The Best 74 Squirrel Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Squirrel jokes. There are some squirrel hedgehog jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these squirrel squirrel nut puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Squirrel Jokes and Puns
Why did the squirrel fall dead from the tree?
Because it's No Nut November.
George was enjoying his drink at the bar, when an
ugly woman takes a seat next to him.
She had a squirrel sitting on her shoulder.
The woman says to George: "If you can guess what kind of animal I have on my shoulder, I am willing to sleep with you."
George says: "It must be a crocodile?"
She replies: "Close enough"
I killed a squirrel once with a car.
Twice with a tennis racket.
A woman goes to the vet with her pet alligator...
She says "doctor, there is something wrong with my gator. I just caught him acting like a cat and meowing at a squirrel instead of eating it!"
After running a few tests the vet concludes that the alligator has a-reptile dysfunction.
I was trying to think up some squirrel puns.
But, they were all too nutty.
A squirrel and an owl are sitting on a tree branch, watching a farmer plow his field...
The owl looks at the squirrel, and doesn't say anything, because owls don't talk.
Then the owl eats the squirrel, because he's a bird of prey.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change the bulb, and the second to fill the bathtub with bright purple machine tools, and one more to purchase a squirrel from the apple vendor.
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
so it wont get its nuts wet
Why'd the squirrel fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....
The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"
The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."
You can explore squirrel racoon reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean squirrel pistachio dad jokes. There are also squirrel puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
It died.
A man has a car accident...
A man is talking with a policeman after he had a collision with a tree.
'Could you please tell me what exactly happened, sir?' asks the policeman.
'You see,' says the man, 'there was this squirrel that suddenly popped out of nowhere to cross the street.'
'But if it is truly necessary, can't you just run over the squirrel?'
'I know, but then the squirrel hid behind a tree.'
Squirrels are like cigarettes.
They are completely harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light them on fire.
What did the owl say to the squirrel?
Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.
I saw a squirrel pooping the other day.
Shit's Nuts...
Two cows in a field. One asks should I be worried about mad cow's disease ?
Well I'm not , the other replies, ...because I'm a squirrel!
You are what you eat...
...said one squirrel to another.
The other said in disbelief, "You're nuts."
If you want to catch a squirrel
just climb a tree and act like a NUT
I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday...
...he wouldn't stop trying to grab my nut sack.
Why don't squirrels mate in the summer?
Because they're storing their nuts for the winter.
Why did the squirrel blush after he was hit by a car?
He was flattered.
What do we want?!?
A cure for ADD!
When do we want it?
Squirrel!
I met an squirrel at the bus stop
He was standing there with 2 flashlights.
I asked him why he had them with him.
"To scare away the wolfs", he said.
"But, we are in the middle of the city, there are no wolfs here..."
"Told you it works!"
Friend: man, you got to help me. I hit a squirrel driving my car. I feel awful, what should I do?
Me: Why'd you let it drive your car in the first place?
An owl and a squirrel are in a tree watching a farmer go by
The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.
What did Bruce Wayne say to the hungry squirrel?
YOU WANNA GET NUTS?
C'mon, let's get nuts.
A Squirrel in Sitting in a Tree Eating Some Nuts When Suddenly the Tree Starts to Shake Violently.
He looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel says "hey elephant, what are you doing?"
The elephant replies "I'm climbing this tree to eat some pears!"
"You dummy," says the squirrel, "this is a pine tree... there's no pears up here."
The elephant says "I know, I brought my own!"
What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common?
Put either one in your mouth, light it on fire, and it will kill you.
Source: Friend told me
I met Jon Snow the squirrel the other day
He knows nutting.
Squirrels are like cigarettes
The perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set in on fire
How do you befriend a squirrel?
Just act like a nut.
A genie grants a Bear and a Squirrel each 3 wishes.
Wish 1: The Bear wishes that every bear in the world would become female.
Wish 1: The Squirrel wishes for a motorcycle he can ride.
Wish 2: The Bear wishes that every female bear in the world would fall in love with him.
Wish 2: The Squirrel wishes for a helmet.
Wish 3: The Bear wishes that none of the female bears ever wanted to get married.
Wish 3: The Squirrel wishes the Bear was gay.
A man applies for a job as a police officer.
