The Best 61 Stab Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stab jokes. There are some stab puncture jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stab thrust puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Stab Jokes and Puns

Fun Super Bowl Game:

Every time they show Ray Lewis on the screen, stab someone in your party and then deny it was you.

So I went to a stable for a self confidence boost

I found myself surrounded by a bunch of neigh-sayers.

Did you hear about the serial killer who was coming out of retirement?

He's taking another stab at it.

My wife has two weeks left to live...

Then I'm going to stab her.

Last night, a guy tried to stab me with a butter knife

He said i was toast.

They just found a Black guy hanging from a tree with 79 stab wounds in Alabama....

The police say it's the worst case of suicide they've ever seen

if I'm ever trying to murder someone...

If I'm ever trying to murder someone and they're getting away, I'm just gonna yell "WAIT! YOU'RE ON SCARE TACTICS!"
and as they come back laughing I'll stab them 47 times in the chest.

Stab joke, if I'm ever trying to murder someone...

Police talking on the radio...

* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...

Did you know that if you stab a salad 23 times,

It becomes a Caesar Salad

Did you hear about the guy who liked to stab himself in the eye?

After a while, he stopped seeing the point.

Friends are like balloons...

If you stab them, they die

You can explore stab dagger reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stab prick dad jokes. There are also stab puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why did the cannibal stab the chef with a toothpick?

To see if he was done cooking.

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

Guy joins the Army...

... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"

Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.

Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!", but the enemy keeps advancing and mows him down. As the enemy walks over him, he hears him shout, "Tankitty tankitty tank!"

A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...

And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued to stab her 5 times and steal her purse.

A black man meets a white girl in a club.

They go back to the girls house and start making out. The girl says seductively "show me that its true what they say about Black Guys". The man then precedes to stab the girl take her purse and run off faster then the wind.

Stab joke, A black man meets a white girl in a club.

If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)

What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!

What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!

What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.

The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.

The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

Studies show people who carry tactical knives with flashlights are less confident guessers.

They never take a stab in the dark.

Most people don't enjoy puns. Wordplay almost feels like an emotional knife stab to them. But at least they appreciate my humour when I get home

It just goes to show you, the only good pun is a dad pun

What's black and white and red all over?

A white person wearing blackface with multiple stab wounds.

Any salad can be a Caesar salad.

If you stab it enough.

Apparently O.J. Simpson is getting remarried

He decided to take another stab at it

Friends are like penguins

If you stab a penguin they die

A wise word of advice from my late grandfather. "When people say fight the power"

"They don't mean stab the power outlets"

Someone is stabbed twice a day in my city

Nobody helps the poor guy .

Stab joke, Someone is stabbed twice a day in my city

Well, OJ has been paroled.

The spokesperson for the parole board that granted him his new freedom said they "decided to give him another stab at it."

Did you hear that OJ Simpson wants to try marriage again?

He says he wants to take another stab at it.

Why can't you trust acupuncture specialists?

They'll always stab you in the back.

After getting released from prison, I hear OJ wants to get married again....

I guess he wants to take another stab at it.

Any salad is a Caeser Salad if you stab it enough times

It's also more healthy if you've Et tu

Apparently OJ Simpson is interested in dating again.

He's ready to have another stab at a relationship.

So did y'all hear OJ Simpson is going to get remarried?

He's gonna take another stab at it.

What's more memorable than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound

How do you turn a garden salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it a bunch of times.

How do you make a ceaser salad from a regular salad?

Stab it 23 times.

A guy was found dead with ten stab wounds in his stomach.

Somebody really hated his guts.

I might not be a surgeon

but I'll take a stab at it.

What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?

The penne trait

Why did the porcupine stab the petshop owner

He rubbed him the wrong way

I stabbed twenty people in the supermarket line with thin needles.

It's a new type of therapy I'm calling "aqueuepuncture".

My first day as a drug dealer

Me: Sorry we've run out of coke, is Pepsi ok?

Client: *stab

Me: Ok, have a nice day

A German sausage was found dead this morning with 27 stab wounds covering its body

Police say it is the wurst murder they've ever seen

I can't think of a good knife pun.

Anybody want to take a stab at it?

I got stabbed by my friends at lunch today

Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Caesar salad

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it 23 times.

What's the difference between a man with multiple stab wounds and a knife juggler?


My stable broke because I rushed when I was building it.

Guess I should hold my horses.

I'm afraid my wife might be a vampire.

She like to stay out all night, all of her guy friends invite her over before she can visit them and she always seems genuinely concerned when I try to stab her with a wooden stake.

I stabbed the opponent with my knife to preserve ammo

The paintball arena staff threw me out for some reason.

I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself...

my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"

OJ Simpson was being interviewed the other day. The reporter asked if he'd considered getting married again.

OJ said he had thought about taking another stab at it.

Word on the street OJ Simpson is getting married again..

Sounds like he wanted to take another stab at it.

Q: How do you turn a regular salad into a ceaser salad ?

A: Just stab it 23 times

Why should you never trust an acupuncturist?

They always stab you in the back.

What did Brutus say when Caesar ask him to do something

I'll take a stab at it

Not even sushi is safe.

Wife and I were having sushi, she ordered a rainbow roll and asked if I wanted piece

I told her I would have the piece on the end... Just for the Halibut.

I was impressed at how well she controlled the impulse to stab me with the chop sticks.

Acupuncturists cannot be trusted.

They'll stab you in the back as soon as they get a chance.

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

Any salad can be a Caesar salad

so long as you stab it enough times.

How do you kill a French vampire?

You have to stab him/her with a baguette.

It sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stab jab jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stab knife piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes