Following is our collection of funny Standup jokes. There are some standup punchline jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these standup observational puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Give a man two prosthetic legs, and he'll shoot his girlfriend.
Louis CK said it was one of his terrible early standup jokes
"I asked my mom what sex was and she said 'it's what happens when Mrs. Brady turns off the lights. So I always thought sex was a commercial for paper towels"
"You can't pull your pants down in public."
They told me to sit back down
He didn't last too long; his jokes didn't get the best reactions.
A guy runs a red light. His passenger tells him not to do that, but the driver says "It's okay, my brother drives like this!" He runs another red light. His passenger tries to insist, the driver says again "I told ya, it's okay, my brother drives like this!" Then he comes up to a green light and stops. His passenger asks what he's doing now and the driver says "Well, my brother might be coming the other way!"
-George Carlin, I don't remember what standup special.
What animal will you always see at a resturant?
A DINE-O-SAUR.
I think my brother is a future stand-up comic.
Well, no one is laughing now.
"I am a professional boxer."
"A professional boxer?"
"Yes, yes. Everyone in my family is a professional boxer.
We box onions, linens, tomatoes..."
Giving credit where credit's due: This joke was taken from a bit done by Gabriel Iglesias on his show "Stand-Up Revolution".
kid: how come dinosaurs don't talk?
me: ...why?
kid: because they are all dead.
source: stolen from Brian Reagan's standup.
But I'm afraid of being laughed at.
You can explore standup comedic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean standup funnier dad jokes. There are also standup puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
...now I'm a sit-down comedian.
Because they keep bombing.
If you're good you get laughs, and if you're bad you get booze.
It wasn't to my taste though - too many cruditΓ©s
But I don't think he's got what it takes to do stand-up.
I still do, but I used to too.
FDR. His standup could use some work.
The stand-up chameleon.
Key and Peele.
A prop comic
But i realised a sit-down comedian was more comfortable.
Stand-up
I heard he really killed at Ford's Theatre.
They're not laughing now.
Thank you prosthetic legs!
He always has a dead audience
Sitcoms
I finished way too early and when it was over I couldn't stop apologizing.
But I dont think he could do standup
"What is it?" I asked.
"Oh its nothing, just my baby doing standup."
"Really?" I inquired. "What did he say?"
"You wont get it." She laughed.
"It's an inside joke."
He kept getting booed off the stage.
She said, "You're joking"
I said, "I told you I was good"
Is it still called stand-up comedy?
No one is laughing now.
Standup.
Their jokes are very well orchestrated.
(
The Regina Monologues.
Yeah, Gilbert got freed.
(I apologize to Gilbert.)
He can't do stand-up.
Because being a stand-up comedian is in itself a handicap joke.
He can't do stand-up.
Well no ones laughing now
He can't do standup comedy!
But let's be honest, he was a real standup guy.
Standup 1 liner throwin out there
\* Slow clap *
It's a little bit funny.
But it was too corny, so I flaked.
After all, I could never enjoy jokes at other people's expense.
He figured sitcoms suited him better.
My jokes have them all cracking up.
Just delete all of the Amy Schumer material, and it should flow a lot smoother.
Shame they don't do stand-up comedy.
A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"
He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."
Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.
They should have picked a more stand-up guy.
He's landed some acting roles but he can't do stand-up.
I don't remember the routine I did, but it must have been pretty good- the crowd was dying.
Like, what's up with that?
"Sorry, but I don't do stand-up comedy."
Too many lame gags
but actually he's a real stand-up guy.
Mohahamed.
"Thanks, I'll be here all week!"
But couldn't, because his legs are paralyzed
He's just a comedian now.
Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.
He bombed.
Well, he wasn't exactly gonna try stand-up, was he?
because he can't do stand-up comedy
I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.
They laughed at me.
I was so upset I demanded a double refund
One is luck n' fame, the other is fuckin' lame.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the standup improv jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working standup unfunny piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.