The Best 91 Stage Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stage jokes. There are some stage pantomime jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stage auditorium puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stage Jokes and Puns

Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer,

I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

Bubble wrap

I work in the props department for a stage show company. Yesterday my boss asked me to fetch a 30-yard roll of bubble wrap from the store room. I brought it to her but her hands were full so she told me to just pop it in the corner. Took me an hour.

Just thought of this

So I was at a hippy music festival and after the show I met a few bands back stage. I saw a bassist sitting in the corner by himself so I sat next to him and asked.

"Hey man, my name is Mark. Whats your name, what you been up to?"

"Benjamin"

Stage joke, Just thought of this

A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."

You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night?

He got a little too close to the edge.


So I had a colonoscopy today...

While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"

"I haven't got an erection," I said.

"No, but I have." he replied.

Just some jokes about musicians.

How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.

What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.

What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.

How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.

How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Stage joke, Just some jokes about musicians.

A pig that can speak French

A circus advertises a new act: a pig that can speak French. A trainer walks onto the stage carrying a small pig with a blue ribbon and a wooden mallet. The trainer asks, "Parlez-vous français?" and hits the pig with the mallet. The pig: "Ouiiii..."

Scientists and spiders.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.

'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'

The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'

The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'

The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.

The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'

The spider didn't move.
'Move right'

Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

How does a band know if the stage is level?

When drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Last night on stage at the strip club ...

...was the ugliest woman I've ever seen. She danced up to me and said "Hey handsome, what would you like me to take off first?"

"My glasses" I said

You can explore stage audience reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stage backstage dad jokes. There are also stage puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Mike Tyson is hosting a spelling bee

A contestant approaches the stage and Mike says, "the word is dictate"

The contestant thinks for a second, clearly pondering the spelling of the word. "Dictate... Mike, could you please use that in a sentence?"

Mike smoothly replies, "Well of course. When I was in prison, Maurice told me that my dictate good"

THE STAGES OF SUCCESS

At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is...having friends.

At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is...having sex.

At age 35 success is...having money.

At age 50 success is...having money.

At age 60 success is...having sex.

At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is...having friends.

At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants

A spanish magician ...

A spanish magician gets on stage and says "I will disappear in 3 seconds." He counts: "Uno, Dos." And he disappeared without a tres.

I once saw a Mexican magician

He pulled me on stage and said he would make me disappear by the count of three. I didn't believe. Without warning he started counting. "Uno...Dos..." and *Poof*. I was gone without a Tres.

The Pope and Hillary Clinton

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."

Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."

His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.

Stage joke, The Pope and Hillary Clinton

Stages of man's sexuality [OC]

1. Puberty: masturbating in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable masturbation in your room and some casual sex with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild sex all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular sex.
5. Marriage after children: masturbating in secrecy and shame.

How can you tell when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.

Beethoven is on the stage at a concert

"You wanna' hear a symphony?"

"Yeaaah"

"I can't hear you!"


I read this morning there's a test to find out if you have early stage Alzhimer's.

And then this morning I read that there's a test to find out if you have early stage Alzhimer's.

I hear cancer is hard to beat

No one got past stage 4.

So, there's a Mexican Magician

A Mexican Magician stands up on stage in front of a kids birthday party. He looks at the kids with a smile and says, "Okay kids, on the count of three, I'm gonna disappear." He holds up his fingers and starts counting "Uno, Dos..." and then he disappeared without a tres.

ORAL SEX

At this stage of our marriage, me and the wife only practice oral sex. Whenever we pass each other, we both say , 'fuck you.'

My friend told me "the first stage is grief"

"Isn't it denial?" I replied.

"No, not for me"

A man goes to a doctor...

And the doc says, "I have some bad news and some worse news."

The man says, "OK, give me the worst news first."

The doc says, "You have stage 4 cancer throughout your brain and mouth and you aren't likely to survive more than 4 months."

The man says, "Well that's really bad, what's the other news?"

The doc says, "You have alzheimers too."

The man sits and thinks a bit and finally says, "Well, that's not so bad at least I don't have cancer."

What are the 3 stages of sex after marriage?

Tri-weekly

Try Weekly

and

Try Weakly

4 stages of life

1. You believe in Santa

2. You donΒ΄t believe in Santa

3. You are Santa

4. You look like Santa

A Saudi prince has come forward saying that they should end the ban placed on women driving in the kingdom.

Interesting, just in time when all global tech giants are in the final stage of trials of their self-driving cars.

2016 ends with Mariah Carey dying

On the stage.

Why did the overweight actor fall through the theater floor?

It was just a stage he was going through

A demolition expert goes on stage during open mic night...

He proceeds to bring the house down.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?

It was just a stage he was going through.

Did ABC purposefully mix up the Best Picture announcement in an effort to drive ratings?

After some careful research I've found nearly everybody on that stage to be a paid actor!

I went to an Oasis gig with my sister in 1995.

When they came out onto the stage I shouted, "Go Oasis!"

Then my sister left.

I once saw an incredible disappearing Mexican magician...he would come on stage and say, "Uno, Dos..." And poof!

He was gone without a Tres

Interview with a stage magician

* So, what do you do?
* I saw women in half.
* Do you have any family?
* Four half sisters.

A man auditioned for a talent show

A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.

Tickets for the Indiana State Philharmonic went up dramatically after they doubled the width of the stage.

You didn't think that the ISP would give out twice the band width for free did you?

I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today...

I left without making a scene.

I just got arrested while on stage at a renaissance fair.

Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.

Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer

Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.

