The Best 47 Stake Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stake jokes. There are some stake invest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stake wager puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stake Jokes and Puns

TIL about a method of capital punishment called the Roman Candle. Victims were tied to a stake and covered in a flammable resin. The burning bodies would sometimes be used to provide lighting for evening parties.

Great idea; terrible execution.

The stakes

A man walks into a meat shop and asks if he can have a nice cut of prime steak. The butcher goes to the back of the shop but comes back empty handed. The man asks why he didn't bring back any meat, and the butcher replies "the meat was on the top shelf and I couldn't reach it... The stakes were just too high.

Why was the cow scared about going into the slaughter house?

His life was at stake.

Badum psh.

Stake joke, Why was the cow scared about going into the slaughter house?

How do you kill a vampire baby?

Stake and shake

I killed a vampire last Halloween

...or a kid. Either way, the wooden stake worked.

I chuckled at this one

Suicidal arsonist burned at the stake.

A group of young Italian investors bought a majority stake in Alitalia...

It will now be called Generazzione Italia, but they only have enough money to put 3 letters on their planes. The airline is now called GenItalia...

Stake joke, A group of young Italian investors bought a majority stake in Alitalia...

I turned down a free meal at the stake house yesterday.

It was a missed steak.

Project Manager Humor

Why do Vampires make poor project managers?

Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders.

(why yes, I am a dad why do you ask?)

My neighbor was a vampire

When I stabbed her in the heart with a wooden stake, she died.

A vampire hunter keeps chasing me around, threatening to put a stake through my heart

I'm not worried though, I'm not a vampire so it wont kill me.

You can explore stake mis reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stake ante dad jokes. There are also stake puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why did the cautious gambler never go camping?

He didn't want to stake his tent.

What do you feed a fat vampire?

One stake should be enough

I think my friend is a vampire

I stabbed him in the heart with a wooden stake and he died

Everything is at stake during this year's Ms Universe final. But Ms Kenya keeps stepping on Ms Australia's foot...

Ah! Kenya fucken not mate!

What do you call a failed vampire assassination?

A missed stake

Stake joke, What do you call a failed vampire assassination?

Where does the vampire hunter with Parkinson's like to go eat?

Stake 'n Shake

If you're on a date with a witch

Order the stake, she'll love it

I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company.

I'm now the main stake holder.

A Stake Through The Heart Kills Everything, Humans, Vampires, Animals,

But Not Kevin Spacey. There Is No Heart To Begin With

They're making a Dracula vs Sherlock Holmes movie

They're calling it "The Stake Out."

Why did the cow go to the BBQ restaurant?

She had her reputation at stake.

Why was the fishmonger burned at the stake?

Because he sold his sole to the Devil.

Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?

It was a stake sandwich.

What did the judge say while sentencing an American comedian to his death?

Burnham at the stake.

Why did a farmer feed his cows weed?

He wanted to get them on a high stake.

I tried to kill a vampire but failed

My missed stake

What do humans and vampires have in common?

Both die when you stick a wooden stake in their hearts

A vampire hunter's favorite thing?

Having a stake out.

Vampires would make terrible undercover cops..

They just can't get the stake out.

Vampires that are depressed and unproductive tend to live longer...

... because no one puts any stake in them.

Went for a meal..

Me and the Mrs went for a meal , things got a bit kinkey so I started rubbing my foot up her leg........ anyway I got a stake and she got toad in the hole

What was the vampire's last meal?


What was Dracula's last meal?

A stake!

What's a British caveman vampire slayer's favorite food?

Tea bone stake

Halloween can be tricky and dangerous night for you vampire slayers

so try to stake safe tonight, everyone!

What do vegans and vampires have in common?

They don't eat at stake houses.

I was asked if I'd rather have my head chopped off or be burned on a stake.

I answered being burned at the stake, and when asked why, I said Because a hot steak is better than a cold chop .

Dracula is vegan for 1 reason..

Stake kills him.

I'm afraid my wife might be a vampire.

She like to stay out all night, all of her guy friends invite her over before she can visit them and she always seems genuinely concerned when I try to stab her with a wooden stake.

My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters

She's the new Miss Stake.

Do you know what's at stake for the tired dragon?

Flaming yawn.

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.

...w/ 1 leg? Stake.

...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.

...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.

...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.

...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.

...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.

...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.

...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.

I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with one leg?


What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom!

Fitted sheets were originally invented in 1682 in Salem, MA.

Unfortunately, they didn't catch on at that time since anyone who could actually fold them was accused of witchcraft and subsequently burned at the stake.

I could never be a greeter at a steakhouse.

They always want you to pick your cut from the case before you are seated.

I wouldn't know whether to ask customers to stake their claim or claim their steak.

If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then what do you feed a vampire?

A stake.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stake vant jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stake investments piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes