The Best 48 Stamp Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stamp jokes. There are some stamp edition jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stamp food stamp puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Stamp Jokes and Puns
Stamping out intolerance
A woman walks into the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
What denomination? asks the shop assistant.
Oh, good heavens. Have we really come to this? says the woman. I guess I'll take 50 Catholic and 50 Anglican.
A prostitute got a tramp stamp
It said "tips appreciated"
The US post office announced today that they'll be releasing a new stamp commemorating prostitution.
It's a ten cent stamp, but if you wanna lick it, it's a quarter.
How do you make a hormone
Stamp on her foot
An elderly Jewish sage walks into the post office and hands the clerk a thick envelope to mail.
The clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, buy this envelope is too heavy. You'll need to put another stamp on it."
"Vaht, and you think adding another stamp vill make it any lighter?"
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.
Why do elephants have large, flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, *god*, I miss him!"
Why did the construction worker get frustrated and stamp a snail?
Because it had been following him around all day
The next batch of women who get plastic surgery
Will have a stamp on their paperwork that shows they made with 33% recycled Joan Rivers.
What do you do if your in the way of stampeding cows?
Take away their credit cards so they can't charge
Why are so many Italian men named Tony?
When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...
You can explore stamp revenues reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stamp tramp stamp dad jokes. There are also stamp puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What goes around the world yet stays in the corner?
Stamp
How can you tell when a fax has been sent by a blonde?
When there's a stamp on it.
What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels...
At least the elephants you could reason with
what travels around the world but stays in one corner?
postage stamp
The jeweler received a new stamp kit as a birthday present
He thought it was pretty impressive.
A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport
He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport
"Good morning, First time in Germany?"
"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"
"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"
"T-34, I was the gunner"
Got a tattoo on the small of my back of 2 dogs sharing a plate of spaghetti.
It's a Lady and the Tramp stamp.
Footballer Dwight Yorke just got denied entry to the US due to an Iranian stamp in his passport.
Makes a change at least, most of his troubles are from briefly entering Jordan.
What is always in the corner, but travels around the world?
I heard this from a co-worker today... and well... it made me really think.
A stamp.
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
The US Postal service released a new stamp with a picture of Donald Trump on it, however the new stamp isn't sticking to envelopes. The POTUS got an investigation underway.
Investigation outcome:
There's nothing wrong with the stamp.
People are spitting on the wrong side.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out burning fires.
Why do elephants have big feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
What kind of tattoo does a Postal Service worker get?
A tramp stamp, and it says, "No postage necessary if nailed in the US."
Tramp stamp
Single people discussing their dating life with married friends is like getting a tramp stamp with a misspelling.
Irreversible, permanent and embarrassing.
How does a DNA molecule moisten a stamp?
Helix it!
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we'll go places.
Did you hear that joke about the letter that didn't have a stamp?
— Did you hear that joke about the letter that didn't have a stamp?
— No.
— Nevermind, you wouldn't get it.
The US postal service releases a stamp of Donald Trump
After sometime, reports start to come in that the stamp was not sticking. Infuriated that his own stamps were not working, Trump conducted a $1,300,000 investigation to find out what happened. After eliminating all of the possibilities, they observe the post office to see if the fault was on the consumers end. They soon found out that people were spitting on the wrong side.
What haw two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone.
(I'm Chinese and I give this joke the Chinese stamp of approval)
The United States Post Office has issued a recall of the official Donald Trump Presidential stamp
People were too confused about which side to spit on
What do you call Roger Stone's newest tattoo?
A Trump stamp.
Why was the stamp on the envelope missing?
It up and left.
The U.S. postal services came out with a new Donald Trump stamp. Although they received many complaints that they were defective!
After polling the public on how the stamp is defective, they figured out nothing was wrong with the stamp at all!
The americans were just not spitting on the right side!
Did you hear?! They're putting the Poo emoji on a stamp!
Finally! Shitpost!
What did the stamp sing to the letter?
I can show you the wooooooorld
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.
He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope.
The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing."
"Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says.
"But why?" the bartender asks.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
US Postal Service was considering a new Trump postage stamp...
But in the early focus-group testing, most people were spitting on the wrong side causing the stamp not to stick to the envelopes.
I don't have any tattoos and don't I think I'll ever get one. But if I do, I might get a Kirkland Signature logo tramp stamp and I'd get it at Costco.
If I'm not completely satisfied, I'm sure their return policy would cover it. Which would technically be an even bigger tattoo saying RETURN POLICY.
I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.
USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.
This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.
After months of testing, costing $2.65 billion in congressional spending and firing of 25+ people, the special prosecutor appointed by Trump presented the following findings.
* The stamps have no manufacturing defects.
* There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
* People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.
What do you call a mushroom stamp for a uncircumcised guy.
A cyclops slap.
My ex said my package was like the Declaration of Independence.
because it could be mailed with just a stamp
Elephant jokes, because it's what 2021 needs
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
Bonus #1: How can you tell an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Footprints in the cheesecake.
Bonus #2: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
Bonus #3: No more elephant jokes.
Why will the U.S. Post Office never issue a Donald Trump stamp?
Because 60 percent of Americans would spit on the front side, and 40 percent would lick the back side.
In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
Adolph Hitler had a stamp on his desk
It was solely used to RSVP for meetings. The picture resembled a dolphin breaching water. Historians now believe the message was to mean Adolph in.
What did the envelope say to the stamp?
Stick with me baby, we're going places
How to make money off Valentine's Day
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer. He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing." "Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says. "But why?" the bartender asks. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stamp methodically jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stamp femail piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.