Stage Jokes
125 stage jokes and hilarious stage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking to lighten up your time on stage? Check out this article for some hilarious stage jokes that every musician and stage manager should know! From funny tales of stage fright to one-liners for the crowd, these jokes will help you work the room and get the audience laughing.
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Funniest Stage Short Jokes
Short stage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stage humour may include short phase jokes also.
- Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
- The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
- Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
- I went to an Oasis gig with my sister in 1995. When they came out onto the stage I shouted, "Go Oasis!"
Then my sister left. - I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me.... I'll return
- I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today... I left without making a scene.
- I just found out that Miles Teller, the actor in Top Gun,uses a stage name. His original name was Odometer.
- Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.
- I got booed off of the stage at the start of my comedy act for saying that I still live with my parents... That's the last time I do a gig at an orphanage.
- Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor? It was just a stage he was going through.
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Stage One Liners
Which stage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stage? I can suggest the ones about scene and steps.
- I don't get why people say cancer is hard to beat I'm already on Stage 4
- I hear cancer is hard to beat No one got past stage 4.
- I don't see why people say dealing with cancer is hard I'm already on stage four
- I dont understand why they say cancer is so hard to beat I'm already on stage 4
- A performer fell through the floor It was just a stage he was going through
- If cancer is so hard... Why am I on stage 4?
- As a comedian, I see no reason to go on stage They're just gonna laugh at me.
- What is the first stage of grief for an Egyptian? Denile.
- I don't know why people say cancer is so difficult. I'm already on stage 4
- Fighting Hard lol cancer is so easy to beat i am already at stage 4
- I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
- I don't know why they say cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on Stage 4.
- What's Darth Vader's stage name when he plays his electric piano? The synth lord
- I love using our theatre's trapdoor... ...it's just a stage I'm going through.
- The moon landing was staged The rocket they used had multiple stages
Band Stage Jokes
Here is a list of funny band stage jokes and even better band stage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Tickets for the Indiana State Philharmonic went up dramatically after they doubled the width of the stage. You didn't think that the ISP would give out twice the band width for free did you?
- How does a band know if the stage is level? When drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
- Did you hear about the time Jim Morrison and 2 of his band-mates collapsed on stage? Then they sounded just like 3 Doors Down.
- What is a great gift for a struggling rock band? Stage presents.
- The Canadian space program suffered a serious set back, today. During launch, there was a major malfunction in the primary propulsion system of the first stage vehicle. The rubber band broke.
- A band walks on stage, They take their time setting up. The front man speaks into the mic and announces to the audience 'we are The Indian Givers'
Then they all walk straight back off the stage. - New Band I recently started a new band: We have to play every song in a certain order and we all have to be symmetrical on stage. We're called OC/DC.
- What's the name of the band that refuses to give concerts unless the stage floor is dry? Slip-not
Booed Stage Jokes
Here is a list of funny booed stage jokes and even better booed stage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was booed off stage and locked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone too many times very poorly They told me I had too many unsuccessful Loggins attempts
- I got booed off stage for saying I still live with my mum... Never doing a charity gig for an orphanage again...
- I went to a comedy night at a haunted mansion I got booed off the stage
- I've never been booed off stage. I've never been booed off stage! Sure, I've been booed on stage plenty of times... but never off stage.
In honor of Mitch Hedberg. RIP. - My whole life I've wanted to be a singer in the worst possible way I just got booed off the stage at karaoke night so I think I've succeeded.
- Why did the ghost give up his career as a stand-up comedian? He kept getting booed off the stage.
- How do cows boo other cows off stage? They mooo! at them..
Stage Production Jokes
Here is a list of funny stage production jokes and even better stage production puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw a stage production of "The Three Pigs" yesterday. The pigs were pretty boaring, but the wolf really brought down the house.
- It's time to act now Let's stage a socialist takeover of Broadway and seize the means of productions!
- No one on the stage production crew had checked the schedule for the day. "I'm not making a scene, YOU'RE making a scene!!!"
- I'm banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions. It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]
Fun-Filled Stage Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about stage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean season jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stage pranks.
The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips...
So I got kicked out of KFC.
Just thought of this
So I was at a hippy music festival and after the show I met a few bands back stage. I saw a bassist sitting in the corner by himself so I sat next to him and asked.
"Hey man, my name is Mark. Whats your name, what you been up to?"
"Benjamin"
A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."
You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night?
He got a little too close to the edge.
So I had a colonoscopy today...
While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an e**..."
"I haven't got an e**...," I said.
"No, but I have." he replied.
Just some jokes about musicians.
How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.
How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.
A pig that can speak French
A circus advertises a new act: a pig that can speak French. A trainer walks onto the stage carrying a small pig with a blue ribbon and a wooden mallet. The trainer asks, "Parlez-vous français?" and hits the pig with the mallet. The pig: "Ouiiii..."
Scientists and spiders.
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
Last night on stage at the s**... club ...
...was the ugliest woman I've ever seen. She danced up to me and said "Hey handsome, what would you like me to take off first?"
"My glasses" I said
THE STAGES OF SUCCESS
At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is...having friends.
At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is...having s**....
At age 35 success is...having money.
At age 50 success is...having money.
At age 60 success is...having s**....
At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is...having friends.
At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants
A spanish magician ...
A spanish magician gets on stage and says "I will disappear in 3 seconds." He counts: "Uno, Dos." And he disappeared without a tres.
I once saw a Mexican magician
He pulled me on stage and said he would make me disappear by the count of three. I didn't believe. Without warning he started counting. "Uno...Dos..." and *p**...*. I was gone without a Tres.
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
Stages of man's sexuality [OC]
1. Puberty: m**... in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable m**... in your room and some casual s**... with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild s**... all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular s**....
