Squirrel Nut Jokes
112 squirrel nut jokes and hilarious squirrel nut puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about squirrel nut that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Squirrel Nut Short Jokes
Short squirrel nut jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The squirrel nut humour may include short squirrel jokes also.
- Why did the squirrel join a gym on the spring equinox? It wanted to get a headstart on gathering nuts!
- How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called "Cute" but when I do it it's a "heinous act" and my dog gets taken away?
- What's a squirrels favorite way to watch TV? Nut-flix!
A joke my 8 y/o daughter made up this morning. Thought it was pretty good! - You are what you eat... ...said one squirrel to another.
The other said in disbelief, "You're nuts." - Did you know? Did you know: A squirrel's brain actually increases in size during winter to remember where they buried their nuts.
...
The technical term for it is post-nut clarity - What did Bruce Wayne say to the hungry squirrel? YOU WANNA GET NUTS?
C'mon, let's get nuts. - my gf asked me why I call her squirrel me: because you're short, cute, jumpy, have a bushy tail, and are always on my nuts.
- Why don't squirrels mate in the summer? Because they're storing their nuts for the winter.
- A joke my dad told me awhile ago How do you get a squirrel out of a tree?
Pull down you pants and show him your nuts. - What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety? Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.
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Squirrel Nut One Liners
Which squirrel nut one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with squirrel nut? I can suggest the ones about pecan nut and peanuts nuts.
- From my 6 yo. What do you call a squirrel that doesn't eat nuts? Hungry
- Why did the squirrel cross the river on his back? Too keep his nuts dry.
- A wise squirrel once said "you are what you eat". Don't believe him, he was a nut.
- Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition? He is an expert at hiding nuts.
- How do you catch squirrels? Climb up a tree and pretend you're nuts.
- Have you heard of the new squirrel diet? It's just nuts.
- Why did the squirrel fall dead from the tree? Because it's No Nut November.
- How do you befriend a squirrel? Just act like a nut.
- Why did a squirrel get in my pants? There were nuts in it.
(Sorry) - Why do squirrels sleep on their stomach? To keep their nuts warm.
- What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut
- What is a squirrels least favorite time of year? No Nut November….
- I met Jon Snow the squirrel the other day He knows nutting.
- Squirrels have a habit of storing food in the winter Isn't that nuts?
- You are to me what a tree is to a squirrel A place to put my nut in and forget about.
Silly Squirrel Nut Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about squirrel nut you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sees nuts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make squirrel nut pranks.
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest.
The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!"
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute."
The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut."
He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard.
I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg.
That'll blow his little mind.
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
What did one squirrel say to the other? Come around the tree and I'll show you my nuts.
I don't support no nut November
I mean, what else will squirrels store for the winter?
Two trees in a park...
Two trees are talking in a city park one day. The first tree asks "Why do all the squirrels go to you and not me? It's like they don't trust me."
"Well," says the second tree, "it's because you've got no nuts."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A squirrel charged with m**..., the detective "did you do it?", the squirrel ...
"no it was Nut me"
Why did the baby squirrel wear a diaper?
To hide his nuts!!
Not really a joke with a punchline but this is something i wrote when i was 15, freshman year of highschool which got me suspended for a week.
The teacher told us to pair up and write a short children's story. The impending disaster of this situation was exacerbated because my friend happened to be in the class and was as like minded as me. Here's as much as we could read before the teacher kicked us out:
>The birds were chirping, and the bees were buzzing. Inside the bedroom, Mr Lumberjack arose with his morning wood... then a tiny squirrel came upon the windowsill, mouth full, panting ecstatically, to which the Lumberjack greeted, "good morning Mr Squirrel, have you had your nuts this morning?"
The teacher immediately cut me off there and sent me to the principals office.
Why do squirrels swim upside down?
to keep their nuts dry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A little girl sees her mother n**......
and she asks her "What is that fur between your legs Mother?"
Her mom answers, "That is my squirrel, daughter"
"I see.. it is covered in fur like a squirrel!"
One day the girl is visiting her grandmother and they are getting dressed to go out. Her grandmother undresses and the girl says "Mom says that is your squirrel between your legs Grandma. Is that right?"
Grandma says "Yes it is."
The girl asks, "Why is your squirrel gray and mom's is black?"
Grandma answers "If your mom's squirrel has gotten fed as many nuts as mine has, it would be gray too."
