stain Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stain puns

What do you call an oil stain that lasted for 1000 years?

Ancient grease


A blonde, a brunette and a redhead...

...are riding in an elevator from the 14th floor to the lobby. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain."
The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a cum stain," she says.
The blonde leans over and tastes the spot, then says, "Well, it's nobody from this building!"


Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.

"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.

"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.

"No, mustard," Monica replies


Dry cleaners.

A hot blond walks into a Dry cleaners. She tells the teller "I need to get a stain removed from my sweater. The teller being a little hard of hearing asks "Come again?" To which she replied " No, its mustard."


A brunette, a redhead and a blonde get onto the elevator... their apartment building. The brunette notices a stain on the wall, and comments, "That looks like dried cum!"

The redhead leans over and sniffs it. "Yep, it smells like dried cum, too."

The blonde leans in, licks the stain, and exclaims, "Well, it's not from anybody in this building!"


A lady goes into the dry cleaners

Lady: "I was wondering if you could get this stain out of my blouse"

The Clerk: "Come again?"

Lady: "No, this time it's just yogurt"


A Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead... [NSFW]

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into an elevator together at work. The redhead notices a new stain on the wall of the elevator.

The redhead proceeds to smell the stain and says, "I think it's cum?"

The brunette then smells the same stain and says, "Oh yea, it's definitely cum."

The blonde smells the stain, looks perplexed for a moment, then declares that, "Yes it's cum, but it isn't from any of the men from this building."


A woman walks into the dry cleaners...

Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?

Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.

Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?

Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.

Clerk: Come again?

Woman: No, it's mustard this time.


A pirate ship is sailing across the Atlantic..

When suddenly the lookout shouts, "Enemy ship heading our way!" The captain, as soon as he hears this, tells his first mate to go grab his red coat.

After they defeated the enemy, his first mate asks what the red coat was for. The captain responds, "Whenever I go into battle with my crew, I don't want them to lose morale by seeing my blood stain me, so I wear this coat to hide my wounds from them."

The next day the lookout warns them, "There's a fleet of five enemy ships heading our way!"

Upon hearing this, the captain tells his first mate to grab his brown pants.


My uncle was in the navy, stationed on an aircraft carrier.

One day during inspection he had a ketchup stain on his shirt. This had the natural punishment of kitchen duty.

That night he reported and there was a big, fat, sweaty man in a wife beater making hamburger patties for dinner the next night. He'd pick up a handful of beef, put it into his armpit and flatten it into a patty.

My uncle was absolutely disgusted as they had hamburgers every Thursday for his 2 year deployment. While he was curled over a trash can trying to control his stomach the chef pipes up:

"If you think that's bad you oughta be here the day we make donuts"


A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are in an office building elevator.

The brunette looks over at one of the walls and notices a stain about waist high. "Ew," she says, "What is that stain?" The redhead walks over to the stain and pokes it a little, then sniffs her finger. "Oh my god I think it's someone's cum." All three women get to giggling and talking about whose it could be, so to settle the topic the blonde walks over, kneels down and licks the cum stain, just a little bit. "Well whoever he is," says the blonde, "he doesn't work in this office."


What is the most effective way of cleaning a cum stain?

Baby wipes


Blonde Joke!

Blonde walks into a dry cleaner with her sweater and asks the clerk how much it would cost to get the stain out. The clerk didn't hear her turns to her and says come again? The blonde giggles and says no it's just mustard this time


I don't think that's a drool stain.

A pretty young girl goes into a her local dry-cleaners with an evening dress under her arm. She shows the dress to the old man behind the counter and asks
"It's really not too dirty except for this one stain, can you take care of the stain for me, please?"
The old man is hard of hearing and says
"Come again?"
The girl replies
"No, just some mustard."


Bill Clinton takes a dress to the dry cleaners...

He asks the laundress to get a stain out of the dress, but she doesn't quite hear him with the machines running.

"Come again?" she says.

"Actually, it's mustard this time."


What do you call it when a man spills Merlot on a woman's breasts?

A Harvey Wine Stain.


For sale: One parachute.

Unopened condition. Small stain. As is.


I'm trying to remove a poop stain with vodka.

It's Smirnoff.


[NSFW] Three women are in an elevator.

One with black hair, a brunette and a blonde.

The girl with black hair notices an odd stain on the wall, walks up to it, stares at it for a moment, lifts her glasses to get a closer look and says:

I think this is a cumstain

This catches the brunette's attention so she goes in to check it out. She sniffs it a few times then says:

Yep, that's a cumstain alright!

At this moment the blonde runs over and licks it all off the wall! Turns around and says:

You guys are right, but it's no one from this building!


A blonde goes to the dry cleaners

She hands him her dress which has a huge stain in the front. She pays him and says "I need this dress for a party. So can you please get it cleaned by Thursday?" Now the dry cleaner was very old and couldn't hear properly so he asks her "Come again?"
The blonde blushes furiously and says "No, it is mayonnaise this time"


On this stain remover it said: "Gets rid of all marks."

Now I wish we'd named our son that.


"Stain, color, darken, tint..."

Those were my grandfather's dyeing words.


A blonde walks into a very noisy dry cleaners..

blonde: "Could you get this stain out for me please"

cashier: "COME AGAIN?"



Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.


Girl walks up to a guy and says "hey, you've got a white stain on your shirt"

Guy says, "Sorry, it's genetic."


My neighbor left his trash out this morning, and there's a red stain where the can was.

He'll probably ask his wife to clean it.


How do you call a dog named Stain?

Come Stain!


How do you get a shit stain on the toilet to leave?

Piss it off


Blonde, Brunette and Redhead go into the office...

the office is a mess chairs overturned, clothes strewn about and an empty condom wrapper on the floor. the Brunette pulls up a chair, looks at the seat and says, "OMG, that looks like a cum stain." The Redhead leans over, gives the seat a sniff and says, "OMG, that SMELLS like a cum stain." The blonde reaches down, smears it around and tastes her finger; shaking her head she says, "'s nobody that works here."


I want to get a dog just so I can name it Stain

That way when I take it to the park, and if it runs off, I can yell "come Stain!"


Weed strin humor

At the dispensary there is a stain called Aldous Huxley. If you smoke it with your wife she becomes sterile.



I stained my skirt getting my menses for the first time in Science class

That was a horrible period


Wife in bed says to her husband I know it was you who farted .

Husband responds How can it be me when I know it was you who farted ?

Wife replies because I can see the stain on your underwear .


The Russians in Africa

Them Benining in the Niger river delta was a bit of a stain on their Marx.


Wife asks husband: How did you get the stain of lipstick on you shirt?

Husband replies " I'm also in shock , i was full naked that time"


What are the most funny Stain jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stain? Well, here are the best Stain dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stain pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes