Stamps Jokes
74 stamps jokes and hilarious stamps puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stamps that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Stamps Short Jokes
Short stamps jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stamps humour may include short stamped jokes also.
- I received a letter with 13 stamps on it, and I immediately knew there was a good dadjoke inside It had been reposted 12 times before
- Why are so many Italian men named Tony? When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...
- Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
- Why are there so many Italian guys named Tony ? Because when they were loaded onto a ship from Italy, they stamped their foreheads with To: NY
- The US post office announced today that they'll be releasing a new stamp commemorating prostitution. It's a ten cent stamp, but if you wanna lick it, it's a quarter.
- Why are a lot of Italians named Tony? Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".
- US Postal Service was considering a new Trump postage stamp... But in the early focus-group testing, most people were spitting on the wrong side causing the stamp not to stick to the envelopes.
- Rachel Dolezal, the white woman pretending to be black, is apparently jobless and living off food stamps I guess she really was black.
- Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA! Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back
- Why were so many Italians who emigrated to the US named Tony? They stamped TO NY on their foreheads.
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Stamps One Liners
Which stamps one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stamps? I can suggest the ones about stomps and postage.
- What goes all around the world but stays in one corner the entire time? Stamps!
- How does a DNA molecule moisten a stamp? Helix it!
- What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we'll go places.
- what travels around the world but stays in one corner? postage stamp
- How do you make a hormone Stamp on her foot
- How do you kill a black widow? You take away her food stamps.
- We're so poor We're so poor that the tooth fairy gave us food stamps
- What did the envelope say to the stamp? Stick with me baby, we're going places
- I received some food stamps the other day They tasted terrible.
- How can you tell when a fax has been sent by a blonde? When there's a stamp on it.
- How do you starve a black person? Put their food stamp card under their workboots!
- What travels the world by staying in his corner ? A stamps
- What goes around the world yet stays in the corner? Stamp
- What did the stamp sing to the letter? I can show you the wooooooorld
- Why was the stamp on the envelope missing? It up and left.
Food Stamps Jokes
Here is a list of funny food stamps jokes and even better food stamps puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you starve a Socialist? You hide their food stamps under their work boots.
Edit; Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold! - Man, times sure are tough! I just saw a vampire at the blood bank.. He asked if they take food stamps.
- Why does Trump think the food stamps program is unnecessary? Because he's constantly providing us with low hanging fruit.
- People from the food stamp office came by today to inspect our store I hope they didn't make any SNAP judgments
- Yo' Mama is so poor, her face is on the food stamp.
- Q: How do you starve an Oregon fan? A: Hide the food stamps under the soap.
- Yo momma's so poor, when I told her about the Last Supper, she thought the food stamps had run out.
- Soviet Monopoly "Go to gulag! Go directly to gulag! Do not pass go, do not collect food stamps and vodkac
- Yo momma's so poor, when I told her about the Last Supper, she thought the food stamps had run out.
- How do you starve black people Hide their food stamps under their working boots
Postage Stamps Jokes
Here is a list of funny postage stamps jokes and even better postage stamps puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was the physicist angry at the postage stamp? Because no matter how hard he tried, it just wouldn't gluon.
- There were two postage stamps that were forbidden from wedding one another... In the end they env-eloped
- Q: How are blondes like postage stamps?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way. - Chuck Norris doesent need a postage stamp...
He just tells the letter where to go and it gets there. - What I know about postage could be written on the back of a stamp... Or could it?
- So the United States federal government was going to release a Donald Trump postage stamp... But decided against it fearing people wouldn't know which side to spit on.
- Yo' Mama is like a postage stamp: you lick, you stick, you send her away.
- What kind of tattoo does a Postal Service worker get? A t**... stamp, and it says, "No postage necessary if nailed in the US."
- So I accidentally sent n**... to everyone in my address book. Worst part about it? Cost me a small fortune in postage stamps.
