squid Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious squid puns

A shark was swimming around looking for food...

... and he catches a squid.

The squid says: "don't eat me, I'm really sick!"

So the shark says: "fine, I won't eat you. But I know just what to do with you..."

The shark takes the squid to his friend and says: "here's the sick squid I owe you."

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What does it take to make a squid laugh?

Ten tickles.

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What did Poseidon say to the giant squid?

What's Kraken?

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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?

Tentickles

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Why wasn't the giant squid terrorising ships last night?

He was too busy Kraken open a cold one with the buoys!

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What did one giant squid say to the other giant squid?

What's Kraken!

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A man approached a pirate with a wooden leg, hook and eye patch

He asked the pirate how he got his injuries.

"You see lad, it was me first day out to sea. A shark attacked our ship and bit off me leg here. That's the story of me wooden leg."

The man inquired further.

"On me second day with me crew, a giant squid came out of nowhere and its tentacle ripped off me arm! And now I have this shiny hook."

"What about the eye patch?"

"You see, it was me third day on the waves. I looked up to the sky just as a seagull landed a poop right in me eye."

"That's it? You lost your eye because of some bird shit?"

"No, matey. See, it was me first day with me hook."

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What do you call a group of squid?

A squad

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What do you call a Jamaican squid?

Calamarley

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How many times do you have to tickle a squid to make it laugh?

ten tickles

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What do you call it when a cephalopod returns a favor?

Squid pro quo.

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A lion and a tiger make a liger, a whale and dolphin a wolphin, a squid and octopus a scquoctopus. What would a five-year old and a horse be?

Definitely illegal.

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How many tickles...

How many tickles before a squid starts to laugh?


Ten tickles

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How does a squid couple take the next step in their relationship?

They get calimarried

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What do you call a squid taco?

hentai

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Hans and Jervaise....

A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid. "Certainly sir," says Jervaise, the waiter. "Would you like to choose your squid from the tank over there?" "I'll have that little green one with the moustache," says the customer. "Oh no!" replies Jervaise. "But he's my favourite! He's so small and cute and friendly. Surely you'd prefer one of the bigger, meatier ones?"
"No," says the customer. "It's got to be that one". So Jervaise gets the little green squid out and puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife and ... the little squid looks up and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a big friendly grin!
"It's no good' says Jervaise. "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do the evil deed?' So out comes Hans, while Jervaise disappears off in tears. Hans picks up the knife, raises it to chop the little squid's head off and ... once again the little friendly squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little legs and twitching his little moustache. So Hans, too, finds it impossible to kill him.
The moral?
Now Hans that does dishes can be as soft as Jervaise with vile green hairy-lip squid.

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What do you call it when people exchange sea creatures?

Squid pro quo.

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What did the man say to the giant squid?

What's kraken?

JAJAJAJAJJAJJAJA

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Whats it called when you give a dolphin food for it to do a trick?

Squid Pro Quo

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How do you make a squid giggle 10 giggles?

You give him 10 tickles (tentacles)

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You can't make a squid cake...

But you can make an octopi.

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What did the squid say to the bagpipes?

I'd fuck you if I could get you out of those pyjamas.

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What do you call a squid that plays with itself?

An Ink-u-bater

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NSFW: You know why the Japanese virgin wasn't afraid of the giant squid?

Vagina dentata.

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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?

Ten-tickles... You get it? Because "Tentacles"... Lol squids have Tentacles Hahahah no? Okay sorry

*Drops phone, then proceeds to hang himself"

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I made a promise to a squid.

He gave me his squidward.

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What do you get when a squid orgasms?

White out

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What did the red devil squid say when he was beaten in combat?

I am Humboldt.

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What do you call a squid that throws up speaks 2 languages and tags buildings?

Bile ink wall

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How much Squidwards does it take to fix a lightbulb?

zero, because none of them knows how to

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Where does squid ink pasta live?

In the Spaghetto

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Who is Squidwards favorite rapper?

Future

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How you call a high squid

Squidweed

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TIL baby squid come out laughing when they are born!

Makes sense I suppose... their mums do give them ten-tickles.

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Another guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm.

Barman says "what's with this octopus?"

"This is the sick squid I owe you." Says the guy.

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What are the most funny Squid jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Squid? Well, here are the best Squid dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Squid pick up lines to share with friends.

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