Staff Jokes

133 staff jokes and hilarious staff puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about staff that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready for some fun in the office with these hilarious staff jokes! Here you'll find punchlines related to the chief of staff, office staff, medical staff, boss and staff, new staff, hotel staff, lazy staff, personnel, and newfound. Whether you're new to the job or an experienced pro, these jokes are sure to make you and your colleagues laugh.

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Funniest Staff Short Jokes

Short staff jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The staff humour may include short employee jokes also.

  1. Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work. It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
  2. Kanye West was hospitalized... Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.
  3. If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection? I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
  4. I just opened up a gym where my entire staff asks you a series of annoying questions every so often for the length of your stay. Welcome to Jehovah's Fitness.
  5. I'm not saying the staff in my local supermarket are thick, but when I asked if they could open Till 2, the manager replied.. "We're already open till 10 most nights. "
  6. Trump: "We cannot let a woman be president!" Staff: "That's not what transition team means, sir."
  7. Most of the staff at the cemetery quit recently I heard they've had to run the place with a skeleton crew.
  8. A boss announces to his staff: I've lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I'm offering a 100 dollars finder's fee! A voice in the background says: I'm offering 200!
  9. Why did the wizards show up to battle empty handed? Their weapons were at a staff meeting.
    Yes, yes. Groan, downvote, and move on. It popped into my head and I shouldn't have to suffer alone.
  10. I took my dog to the water park, Staff said it went against regulation, but...
    This time they'd let it slide.

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Staff One Liners

Which staff one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with staff? I can suggest the ones about team and worker.

  1. Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff.
  2. If dogs have masters, what do cats have? Staff.
  3. Things that keep doctors away: 1: apples
    2: assault by airplane staff
  4. What do you call System of a Down's security staff? Serj protectors.
  5. Two rival landscaping companies have been killing each others staff They're in a turf war
  6. What's the leading cause of death among wizards? Staff infection
  7. What do you call it when everyone at your job is sick... A staff infection
  8. Why couldn't the wizard go on his quest? He had a staff infection
  9. What do you call a toxic work environment? A staff infection
  10. What do you call it when all your employees get sick? A staff infection
  11. My body is like a Greek statue. Even if the staff at the museum don't think so.
  12. Why was Gandalf allowed his staff into Theoden's hall? Because it was Staff Only
  13. Why did the staff party go to jail? Because they were in treble.
  14. What caused the wizard's business to fail? He paid too much for his staff
  15. Up next on Showbox... Mayweather vs United Airlines staff.

Office Staff Jokes

Here is a list of funny office staff jokes and even better office staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office... I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers.
    Their answers were half-and-half.
  • Did you hear about the bacterial outbreak in the office? They said it was a staff infection.
  • When trouble brews, why do members of the White House staff rush the president to the Oval Office? Because he can never be cornered there.
  • Office of big staff It would be good if people whom you already passed by became purple like clicked links as so not to remember if you greeted them or not

Staff Meeting Jokes

Here is a list of funny staff meeting jokes and even better staff meeting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In a school music department ... We need to have a STAFF meeting.
    You are all causing a lot of TREBLE.
    And the BASS CLEF is bringing all of us down.
Staff joke, In a school music department ...

New Staff Jokes

Here is a list of funny new staff jokes and even better new staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I hear Jian Ghomeshie found a new gig... Training staff at United in the new Customer Relations initiative.
  • An Asian buffet manager started looking for new staff... Her name was Hai-Ling Nao.
  • A doctor moved hospitals and got a new medical staff He didn't expect a doctor's cane

Hotel Staff Jokes

Here is a list of funny hotel staff jokes and even better hotel staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So the hotel staff gave me room 404… … but I just couldn't find it, so they gave me room 301 instead.
  • Wife is not going to be happy My wife said "you treat this place like a hotel"
    She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for 'rude staff'
  • The wife just said "you treat our house like a hotel". I think she may come to regret saying that when I give her a low score on Trip Advisor for 'rude staff'.
  • Why is Roy Moore's Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel? He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.
  • A photon checks into a hotel... The staff ask if he is carrying any luggage with him.
    The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."
  • My mum just said I treat this place like a hotel. She'll regret that when I flag her up for "rude staff" on tripadvisor.

Chief Of Staff Jokes

Here is a list of funny chief of staff jokes and even better chief of staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Ok Ok already! I am willing to do the Chief if Staff job for Trump but with one Q Is the (No Science or Facts) required lobotomy reversible?
  • If m**... is legalized in the US, what would the head government position in charge of its sale & regulations be called? Joint Chief of Staff
Staff joke, If m**... is legalized in the US, what would the head government position in charge of its sale & re

Laughable Staff Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about staff you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crew jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make staff pranks.

