The Best 35 Stand Up Comedy Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stand Up Comedy jokes. There are some stand up comedy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stand up comedy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Stand Up Comedy Jokes and Puns
I wanna do stand up comedy on a gay cruise...
...so I can open with: "Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming out."
I'm halfway through becoming a stand up comedian
I can stand up, now all I need is comedy
A programmer tries his hand at stand-up comedy: "Forward-slash forward-slash a man walks into a bar..."
A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"
He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."
My friend had purchased an extra stand-up comedy ticket for me. I turned him down.
After all, I could never enjoy jokes at other people's expense.
I was at a comedy club in Russia last month and saw a decent stand up routine making fun of Putin.
I didn't love the guy's jokes, but he had a great execution.
One thing a paralyzed person can not do is?
Stand up comedy
I know many handicapped people with a great sense of humour.
Shame they don't do stand-up comedy.
Why did the chicken tell jokes in bars?
Because she thought she was a stand up comedi-hen.
Sorry.
Whats the opposite of stand up comedy?
A sitcom.
What's one job Stephen hawking would be no good at?
Stand up comedy.
I told my wife I was going to do stand-up comedy
She said, "You're joking"
I said, "I told you I was good"
You can explore stand up comedy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stand up comedy dad jokes. There are also stand up comedy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I've always been told that you shouldn't tell jokes at other people's expense.
Which makes me question the ethics of charging people to watch stand up comedy.
Why didn't Stephen hawking host a talk show?
because he can't do stand-up comedy
I sometimes do stand-up comedy for a leper colony.
My jokes have them all cracking up.
Stand up Comedy on Star Trek
Yo mamma so fat… she tried to use the teleporter, but it ran out of atoms before she made it to the other side
Apparently Colin Kaepernick is pursuing a career in comedy
He's landed some acting roles but he can't do stand-up.
What did the wheelchair-bound software developer say when asked to speak at an Apple Keynote?
"Sorry, but I don't do stand-up comedy."
If a guy in a wheelchair is on stage telling jokes ...
Is it still called stand-up comedy?
A lime and banana decided to become a stand-up comedy duo and called themselves ...
Key and Peele.
I prefer to do my stand up comedy in airports
As long as TSA and Homeland Security do their job, there's no way I'd bomb
A jihadist tried stand-up comedy.
He bombed.
LPT: If you are sick of hearing duplicate tracks on Spotify's stand-up comedy playlists,
Just delete all of the Amy Schumer material, and it should flow a lot smoother.
Why do Band Directors do so good at Stand-Up Comedy?
Their jokes are very well orchestrated.
(
Stephen Hawking...
It's a shame Stephen Hawking died. He could pursue a career in comedy. Too bad he can't do stand-ups!
looking for a great stand up comedy show?
just watch the GOP debate
What's a handicapped person's least favorite type of Comedy?
Stand up.
Stand-up comedy is a great gig for a zombie.
Either they are dying up there, or they are killing it.
what do you call it when you push gran down the stairs and laugh when she can't get up
stand up comedy
I was once asked to do stand-up comedy at a pub...
They must've gotten some other act, because there was a stool on stage when I got there.
My leg is going to be removed tomorrow. What's something I should do while I still have it?
Stand up comedy.
I bought a Rolex before trying & failing at stand up comedy.
Apparently you need more than impeccable timing.
Why does the Necromancer hate doing stand-up comedy?
He always has a dead audience
A murderer tried stand up comedy
and he killed it.
Why did the stand up comic quit comedy to become a obstetrician?
He needed to work on his delivery.
Stand Up Comedy
Yes, I actually did some stand up comedy, but I didn't like it... every time I would get up on stage to do my routine, all people ever did was laugh at me...
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stand up comedy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stand up comedy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.