Stand Up Comedian Jokes
96 stand up comedian jokes and hilarious stand up comedian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stand up comedian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Stand Up Comedian Short Jokes
Short stand up comedian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stand up comedian humour may include short stand up comic jokes also.
- I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
- A Comedian in Russia. I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
- I broke up with my girlfriend by text last night, it went pretty ugly... She got up from the couch, started beating me with her phone...
- When I was a kid, I told everyone that when I grew up, I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. They all laughed. Well, I got a job doing standup in a comedy club, and no one's laughing now.
- A Russian stand up comedian was joking about the Putin. Jokes were good. I liked the execution.
- A stand-up comedian tells a joke about a newly-discovered STI that takes ten years to show symptoms. \* Slow clap *
- I Was in Russia a few weeks ago And I was watching a stand up comedian making jokes about Putin. To be honest I didnt really care for the jokes, but I liked the execution.
- I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin and communism The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
- They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. Well, no one is laughing now.
- I once knew a Jehovah's Witness who became a stand-up comedian. But all he knew was knock knock jokes.
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Stand Up Comedian One Liners
Which stand up comedian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stand up comedian? I can suggest the ones about standup comedian and stand up comedy.
- I'm halfway through becoming a stand up comedian I can stand up, now all I need is comedy
- I told my mom I wanted to become a stand up comedian. She laughed.
- I quit being a stand up comedian... Every time I performed people would just laugh at me
- Why didn't the alcoholic became a comedian? Because he couldn't stand up.
- Did you hear about the paraplegic comedian? He's great but he doesn't do stand-up.
- Why was the horse comedian so bad at stand-up? He kept forgetting his bit!
- A Jedi would make a terrible stand up comedian. Their jokes would always feel forced...
- I thought a comedian stole my joke, but actually he's a real stand-up guy.
- What do you call an Arab stand-up comedian? Mohahamed.
- I fell asleep listening to comedians do stand up. I woke up feeling funny.
- Who do they bring in if the stand up comedian dies during the show? A stand in comedian
- Why is Stephen Hawking a bad comedian? He can't do stand-up.
- What do you call a stand-up comedian with no legs? A prop comic
- a bad comedian trips and falls and he shouts "help, I've fallen and can't do stand up!"
- What does a comedian do in a chair? Stand-up
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Stand Up Comedian Jokes
What funny jokes about stand up comedian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comedy stand up jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stand up comedian pranks.
People keep telling me to become a stand-up comedian and I'm like "Ugh, standing."
Did you hear about the farmer who tried to be a stand up comedian?
His jokes weren't dairy funny.
There was a stand-up comedian notorious for his
practical jokes.
So one day, during a performance, he asked that anyone from the audience come on to the stage. A blond girl walked up. He asked her, "Can you tell us a joke?". The blond girl was well aware that the comedian was trying to pull some prank. She had decided that, no matter what, she would not fall for any of his tricks. So she took the mike from him, and proudly announced to the audience: "I'm not s**...!".
It took a whole minute for the uproar of laughter to settle.
Common enemy joke
I have an inquiry that this group may be able to answer. I'm looking for a related joke or a video describing how complete strangers become friends once they have a common enemy. For the life of me I cannot remember this stand up routine in which the comedian describes the exact situation in which two complete strangers give each other a knowing look once they realize the old lady in front of them in a checkout line is writing a check or pulling out change. Any help is much appreciated.
Why would Kim jong un be the best stand-up comedian?
He'd never bomb it.
Before he was a footballer, Messi used to be a stand-up comedian
He had to quit because his jokes kept flying over the audience's heads.
Why did the stand-up comedian get such bad reviews?
He was sitting.
I want to be a stand-up comedian...
But I'm afraid I'll be laughed at.
An ISIS comedian
Bombed at his first stand-up.
I used to be a stand-up comedian, but then I got in a really bad car accident...
...now I'm a sit-down comedian.
Why aren't there any muslim stand-up comedians?
Because they keep b**....
You ever notice how most stand-up specials have the comedian in darkness on the cover art? There's usually a lot of black in the posters.
Except for Kevin Hart's. There's only a little black on his.
Why didn't the chair have any humor?
Because it wasn't a stand up comedian
What's the best part about being an alcoholic stand-up comedian?
If you're good you get laughs, and if you're bad you get booze.