I went to kuwait, found no squirrels there..
No animal can sustain a burst of oil everytime they bury a nut.
Believe it or not, I dated a squirrel in third grade.
She drove me nuts, though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Today I saw a squirrels t**....
It was nuts.
Where are a squirrel and a chipmunk most likely to meet?
A nut house.
A man runs out of a forest and into a bar, yelling:
the squirrels are after me, they think I'm nuts!
Why did the talking squirrel try to eat me?
Because I was nuts.
Why was the Eunich Squirrel unhappy?
Because he had no nuts.
I saw a squirrel drop an acorn today.
Poor little guy busted his nut.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I was a squirrel.....
Could I bust a nut in your bush?
What does an asylum have in common with a squirrel's house?
They're both used to store nuts.
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Why are most male squirrels gay?
Cuz they love nuts!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I saw a squirrel p**... the other day.
s**...'s Nuts...
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A b**... meets a squirrel
Squirrel: Nuts?
b**...: No wood
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why are squirrels actions so s**...?
They are always trying to bust a nut
What did the squirrel say when it saw the acorn tree cut down and taken away?
Thats nuts
Why do squirrels have bushy tails?
To keep their nuts warm.
At Last I Found the Secret
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
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So their nuts don't get wet!
A squirrel had dynamite.
He was trying to bust a nut
Why did the squirrel cross the road?
To bust a nut.
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I had to file a s**... harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...
...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my n**....
If you give a squirrel a steering wheel
It can drive me nuts!
"Aww...Nuts"
Said the squirrel when she opened her birthday present.
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A Squirrel in Sitting in a Tree Eating Some Nuts When Suddenly the Tree Starts to Shake Violently.
He looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel says "hey elephant, what are you doing?"
The elephant replies "I'm climbing this tree to eat some pears!"
"You d**...," says the squirrel, "this is a pine tree... there's no pears up here."
The elephant says "I know, I brought my own!"
How hot is it?
It so hot I saw a squirrel icing his nuts.
I gave some almonds to a squirrel on my way to school today.
I had no idea it would go so nuts!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What's the difference between a winter-prepared squirrel and h**...?
h**... only had one nut.
As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.
I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.
Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"
The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
^^Joke ^^Sponsored ^^by ^^'The ^^Nut ^^Job ^^2: ^^Nutty ^^By ^^Nature'
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Forget-me-nuts.
People are like squirrels....
They follow the nuts.
What did the sugar glider say to the squirrel?
I'll put some sugar on those nuts
How do you get a squirrel to come down a tree?
Unzip your pants and show 'em your nuts!
A squirrel ran up and offered me a nut
Thank god Novembers over
How can you tell that a squirrel is male...
If you can see his nuts
Two Squirrels GO Camping
They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,
"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a squirrel and a cannibal necrophiliac?
One eats nuts and berries, the other nuts, eats then buries.
What does the squirrel do on his computer late at night?
He nuts.
Why did the squirrel bury the tuna?
Because if you spell it backwards, it's a nut.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I choked on acorn the other day.
The squirrels nut clogged my t**...
There once was a girl who thought she was a squirrel
But all she really wanted was a nut
My girl was eating my nuts
I told her "leave some for the squirrels."
Fixed to the spot, the squirrel realised ...
he'd buried the wrong nuts.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who here has squirrel wisdom?
Because you look like a squirrel wisdom nuts in your mouth!
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. No matter how hard you try, you will NEVER get them to screw in that lightbulb. You will drive yourself nuts trying.
If squirrels could tell jokes, they'd be quick and to the point
Because they'd be in a nut shell
I took a squirrel to a psychiatrist's today.
The poor cutie had gone nuts.
TIL everything a squirrel actually buries
It's nuts
Why did all the squirrels starve?
No nut November.
During November, guys are like squirrels.
We're saving our nuts for the winter.
You know who hates No Nut November?
Squirrels.
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Terrible pickup line
If I'm a squirrel and you're a tree can I stuff my nuts in your hole?
No Nut November was especially tough for me...
Whilst cleaning up all the dead squirrels from my garden I put my back out.
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Squirrels are the f**... of the animal kingdom
They only care about their nut
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How do you get a squirrel out of a tree?
Pull off your pants and dangle your nuts!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you were trying to s**... a squirrel
You'd have to be pretty nuts
Why do squirrels like asylums?
Because of all the nuts!
