Squirrel Nut Jokes
127 squirrel nut jokes and hilarious squirrel nut puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about squirrel nut that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Squirrel Nut Short Jokes
Short squirrel nut jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The squirrel nut humour may include short squirrel jokes also.
- Why did the squirrel join a gym on the spring equinox? It wanted to get a headstart on gathering nuts!
- How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called "Cute" but when I do it it's a "heinous act" and my dog gets taken away?
- What's the difference between a squirrel and a cannibal necrophiliac? One eats nuts and berries, the other nuts, eats then buries.
- What's a squirrels favorite way to watch TV? Nut-flix!
A joke my 8 y/o daughter made up this morning. Thought it was pretty good! - You are what you eat... ...said one squirrel to another.
The other said in disbelief, "You're nuts." - Did you know? Did you know: A squirrel's brain actually increases in size during winter to remember where they buried their nuts.
...
The technical term for it is post-nut clarity - What did Bruce Wayne say to the hungry squirrel? YOU WANNA GET NUTS?
C'mon, let's get nuts. - my gf asked me why I call her squirrel me: because you're short, cute, jumpy, have a bushy tail, and are always on my nuts.
- I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today. I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
- I met Jon Snow the squirrel the other day He knows nutting.
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Squirrel Nut One Liners
Which squirrel nut one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with squirrel nut? I can suggest the ones about pecan nut and peanuts nuts.
- From my 6 yo. What do you call a squirrel that doesn't eat nuts? Hungry
- Why did the squirrel cross the river on his back? Too keep his nuts dry.
- A wise squirrel once said "you are what you eat". Don't believe him, he was a nut.
- Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition? He is an expert at hiding nuts.
- Why do squirrels swim on their backs? To keep their nuts dry
- How do you catch squirrels? Climb up a tree and pretend you're nuts.
- Why did the squirrel swim on its back? so it wont get its nuts wet
- Have you heard of the new squirrel diet? It's just nuts.
- Why did the squirrel swim on it's back? To keep his nuts dry
- Why did the squirrel fall dead from the tree? Because it's No Nut November.
- How do you befriend a squirrel? Just act like a nut.
- Why did a squirrel get in my pants? There were nuts in it.
(Sorry) - Why do squirrels sleep on their stomach? To keep their nuts warm.
- What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut
- What is a squirrels least favorite time of year? No Nut November….
Silly Squirrel Nut Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about squirrel nut you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sees nuts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make squirrel nut pranks.
Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why does a squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry!
Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.
I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard.
I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg.
That'll blow his little mind.
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
If I was a squirrel I'd chuck my nuts in your hole!
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
What did one squirrel say to the other? Come around the tree and I'll show you my nuts.
I don't support no nut November
I mean, what else will squirrels store for the winter?
Two trees in a park...
Two trees are talking in a city park one day. The first tree asks "Why do all the squirrels go to you and not me? It's like they don't trust me."
"Well," says the second tree, "it's because you've got no nuts."
Your mom's like a squirrel...
She's always got nuts in her mouth.
A squirrel charged with m**..., the detective "did you do it?", the squirrel ...
"no it was Nut me"
Not really a joke with a punchline but this is something i wrote when i was 15, freshman year of highschool which got me suspended for a week.
The teacher told us to pair up and write a short children's story. The impending disaster of this situation was exacerbated because my friend happened to be in the class and was as like minded as me. Here's as much as we could read before the teacher kicked us out:
>The birds were chirping, and the bees were buzzing. Inside the bedroom, Mr Lumberjack arose with his morning wood... then a tiny squirrel came upon the windowsill, mouth full, panting ecstatically, to which the Lumberjack greeted, "good morning Mr Squirrel, have you had your nuts this morning?"
The teacher immediately cut me off there and sent me to the principals office.
Why do squirrels swim upside down?
to keep their nuts dry
I went to kuwait, found no squirrels there..
No animal can sustain a burst of oil everytime they bury a nut.
Believe it or not, I dated a squirrel in third grade.
She drove me nuts, though.
Today I saw a squirrels t**....
It was nuts.
Where are a squirrel and a chipmunk most likely to meet?
A nut house.
Why did the squirrel float down the richer on his back?
To keep his nuts dry
Why did the talking squirrel try to eat me?
Because I was nuts.
Why was the Eunich Squirrel unhappy?
Because he had no nuts.
If I was a squirrel.....
Could I bust a nut in your bush?
What does an asylum have in common with a squirrel's house?
They're both used to store nuts.
Why are most male squirrels gay?
Cuz they love nuts!
What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?
Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.
I saw a squirrel p**... the other day.
s**...'s Nuts...
Why are squirrels actions so s**...?
They are always trying to bust a nut
What did the squirrel say when it saw the acorn tree cut down and taken away?
Thats nuts
Why do squirrels have bushy tails?
To keep their nuts warm.
At Last I Found the Secret
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
-
So their nuts don't get wet!
A squirrel had dynamite.
He was trying to bust a nut
Why did the squirrel cross the road?
To bust a nut.
If you want to catch a squirrel
just climb a tree and act like a NUT
I had to file a s**... harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...
...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my n**....
If you give a squirrel a steering wheel
It can drive me nuts!
Why don't squirrels mate in the summer?
Because they're storing their nuts for the winter.
"Aww...Nuts"
Said the squirrel when she opened her birthday present.
A Squirrel in Sitting in a Tree Eating Some Nuts When Suddenly the Tree Starts to Shake Violently.
He looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel says "hey elephant, what are you doing?"
The elephant replies "I'm climbing this tree to eat some pears!"
"You d**...," says the squirrel, "this is a pine tree... there's no pears up here."
The elephant says "I know, I brought my own!"
why squirrel swims on its back?
to make sure the nuts are dry.
How hot is it?
It so hot I saw a squirrel icing his nuts.
What's the difference between a winter-prepared squirrel and h**...?
h**... only had one nut.
As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.
I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.
Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"
The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
^^Joke ^^Sponsored ^^by ^^'The ^^Nut ^^Job ^^2: ^^Nutty ^^By ^^Nature'
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Forget-me-nuts.
People are like squirrels....
They follow the nuts.
Why Do Squirrels Swim On Their Back?
To Keep Their Nuts Dry. (Told in school assembly today by a 13 year old student)
What did the sugar glider say to the squirrel?
I'll put some sugar on those nuts
How do you get a squirrel to come down a tree?
Unzip your pants and show 'em your nuts!
How do you get a squirrel to come down from a tree?
t**... pants and show him your nuts
A squirrel ran up and offered me a nut
Thank god Novembers over
How can you tell that a squirrel is male...
If you can see his nuts
You are to me what a tree is to a squirrel
A place to put my nut in and forget about.
Two Squirrels GO Camping
They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,
"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"
What is the gayest animal in the world?
A squirrel. They go through their whole life finding nuts to bust or to shove in their mouth.
What does a gay vampire and a squirrel have in common?
They are always looking for nuts to put in their mouth.
What does the squirrel do on his computer late at night?
He nuts.
How do you get squirrels to like you?
Show them your nuts
Why did the squirrel bury the tuna?
Because if you spell it backwards, it's a nut.
I choked on acorn the other day.
The squirrels nut clogged my t**...
Why was the squirrel admitted into the insane asylum?
Cause he was nuts.
There once was a girl who thought she was a squirrel
But all she really wanted was a nut
Fixed to the spot, the squirrel realised ...
he'd buried the wrong nuts.
Who here has squirrel wisdom?
Because you look like a squirrel wisdom nuts in your mouth!
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. No matter how hard you try, you will NEVER get them to screw in that lightbulb. You will drive yourself nuts trying.
What did the hurricane say to the squirrel?
"Hold on to your nuts because this is no ordinary b**..."
If squirrels could tell jokes, they'd be quick and to the point
Because they'd be in a nut shell
I took a squirrel to a psychiatrist's today.
The poor cutie had gone nuts.
TIL everything a squirrel actually buries
It's nuts
