The Best 74 Stan Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stan jokes. There are some stan sharia jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stan bob puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stan Jokes and Puns

For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...

Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.

This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12

Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.

The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.

They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.

The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".

The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.

"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.

"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"

Yo mama's so mean...

She has no standard deviation.

Stan joke, Yo mama's so mean...

Stand by your man

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I was laid off, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."

someone tried to tell stan lee this joke during his panel at comic con this week end

what do you call spiderman when he quits the daily bugal and starts working as a valet?

peter PARKER.


My standards for chimneys are so high...

they go through the roof.

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me...

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.

"Fancy buying me a drink?" She said,

"Sure," I replied. "If you let me choose."

"Okay," she grinned. "But how will you know what I want?"

"Well, it's kind of a talent," I smiled. "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."

"Okay," she giggled. "You can choose for me."

So I turned to the barman and said, "Diet coke, mate."

Stan joke, I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me...

What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns?

I think he would be most strict on nail gun control.

(Credit to Taylor on PKA)

My name's Stanley, but my friends call me Stan...

So no one calls me Stan

Sometimes I like to stand in front of a mirror and reflect.

I can't stand those 'happy ending' massage parlors

Those places just rub me the wrong way

You can explore stan andy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stan geoff dad jokes. There are also stan puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If u stand in the pouring grain....

Your gonna get all wheat!

I cant stand this politically correct society much longer. I can't even order coffee anymore.

I used to go to the store and just say "I'll take my coffee black." Now I have to say "I'll take my coffee jeniqua."

Your Mum's so Mean

she doesn't even have a standard deviation.

What's your stand on renewable energy?

I don't know about you, but I'm a Big Fan.

When standing on top of a staircase, it becomes a universal mode of transport.

Where it goes is up to you.

Stan joke, When standing on top of a staircase, it becomes a universal mode of transport.

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

So I was standing in the toilet queue at my high school ball. I was wondering why there were also women waiting in the same line so I asked the guy in front of me.

"This is the punchline."

A standard elevator can hold 1700 lbs

or 5 Tinder matches...


Yo momma's so mean

she has no standard deviation

I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...

Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...

I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue....

On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.

I can't stand Pilates because it's too much like sex.

I sweat, muscles hurt, and then there's a woman yelling at me that I'm not doing it right.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

Don't even try and tell me that joke was offensive. Atleast it wasn't a blind joke. I can't see how those are funny.

I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

You know what I can't stand?

Having no legs.

What's your stance on sex with midgets?

Mine's a deep lunge

What's Pingu's stance on war?

Nootral

There once was a poet named Stan...

...whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He'd reply, "yes, I know,
But you see, the thing is, I seem to have gone and gotten myself into this really rather ridiculous habit recently of always trying to cram as many completely unnecessary additional syllables into the last line as I possibly can!"

What does AH stand for in the Periodic Table?

The Element of Surprise

I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by.

People hate it, but I'm a fan.

Standards are good

Double standards are twice as good

He who stands with hands in pockets feels foolish

He who stands with holes in pockets feels nuts

American's won't stand for Russian interference..

"Only American billionaires are allowed to undermine our Democracy!"

I was standing in a library

And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."

I can't stand bodybuilders who smoke weed.

They always act so high and mighty.

I can't stand when people don't know when to write your or you're

There so stupid

"I stand corrected!"

Said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

I can't stand Russian nesting dolls.

They're so full of themselves.

Why must 8 always stand up?

If it lies down, it's forever.

I really can't stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me.

Do they really have to rub it in that they've got more cash than I do?

I'm going to stand outside.

So if anyone asks, I'm outstanding.

A stand-up comedian tells a joke about a newly-discovered STI that takes ten years to show symptoms.

\* Slow clap *

Please stand up

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

"Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.

The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

I can't stand swearing during sex

Who wants to hear that kind of language especially from a child?

I can't stand everyone ridiculing me for being a cannibal...

I just get so fed up with people.

The Stanley Cup final will feature a morally bankrupt city, that is built on corruption, greed, and deceit...

Against Las Vegas.

Did you hear about Marvel wanting to buy the NHL?

They want to rename the championship trophy, The Stan Lee Cup

I can't stand it when homeless people shake their little cups at me

Yeah, I get it. You have more money than me, do you really have to rub it in?

Standing in a graveyard, Lex Luthor and his subordinate are planning Superman's demise

Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!

Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?

Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!

Henchman: How does that work?

Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.

What does the S stand for in marriage?

Sex

If BJ stands for Bad joke, then what does B+Γ­j stands for?

Complex bad joke.

Its not funny because the joke part is imaginary!

What comes standard with every German house?

A front porsche

What does EA truly stand for?

Early Access because all of their games are rushed and unfinished.

Never stand behind Satan at the post office

For the devil takes many forms

Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke....

What's Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture

That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...

BC now stands for "Before Coronavirus"

and AD is now "After Distancing"

>!Welcome to the new dark ages!<

Did u just stand there while I fell over and dropped all the laundry?

Yes I watched it all unfold

β€ͺI really can't stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me.

β€ͺDo they really have to rub it in that they've got more cash than I do?‬

Teacher came to Jack's desk

-You had the same answers in your test as Stan. So you must have cheated.

-How do you know that Stan didn't look at my answers? Jack defended himself.

-Stan had written "I don't know" and you had written "I don't know either"...

I can't stand it when my Mexican friend is late

I wait for no Juan.

So I like to stand on one leg sometime, like a flamingo, to help with building my balance...

My girlfriend always rolls her eyes at me and the other day she snapped and yelled at me to stop.

I said, This is my house, don't make me put my foot down..

I was standing outside the gym...

And there was a billboard that said: "OPEN 24/7!"

"That's not very helpful," I told myself. "July is ages away."

###

I can't stand Russian dolls.

They're so full of themselves.

I tried stand-up before, but it didn't work out. My first audience was a real tough crowd

I was performing in a haunted house and the only responses I got were "boooo".

I'm cannot stand to live with my flatmate anymore

She doesnt clean the flat, she doesn't cook and she basically just uses me for free rides.

I'm want to move so badly but my boyfriend says "we can't abandon our daughter."

I did my first stand up routine in Chernobyl last night

I got glowing reviews

Why is one standard deviation wealthier than the other?

because it lives well below its mean.

Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii?

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

I can't stand people who can't let go of the past

Debt collectors are the worst.

I can't stand my wife's ideas for our kitchen redesign

And I'm not convinced by her counterarguments.

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender looks at him and says, Hey, they named a drink after you!

* Really? There's a drink named Stan? *

Standing in the produce area of the grocery store, holding up a melon.....

Once you get married, you cantalope

"I stand corrected"

Says the man wearing orthopedic shoes

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stan bud jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stan cont piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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