is trying to hire a lot more refugees

Those poor art majors are going to suffer, then

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What currency do they use in space?

Starbucks

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My friends that majored in English always tell me the same thing

Welcome to Starbucks!

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What's long and white?

The line to Starbucks.

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How do aliens pay for their coffees?

With Starbucks!

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I told my girlfriend to wear her Starbucks uniform so we can roleplay during sex

She got my name wrong.

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I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning.

The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down.

I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.

So I told them my name was Mocha.

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So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks...

and shouts, "gimme a tea!"

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John robbed some coffee from Starbucks the other day.

The police are charging him for mugging.

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I made a Starbucks barista cry

I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply.

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The first time I went to Starbucks..

The man getting served in front of me asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas."

The guy was fuming. "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!" This is B.S. he raged. "Fine! Just give me a darned latte!" He went and sat down, grumbling.

I went to the counter and said, "I'll have a large latte too, please." They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready. So I told them my name was Mocha

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An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks

and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

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Judge threw out a lawsuit against Starbucks

said the Plaintiff had no grounds.

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What do aliens use for currency?

Starbucks!

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All men are lesbians

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

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What do you order at Starbucks when you're sad?

A desspresso

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I bought a new car recently.

I got it for a great deal. Oscar Mayer Weiner was going under so they sold me one of their weenie vans. I was really excited so I drove it around town to show off. I pulled up to a Starbucks because I was thirsty and as I was parking I saw the most beautiful girl in the world. She watched me park and smiled as I walked over to her.

I introduced my self and we just started talking. She looked amazing, I complimented her on her dress. This led to a nice conversation about fashion. I began talking about this vest I recently bought at an estate sale. She seemed really interested and said, "We should set up a date, and maybe I can see you in the vest." I excitedly replied, "That would be amazing!"

Things were looking great until she said, "On one condition. You don't pick me up in the hot dog car." Well this upset me greatly and I wasn't sure how to respond. I thought about it for a moment and then I said, "If you can't handle me in my wurst you don't deserve me in my vest."

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starbucks is like a hooker...

one on every corner and money upfront before they scream your name

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That awkward moment...

...when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, then you realise she just lost an earring...and that no one else in Starbucks can hear your iPod.

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I was in Starbucks recently when....

I was in Starbucks recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really loud so I timed a couple of farts with the beat of the music.


After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
Suddenly, I remembered I was listening to my iPod.
How was your day?

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What's the best thing about having a girlfriend who is addicted to Starbucks?

You'll never forget her name.

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I'm not angry that Harvey Weinstein convinced me to give him a Bl*wj*b by promising to make me famous.

I'm pissed off that the fat homeless guy behind Starbucks lied to me about being Harvey Weinstein

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What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?

Half calf

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At a Starbucks job interview

"What is your name?"
-Alyssa
"Could you spell that, please?"
-L A R I S S A
"When can you start?!"

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Guy meets a Girl on Tinder..

Both never showed their real photos on their respective profiles. They agree to meet up in a Starbucks. Guy says he will be wearing plain white tees, but wore a green shirt. Girl says she will be wearing a yellow dress and she did. Day of the meet up, guy sees the girl and is ugly as hell. The girl, seeing that nobody was wearing any white shirt, asked the only guy obviously waiting for somebody. "Are you the guy I was supposed to meet from Tinder?" The girl asked. "Am I wearing plain white tees?"

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So, today I found out that Starbucks coffee is an 8 on the ph scale

I guess that you could say all of those white girls are basic.

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Go to Starbucks

- Order Coffee

- Tell them your name is Waldo

- Leave

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My brother just finished his doctorals

So he went to Starbucks to celebrate.

The cashier said. "What would you like sir?"

"I would like an espresso please" my brother replied.

"Okay sir, I just need your name." The cashier said.

"It's Stephen" My brother replied.

"With a 'ph'?" The cashier asked.

My brother then replied. "No, it's Stephen, with a PhD"

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Police on lookout for Starbucks thief

Suspect is still at veinte

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I saw that pastor from Aretha Franklin's funeral at Starbucks again

He was just grabbing a Grande.

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What are the most funny Starbucks jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Starbucks? Well, here are the best Starbucks dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Starbucks pick up lines to share with friends.

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