Staff Jokes
130 staff jokes and hilarious staff puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about staff that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for some fun in the office with these hilarious staff jokes! Here you'll find punchlines related to the chief of staff, office staff, medical staff, boss and staff, new staff, hotel staff, lazy staff, personnel, and newfound. Whether you're new to the job or an experienced pro, these jokes are sure to make you and your colleagues laugh.
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Funniest Staff Short Jokes
Short staff jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The staff humour may include short employee jokes also.
- Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work. It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
- Kanye West was hospitalized... Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.
- If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection? I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
- I just opened up a gym where my entire staff asks you a series of annoying questions every so often for the length of your stay. Welcome to Jehovah's Fitness.
- I'm not saying the staff in my local supermarket are thick, but when I asked if they could open Till 2, the manager replied.. "We're already open till 10 most nights. "
- Trump: "We cannot let a woman be president!" Staff: "That's not what transition team means, sir."
- Most of the staff at the cemetery quit recently I heard they've had to run the place with a skeleton crew.
- A boss announces to his staff: I've lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I'm offering a 100 dollars finder's fee! A voice in the background says: I'm offering 200!
- Why did the wizards show up to battle empty handed? Their weapons were at a staff meeting.
Yes, yes. Groan, downvote, and move on. It popped into my head and I shouldn't have to suffer alone. - I took my dog to the water park, Staff said it went against regulation, but...
This time they'd let it slide.
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Staff One Liners
Which staff one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with staff? I can suggest the ones about team and worker.
- Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff.
- If dogs have masters, what do cats have? Staff.
- Things that keep doctors away: 1: apples
2: assault by airplane staff - What do you call System of a Down's security staff? Serj protectors.
- Two rival landscaping companies have been killing each others staff They're in a turf war
- What's the leading cause of death among wizards? Staff infection
- What do you call it when everyone at your job is sick... A staff infection
- Why couldn't the wizard go on his quest? He had a staff infection
- What do you call a toxic work environment? A staff infection
- My body is like a Greek statue. Even if the staff at the museum don't think so.
- Why was Gandalf allowed his staff into Theoden's hall? Because it was Staff Only
- Why did the staff party go to jail? Because they were in treble.
- What caused the wizard's business to fail? He paid too much for his staff
- Up next on Showbox... Mayweather vs United Airlines staff.
- I had another server go down on me at work. It's just how I interview waiting staff.
Office Staff Jokes
Here is a list of funny office staff jokes and even better office staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office... I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers.
Their answers were half-and-half. - Did you hear about the bacterial outbreak in the office? They said it was a staff infection.
- When trouble brews, why do members of the White House staff rush the president to the Oval Office? Because he can never be cornered there.
- Office of big staff It would be good if people whom you already passed by became purple like clicked links as so not to remember if you greeted them or not
Staff Meeting Jokes
Here is a list of funny staff meeting jokes and even better staff meeting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In a school music department ... We need to have a STAFF meeting.
You are all causing a lot of TREBLE.
And the BASS CLEF is bringing all of us down.
New Staff Jokes
Here is a list of funny new staff jokes and even better new staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I hear Jian Ghomeshie found a new gig... Training staff at United in the new Customer Relations initiative.
- An Asian buffet manager started looking for new staff... Her name was Hai-Ling Nao.
- A doctor moved hospitals and got a new medical staff He didn't expect a doctor's cane
Hotel Staff Jokes
Here is a list of funny hotel staff jokes and even better hotel staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So the hotel staff gave me room 404… … but I just couldn't find it, so they gave me room 301 instead.
- Wife is not going to be happy My wife said "you treat this place like a hotel"
She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for 'rude staff' - Why is Roy Moore's Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel? He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.
- My mum just said I treat this place like a hotel. She'll regret that when I flag her up for "rude staff" on tripadvisor.
Chief Of Staff Jokes
Here is a list of funny chief of staff jokes and even better chief of staff puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ok Ok already! I am willing to do the Chief if Staff job for Trump but with one Q Is the (No Science or Facts) required lobotomy reversible?
