Stabbed Death Jokes
16 stabbed death jokes and hilarious stabbed death puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stabbed death that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Stabbed Death Short Jokes
Short stabbed death jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stabbed death humour may include short stabbed jokes also.
- I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
- Someone snuck aboard the Death Star and stabbed Darth Vader with a lightsaber. It was a space in Vader.
- I was standing next to a guy before he was brutally stabbed. It was a near-death experience.
- A paperclip walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the pointy face?" The paperclip, incapable of human speech, forms a long, thin sliver of metal and stabs the bartender to death.
- A coroner's job is easy Every death is 'natural causes'. "He was stabbed 15 times in the neck so, naturally, he died."
- "I just heard that that one actress from Legally Blonde, Reese... 'whatever her last name is' got stabbed to death walking to her car last night." "Witherspoon?"
"No, with a knife." - What's the difference between being stabbed to death and an argument with your wife. If the argument goes on to long there won't be... But it's okay we wanted to die from the start.
- What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death? Isaac Newton died a v**....
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Stabbed Death One Liners
Which stabbed death one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stabbed death? I can suggest the ones about getting stabbed and beaten death.
- Chuck Norris got stabbed The knife bled to death
Great Stabbed Death Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about stabbed death you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stabs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stabbed death pranks.
Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.
The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."
Did you hear about that Reese lady?
Guy 1: Hey, did you here about that celebrity that stabbed some poor guy to death? What was her name, Reese... Reese Wither... Wither...
Guy 2: Witherspoon?
Guy 1: No, with her knife.
Classic that I haven't seen for awhile
a visitor to georgia saw a vicious dog attack a toddler
He took out his pocket knife, ran over, and stabbed the dog to death.
The mother of the toddler said
"now look here, you have saved my boy.
I happen to be a newspaper reporter, and in this week's newspaper I will personally make the headline:"
BRAVE LOCAL MAN SAVES CHILD BY KILLING BEAST
"that's great," said the man: "but I'm not from this town".
the reporter said "In that case, the headline will be:"
GEORGIA MAN SAVES CHILD BY KILLING DOG
"but I'm not actually from Georgia," the man said. "I'm from Vermont."
"oh". the reporter scowled
"the headline's gonna be:"
YANKEE BUTCHERS FAMILY PET
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are captured by cannibals.
The leader of the tribe comes up to them and says, "Even though you are about to killed, your deaths will not be in vain. Every part of your body will be used.
Your flesh will be eaten, for my people are hungry.
Your hair will be woven into clothing, for my people are n**....
Your bones will be ground up and made into medicine, for my people are sick.
Your skin will be stretched over canoe frames, for my people need transportation.
We are a fair people, and we offer you a chance to kill yourself with our ceremonial knife."
...
The Englishman accepts the knife and yells, "God Save the
Queen", while plunging the knife into his heart.
The Frenchman removes the knife from the fallen body, and
yells, "Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart.
The American removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells,
while stabbing himself all over his body, "Here's your lousy canoe!"
3 men get stranded on an island.
These men are captured by local cannibals. Now the cannibals being merciful tell the 3 men that they will provide them with any weapon they want to kill themselves, in which afterwards they will be eaten and their skins with be made into boats. So the first guy says can i have a gun. He is given a gun, he shoots himself and they make a boat out of him. The second guy asks for a knife. He is given what he asks for and he stabs himself to death and they make a boat out of him. The third guy asks for a fork. The cannibals find this strange but agree. The guy proceeds to stab himself with the fork while yelling, hope your boat sinks, hope your boat sinks.
Three men are shipwrecked...
... they drift towards an island unconsciously. They awake to be taken captive by a local cannibalistic tribe. The tribe chief tells the first man that the tribe will eat his meat, and he is to chose his own death. The man thinks about it and decides decapitation. So he is decapitated.
The chief then tells the second man that they will use his bones to create drumsticks with which they will play their drums. He is allowed to chose his own form of execution as well. So the man chooses poising.
Then they go to the third man and tell him that they will use his skin to cover the bottom of their boats, and tell him to chose his own form of execution. The man asks for a fork, and they bring him one. He then starts stabbing himself and says, "lets see you float a boat with this."