The Best 61 Staff Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Staff jokes. There are some staff administrators jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these staff staff meeting puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Staff Jokes and Puns
Hitler walks into a room... (sorry if repost)
...and says to his staff, "I want you to organise the execution of 10,000 Jews and 1 kitten."
Everyone looks around the table and after a long silence, Goering pipes up, "Mein Führer, why do you want to kill a kitten?"
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table, "You see, no one cares about the Jews."
The half-wit
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking
To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.
Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.
The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.
The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast ...
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast and noticed all the community centre events for either Catholics or Protestants. After checking out yet another board, he asked a staff member:
Atheist: "What do you do in this town if you're an Atheist?"
Staff member: "Well sir, that depends on whether you're a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist."
George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.
During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.
His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"
vintage Bush joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Masturbating while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff
They never know if you're coming or going
How much of sex is work?
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending on how drunk he was at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was your opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
A panda walks into a restaurant
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"
Who is calling?
The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.
Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."
There was a stony silence for a second or two.
''Do you know who you are speaking to?''
''No,'' said Paddy.
''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''
''Well, do you know who you are talking to?'' asked paddy
''No,'' roared the colonel.
''Well thank goodness for that,'' said paddy and hung up the phone.
Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate?
To lay off his campaign staff.
You can explore staff newfound reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean staff duties dad jokes. There are also staff puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A trip to Wales.
A couple are driving through Wales late one night and they pass through Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogogogoch. With nothing much else to do , they start arguing over the pronunciation. Eventually they decide to stop somewhere and ask a local. They pull up somewhere and go inside, and ask the staff member "excuse me, could you pronounce the name of this place, really slowly?"
The kid behind the counter gives them a confused look, and says "burr-gurr kiiiiing"
Kanye West was hospitalized...
Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.
A bodybuilder was killed when a fire broke out in my gym.
Staff tried to escort him out, but he wanted to feel the burn.
Trump got angry with computers again...
Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.
Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:
"Alternative Fax"
How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire ER staff to get it out.
Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president?
We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!
Things that keep doctors away:
1: apples
2: assault by airplane staff
Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine
Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!
Me: You sure do!
What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine?
They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.
A man took his dog to the movie with him...
...and during the movie the dog howled with laughter at the jokes, wagged his tail merrily and at the end put his paws together and applauded. The movie staff saw this and were bewildered so after the movie one of the ushers approached the man and said to him, "We were all amazed, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie." And the man said, "I know, it's so weird! He hated the book."
How you treat the wait staff on a first date
Someone once told me that the way someone treats the wait staff on a first date is how they'll treat their significant other in six months.
So now when I'm on a first date, I have sex with the waitress.
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
What do you call System of a Down's security staff?
Serj protectors.
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?
Because their servers were down.
George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.
His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter crash.
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?
A boss announces to his staff: I've lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I'm offering a 100 dollars finder's fee!
A voice in the background says: I'm offering 200!
There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
Little Johnny coming home from the store
Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a goodopportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."
I brought some cookie dough into work today...
...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.
My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".
Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work.
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: ''Yesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.'' ''Oh no!'' President Trump exclaims. ''That's terrible!'' His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ''How many is a brazillion?''
Loving Wife
Wife: \* in the hotel room on the hotel's intercom talking with the receptionist\* Hello? Please send maintenance personnel! My husbands about to jump off the window!
Receptionist: Ma'am, why do you need the maintenance personnel? We can send our security staff instead.
Wife: I need maintenance staff because he can't open the window!
Why did the wizards show up to battle empty handed?
Their weapons were at a staff meeting.
Yes, yes. Groan, downvote, and move on. It popped into my head and I shouldn't have to suffer alone.
A depressed man walks into a library
Depressed man: do you have any books on suicide?
Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there
Depressed man: walks to third shelf
Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.
Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back
Caution before taking kids to work.
An 8-year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take Your Kid to Work Day'. As they were walking around the office, the young girl starting crying and getting very cranky, her father asked what was wrong with her.
As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?
I stabbed the opponent with my knife to preserve ammo
The paintball arena staff threw me out for some reason.
A knight's brother was slain in battle by monster
Knight: I will avenge the death of my brother!