Laughable Staff Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about staff you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crew jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make staff pranks.
The half-wit
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking
To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.
Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.
The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.
The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast ...
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast and noticed all the community centre events for either Catholics or Protestants. After checking out yet another board, he asked a staff member:
Atheist: "What do you do in this town if you're an Atheist?"
Staff member: "Well sir, that depends on whether you're a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do f**... home staff do if they mess up transporting a body?
They go back and re-herse.
Who Is The Real Boss?
The Boss of our small company was complaining during a staff meeting that people didn't respect him enough. Trying to change the attitude in the office he came in the next day with a sign for his door it said, I am the boss .
One of the employees apparently not appreciating the change posted a post-a-note on the sign it said your wife wants her sign back
vintage Bush joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: looks like taco bells closed, sign says short staff
Dad: well d**...! They should have hired taller people!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff
They never know if you're coming or going
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How much of s**... is work?
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of s**... was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending on how drunk he was at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was your opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
A panda walks into a restaurant
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... equality in the workplace
I'm all for s**... equality. That's why I allow my female staff to work longer so they can earn the same as the men.
Toughen Up
I'm sick of people telling me I'm a weakling so last night I went to the gym.
After a light warm up, I steadied myself, put both hands on the metal bar and heaved with all my might. I strained and I strained but still, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get it to budge.
Eventually one of the burly staff members came over and said... "Stop pulling on the door mate, we're closed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who is calling?
The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.
p**... answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."
There was a stony silence for a second or two.
''Do you know who you are speaking to?''
''No,'' said p**....
''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''
''Well, do you know who you are talking to?'' asked p**...
''No,'' roared the colonel.
''Well thank goodness for that,'' said p**... and hung up the phone.
A trip to Wales.
A couple are driving through Wales late one night and they pass through Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogogogoch. With nothing much else to do , they start arguing over the pronunciation. Eventually they decide to stop somewhere and ask a local. They pull up somewhere and go inside, and ask the staff member "excuse me, could you pronounce the name of this place, really slowly?"
The kid behind the counter gives them a confused look, and says "burr-gurr kiiiiing"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Hillary's staff and Bill's staff?
Bill's staff waited until after the election to s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bodybuilder was killed when a fire broke out in my gym.
Staff tried to e**... him out, but he wanted to feel the burn.
TIL It is common for staff and surgeons to laugh hysterically during separation surgery to conjoined twins.
Well it is side-splitting.
It's old man Jenkin's 94th birthday at the old folks home
He asked a member of staff "young woman, how old are you?"
The woman replied "why, I'm 24"
Old man Jenkins says "do you know how many times 94 can go into 24?"
The woman says "I have no idea"
Jenkins whispers in her ear "meet me after scrabble practice and we can find out"
Trump got angry with computers again...
Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.
Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:
"Alternative Fax"
Breaking News: Donald Trump and his staff will be replacing the email system at the White House
They'll be using alternative fax instead
Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president?
We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!
Two ambassadors — one Israeli and one Palestinian — are staying in a hotel...
They decide to order lunch, each opting for a porterhouse steak. Unfortunately, the kitchen staff find that there is only one porterhouse left. No one knows what to do, as nobody dares give either ambassador a replacement meal. The cook really wishes for a two-steak solution.
Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine
Her: My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!
Me: You sure do!
What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine?
They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.
There have been two presidential impeachments in the history of the United States...
One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson.
Chris Christie asked his staff...
If they thought his image would recover from beach-gate.
They told him "Fat chance!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How you treat the wait staff on a first date
Someone once told me that the way someone treats the wait staff on a first date is how they'll treat their significant other in six months.
So now when I'm on a first date, I have s**... with the waitress.
All of my coworkers seem to have large blisters on their skin.
I think it's a staff infection.
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
I heard Trump's staff holds up a big applause sign during his speeches...
He wants everyone to give him a big hand.
Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?
Because their servers were down.
I had a horrible experience giving blood today, the staff were horrible, the needles hurt and I felt really unhappy.
Apparently I'm, "a negative".