I once had this amazing handicapped friend.
He wanted to be a stand up comedian.
My Girlfriend
My girlfriend is an epidimiologist and I'm a stand-up comedian so that means I have a lot of chores I have to go do. Later.
If a comedian gives a lot of money to charity..
does that make him a stand up guy?
Handicap Comedians
Why aren't there any comedians who are in wheelchairs?
Because they can't do stand up.
If someone says they're going to quit their job to become a stand-up comedian,
... Are you supposed to laugh?
I went to this party full of stand up comedians
The only way to get a drink was to wait for the punch line.
One of my friends is a comedian,
He's a real stand-up guy.
Did you hear about the stand-up comedian that joined ISIS?
He bombed.
I wanted to be a stand-up comedian.
But i realised a sit-down comedian was more comfortable.
John Wilkes Booth is one of history's greatest stand-up comedians
I heard he really killed at Ford's Theatre.
I've finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a stand-up comedian
Thank you prosthetic legs!
The pregnant comedian couldn't attend her stand-up show...
She was still working on her delivery.
What do you call a Comedian's morning routine?
Stand up.
A joke for all the Math-Heads out there
There were 5 performers standing in a line. The first guy was a singer. The second, an actor. The guy in the middle was the comedian.
Who is the worst stand up comedian in the world?
A guy in a wheel chair
Why did the ghost give up his career as a stand-up comedian?
He kept getting booed off the stage.
When Kathy Griffin was 10 years old, she stood up at the dinner table and announced to her family that she was going to grow up and become a stand-up comedian. They all laughed in her face.
No one is laughing now.
So when I decided to be a stand-up comedian , I knew I had to be offensive.
Because being a stand-up comedian is in itself a handicap joke.
My friend that lost both his legs has always wanted to be a comedian...
But he can't stand up...
What's the difference between a zombie and a comedian?
Ones up all night, working the crowd lookin for anyone with a brain who gets it! and one does stand up
My paralyzed friend just quit being a comedian.
He says he wasn't good at stand-up comedy.
If you want to act how how unfair the world is for white men and bomb, just become a stand-up comedian.
What do programmers and stand-up comedians have in common?
Both beta-test their scripts.
Have you ever heard of the paralysed man who aspired to become a stand-up comedian?
He figured sitcoms suited him better.
One day, my brother was watching a German stand up comedian.
He said, Wow, the Germans must be very funny . I replied They are? No wonder they chose h**..., they thought he was joking!
One day a stand up comedian went to a paraplegic convention, after he came home frustrated and his wife asked why.
He said everyone was laughing but I didn't get one standing ovation!
Why did the stand-up comedian break up with the seamstress?
She kept stealing his material
A comedian takes a over a bank.
Comedian, "Nobody move! This is stand-up!"
Teller, "Don't you mean a stick up?"
"That's \*\*my\*\* joke!"
My dream is to be recognised as one of the best stand up comedian ever!
Shame I'm in a wheelchair
Did you hear about the nice young comedian showing tonight?
I heard he's a real stand up kinda guy!
What do you call a clown who never sits down?
A stand-up comedian.
What do stand up comedians do when their legs get tired?
They do sit-coms
How do you tell if a British comedian's an atheist.
Listen to five minutes of his stand-up, he'll have mentioned it twelve times.
Told in a stand up act by a real woman comedian with a visible disability of cerebral palsy:
>I believe that you can do anything you want to do in life if you want it bad enough. That's why I'm going to be a brain surgeon!
Geri Jewell, comedian and actress
What did the home-quarantined stand-up comedian say after he got a laugh from his video chat audience?
"Thanks, I'll be here all week!"
A stand-up comedian got in a car accident and his legs got amputated
He's just a comedian now.
I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession!
I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.
They laughed at me.
What's the difference between becoming a famous stand-up comedian by your own devices vs stealing your jokes?
One is luck n' fame, the other is f**...' lame.
Not only was Stephen Hawking a great physicist, he was also a great comedian.
Sadly, his stand-up wasn't very good.
I ALWAYS wanted to be
a stand-up comedian, but I was worried that people would laugh at me.
Why couldn't the comedian in a wheelchair get an audience?
He couldn't do Stand Up comedy!
Everyone laughed when I said I was going to become a stand-up comedian...
Well, no one is laughing now.