5. Marriage after children: m**... in secrecy and shame.
How can you tell when the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.
Beethoven is on the stage at a concert
"You wanna' hear a symphony?"
"Yeaaah"
"I can't hear you!"
I read this morning there's a test to find out if you have early stage Alzhimer's.
And then this morning I read that there's a test to find out if you have early stage Alzhimer's.
So, there's a Mexican Magician
A Mexican Magician stands up on stage in front of a kids birthday party. He looks at the kids with a smile and says, "Okay kids, on the count of three, I'm gonna disappear." He holds up his fingers and starts counting "Uno, Dos..." and then he disappeared without a tres.
My friend told me "the first stage is grief"
"Isn't it denial?" I replied.
"No, not for me"
A man goes to a doctor...
And the doc says, "I have some bad news and some worse news."
The man says, "OK, give me the worst news first."
The doc says, "You have stage 4 cancer throughout your brain and mouth and you aren't likely to survive more than 4 months."
The man says, "Well that's really bad, what's the other news?"
The doc says, "You have alzheimers too."
The man sits and thinks a bit and finally says, "Well, that's not so bad at least I don't have cancer."
What are the 3 stages of s**... after marriage?
Tri-weekly
Try Weekly
and
Try Weakly
4 stages of life
1. You believe in Santa
2. You don´t believe in Santa
3. You are Santa
4. You look like Santa
A Saudi prince has come forward saying that they should end the ban placed on women driving in the kingdom.
Interesting, just in time when all global tech giants are in the final stage of trials of their self-driving cars.
Why did the overweight actor fall through the theater floor?
It was just a stage he was going through
Did ABC purposefully mix up the Best Picture announcement in an effort to drive ratings?
After some careful research I've found nearly everybody on that stage to be a paid actor!
I once saw an incredible disappearing Mexican magician...he would come on stage and say, "Uno, Dos..." And p**...!
He was gone without a Tres
Interview with a stage magician
* So, what do you do?
* I saw women in half.
* Do you have any family?
* Four half sisters.
A man auditioned for a talent show
A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.
"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."
My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."
"My minds made up." I insisted.
"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."
Being a comedian is really bad for my anxiety
Whenever I'm on stage people keep laughing at me
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
When I get nervous on stage people say "imagine the audience n**..."
But that just makes it harder for me.
There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...
...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...
I went to see a stage performer that does live sacrifices of celebrities during his act
I gave him 5 stars.
The three stages of s**... in marriage
tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly
I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
s**... with my wife is like the England World Cup squad
neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.
When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.
The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"
Three men from the same country enter a competition to see who has the most children.
As they enter the stadium, the enormous crowd starts cheering in excitement. The first man comes up, and his family of 20 accompanies him on stage. The second man comes up, revealing his enormous family of 60 members. The third man comes up on the stage, but nobody comes up with him. The crowd then starts chanting:
DADDY! DADDY! DADDY...
Last week a young boy saved a priests life in the United States...
... he discovered the priest had early stage testicular cancer...
A bear and a pony walked onto the stage at a convention...
And the pony went up to the microphone and said, "Bear with me, I'm a little horse."
In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"
The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.
When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"
"Because my script is a play on words!"
There are three stages of s**... after marriage:
1. Tri-weekly.
2. Try weekly.
3. Try weakly.
People always say cancer is hard to beat
It's pretty easy actually, I'm already on stage 4
There are 3 stages to a married couple's s**... life
Tri-weekly
Try weekly
Try weakly
A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat and I'll give you a handsome tip". The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers "The wife did it".
There are four stages of life and they all involve Santa
1. You believe in Santa.
2. You don't believe in Santa.
3. You are Santa.
4. You look like Santa.
A man on a stage giving speech 'all men who are afraid of their wives come here"
All the men except for one person went to the stage. He said to the only man sitting in his seat "wow, so you aren't afraid of your wife, respect".
The man said "my wife told me not to move from this seat till she comes back"
Simon is in the school play and invites his parents
Now his parents don't think he'll be very good. Halfway through the play a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Dont worry' Simon's dad whispers to his wife 'It's just a stage he's going through!'
Why couldn't the juggler perform on the big stage?
He didn't have the b**...
4 stages of life....
1) You believe in Santa.
2) You don't believe in Santa.
3) You are Santa.
4) You look like Santa.
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said
Yes oui si ja
I was in Mexico last weekend enjoying what the entertainment has to offer....
...ended up going to this magic show that was highly recommended. The Magician came on stage and started the show with a disappearing act. He said "Pay close attention as I will vanish into thin air on the count of three"
He started counting... "uno....dos..."
And sure as s**... he disappeared without a Tres.
4 stages of life
You believe in Santa.
You don't believe in Santa.
You are Santa.
You look like Santa.
I saw a magician who could make anything weigh exactly 28.3 grams.
His stage name is "The Wizard of Oz."
The four stages of life, in Santa Clause terms.
1) You believe in Santa.
2) You don't believe in Santa.
3) You pretend to be Santa.
4) You look like Santa.
I went to the theatre today, the stage was covered in random phrases...
I guess it was a 'play on words'
A guy goes to a psychiatrist to see about his strange dreaming...
"doctor I'm dreaming everynight about a soccer tournament for ants. It's on everynight. They went though a group stage, a knockout phase and its the only thing I'm dreaming about the last week, it's driving me nuts."
so the doctor says: "well, that's easy, just take this medicine before going to bed tonight and the dreams will be gone".
to which the guy replies: "no no no doctor, not tonight because it's the FINALS".
Did you hear David Copperfield has stopped doing the old trapdoor disappearing trick?
It was just a stage he was going through.
