Stadium Jokes
73 stadium jokes and hilarious stadium puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stadium that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a laugh, then this collection of stadium jokes is just what you need! Packed with quips about West Ham Stadium, sport stadiums, the Packers, venue-specific memories, and the Mets, these stadium jokes guarantee to bring a smile to your face!
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Funniest Stadium Short Jokes
Short stadium jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stadium humour may include short podium jokes also.
- Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.
- What's the safest place in Dallas during a tornado? The Cowboys stadium, the only place there'll never be a touchdown
- Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola? The Cowboys Stadium.
Because they can't catch anything there. - Tornado warning in Texas... Everyone evacuate to the Cowboys stadium!
No chance of a touchdown there - Got this joke off of a yogurt pack... Why are football stadiums so windy? 'This is not labelled for individual sales'
I know, I dont get it either... - Be careful parking around the AT&T Stadium I left my car for about 15 minutes with my Cowboys tickets in the front seat.
Someone broke in and left two more - Finally time for my thanksgiving joke!! Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium?
Because he tryptophan - Why is MetLife Stadium the windiest stadium in the NFL? Because there's a Giant fan in every seat.
- Why is it so hard to watch a sporting event at Warsaw Stadium? Because no matter what seat you're in, you're sitting behind a Pole.
- Cincinnati Bengals allowing 2,500 fans into the stadium for the first game. Word is, now they're looking for 2,000 volunteers to attend the game.
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Stadium One Liners
Which stadium one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stadium? I can suggest the ones about arena and theater.
- Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left
- Why are stadiums so cool? Because every seat has a fan on it
- How do you set fire to a football stadium? With a match.
- Was cold at the stadium today. Too many fans.
- why is it so cold in a stadium Because there are lots of fans
- Its a wonder how stadiums get so hot When they're filled with fans!
- Why was the stadium so cool? it was full of fans.
Thank thank you for your time - What do you call five arsenal fans at the Emirates Stadium? A holiday trip
- Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium? He tripped a fan
- Why is AT&T park the coldest baseball stadium? It's full of Giant fans
- Quick question Do clippers games count as sold out if the stadium is three fifths full?
- England has car parks everywhere: McDonalds, Stadiums... the M25
- What happened to the blonde at the soccer stadium?
She drowned in the Mexican wave. - Who holds the record for most saves at Yankee Stadium? Billy Graham
- Why did Ron Artest leave the stadium early? He wanted to beat the fans.
Amusing & Witty Stadium Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about stadium you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean football fields jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stadium pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not s**..." Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not s**.... Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy scores a ticket for a Green Bay Packers home game....
Finds his seat about 20 rows up on the 50 yard line behind the Packers bench. As the stadium begins to fill up a nice looking middle aged woman comes and sits in a seat just in front of him. The game starts and he can't help but notice that the seat beside this woman remains vacant. At half time the seat is still vacant so he asks the woman about it. She tells him: "My husband and I have had season tickets for these seats for many years. my husband has recently passed away and I don't see any sense in letting them both be vacant." The man replies: "Well, couldn't you find a friend or family member to use the other ticket?" And she says: "Well, no. They're all at the f**...."
Similarity between Shahrukh khan & me.
Similarity between Shahrukh khan & me.
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Both of us can't go to Wankhede Stadium to see
Sachin's last match...
10 dead in cowboys stadium
10 people were found dead in cowboys stadium after an f5 tornado swept through on Sunday. Witnesses say the group felt assured there could be no touchdowns in that building.
The most tragic news from this story is that they would have been safe had they chosen not to stand in the away teams endzone.
Too bad Ray Rice didn't kill his wife,
The Ravens would've just put a statue of him in front of the stadium.
Maracana stadium in the world's largest.
['90s] Did you hear McDonalds just bought the naming rights to that new hockey stadium?
They're calling it the Mac-Arena.
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
Dodger Stadium announces they are now offering a limited edition Duggar Dog...
The wiener is so big you can share it with your sister.