The half-wit

A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking

To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.
Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.
The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.
The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.

An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast ...

An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast and noticed all the community centre events for either Catholics or Protestants. After checking out yet another board, he asked a staff member:
Atheist: "What do you do in this town if you're an Atheist?"
Staff member: "Well sir, that depends on whether you're a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist."

Who Is The Real Boss?

The Boss of our small company was complaining during a staff meeting that people didn't respect him enough. Trying to change the attitude in the office he came in the next day with a sign for his door it said, I am the boss .
One of the employees apparently not appreciating the change posted a post-a-note on the sign it said your wife wants her sign back

George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.

During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.
His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"

vintage Bush joke

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

m**... while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff

They never know if you're coming or going

How much of s**... is work?

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of s**... was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending on how drunk he was at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was your opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"

s**... equality in the workplace

I'm all for s**... equality. That's why I allow my female staff to work longer so they can earn the same as the men.

Toughen Up

I'm sick of people telling me I'm a weakling so last night I went to the gym.
After a light warm up, I steadied myself, put both hands on the metal bar and heaved with all my might. I strained and I strained but still, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get it to budge.
Eventually one of the burly staff members came over and said... "Stop pulling on the door mate, we're closed."

Who is calling?

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.
p**... answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."
There was a stony silence for a second or two.
''Do you know who you are speaking to?''
''No,'' said p**....
''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''
''Well, do you know who you are talking to?'' asked p**...
''No,'' roared the colonel.
''Well thank goodness for that,'' said p**... and hung up the phone.

A Bacteria walks into a bar...

A bacteria walks into a bar and goes to walk into the kitchen. The bartender stops him and says, "hey, you're not allowed in there". the bacteria replies, "no, it's ok, I'm staff."

A trip to Wales.

A couple are driving through Wales late one night and they pass through Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogogogoch. With nothing much else to do , they start arguing over the pronunciation. Eventually they decide to stop somewhere and ask a local. They pull up somewhere and go inside, and ask the staff member "excuse me, could you pronounce the name of this place, really slowly?"
The kid behind the counter gives them a confused look, and says "burr-gurr kiiiiing"

What's the difference between Hillary's staff and Bill's staff?

Bill's staff waited until after the election to s**....

A bodybuilder was killed when a fire broke out in my gym.

Staff tried to e**... him out, but he wanted to feel the burn.

TIL It is common for staff and surgeons to laugh hysterically during separation surgery to conjoined twins.

Well it is side-splitting.

Trump got angry with computers again...

Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.
Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:
"Alternative Fax"

How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes the entire ER staff to get it out.

Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president?

We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!

Two ambassadors — one Israeli and one Palestinian — are staying in a hotel...

They decide to order lunch, each opting for a porterhouse steak. Unfortunately, the kitchen staff find that there is only one porterhouse left. No one knows what to do, as nobody dares give either ambassador a replacement meal. The cook really wishes for a two-steak solution.

Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine

Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!
Me: You sure do!

What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine?

They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.

A man took his dog to the movie with him...

...and during the movie the dog howled with laughter at the jokes, wagged his tail merrily and at the end put his paws together and applauded. The movie staff saw this and were bewildered so after the movie one of the ushers approached the man and said to him, "We were all amazed, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie." And the man said, "I know, it's so weird! He hated the book."

How you treat the wait staff on a first date

Someone once told me that the way someone treats the wait staff on a first date is how they'll treat their significant other in six months.
So now when I'm on a first date, I have s**... with the waitress.

In one Intensive care unit

people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."

I heard Trump's staff holds up a big applause sign during his speeches...

He wants everyone to give him a big hand.

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.

His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter c**....
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?

I had a horrible experience giving blood today, the staff were horrible, the needles hurt and I felt really unhappy.

Apparently I'm, "a negative".

There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

A man calls the White House and says he wants to apply for the President's position.

"Are you an idiot", the White House staff says.
"Oh sorry Im not. Is that a criteria?", he replies.

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, That's fantastic!"
Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.
The Chief of Staff says, That's fantastic!"
Trump says, Yes, but remind me again, how many is a 'Brazilian?'"

I don't know what's more repugnant--the fact that I've been sleeping with members of my staff...

...or the fact that I'm self employed.

The butcher didn't want to fire the midgets on his staff, but they couldn't get the meat off the top shelf

The steaks were just too high

Little Johnny coming home from the store

Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a goodopportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."

To anyone who works at McDonalds who is feeling bad about their life choices just remember...

You can technically put White House Catering staff on your CV now

(Get Ready to be Blown Away) What Do You Call A Hospital Full Of Sick Doctors?