The officer says: Alright, one more thing. Take this gun and go shoot 7 black men and a squirrel.
The man replies: Why the squirrel?
The officer says: I love your attitude, you got the job!
How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called "Cute"
but when I do it it's a "heinous act" and my dog gets taken away?
What did the squirrel do to try and impress his date?
He went out on a limb.
How do you get a squirrel to come down from a tree?
Take off your pants and show him your nuts
Three squirrels were sitting on animal hides...
The first squirrel was sitting on a rabbit hide and weighed one pound. The second squirrel was sitting on a wolf hide and weighed two pounds. And the third squirrel was sitting on a hippopotamus hide and weighed three pounds. This proves that the squirrel on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squirrels on the other two hides.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry
What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?
I don't know, I don't speak porch of geese
You are to me what a tree is to a squirrel
A place to put my nut in and forget about.
Two Squirrels GO Camping
They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,
"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"
What's the difference between a squirrel and a cannibal necrophiliac?
One eats nuts and berries, the other nuts, eats then buries.
Why do squirrels sleep on their stomach?
To keep their nuts warm.
Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?
He is an expert at hiding nuts.
my gf asked me why I call her squirrel
me: because you're short, cute, jumpy, have a bushy tail, and are always on my nuts.
Where do squirrels go in a hurricane?
All over the place!
To the person who stole my adderall,
Squirrel!
Why does a squirrel's tail grow from it's back?
Because there's a squirrel in the front.
If you were trying to seduce a squirrel
You'd have to be pretty nuts
Homosexuality is found in over 150 different species, homophobia is only found in two.
We aren't doing enough to exterminate the fag-hating squirrel.
Who would win at scrabble between a Squirrel and a Raccoon?
The Squirrel, it has a Q in it!
Why did the squirrel cross the river on his back?
Too keep his nuts dry.
What's a squirrels favorite way to watch TV?
Nut-flix!
A joke my 8 y/o daughter made up this morning. Thought it was pretty good!
trees rock
A squirrel had carved a shelter into a tree. The tree was arrested and faced charges in court of arboring a fugitive.
Squirrels have a habit of storing food in the winter
Isn't that nuts?
A wise squirrel once said "you are what you eat".
Don't believe him, he was a nut.
Why did the blind man cross the road?
His dog saw a squirrel.
A joke my dad told me awhile ago
How do you get a squirrel out of a tree?
Pull down you pants and show him your nuts.
Why did a squirrel get in my pants?
There were nuts in it.
(Sorry)
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to get the lightbulb and one ... oh look, a squirrel!
A squirrel in the refrigerator
A man comes home after a hard day's work and opens the refrigerator
to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.
What are you doing in my fridge? the man asks.
The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, Isn't this a Westinghouse?
Um, yes, the man replies. It is.
Well then, the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, I am twying to west.
What's the best way to catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut
What's a Squirrels favorite seasoning?
Nutmeg.
Why did the squirrel swim on it's back?
To keep his nuts dry
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
It's just nuts.
What do you call a female squirrel?
A girrel.
From my 6 yo. What do you call a squirrel that doesn't eat nuts?
Hungry
My wife was joking about her commute to our office in the back yard.
Ho boy this commute is going to be rough today she said as she opened the back door to walk 50 feet to the office
Yeah I heard there's a squirrel flipped over on the tree o five
My friend and I just ate a squirrel soup and I told him it was a Himalayan soup. He asked "How is squirrel soup Himalayan?"
"I found him-a-laying on the side walk"
Squirrel runs into a bar...
Says, " Hey bartender, you got any nuts?"
Bartender says, "Get out of here you squirrel "
Next day squirrel runs into the same bar, says " Hey bartender you got any nuts?"
Bartender says, " Get out of here squirrel, we don't serve your kind here. If I see you in here again, I'll nail your ass to the wall!"
Next day the squirrel run into the bar and says, " Hey bartender, you got any nails?"
Bartender says, " I ain't got any nails!"
Squirrel says, " Then do you got any nuts?"
What does a squirrel like to watch on T.V.?
Nutflix
My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl.
I said no. I didn't know he could.
Credits go to a sign at Mad Squirrel Tap in St Albans, U.K!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the squirrel acorn jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working squirrel flying squirrel piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.