Stabbed Jokes

Learn about what happens when you make getting stabbed jokes in front of the wrong person. Read about a renowned actress, Reece, and how her reactions to such jokes were jocular and unexpected. Find out what happened next.

Cheeky Stabbed Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

Probably already been said, but it made me chuckle when I thought of it.

A man has been found dead in central London this evening, reports confirm the man died due to being stabbed with a triangular knife.

Police are calling it an isoscelated incident.

a golfer stabbed a Mexican the other day....

it was a hole in Juan

A white girl met a black guy in the club.

He took her home and then she asked him, "Show me if it's true what they say about black men."

So he stabbed her and stole her purse.

I've always stood up for black people...

It's not worth getting stabbed over a seat

A girl takes a black guy home.

At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.

They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"

To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.

White girl goes on a date with a black man

They have lots of fun, she takes him home, they have coffee, go up to her bedroom and she says, "Show me it's true what they say about black guys"

So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.

Stabbed joke, White girl goes on a date with a black man

*First day as drug dealer*

*Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
*gets stabbed*

My father wants me to treat him like a king

So I stabbed him while he was sleeping. The succession line has to go on, dad.

Chuck Norris got stabbed

The knife bled to death

A man was stabbed in the stomach in an alley...

he was gonna punch him back, but he didn't have the guts.

You can explore stabbed jocular reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stabbed wither dad jokes. There are also stabbed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Did you hear w**... stabbed his best friend?

What a Buzz kill

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a v**....


What did the Alabama Sheriff say about the black man that was stabbed seventy times?

Worse case of s**... he's ever seen

TIL that someone in the UK gets stabbed every 52 seconds

Poor guy.

My girlfriend said "Give me 10 inches and make it hurt!"

So I stabbed her with a ruler.

Stabbed joke, My girlfriend said "Give me 10 inches and make it hurt!"

Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds.

Poor guy.

I think my friend is a vampire

I stabbed him in the heart with a wooden stake and he died

Someone snuck aboard the Death Star and stabbed Darth Vader with a lightsaber.

It was a space in Vader.

Girlfriend said she wanted six inches, and wanted it to hurt...

So i stabbed her.

I stuck my hand in my pocket and my pencil stabbed me

Thankfully it didn't draw blood

Words that start with "S" s**....

Girl: Tom, I've come to realize something about the letter s.

Boy: Tell me.

Girl: Words that start with s s**....

Boy: What do you mean?

Girl: Well, snakes s**.... So does a sting, and so does getting stabbed.

Boy: Well, Sally, if thats the case I'd like to have you over tonight for dinner.

Someone is stabbed twice a day in my city

Nobody helps the poor guy .

My mom just told me this one

Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?

Me: really? Who?

Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...

Me: Witherspoon?

Mom: no, with her knife

Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?

I guess someone made a hole in Juan.

Y'all hear that Reese whatever her name is stabbed herself?

Dave: Witherspoon?

Mike: Nah, with a knife.

Stabbed joke, Y'all hear that Reese whatever her name is stabbed herself?

My Therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds".....

So, I stabbed him. Now we wait.

Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the woman's husband

I stabbed twenty people in the supermarket line with thin needles.

It's a new type of therapy I'm calling "aqueuepuncture".

First day on the job as a drugdealer

"We don't have coke, is Pepsi ok?
*gets stabbed*

I got stabbed by my friends at lunch today

Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Caesar salad

Last Halloween i dressed up as Julius Caesar, and my friends ditched me

Talk about getting stabbed in the back

Man 1: Did you hear that famous actress was stabbed?

Man 2: No, who was it?

Man 1: Reese...oh what's her name...

Man 2: Witherspoon?

Man 1: No, it was with a knife.

As the group of people finished their demonic chanting...

they stabbed an object, lying on the table, feeding it to someone.




β™« Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you β™«

Woman meets a black guy at a bar

They talked for a while then she invited him to her apartment and said: "I want you to show me if what they say about black men is true ;)"

So he stabbed her and took her purse.

One of my art students made a voodoo doll of me after I SPECIFICALLY told her not to.

I feel like I've been stabbed in the back.

What do you call someone who's been stabbed 3 times?

An ambulance

-Officer Johnson here...

\-*Officer, go ahead.*

\-We responded to a call about a woman who stabbed his husband 38 times after he walked in on the floor still wet. We're at the location.

\-*Copy, Officer Johnson. Have you arrested the woman yet?*

\-Negative, we're waiting for the floor to dry.

Did you know that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds?

Poor guy.

A detective is trying to solve a m**... mystery

A lady was killed by being stabbed 17 times. The only evidence was a knife, fully made of concrete. The detective sent the knife to a lab, hoping for any DNA evidence, but unfortunately, the results came back inconclusive.

The detective was puzzled. He was sure it was concrete evidence.

Did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband at dinner? Reese something....


No with her knife!!!!

I played Oregon trail and made fun of a guy named Terry. He stabbed me...

I died of Dissin'-Terry

I stabbed the opponent with my knife to preserve ammo

The paintball arena staff threw me out for some reason.

Why does the river Clyde run through Glasgow?

If it walked, it would get stabbed

I used to be good friends with an acupuncturist

until he stabbed me in the back

I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself...

my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"

I went to a fortune teller and told her I wanted my palm read...

...the b**... stabbed my hand.

I started therapy the other day

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds, physically and mentally". So I stabbed them. Now we wait.

Did you hear about the woman who was robbed by an unemployed acupuncturist?

She was stabbed more than 167 times but she felt awesome the next day.

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds

Poor guy.

Every fifteen seconds someone in London gets stabbed.

Poor guy.

I just read that someone gets stabbed in New York City every 46 seconds.

Poor guy.

i once found a vampire in my hotel so i stabbed it with a wooden stake, shined my flashlight at it and threw holy water at it. died instantly.

still don't know why it had a bucket of candy tho.

New York is a great city. Today I was at the library, & I asked the librarian for a library card. He told me I first had to prove I was from New York.

So I stabbed him.

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor guy, why are they doing this to him?

My fiancΓ© came home with this gem…

Him: Did you hear about the actress that stabbed herself? It was all over the news, can't remember her name…Reese something…

Me: o**..., Witherspoon??

Him: No, with a knife.

He got me good.

James finds Timmy crying at a hospital...

"Timmy!" James exclaims, "What happened?"

"I had a blood test today, and the doctor stabbed a massive needle into my arm," Timmy responds.

James then proceeds to cry more hysterically than Timmy.

Timmy looks over and asks, "Why are you suddenly crying now?"

James wails, "Because I have a u**... test later!"

A judge asked a wife why she stabbed her husband 75 times.

She said her arm got tired.

I was rushed to hospital after being stabbed in the neck with a root vegetable...

Surgeons had to act fast to fix my carrot-ed artery.

my therapist said time heals all wounds

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

I asked my acupuncturist to use smaller needles this time, but they ignored me.

I've never felt so stabbed in the back.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Getting stabbed.

I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year

Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed

Why does the river Thames run through London?

If it walked, it'd get stabbed.

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the stabbed knife puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working stabbed getting stabbed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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