The Best 56 Squirrels Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Squirrels jokes. There are some squirrels foxes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these squirrels squirrel nut puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Squirrels Jokes and Puns
I don't support no nut November
I mean, what else will squirrels store for the winter?
Two trees in a park...
Two trees are talking in a city park one day. The first tree asks "Why do all the squirrels go to you and not me? It's like they don't trust me."
"Well," says the second tree, "it's because you've got no nuts."
I went to kuwait, found no squirrels there..
No animal can sustain a burst of oil everytime they bury a nut.
Today I saw a squirrels testicles.
It was nuts.
If a tree falls in a forest and no one hesrs it,
Do the squirrels sleep sideways?
What do Canadian squirrels eat?
Eh-corns.
The other day I saw two squirrels making noises at each other as if they were arguing.
You could say they were squarreling.
Squirrels are like cigarettes.
They are completely harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light them on fire.
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
A vulture carrying two dead squirrels lines up to board a plane
And the flight attendant says to him, "I'm terribly sorry, sir, but we only allow one carrion."
What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?
Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.
You can explore squirrels animals reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean squirrels attic dad jokes. There are also squirrels puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why do squirrels have bushy tails?
To keep their nuts warm.
Why don't squirrels mate in the summer?
Because they're storing their nuts for the winter.
Squirrels are like cigarettes.
I used to not be able to get near them. But putting them in my mouth and lighting them on fire is still where I draw the line.
Cigarettes are just like squirrels.
They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.
What's the difference between squirrels and alcoholism?
Squirrels aren't tearing my family apart.
TIL squirrels die after sex.
Well, the one I had sex with did.
As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.
I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.
Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"
The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
^^Joke ^^Sponsored ^^by ^^'The ^^Nut ^^Job ^^2: ^^Nutty ^^By ^^Nature'
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Forget-me-nuts.
People are like squirrels....
They follow the nuts.
Squirrels are like cigarettes
The perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set in on fire
K: Mom, mom, mooooom!
M: 'Sigh' What's the matter honey?
K: Mom, at school, they are saying I'm crazy...
M: What? Why? Just who is telling you that!?
K: The squirrels mom! Those damned squirrels!
Why Do Squirrels Swim On Their Back?
To Keep Their Nuts Dry. (Told in school assembly today by a 13 year old student)
Tried to get on the plane with 3 dead squirrels...
... Apparently I'm only allowed two pieces of carrion.
Three squirrels were sitting on animal hides...
The first squirrel was sitting on a rabbit hide and weighed one pound. The second squirrel was sitting on a wolf hide and weighed two pounds. And the third squirrel was sitting on a hippopotamus hide and weighed three pounds. This proves that the squirrel on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squirrels on the other two hides.
I don't need therapy
What I need is these squirrels to stop singing Pink Floyd.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry
Two Squirrels GO Camping
They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,
"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"
A guy goes to the doctor and tells him "Lately I've been dreaming of squirrels playing soccer!"
the doctor says "No problem, take these pills before bed, and it will keep you from having strange dreams."
The guy says "Sounds great, but can i start tomorrow night, tonight are the finals!"
Why do squirrels sleep on their stomach?
To keep their nuts warm.
Where do squirrels go in a hurricane?
All over the place!
Soo... I'm night blind.
I've ran over a lot of animals. Opossums, squirrels, raccoons. Dogs and cats of course. There was this one animal I never could figure out what it was. It yelled "Stop". It must have been a parrot.
I make donations to help bring vermin the flotation devices they desperately need.
Support your local buoys and squirrels club!
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. No matter how hard you try, you will NEVER get them to screw in that lightbulb. You will drive yourself nuts trying.
If squirrels could tell jokes, they'd be quick and to the point
Because they'd be in a nut shell
Why did all the squirrels starve?
No nut November.
Why are all the squirrels dying?
Because it's no nut November
During November, guys are like squirrels.
We're saving our nuts for the winter.
You know who hates No Nut November?
Squirrels.
I visited my sister in the Yukon and the squirrels were really aggressive.
They were territorial
He woke up in a tree house
and there were squirrels all over his pants. He wondered what they were looking for.
No Nut November was especially tough for me...
Whilst cleaning up all the dead squirrels from my garden I put my back out.
Squirrels are the fuckboys of the animal kingdom
They only care about their nut
What did the squirrel say to the tree?
Nothing. Squirrels and trees don't communicate with each other.
Why do squirrels always act like they are insane?
They want to be sent to the nuthouse.
What's a squirrels favorite way to watch TV?
Nut-flix!
A joke my 8 y/o daughter made up this morning. Thought it was pretty good!
Squirrels have a habit of storing food in the winter
Isn't that nuts?
Why unemployed squirrels go to mental hospital?
Because that's where all the nutjobs are.
Why do squirrels like asylums?
Because of all the nuts!
My friends always call me "that crazy guy."
Just kidding... squirrels can't talk.
I got kicked out of the park today for arranging the squirrels by height
They didn't like my critter sizing
How do you catch squirrels?
Climb up a tree and pretend you're nuts.
I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height…
Apparently, they didn't like my critter sizing.
What's a Squirrels favorite seasoning?
Nutmeg.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said," Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo."
The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said," I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said," I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the squirrels pecan jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working squirrels flying squirrel piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.