There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man calls the White House and says he wants to apply for the President's position.
"Are you an idiot", the White House staff says.
"Oh sorry Im not. Is that a criteria?", he replies.
The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump
The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, That's fantastic!"
Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.
The Chief of Staff says, That's fantastic!"
Trump says, Yes, but remind me again, how many is a 'Brazilian?'"
I don't know what's more repugnant--the fact that I've been sleeping with members of my staff...
...or the fact that I'm self employed.
The butcher didn't want to fire the midgets on his staff, but they couldn't get the meat off the top shelf
The steaks were just too high
Little Johnny coming home from the store
Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a goodopportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."
To anyone who works at McDonalds who is feeling bad about their life choices just remember...
You can technically put White House Catering staff on your CV now
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Get Ready to be Blown Away) What Do You Call A Hospital Full Of Sick Doctors?
**A Staff Infection** *massive applause*
I walked up to a female member of staff in Tesco today and said, "Do you know where the Weight Watchers meals are?"
"I'm afraid not," she replied, "It's my first day."
"Fair enough," I said, "Let me show you."
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: ''Yesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.'' ''Oh no!'' President Trump exclaims. ''That's terrible!'' His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ''How many is a brazillion?''
I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.
It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.
After a concert at an old auditorium, the microphones started picking up whispers that weren't there...
"W-w-what was that??" asked one of the staff.
"Relax," said the manager, "it's just phantom power."
Loving Wife
Wife: \* in the hotel room on the hotel's intercom talking with the receptionist\* Hello? Please send maintenance personnel! My husbands about to jump off the window!
Receptionist: Ma'am, why do you need the maintenance personnel? We can send our security staff instead.
Wife: I need maintenance staff because he can't open the window!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A depressed man walks into a library
Depressed man: do you have any books on s**...?
Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there
Depressed man: walks to third shelf
Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.
Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back
After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and yet he kept it beside him the rest of his life...
...he just couldn't part with it.
I stabbed the opponent with my knife to preserve ammo
The paintball arena staff threw me out for some reason.
Sad News At The Nestle Factory
Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered
A woman was working at a nursing home
One of her patients was an old man that always had a dish of almonds he would offer the staff when they came in his room.
Her and her coworkers would nibble away as they did their duties, tidying him and his room. They got to talking about why he always had almonds, and he told them his family brings them for him, but he doesn't like them.
So the woman said, well if you don't like them, you should tell them, so they stop bringing them for you! And the old man said no that's ok, I like the chocolate, just not the almonds inside.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The staff of this liquor store called the cops on me for stealing Whisky and v**....
I don't understand. I was only lifting their spirits.
Got an email from my Son's grade school today ...
Seems my little boy got sent to the Principal's office for giving his Teacher the finger.
The school staff still can't figure out who it belongs to and how he got it.
Now that the barbers have reopened, queues are so long that the staff have started handing out burgers and sausages
10/10 - definitely the best barber queue I've been to
1000 Pizzas
a guy walk into the pizzaria and ask: hello, do you have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him: nope. day after he come back to the pizzaria and says: hey do you guys have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him. sorry no. 1 day after the staff makes 1000 pizza and the guy come and ask: hey. you guys have 1000 pizzas? and the staff tell him: yes we actually do have! and the guy tell them: wow! thats alot of pizzas
President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home
After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"
The lobby of my local Dairy Queen was closed due to short staff.
They should've hired taller employees
(Joke brought to you by my 9yo sister)
An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"
The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.
He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.
"Did you see my face?"
"Yes"
BANG, he shoots him.
He then points it at the second guy.
"Did you see my face?"
The second guy points at a woman sitting far off in the reception area.
"No, but my mother in law did!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... joke I just made up...
There was a pair of twins called Harold and Aruld who decided to do a social experiment. Harold would act all nice, polite and friendly, whereas Aruld would act rude, outspoken and brash. They went into a few stores and conversed with some customers and staff, and afterwards a representative went in to ask who, out of the two they preferred. Strangely, Harold didn't get a single vote.
London's a weird place...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Exams
A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her n**... body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."