Hunter: You have my bow!
Warrior: And my axe!
Mage: And my staff!
Necromancer: And your dead brother!
Sad News At The Nestle Factory
Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered
A woman was working at a nursing home
One of her patients was an old man that always had a dish of almonds he would offer the staff when they came in his room.
Her and her coworkers would nibble away as they did their duties, tidying him and his room. They got to talking about why he always had almonds, and he told them his family brings them for him, but he doesn't like them.
So the woman said, well if you don't like them, you should tell them, so they stop bringing them for you! And the old man said no that's ok, I like the chocolate, just not the almonds inside.
Trump: "We cannot let a woman be president!"
Staff: "That's not what transition team means, sir."
I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.
I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "
Got an email from my Son's grade school today ...
Seems my little boy got sent to the Principal's office for giving his Teacher the finger.
The school staff still can't figure out who it belongs to and how he got it.
Now that the barbers have reopened, queues are so long that the staff have started handing out burgers and sausages
10/10 - definitely the best barber queue I've been to
1000 Pizzas
a guy walk into the pizzaria and ask: hello, do you have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him: nope. day after he come back to the pizzaria and says: hey do you guys have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him. sorry no. 1 day after the staff makes 1000 pizza and the guy come and ask: hey. you guys have 1000 pizzas? and the staff tell him: yes we actually do have! and the guy tell them: wow! thats alot of pizzas
I took my dog to the water park,
Staff said it went against regulation, but...
This time they'd let it slide.
President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home
After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"
I went to get tested for Covid yesterday
The staff asked me, if I had experienced a sudden lack of taste.
I replied, "no, I dress like this for a while now"
An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"
The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.
He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.
"Did you see my face?"
"Yes"
BANG, he shoots him.
He then points it at the second guy.
"Did you see my face?"
The second guy points at a woman sitting far off in the reception area.
"No, but my mother in law did!"
Exams
A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."
If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection?
I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
An 8 years old went to the office with her dad
An 8 years old went to the office with her dad for "take your child to work" day.
As they were walking around the office, the young girl starts sobbing and crying.
All staff gather around to cheer her and her father asked "love, what's wrong?"
The girl turns to her father sobbing more and says"daddy where are all the clowns you said you were working with?"
A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist's desk at a doctor's office. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday!" she complained.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. Why do you think it was taken here?
After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.
I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.
I walked into a hospital ward today looking for a mate....
No staff around so I asked a patient in bed where the staff were, he said ' Some hae meat and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it'
So I asked the next guy, he said ' But we hae meat, and we can eat sae let the Lord be thankit'
I asked the next guy and he started singing Auld Lang Syne.
I finally found a nurse and asked if I was on the psychiatric ward....
She said no, its the Burns unit.
A boss and his two workers had a genie appear before them...
The genie in his traditional style offered three wishes to them, so they decided to split the three wishes amongst them. The first worker said:
"I wish for a party yacht with hundreds of beautiful girls crawling all over me."
Poof, and he was gone. Seeing this, the second worker eagerly said:
"I wish for a castle with hundreds of staff and a limitless credit card."
Poof, and he too was gone. Scratching his stubble, the boss sighed.
"I want those two goddamn loafers back in the office before lunch break ends!"
Riding in car with hubby and 80-yo mom; mom asks why the US flag at Mickey Ds is…
…half staff. Without missing a beat, hubby says its because the ice cream machine is down. I facepalm as my mom asks when that became a thing. 🤦♀️
So the hotel staff gave me room 404…
… but I just couldn't find it, so they gave me room 301 instead.
I complained about the temperature at work for a month...
And then one day a maintenance person showed me where the thermostat was and how to open it up, set temps, and diagnose basic issues... Told me not to set it below 70 for too long though or she'd lock me back out again. This work from home office staff is really rude.
I took my 8 year old daughter to the office on Take Your Kid To Work Day.
When we walked in the office she
started to cry.
As concerned staff gathered round I
asked her what was wrong and she
said, "Daddy where are all the clowns
you said you worked with?"
Funny joke I found online a little while ago lol.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the staff madrid jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working staff receptionist piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.