The Best 51 St Patricks Day Jokes
Following is our collection of funny St Patricks Day jokes. There are some st patricks day irish jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these st patricks day cinqo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest St Patricks Day Jokes and Puns
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Regular rocks are too heavy.
Why don't women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day? 'Cause they don't want to get a "
sham rock".
What's long and green and has a low I.Q.? A St. Patrick's Day Parade.
Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? Because they're always wearing green.
What do bullshitters like most about St. Patricks day? The blarney stone!
What do perverted leprechauns drink on St. Patricks Day? Mount & Do.
Drink green beer on St Patricks Day! It counts as a vegetable!
My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day.
I asked her how she colored it and she said she didn't know what I was talking about.
In honor of St. Patrick's Day...
Three Irishmen walk out of a bar.
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
I want to make a special present for my dad's birthday. How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha?
He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together
You can explore st patricks day ripley reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean st patricks day mayo dad jokes. There are also st patricks day puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day
It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
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I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.
In light of all the LGBT groups participating in St Patrick's Day.....
I'm going to open a new Irish themed gay bar. It will be called *Sodom and Begorrah*
St. Patricks Day
Whenever people pinch me on Saint Patricks Day, I punch them.
Because whatever you do with "I" I do with "U"
A German Dad Joke
So, because St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow I asked my dad (who is German) if Germans have any day like St. Patrick's Day. His said, "Yes, it's called October."
In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name?
Pat MiGroin.
Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen.
What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
Paddy O'Furniture!
(Happy St. Patrick's Day)
St. Patrick's day vs Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
What's the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King day?
St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.
What convention do you go to on St. Patrick's Day?
LepreCON.
I'm sorry, I had to.
How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?
One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.
What's green and sits on the porch?
Paddy O'Furniture.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Irish Jokes Megathread
Post all of your Irish, St. Patrick's Day, or good ol' Emerald Isle jokes for the day here! I'd like to share some with coworkers.
What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?
Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!
Happy St. Patricks Day. Where we honor a patron saint by drinking ourselves into unconsciousness.
Or as the Irish call it...breakfast.
What's the difference between St Patrick's Day and Cinco De Mayo?
Everyone is proud to be Irish on St Paddy's day
What are you wearing for St. Patrick's Day?
An Erin Go Bra.
Some people say that going to bars on St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve is "amateur hour."
But that's just because they don't have a sponsor yet.
In honor of St Patrick's Day being a warm day,
In honor of St Patrick's Day being a warm day, I plan on having a beer outside sitting on our Paddy O'Furniture.
Happy St. Patrick's Day
Or "El dia de los Borrachos Verde"
Remember it's St Patrick's day today, try and stand out from the crowd...
... wear all orange, it's also an Irish color
How many potatoes
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None!
Sorry, had to post this on St Patrick's Day, probably a repost, but screw it.
What's green and hurts the next morning?
St. Patrick's Day
Just in time for St Patrick's Day a new gay bar opened in Dublin....
It's called "Sodom and Begorrah"
What do leprechauns eat on St. Patricks day?
Unicorned Beef
What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Cinco De Mayo?
On Cinco De Mayo, not everybody pretends to be Mexican.
If you don't wear green on St. Patrick's Day, you'll get pinched. If you don't wear red, white and blue on the 4th...
ILLEGAL ALIEN!
St. Patrick's Day...
It's the closest Irish will ever get to Christmas.
This St. Patrick's day I drank too much and had to take a bus home.
That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke....
What's Irish and sits on the porch?
Patty O'Furniture
That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...
Watch out for those St. Patrick's Day scammers
Just had a guy try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.
Obviously a sham rock.
A joke for St Patrick's Day. "An Irishman walks out of a bar."
Well, theoretically, it could happen...
What's Irish and lays out on your lawn all night after your St. Patrick's Day party?
Patty O'furniture
I'm in Ireland for St. Patrick's day and asked for an Irish Car Bomb.
The bartender began berating me about how much of an uncultured American I am, how I shouldn't even be allowed to drink with the Irish, and really ripping into me because I got the name wrong. Apparently in Ireland the drink is called a 9/11.
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea. (ricochet)
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!!!
Samuel L. Jackson is going to be playing St. Patrick in a new movie.
His first job will be to get some Snakes off a plain.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I bought a diamond ring on St. Patricks day but found out it was a fake
They gave me a sham rock
What band should you listen to on St. Patrick's day?
Green Day
What do you call a leprechaun's prank?
A St. Pat-trick! Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!
Happy St. Patrick's Day! I told an Irishman a dad joke.
He was Dublin over with laughter.
Happy St Patrick's Day!
If you can't kiss the Blarney Stone today, just use a fake substitute. Any sham rock will do.
In honor of St. Patrick's day I'm here to tell you everything I know about leprechauns.
Very little
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the st patricks day patricks jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working st patricks day fitzmichael piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.