Humorous Stamps Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about stamps you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean marks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stamps pranks.
Stamping out intolerance
A woman walks into the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
What denomination? asks the shop assistant.
Oh, good heavens. Have we really come to this? says the woman. I guess I'll take 50 Catholic and 50 Anglican.
I was down by the Niagara River...
and I saw a Muslim extremist fall in!
He immediately started to sink.
Being a responsible Canadian, I contacted the provincial police and the RCMP right away! They didn't respond in time, and the Muslim man inevitably drowned...
I'm starting to think that I wasted two stamps.
Santa and Banta
Santa: Why did people stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?
Banta: Because people started l**... the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes..
At first I was angry...
...when all my friends began collecting stamps after I started.
But then I remembered: imitation is the sincerest form of philately.
I once sent n**... pictures to everyone in my contacts list. Not only was it embarrassing...
It cost me a fortune in stamps.
The most inappropriate thing to say to the queen of England,
I lick your stamps all the time.
I can't believe how s**... that bloke in the Post Office was....
He said that my Parcel was too heavy and that I needed to put more stamps on it like that's going to make it lighter.
TIFU by sending my n**... to everyone in my address book
Cost me a fortune in stamps
At the post office....
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
8 Days' Worth
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. What denomination? asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before
replying, Give me six Orthodox,
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.
You might be a r**... if......
You don't have enough cash for the h**..., but she takes Food Stamps
I was going to mail a sandwich, when I noticed it already had stamps.
Should I repost on this sub?
I messed up today by sending a picture of my junk to everyone in my contact list.
Cost me a fortune in stamps too.
Homework.
A girl is doing her homework and her little brother walks in. She asks him for help with a question and he refuses. Angrily she says "Just tell me what the division of two cells is and I won't hurt you". He still won't tell her so she stamps on his foot. "Tell me!" she yells "ouch! mitosis!."
Yo momma so s**......
...she tried to buy Tide Pods with food stamps.
I just sent a n**... photo to everyone in my address book. I sure won't make that mistake again!
It cost a fortune in stamps!
The US postal service releases a stamp of Donald Trump
After sometime, reports start to come in that the stamp was not sticking. Infuriated that his own stamps were not working, Trump conducted a $1,300,000 investigation to find out what happened. After eliminating all of the possibilities, they observe the post office to see if the fault was on the consumers end. They soon found out that people were spitting on the wrong side.
The elephant and p**...
p**... takes his son to the zoo. When they get to the elephants the zoo keeper said, this elephant can tell how old you are with one look. Paddys son shouts, "how old am I"...? The elephant stamps his foot 6 times. Wow says p**... that's right my boy is 6... p**... shouts to the elephant, "How old am I"...? The elephant farts and stamps his foot twice. "BeJesus"... Says p**..., "He's right, I'm f**... two"
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.
He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope.
The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing."
"Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says.
"But why?" the bartender asks.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
I accidentally sent everyone in my address book a n**... photo of myself
Not only was it embarrassing but it cost me a fortune in stamps
Well, I accidentally sent a n**... photo of me to everyone in my contacts list
It cost me a small fortune in stamps.
Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Lawyer Joke
Did you hear about the new stamps with famous lawyers?
Apparently they got recalled because people got confused which side to spit on.
Today I went to the post office to mail 20 letters... so I bought 20 stamps...
and the clerk just handed them to me. So I said "Am I supposed to stick all these on myself?"...and she said "No. Stick them on the envelopes.."
How to make money off Valentine's Day
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer. He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing." "Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says. "But why?" the bartender asks. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
They've already had to recall the Nancy Reagan stamps because they don't stick to the envelope
Everyone is spitting on the wrong side.
John Cleese Joke ..
The U.S. Postal service created a series of commemorative stamps commemorating lawyers, but they had to withdraw them within a couple of weeks because people couldn't figure out which side of the stamp to spit on.