I was booed off stage and locked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone too many times very poorly

They told me I had too many unsuccessful Loggins attempts

"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."

My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."

"My minds made up." I insisted.

"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."

Being a comedian is really bad for my anxiety

Whenever I'm on stage people keep laughing at me

The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad

That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".

When I get nervous on stage people say "imagine the audience naked"

But that just makes it harder for me.

There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...

...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...

I went to see a stage performer that does live sacrifices of celebrities during his act

I gave him 5 stars.

The three stages of sex in marriage

tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

Sex with my wife is like the England World Cup squad

neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.

I don't know why people say cancer is so difficult.

I'm already on stage 4

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

What is the first stage of grief for an Egyptian?

Denile.

I don't get why people say cancer is hard to beat

I'm already on Stage 4

I lost my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

Three men from the same country enter a competition to see who has the most children.

As they enter the stadium, the enormous crowd starts cheering in excitement. The first man comes up, and his family of 20 accompanies him on stage. The second man comes up, revealing his enormous family of 60 members. The third man comes up on the stage, but nobody comes up with him. The crowd then starts chanting:

DADDY! DADDY! DADDY...

I love using our theatre's trapdoor...

...it's just a stage I'm going through.

I don't understand why so many people claim that cancer is 'hard to beat'

I'm already on stage 4.

Last week a young boy saved a priests life in the United States...

... he discovered the priest had early stage testicular cancer...

Fighting Hard

lol cancer is so easy to beat i am already at stage 4

What's Darth Vader's stage name when he plays his electric piano?

The synth lord

If cancer is so hard...

Why am I on stage 4?

A bear and a pony walked onto the stage at a convention...

And the pony went up to the microphone and said, "Bear with me, I'm a little horse."

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.

When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"

"Because my script is a play on words!"

There are three stages of sex after marriage:

1. Tri-weekly.
2. Try weekly.
3. Try weakly.

I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me....

I'll return

People always say cancer is hard to beat

It's pretty easy actually, I'm already on stage 4

There are 3 stages to a married couple's sex life

Tri-weekly

Try weekly

Try weakly

I don't know why they say cancer is so hard to beat.

I'm already on Stage 4.

I dont understand why they say cancer is so hard to beat

I'm already on stage 4

A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage.

He whispers to the usher "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat and I'll give you a handsome tip". The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers "The wife did it".

I got booed off stage for saying I still live with my mum...

Never doing a charity gig for an orphanage again...

I don't see why people say dealing with cancer is hard

I'm already on stage four

There are four stages of life and they all involve Santa

1. You believe in Santa.
2. You don't believe in Santa.
3. You are Santa.
4. You look like Santa.

A man on a stage giving speech 'all men who are afraid of their wives come here"

All the men except for one person went to the stage. He said to the only man sitting in his seat "wow, so you aren't afraid of your wife, respect".

The man said "my wife told me not to move from this seat till she comes back"

Simon is in the school play and invites his parents

Now his parents don't think he'll be very good. Halfway through the play a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Dont worry' Simon's dad whispers to his wife 'It's just a stage he's going through!'

Why couldn't the juggler perform on the big stage?

He didn't have the balls

4 stages of life....

1) You believe in Santa.

2) You don't believe in Santa.

3) You are Santa.

4) You look like Santa.

A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said

Yes oui si ja

I was in Mexico last weekend enjoying what the entertainment has to offer....

...ended up going to this magic show that was highly recommended. The Magician came on stage and started the show with a disappearing act. He said "Pay close attention as I will vanish into thin air on the count of three"

He started counting... "uno....dos..."

And sure as shit he disappeared without a Tres.

4 stages of life

You believe in Santa.
You don't believe in Santa.
You are Santa.
You look like Santa.

As a comedian, I see no reason to go on stage

They're just gonna laugh at me.

I got booed off of the stage at the start of my comedy act for saying that I still live with my parents...

That's the last time I do a gig at an orphanage.

There was a pun competition going on in the local community.

I decided I might have a go at it since I am pretty good with puns. The rules were simple: we all had to tell 10 puns. I got on stage and gave it my best shot to wow the judges. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

The sound from an orchestra on stage is designed to bounce around the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a Pigeon on stage does not do this...

The reason is a Coo sticks....


sorry, ill see my way out...

I saw a magician who could make anything weigh exactly 28.3 grams.

His stage name is "The Wizard of Oz."

Not sure why people say cancer is such a tough fight...

I'm already on stage 4

In a circus full of people the entertainer walks onto the stage

"Ladies and gentlemen! Up next is our brand new act. Welcome to the stage - the boy with a phenomenal memory".

Following the entertainers introduction, a boy comes out from behind the stage, starting to unzip his pants.

"Now the said boy is going to urinate on everyone in the front row!", - announced the entertainer.

People in the front are confused and terrified, they start to hussle, trying to leave their seats, when the entertainer exclaims:

"There's no use in running, ladies and gentlemen! The boy has a phenomenal memory!"

My friend decided to take up magic during COVID and he performs some pretty amazing disappearing tricks. He says it's been hard but really…

I think he's just going through a stage.

A competition is held to determine who is the world's best magician

David Blaine performs first with his famous trick. He waves his hand, and, *poof*, the card disappears.

David Copperfield performs next. He waves his hand, and, *poof*, the Statue of Liberty disappears.

Finally, a guy with a beard dressed in rags and sandals comes on stage. Nobody expects him to best the world's most famous magicians. But he waves his hand, and, *poof*...

...the 300,000-man strong Afghan National Army disappears.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stage comedian jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stage applause piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes