Stake Jokes

56 stake jokes and hilarious stake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Stake Short Jokes

Short stake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stake humour may include short steak jokes also.

  1. Today I was helping a friend install his fence, but I put in one of the stakes upside down so we had to do it over. Sorry for the repost.
  2. Why are vampires very bad Product Managers? Because they refuse to meet with stake holders
  3. i once found a vampire in my hotel so i stabbed it with a wooden stake, shined my flashlight at it and threw holy water at it. died instantly. still don't know why it had a bucket of candy tho.
  4. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? Because his doctor said stakes were bad for his heart.
    source: My 7 year-old.
  5. It was a tough Halloween this year.. I staked 5 vampires, beheaded 3 zombies and exorcised 8 ghosts.
    Then the wife came out screaming something about
    "No, no you give them candy!!!"
  6. What do humans and vampires have in common? Both die when you stick a wooden stake in their hearts
  7. I bet the butcher £100 he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf He said No chance the stakes are way too high
  8. Why did the vampire get nervous during the poker game? His opponent had just raised the stakes.
  9. Why did the new guy put cows on a forklift? Because his supervisor told him they are raising the stakes
  10. Vampires that are depressed and unproductive tend to live longer... ... because no one puts any stake in them.

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Stake One Liners

Which stake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stake? I can suggest the ones about stab and strike.

  1. I think my friend is a vampire I stabbed him in the heart with a wooden stake and he died
  2. I killed a vampire last Halloween ...or a kid. Either way, the wooden stake worked.
  3. I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I'm now the main stake holder.
  4. Why Don't vampires like gambling? They get nervous when the stakes are raised.
  5. Why doesn't NASA send cows to space? Because the stakes would be too high.
  6. Do you know what's at stake for the tired dragon? Flaming yawn.
  7. Why should you always bet against vampires? Vampires flee as soon as you raise the stake.
  8. I was grilling yesterday but then the meat started smoking Stakes were high
  9. What was Dracula's last meal? A stake!
  10. Why did the vampire set Van Helsing's house on fire? He likes his stakes well done
  11. What was the vampire's last meal? Stake
  12. Vampires would make terrible undercover cops.. They just can't get the stake out.
  13. Gambling is like a dwarf at a barbecue... ...The stakes are always just too high
  14. Why did Dracula go vegan? He heard stake was bad for his heart.
  15. What do vegans and vampires have in common? They don't eat at stake houses.

Stake joke, What do vegans and vampires have in common?

Hilarious Fun Stake Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about stake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tree stump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stake pranks.

TIL about a method of capital punishment called the Roman Candle. Victims were tied to a stake and covered in a flammable resin. The burning bodies would sometimes be used to provide lighting for evening parties.

Great idea; terrible execution.

The stakes

A man walks into a meat shop and asks if he can have a nice cut of prime steak. The butcher goes to the back of the shop but comes back empty handed. The man asks why he didn't bring back any meat, and the butcher replies "the meat was on the top shelf and I couldn't reach it... The stakes were just too high.

Why was the cow scared about going into the s**... house?

His life was at stake.
Badum psh.

I chuckled at this one

Suicidal arsonist burned at the stake.

Project Manager Humor

Why do Vampires make poor project managers?
Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders.
(why yes, I am a dad why do you ask?)

My neighbor was a vampire

When I stabbed her in the heart with a wooden stake, she died.

What do you feed a fat vampire?

One stake should be enough

Everything is at stake during this year's Ms Universe final. But Ms Kenya keeps stepping on Ms Australia's foot...

Ah! Kenya f**... not mate!

What do you call a failed vampire assassination?

A missed stake

They're making a Dracula vs Sherlock Holmes movie

They're calling it "The Stake Out."

Why did the cow go to the BBQ restaurant?

She had her reputation at stake.

Why was the fishmonger burned at the stake?

Because he sold his sole to the Devil.

Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?

It was a stake sandwich.

What did the judge say while sentencing an American comedian to his death?

Burnham at the stake.

Why did a farmer feed his cows w**...?

He wanted to get them on a high stake.

I tried to kill a vampire but failed

My missed stake

A vampire hunter's favorite thing?

Having a stake out.

Dracula is vegan for 1 reason..

Stake kills him.

I'm afraid my wife might be a vampire.

She like to stay out all night, all of her guy friends invite her over before she can visit them and she always seems genuinely concerned when I try to stab her with a wooden stake.

My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters

She's the new Miss Stake.

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you d**....
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow with one leg?
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!

Fitted sheets were originally invented in 1682 in Salem, MA.

Unfortunately, they didn't catch on at that time since anyone who could actually fold them was accused of witchcraft and subsequently burned at the stake.

I could never be a greeter at a steakhouse.

They always want you to pick your cut from the case before you are seated.
I wouldn't know whether to ask customers to stake their claim or claim their steak.

If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then what do you feed a vampire?

A stake.

A conquistador was talking to a native about the superiority of his civilization.

"Unlike you savages we do not partake in cannibalism or human sacrifice. Now eat your body and blood of Christ or we'll burn you at the stake!"

What's the difference between doing something wrong and a bet with a medium risk?

One is a mistake, the other is a mid stake.

Stake joke, What's the difference between doing something wrong and a bet with a medium risk?

jokes about stake