The Best 40 Standin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Standin jokes. There are some standin sittin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these standin lyin puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Standin Jokes and Puns

Be sure you are standing on your left foot and only your left foot at midnight tonight...

...so that you start the new year off on the right foot!

Standing at the urinal

I was in a public restroom earlier today and another man came in and commented that the some of the lights were burnt out. Then he said "I used to come in here for show and tell, but now it's more like search and rescue!"

There were three standing on a bridge

He, she and his.

Standin joke, There were three standing on a bridge

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me...

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.

"Fancy buying me a drink?" She said,

"Sure," I replied. "If you let me choose."

"Okay," she grinned. "But how will you know what I want?"

"Well, it's kind of a talent," I smiled. "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."

"Okay," she giggled. "You can choose for me."

So I turned to the barman and said, "Diet coke, mate."

I was standing out side the other day and a bat flew at my head

it was a Louisville Slugger and I don't remember much after that.


What would they call the vice president if FDR was assassinated?

A stand-in.

I was standing next to a guy before he was brutally stabbed.

It was a near-death experience.

Standin joke, I was standing next to a guy before he was brutally stabbed.

What is it like, to be standing at the foot of an empty grave, not knowing who will one day be in it?

Unbereavable.

Standing behind a lady at Home Depot. Heard her ask for suggestions for tools to buy her grandson who was studying to be a quantum mechanic.

When standing on top of a staircase, it becomes a universal mode of transport.

Where it goes is up to you.

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

You can explore standin singin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean standin thinkin dad jokes. There are also standin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So I was standing in the toilet queue at my high school ball. I was wondering why there were also women waiting in the same line so I asked the guy in front of me.

"This is the punchline."

I was standing in the middle of a park...

Pondering about why a frisbee was growing larger and larger...

And then, it hit me

While standing in line at the Vietnamese noodle place, I realized...

...I was stuck in the Pho queue.

I was standing outside their school waiting for the kids to finish, when a parent came up and asked "So which one is yours?"

I replied "Not sure, haven't decided yet".

Standing in line for the restroom

I guess it's a hot commode-ity today.

Standin joke, Standing in line for the restroom

Standing in the park I was wondering

Why does the frisbee get larger when it gets closer?

And then it hit me.

I was standing on a ladder, painting the ceiling when i fell onto my paint buckets below.

It was paintful

I was standing at a bus stop feeling I had missed something

Turned out I missed a bus.


Me, Standing next to a heavily pregnant woman at the bus stop

Me: When is it due?

Her: 9 days.

Me: 9 days? F*ck that, I'll start walking.

I was standing in a library

And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."

I was standing just next to Aj1t Pa1 when he was using Tor Browser ...

I peeked at his PornHub account and his username was AJ1T_3.14Inches

I should get on of those standing desks.

This one that relaxes on its side isn't very useful.

While standing in line to meet my maker, a guy asked me how I died.

Me: Standard murder suicide in regard to my ex wife.

Guy: Really? I don't see her anywhere here.

Me: I have dyslexia.

I was standing in the park, wondering why the frisbee looked bigger as it came towards me

Then it hit me

Standing in a graveyard, Lex Luthor and his subordinate are planning Superman's demise

Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!

Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?

Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!

Henchman: How does that work?

Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.

How is standing on a railway track like playing music?

Most likely neither will get you a successful career.

If you are standing in line in England to buy some Vietnamese soup you are in the...

Pho Queue

I was standing outside an urban footwear shop that was promoting violence.

The sign said: "Kicks for sale!"

I was standing in an elevator with a jew

I was standing in an elevator with a jew, when I farted he looked at me and I said "what? A little gas never hurt anyone"

Standing 2 steps from my wife I took a step towards her and asked, "Did you feel that?"

The force of attraction between us just got four times larger.

It's over, she said, standing up and starting to walk out on me. I just sat there..

...I love watching the end credits when I go to the movies.

I was standing in the park today, and I was wondering why a Frisbee appears larger, the closer it gets.....

Then it hit me.

I'm standing in a bank with a mask, glasses, gloves

The banker asks me "What can I do for you?". From the astonishment I didn't even pull out my gun.

I was standing there, wondering why that car was getting closer...

Then it hit me.

Standing at the pearly gates

God: Welcome my son

You........

God: You know why you're here, don't you?

You........

God: Tell me why you're here.

You: Because I was eating ass at a pool party during a global pandemic?

God: Because you were eating ass at a pool party during a global pandemic.

I've been standing in this place where they keep throwing car parts at me,

but I haven't been able to catch a brake.

I was standing outside the gym...

And there was a billboard that said: "OPEN 24/7!"

"That's not very helpful," I told myself. "July is ages away."

###

Standing in Schiphol airport, I overheard the two women next to me. One was trying to remember the name of the Dutch company that builds jet planes. I knew the answer and thought....

Fokker.

Here I am, standing at the entrance of this deep cave.

Who's that idiot inside repeating everything I shout?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the standin shamus jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working standin stickin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes