Stand Up Comedy Jokes

85 stand up comedy jokes and hilarious stand up comedy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stand up comedy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Stand Up Comedy Short Jokes

Short stand up comedy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stand up comedy humour may include short stand up comedian jokes also.

  1. I wanna do stand up comedy on a gay cruise... I can open with: "Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming out."
  2. When I was a kid, I told everyone that when I grew up, I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. They all laughed. Well, I got a job doing standup in a comedy club, and no one's laughing now.
  3. My friend had purchased an extra stand-up comedy ticket for me. I turned him down. After all, I could never enjoy jokes at other people's expense.
  4. I was at a comedy club in Russia last month and saw a decent stand up routine making fun of Putin. I didn't love the guy's jokes, but he had a great execution.
  5. I know many handicapped people with a great sense of humour. Shame they don't do stand-up comedy.
  6. That his punchline comes before the joke Chuck Norris is so powerful at stand up comedy...
  7. Why did the chicken tell jokes in bars? Because she thought she was a stand up comedi-hen.
  8. I told my wife I was going to do stand-up comedy She said, "You're joking"
    I said, "I told you I was good"
  9. I've always been told that you shouldn't tell jokes at other people's expense. Which makes me question the ethics of charging people to watch stand up comedy.
  10. Stand up Comedy on Star Trek Yo mamma so fat… she tried to use the teleporter, but it ran out of atoms before she made it to the other side

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Stand Up Comedy One Liners

Which stand up comedy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stand up comedy? I can suggest the ones about stand up comic and comedy stand up.

  1. I'm halfway through becoming a stand up comedian I can stand up, now all I need is comedy
  2. One thing a paralyzed person can not do is? Stand up comedy
  3. Whats the opposite of stand up comedy? A sitcom.
  4. What's one job Stephen hawking would be no good at? Stand up comedy.
  5. Why didn't Stephen hawking host a talk show? because he can't do stand-up comedy
  6. would you call a guy in a wheelchair doing a stand-up comedy WHEELy good Comedy
  7. A jihadist tried stand-up comedy. He bombed.
  8. looking for a great stand up comedy show? just watch the GOP debate
  9. What's a handicapped person's least favorite type of Comedy? Stand up.
  10. Why does the Necromancer hate doing stand-up comedy? He always has a dead audience
  11. Why can't bilateral amputees do stage comedy? They just can't stand-up.
  12. Did you hear about the hair dryer that tried stand up comedy? He blew it
  13. Why can't steven hawking perform comedy? He can't do stand up
  14. Doing stand up comedy can be hard.... Especially when you are a paraplegic
  15. Why would Joe from Family Guy be bad at comedy? He can't do stand-up.

Stand Up Comedy joke, Why would Joe from Family Guy be bad at comedy?

Hilarious Stand Up Comedy Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about stand up comedy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean standup comedian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stand up comedy pranks.

Before starting to stand up comedy I used to think I'll die of hunger. Now, I'm quite sure about it.

I have given up on my stand up comedy routines. Everybody just keeps laughing at me.

When I told my family I wanted to do stand-up comedy all they did was laughing.

Stephen Hawking has a great sense of humor. He does One-liners, but not a Stand-up comedy.

I guess Stephen Hawking tried stand-up comedy recently

He failed miserably.


When I told everyone I wanted to get in to stand up comedy everybody laughed at me......but nobody is laughing now.

o**... Bin Laden had a stand up comedy special last night

it bombed

Stand up comedy is a lot of hit and miss.

That's why the back wall of the stage sometimes ends up covered in rotten tomatoes.

I'm trying to get into stand-up comedy, but...

I'm horrible at comedy, but amazing at standing up...

My Friend once tried his hand at stand-up comedy

My friend once tried his hand at stand-up comedy.It was so pathetic that everybody just laughed at his jokes.

Stand Up Comedy

Yes, I actually did some stand up comedy, but I didn't like it... every time I would get up on stage to do my routine, all people ever did was laugh at me...

I watched a programmer do stand-up comedy.

I've gotta say, I loved his bits.

Why cant Stephen Hawking put on a comedy show?

Because he cant do stand-up

I prefer to do my stand up comedy in airports

As long as TSA and Homeland Security do their job, there's no way I'd bomb

What's a paraplegic's least favourite activity?

Stand up comedy.

What docyou call it when a Soviet dies comedy?

Stand up Commedy

Why did everyone disregard the midget's stand up routine?

Because puns are the lowest form of comedy.

Me and the other guys from the circus....

... took a night off to see some stand-up comedy but he was really mean and cutting.
He went straight for the juggler.

A lime and banana decided to become a stand-up comedy duo and called themselves ...

Key and Peele.

Why did the stand up comic quit comedy to become a obstetrician?

He needed to work on his delivery.

A m**... tried stand up comedy

and he killed it.

A friend of mine, brought a soap to a stand-up comedy show

Apparently the jokes were dirty

I bought a Rolex before trying & failing at stand up comedy.

Apparently you need more than impeccable timing.

My leg is going to be removed tomorrow. What's something I should do while I still have it?

Stand up comedy.

If a guy in a wheelchair is on stage telling jokes ...

Is it still called stand-up comedy?

Why do Band Directors do so good at Stand-Up Comedy?

Their jokes are very well orchestrated.

What did the organic chemist say at the start of his stand-up comedy routine?

Enjoy the show, I've got alkynes of jokes for you!

I was once asked to do stand-up comedy at a pub...

They must've gotten some other act, because there was a stool on stage when I got there.

Stephen Hawking...

It's a shame Stephen Hawking died. He could pursue a career in comedy. Too bad he can't do stand-ups!

what do you call it when your gran falls over and you laugh when she can't get up

stand up comedy

what do you call it when you push gran down the stairs and laugh when she can't get up

stand up comedy

I sometimes do stand-up comedy for a l**... colony.

My jokes have them all cracking up.

LPT: If you are sick of hearing duplicate tracks on Spotify's stand-up comedy playlists,

Just delete all of the Amy Schumer material, and it should flow a lot smoother.

A programmer tries his hand at stand-up comedy: "Forward-slash forward-slash a man walks into a bar..."

A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"
He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."

A programmer wants to try stand up.

A programmer wants to try stand up. So he practices for a while and goes to comedy clubs and learns for a while. Then one day he decided will be doing a show. While performing, he will tell a joke and no one laughs and then he will go back the the start of joke a changes a bit and tells it again, you could see few people struggling to laugh but not quite enough, then he goes back to the start of the joke change a bit and repeats again, this time everyone laughs. Some one from crowd asks why did you mistake your joke, why he had to go back to the beginning and start over? Programmer I had to debug a bit to find out what worked for this crowd..

Apparently Colin Kaepernick is pursuing a career in comedy

He's landed some acting roles but he can't do stand-up.

When I was a little boy

everyone laughed at me for wanting to be a stand up comedy actor. So I became one and no one is laughing now.

[Serious] Would anyone be interested in seeing some stand up comedy writing on here?

Or is this not the right setting?

First aboriginal Prime Minister of Australia - Aboriginal stand-up comedy

Bulupin Kwobinyarn delivers his acceptance yarn on the day of his election as Australia's first Indigenous Prime Minister.

What did the wheelchair-bound software developer say when asked to speak at an Apple Keynote?

"Sorry, but I don't do stand-up comedy."

Stand-up comedy is a great gig for a zombie.

Either they are dying up there, or they are killing it.

Why couldn't the comedian in a wheelchair get an audience?

He couldn't do Stand Up comedy!

I just watched a beautiful n**... woman do stand-up comedy.

Never laughed so hard in my life.

I got offered the chance to do n**... stand up comedy recently.

There was no money in it, but it was worth it for the exposure.

My local Chipotle is organizing a stand-up comedy night

I'm going for s**... and giggles

Stand Up Comedy joke, That his punchline comes before the joke

jokes about stand up comedy