The Best 35 Squirrel Nut Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Squirrel Nut jokes. There are some squirrel nut betel jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these squirrel nut nuts puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Squirrel Nut Jokes and Puns

From my 6 yo. What do you call a squirrel that doesn't eat nuts?


Why did the squirrel cross the river on his back?

Too keep his nuts dry.

A wise squirrel once said "you are what you eat".

Don't believe him, he was a nut.

Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?

He is an expert at hiding nuts.

How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called "Cute"

but when I do it it's a "heinous act" and my dog gets taken away?

What's the difference between a squirrel and a cannibal necrophiliac?

One eats nuts and berries, the other nuts, eats then buries.

Two Squirrels GO Camping

They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,

"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"

As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.

I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.

Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"

The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry

How do you catch squirrels?

Climb up a tree and pretend you're nuts.

What's a squirrels favorite way to watch TV?


A joke my 8 y/o daughter made up this morning. Thought it was pretty good!

You can explore squirrel nut rage incident reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean squirrel nut multicoloured dad jokes. There are also squirrel nut puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

so it wont get its nuts wet

Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?

It's just nuts.

You are what you eat...

...said one squirrel to another.

The other said in disbelief, "You're nuts."

I saw a squirrel pooping the other day.

Shit's Nuts...

Why did the squirrel swim on it's back?

To keep his nuts dry

Two trees in a park...

Two trees are talking in a city park one day. The first tree asks "Why do all the squirrels go to you and not me? It's like they don't trust me."

"Well," says the second tree, "it's because you've got no nuts."

Did you know?

Did you know: A squirrel's brain actually increases in size during winter to remember where they buried their nuts.


The technical term for it is post-nut clarity

How do you befriend a squirrel?

Just act like a nut.

Why did the squirrel fall dead from the tree?

Because it's No Nut November.

Why did a squirrel get in my pants?

There were nuts in it.

What did Bruce Wayne say to the hungry squirrel?


C'mon, let's get nuts.

Squirrel runs into a bar...

Says, " Hey bartender, you got any nuts?"

Bartender says, "Get out of here you squirrel "

Next day squirrel runs into the same bar, says " Hey bartender you got any nuts?"

Bartender says, " Get out of here squirrel, we don't serve your kind here. If I see you in here again, I'll nail your ass to the wall!"

Next day the squirrel run into the bar and says, " Hey bartender, you got any nails?"

Bartender says, " I ain't got any nails!"
Squirrel says, " Then do you got any nuts?"

Why do squirrels sleep on their stomach?

To keep their nuts warm.

I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...

...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my nut sack.

What's the best way to catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

my gf asked me why I call her squirrel

me: because you're short, cute, jumpy, have a bushy tail, and are always on my nuts.

I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.

I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.

If you were trying to seduce a squirrel

You'd have to be pretty nuts

I met Jon Snow the squirrel the other day

He knows nutting.

Why don't squirrels mate in the summer?

Because they're storing their nuts for the winter.

Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Squirrels have a habit of storing food in the winter

Isn't that nuts?

You are to me what a tree is to a squirrel

A place to put my nut in and forget about.

How do you get a squirrel to come down from a tree?

Take off your pants and show him your nuts

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the squirrel nut acorns jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working squirrel nut seed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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