The new football stadium can hold more than 66,000 fans...
Sounds pretty cold and windy to me.
"Hey Dave!"
A guy is sitting in the left field bleachers of a baseball stadium, watching the game. In the first inning, someone pretty far behind him yells, "HEY DAVE!" The guy turns around and can't find who was yelling it.
This happens again in the fourth inning, and once more in the seventh. Frustrated at this point, the guy turns around and yells, "MY NAME'S NOT DAVE!!!"
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are standing on the stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd...
The Pope leans in toward Hillary and says "Do you know that with one wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?" This joy will not be fleeting or momentary, in fact it will go deep into their hearts and they will forever remember this day and rejoice.
Hillary replies "I seriously doubt that! With one wave of your hand?..Show me!"
The Pope then backhands her right off the stage and the crowd goes wild.
The Browns asked if they could put a pokestop inside the stadium...
in hopes that people would attend their games.
A good catholic joke
The pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd!
The pope leans towards Trump and says "do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy?. This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Trump replied "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand... show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage! AND THE CROWD ROARED AND CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!
Why did the University of Kentucky have to put AstroTurf down on the stadium?
To keep the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime.
Did you hear the Marlins are no longer serving beer at the stadium?
They ran out of pitchers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving.
Shouldn't the Patriots play the r**..., and then steal their stadium?
So United Airlines just bought the naming rights to the NFL stadium in LA...
Immediately a delay was announced, no word on the first beating and dragging through the aisles...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Washington r**...' stadium being sponsored by FedEx makes a lot of sense.
Neither delivers on Sundays.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not s**..." Convention.
and last blonde to walk in says,
"now to change that light bulb."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't the Patriots and r**... play on Thanksgiving?
Then when the Patriots win, they can claim the stadium!
Why was the baseball stadium in Poland a huge failure?
Pretty much anywhere you sat you were behind a Pole.
I am going to oversee the construction of an NFL Stadium.
But first I will need a drone.
New features in FIFA 19
There is a chance that a game is delayed by 15 minutes due to hooligans with flares in the stadium.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three cats live at the football stadium
It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"
Barcelona
Do you know where Barcelona is situated?
[spoiler]
At the stadium in Rome
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When a stadium full of midgets does the "wave", is it really a wave?
I always pictured it as more of a "ripple".
Three men from the same country enter a competition to see who has the most children.
As they enter the stadium, the enormous crowd starts cheering in excitement. The first man comes up, and his family of 20 accompanies him on stage. The second man comes up, revealing his enormous family of 60 members. The third man comes up on the stage, but nobody comes up with him. The crowd then starts chanting:
DADDY! DADDY! DADDY...
Why was the Potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible Commentater.
Why don't football players get hot during the superbowl?
Because the stadium is filled with fans.
I ordered a steak prepared à la Robert Kraft at a steakhouse outside Gilette Stadium.
It was well-aged meat, massaged with an Asian rub, publicly grilled and roasted.
Super Bowl tickets!
Last minute I realize but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl in Inglewood, CA at SOFI stadium Tomorrow.
They are box seats that he spent $8,500 a piece for which includes a ride from the airport, open bar, and a pass to the winners locker room.
What he did not realize was last year when he purchased them that this is the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at St. Paul's church at 3 pm. Her name is Ashley and she is 5'5 and about a 110 pounds. She is a good cook and enjoys the outdoors.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear that a sewer pipe broke at the football stadium during a game?
Apparently, the s**... hit the fans.
Season ticket
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over," he said.
A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb
A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!
Super Bowl tickets
Short notice, but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl. They are box seats that he spent $5,700 a piece for which includes transportation to and from the stadium, open bar, and a pass to the winners locker room.
What he did not realize was last year when he purchased them that this is the same day as his wedding.
If you're interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at St. Paul's Church on North Avenue at 3 pm. Her name is Ashley and she is 5'5 and about 110 pounds. She is a good cook and enjoys the outdoors.
