Stabs Jokes

37 stabs jokes and hilarious stabs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stabs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Stabs Short Jokes

Short stabs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stabs humour may include short stabbed jokes also.

  1. I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
  2. I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed
  3. Studies say most stabbings are committed by someone close to the victim. Within arm's length, to be specific.
  4. First day on the job as a drugdealer *giggles*
    "We don't have coke, is Pepsi ok?
    *gets stabbed*
  5. Well, OJ has been paroled. The spokesperson for the parole board that granted him his new freedom said they "decided to give him another stab at it."
  6. *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money
    Me: well this night took a SHARP turn
    Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs
  7. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy, why are they doing this to him?
  8. So did y'all hear oj simpson is going to get remarried? He's gonna take another stab at it.
  9. *First day as drug dealer* *Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
    *gets stabbed*
  10. Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course? I guess someone made a hole in Juan.

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Stabs One Liners

Which stabs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stabs? I can suggest the ones about stabbed death and getting stabbed.

  1. A judge asked a wife why she stabbed her husband 75 times. She said her arm got tired.
  2. Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds. Poor guy.
  3. I've always stood up for black people... It's not worth getting stabbed over a seat
  4. I just read that someone gets stabbed in New York City every 46 seconds. Poor guy.
  5. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting stabbed.
  6. Every fifteen seconds someone in London gets stabbed. Poor guy.
  7. I think my friend is a vampire I stabbed him in the heart with a wooden stake and he died
  8. My Therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds"..... So, I stabbed him. Now we wait.
  9. Any salad can be a Caesar salad. If you stab it enough.
  10. What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument? Good point
  11. My wife has two weeks left to live... Then I'm going to stab her.
  12. Last night, a guy tried to stab me with a butter knife He said i was toast.
  13. a golfer stabbed a Mexican the other day.... it was a hole in Juan
  14. Did you know that if you stab a salad 23 times, It becomes a Caesar Salad
  15. Why does the river Thames run through London? If it walked, it'd get stabbed.

Stabs joke, Why does the river Thames run through London?

Uproarious Stabs Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about stabs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stitches jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stabs pranks.

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

Black guy and a white girl hook up.

A black guy and a white girl meet at a bar and go back to her house. They start fooling around and he begins taking his pants off. She stops him and says "is it true what they say about black guys"? He says " yes. Yes it is" then stabs her and takes her purse.

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub...

She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men." ;)
So he stabs her & steals her purse.

So a black man walks into a bar on a Friday night...

...and a woman approaches him and the two hit it off very well. After hours of flirting and dancing together they head back to the woman's apartment. The woman begins to undress and says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black men." So the black man stabs her, steals her purse and leaves.

A joke I translated from Russian

A pauper is sitting by a road in medieval England. All of a sudden, Robin Hood comes out of the forest, throws a bag of gold at the pauper's feet and says, "I am Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor."
The pauper tears up, embraces Robin Hood and says, "I am finally rich." Robin Hood then stabs the pauper with his sword,
"I am Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor."

A handsome black guy picks up a woman at the bar

They leave and go back to the woman's place for some drinks and soon things start to get hot and heavy. They start making out and as the black guy is kissing her neck she suddenly shouts out in pleasure, "SHOW ME THAT IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT BLACK MEN!"
So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.

White woman takes a black guy home from the bar

Once they step into her house:
Woman: (shyly) true what they say about black guys?
Black guy: Yes.
Then he stabs her and steals her purse.

A black guy brings a girl home from the bar. Once in the bedroom, the girl says to the black guy "Come on, let me see if what they say about black guy is true"

So the black guy stabs her and grabs her purse.

I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March!"

I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March! I'm in the mood to do some stabbing from behind, if you know what I mean. "
She said, "I just might die of surprise if you make it to 23 stabs!"
So yeah, only my ego got murdered today.

A boy pokes a girl with a pin at church

The church priest asks the girl a question "who is our lord and savior?" *the boy stabs her with the pin* she yells "JESUS CHRIST" the priest says "good good, who created us" *the boy stabs her again* she yells "GOD ALMIGHTY" the priest says "good good, now, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 42nd child?" *he stabs her again* the girl screams "IF YOU PUT THAT THING IN MY ONE MORE TIME IM GONNA SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR t**...!" The priest faints..

A Frenchman is arrested for m**...

He is convicted by an eye-witness acount. He then breaks out of jail and stabs his witness with a baguette. The witness' son sees this and stabs the killer with another baguette.
Vengeance baguettes more vengeance.

A girl and a black man goes away for a date.

Ater the date they quickly head back to the girl's place.
Then she says,"Show me what they say about the black guys."
The Black guy then quickly stabs her and runs off with her purse.

What do you call it when a gay couple has a heated argument and one of them stabs another with a knife?

*a homocide.*

A black man picks up a girl from a nightclub...

Back at his house, she says: "show me what they say about black men is true..."
So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.

A Girl Named Texas

A girl named Texas lived with her brother Austin. The two had a father whose favorite knife of his was always left on the counter of his room. One day, Austin, being the little kid he is, grabs the knife and accidentally stabs Texas. The dad comes home from work a few hours later and sees his favorite knife missing. He then asks Austin who was alone with Texas,
"Austin, have you seen my knife"
Austin Replies
"It's Deep In The Heart of Texas"

A paperclip walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the pointy face?"

The paperclip, incapable of human speech, forms a long, thin sliver of metal and stabs the bartender to death.

A Caesar salad walks in to a bar

A piece of Romaine stabs him in the back

Love is like that old j**... in the park, you pass in front of him everyday without noticig him

untill one day you discover he was always there and he stabs you

A man with no arms stabs a tourist in Miami Beach

I heard someone lent him a hand

Two corn cobs are fighting in the street

One corn cob stops the fight and says to the other:
"Hey c'mon, friend, why are we even fighting? Let's **taco** 'bout it!"
The other cob pulls a knife and stabs him. As he slowly twists the knife he leans and utters:
"I'm nacho friend."

Anyone want to take a few stabs at Caesar puns?

Sorry... Meta-humor is Greek to me.

Stabs joke, Anyone want to take a few stabs at Caesar puns?