stammered Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stammered puns

A soldier working in the motorpool answers the phone...

"Yeah, I need to know when the General's hummer is going to be repaired and ready to go."

The private replied, "Man, I dunno, that fatass General broke the seat and we had to send out for a new one."

The voice on the other end stammered furiously, "Do you know who you're talking to??"

"No, I sure don't."

"This is the General!!"

"Oh, well, do you know who YOU'RE talking to?"

"No I do not!"

"Good. See ya later, fatass!"


With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"

Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"


When the surgeon came to see his young female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed.

So the doctor she asked "What's wrong?"

"Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal sex life.

"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.

"You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy."


I went to the clinic today and nervously said, "Doc, this is a little embarrassing, but I've got a problem." Rolling his eyes, chuckling softly, he retorted, "Trust me, I'm a doctor. Nothing you can show me would be startling."

Hesitating just a bit, I stammered, "Well...I...I...I seem to have 5 penises."

Stunned, eyes wide, he rasped, "Wait, what?! How did you get your pants on!?"

I whispered, "Actually, they fit like a glove."


A German diva I took home with me turned out to be a transsexual.

When I took off her pants and saw she had a penis, I recoiled. "Vat is ze problem?" she said.

I stammered that there had been a miscommunication, that I didn't want to touch her dick, that I wouldn't even know what to do with it if I tried. I was still a fan of everything above the waist, so I awkwardly tried to fondle her boobs as some sort of weird compensation. She slapped my hand away.

"No *zank* you," she said as she got dressed. "If you can't handle me at my wurst, you don't deserve me at my breasts."


I took a bird back to my house the other night

I took a bird back to my house the other night. Why are all of these photos turned the other way? she asked, confused.

They're pictures of my wife, I replied. They're just too painful to look at.

Oh, I'm sorry, she stammered, I didn't know. How did it happen, if you don't mind me asking?

Both of her parents were ugly, I replied.


I stammered over the story of how I got fired from the Pizzeria.

I really messed up the delivery.


My wife stared at me with mouth agape and stammered, You're shirtless and also covered in…oil?!

I exclaimed proudly, Well, you're always saying I never glisten!

She threw her arms up in the air and screamed disgustedly, ** Listen!!** You never **listen! **


The Speech Therapist

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting absolutely nowhere with her Stammerer's Action Group.

She had tried every technique in the book, but still they stammered and stuttered.

Finally, totally exasperated, she said; "If any of you can tell me where you born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water."

The Englishman immediately piped up; "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.

"That's no good, Trevor" said the speech therapist, "Who's next?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out; "G-g-g-g-g-g-gl-lasgow."

"That's no better either, Seathan."

"Now, how about you, Paddy?"

The Irishman took a deep breath, counted to five and eventually blurted out; "London".

"Brilliant, Paddy!" said the therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.

After 10 minutes of steamy sex, Paddy said,



What are the most funny Stammered jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stammered? Well, here are the best Stammered dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stammered pick up lines to share with friends.


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