Following is our collection of funny Standards jokes. There are some standards productivity jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these standards double standard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
But idling busses are exhausting.
For some reason being under 18 is a huge turn off...
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
So I guess it could be said that tall women have higher standards.
Low standards.
They both screw you for $300 per hour.
What's the difference? Most prostitutes have standards.
they go through the roof.
Five and Alive.
There will never be another Jew.
They write a letter to warn their partners "Be aware of our strict standards, we only accept 3 defective parts per 10 000".
The Japanese reply: "We don't quite understand what do you need them for, but as per request, we manufactured three defective parts and attach them separately hereby"
I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl, in exchange I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available scented lemon or vanilla.
- Source - facebook though it was funny so I though I'd share.
You can explore standards norm reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean standards preference dad jokes. There are also standards puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
You could almost say they're... Double standards
When a girl wears a thong she is called bold and sexy. But when I do it I'm just called drunk and asked to leave Denny's.
When miley cirus gets naked and licks hammers its beautiful and artistic, but when I do it its weird, creepy and I get a life time ban from Ikea.
...and told me she will have sex with me if I advertise some random liquid detergent. Of course I said no, after all I'm a powerful man with high standards. As powerful as the new Ajax detergent, which offers a unique freshness, activated on air contact.
Age, IQ, Body fat %, that is.
which is on the ground, in my basement.
Good to see I'm not the only one with low standards.
The devil has standards.
Low standards.
I guess you can say they don't have high standards.
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
I mean, one flag is enough.
Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
It pains them to have standards.
I guess you can say I have high standards
Because they have high double standards.
Because I can't raise them anymore
Because they have better standards of living.
When The Hulk goes off into a vicious rage and destroys everything, he's "Incredible."
But when I do it,
I'm, "an alcoholic."
I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.
So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.
My best trick is to make their standards... *disappear!*
The guy sees a beautiful lady and walks to her.
Guy: Excuse me Miss? You dropped something.
Girl: What did I drop?
Guy: Your standards, hi my name is PandaGen
For instance, they've been in the showers for years now..
If not, he wouldn't have any standards at all.
Me: hey girl you dropped something
Girl: what?
Me: your standards, hi I'm John
For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"
But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".
If my wife walks into the women's locker room, it's considered okay and normal. If I walk into the women's locker room, I get yelled at and called a "creep" and a "perv".
Sure if a girl wants to be choked it's hot and kinky, but if I want to choke a girl, it's all of a sudden "domestic abuse"
that they are all double standards now
Double standards are twice as good
If you eliminate your standards completely, there's more to enjoy
The lightbulb is beautiful the way it is. Society needs to change and learn to accept and stop shaming lightbulbs that don't conform to its standards.
* stupid people
* judgemental people
* double standards
* people who can't count
* lists
* irony
A "Disapp-ointment."
... but he's strong to the Finnish!
So now I am trying to live up to the standards of an imaginary dog.
and my way out of league crush said one day that she had a crush on me. I said, Raise your standards.
Some guy donates his kidney, he's praised as a hero. I donate 5, and I get arrested? Double standards smh
Everything is about banging their friends moms even though their mamas are so fat that when she skips a meal, the stock market crashes
Standards have really dropped at the Red Light District.
Because Asian parents hold their children to high standards
If you burn a body at a crematorium, you are doing a good job , but do it at home and you're destroying evidence .
Because the real joke is always in the common core.
A protocologist
I remember one time, when I was 9 years old, getting called into the principal's office.
Your behavior is out of line, and getting worse & worse each day. Standards really are slipping."
"I'll do the talking he replied.
When women have sex with a bunch of guys they're "empowering themselves" or "owning their sexuality".
Meanwhile, if I do the same thing I'm "just some gay guy".
When celebrities wear near see-through dresses, they are "chic" and " fashionable", but when I do it I'm "wasting cling wrap" and "ruining Christmas"
Burn a body at a crematorium, you're being a respectful friend. Do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.ο»Ώ
When women have sex with men a lot,they get called whores. When I do it I get called gay
A hypocrip.
They have incredibly low standards.
That's why they used common core standards.
Her standards are so low, because every year she gets disappointed by 55 men.
How is it that when sleeps with loads of women he's a stud, but when a woman does the same thing, she's a lesbian
One way to spot a woman with low standards is when they start liking me.
In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a man with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon and vanilla scents!
An Irishman's dog dies so he goes to see the local priest and tells him, "Father, me old dog died. Can ye say a wee mass for the old gal?"
"No. Can't do it. The Church doesn't do funeral mass for pets, but I'll tell you what, the Protestant church down the hill will most likely do it. They don't have the same high standards that we do."
"Fine father, but I have one more question for ye. Would two hundred euro be enough of a donation to thank them for their services."
The priest's eye grew wide and he slapped the man on the back telling him, "Ahhh, man, why didn't you TELL me that your dog was Catholic?!"
I dress to meet the bare minimum standards that any given occasion dictates.
I call it...
Occam's Blazer.
A 4'6 (137cm) woman walks into a matchmaking service.
She says to the man behind the counter, I'm really insecure about my height, so the only thing I'm looking for in a partner is that he's shorter than me.
The man replies, You've got really low standards.
.
[OC, I think]
In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I said no as I have high moral standards and very strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in scented lemon or vanilla.
* Girl: The reason why youΒ΄re still single is because your standards are too high. Looks doesnΒ΄t really matter, you know.
* Boy: Wow! YouΒ΄re the first non-beautiful person that IΒ΄ve heard say that looks doesnΒ΄t matter..
* Girl: WHAT?! Are you calling ME ugly!!!
* Boy: Why so upset? You just said looks doesnΒ΄t matter..
I think I'll have sitards instead.
But now that I've switched to Fanta, why won't they call me Fantastic? Double standards anyone?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the standards eliminate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working standards universities piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.