**A Staff Infection** *massive applause*

I walked up to a female member of staff in Tesco today and said, "Do you know where the Weight Watchers meals are?"

"I'm afraid not," she replied, "It's my first day."
"Fair enough," I said, "Let me show you."

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter

Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying: ''Yesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.'' ''Oh no!'' President Trump exclaims. ''That's terrible!'' His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ''How many is a brazillion?''

Loving Wife

Wife: \* in the hotel room on the hotel's intercom talking with the receptionist\* Hello? Please send maintenance personnel! My husbands about to jump off the window!

Receptionist: Ma'am, why do you need the maintenance personnel? We can send our security staff instead.
Wife: I need maintenance staff because he can't open the window!

A depressed man walks into a library

Depressed man: do you have any books on s**...?
Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there
Depressed man: walks to third shelf
Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.

Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back

After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and yet he kept it beside him the rest of his life...

...he just couldn't part with it.

Caution before taking kids to work.

An 8-year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take Your Kid to Work Day'. As they were walking around the office, the young girl starting crying and getting very cranky, her father asked what was wrong with her.
As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?

I stabbed the opponent with my knife to preserve ammo

The paintball arena staff threw me out for some reason.

A knight's brother was slain in battle by monster

Knight: I will avenge the death of my brother!
Hunter: You have my bow!
Warrior: And my axe!
Mage: And my staff!
Necromancer: And your dead brother!

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

A woman was working at a nursing home

One of her patients was an old man that always had a dish of almonds he would offer the staff when they came in his room.
Her and her coworkers would nibble away as they did their duties, tidying him and his room. They got to talking about why he always had almonds, and he told them his family brings them for him, but he doesn't like them.
So the woman said, well if you don't like them, you should tell them, so they stop bringing them for you! And the old man said no that's ok, I like the chocolate, just not the almonds inside.

The staff of this liquor store called the cops on me for stealing Whisky and v**....

I don't understand. I was only lifting their spirits.

I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.

I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "

Got an email from my Son's grade school today ...

Seems my little boy got sent to the Principal's office for giving his Teacher the finger.
The school staff still can't figure out who it belongs to and how he got it.

Now that the barbers have reopened, queues are so long that the staff have started handing out burgers and sausages

10/10 - definitely the best barber queue I've been to

1000 Pizzas

a guy walk into the pizzaria and ask: hello, do you have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him: nope. day after he come back to the pizzaria and says: hey do you guys have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him. sorry no. 1 day after the staff makes 1000 pizza and the guy come and ask: hey. you guys have 1000 pizzas? and the staff tell him: yes we actually do have! and the guy tell them: wow! thats alot of pizzas

President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home

After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"

I went to get tested for Covid yesterday

The staff asked me, if I had experienced a sudden lack of taste.
I replied, "no, I dress like this for a while now"

The lobby of my local Dairy Queen was closed due to short staff.

They should've hired taller employees
(Joke brought to you by my 9yo sister)

A death toll too high to imagine

On September 29th 2006 President George W. Bush receives a briefing from one of his staff
"Mr. President, we've just received reports of a commercial plane c**... in south America, 154 Brazilian people died."
"Oh my God, that's terrible..." The president replies solemnly, thinking quietly to himself.
"Wait... How much is a Brazilian?"

An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"

The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.
He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.
"Did you see my face?"
BANG, he shoots him.
He then points it at the second guy.
"Did you see my face?"
The second guy points at a woman sitting far off in the reception area.
"No, but my mother in law did!"

s**... joke I just made up...

There was a pair of twins called Harold and Aruld who decided to do a social experiment. Harold would act all nice, polite and friendly, whereas Aruld would act rude, outspoken and brash. They went into a few stores and conversed with some customers and staff, and afterwards a representative went in to ask who, out of the two they preferred. Strangely, Harold didn't get a single vote.
London's a weird place...


A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her n**... body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."

A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.

On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."

A group of aeronautics professors walked onto a plane...

They all settled down into their seats when there was an announcement."We have decided to waive your fee since you were responsible for educating our engineer staff on how to construct this fine plane!"
All the professors run out of the plane immediately except one.
When a stewardess asked her why she didn't run out, she responded "If it's made by a student of mine, it will not start!"

An 8 years old went to the office with her dad

An 8 years old went to the office with her dad for "take your child to work" day.
As they were walking around the office, the young girl starts sobbing and crying.
All staff gather around to cheer her and her father asked "love, what's wrong?"
The girl turns to her father sobbing more and says"daddy where are all the clowns you said you were working with?"

Staff joke, An 8 years old went to the office with her dad

jokes about staff