squawks Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious squawks puns

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....

The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.

When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"

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A black man walks into a bar...

And sits down with a parrot on his shoulder. When the bartender asks what he would like to drink, the parrot answers instead.
"Vodka!" it squawks.
Amazed by the trick, the bartender got him his drink and stood back in awe. A few minutes later, the curiosity became to strong for the bartender and he had to know.
" hey, where did u get that? It's so well trained!"
"Africa" answers the parrot.

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A black guy walks into a bar...

A black guy walks into a bar and he has a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender looks at him and says, "Where did you get that?"

The parrot squawks, "Africa! The fuckers are everywhere over there."

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Elderly woman wants a pet to keep her company

so she goes to the pet store to get a new friend.

She tells the shopkeeper she would like something she can talk to and possibly bring to church with her, and he suggests a parrot.

She agrees and the next day brings the parrot to church with her.

In the middle of the service, the parrot squawks out, "Jesus CHRIST! It's HOT IN HERE!"

Mortified, she leaves and takes the parrot back to the store and tells the shopkeeper what happened.

He says "Oh, that's no big deal. If he ever does it again, you just pick him up, swing him around by the legs and put him back on his perch. He won't say it again."

The next week, the woman brings the parrot to church with her again, and sure enough, mid sermon the parrot shrieks, "Jesus CHRIST! It's HOT IN HERE!"

So the woman picks the bird up, swings him around and plants him back on the his perch.

"FUCKING WINDY, TOO!"

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Ballsy

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "and get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "and get me another whisky you bitch". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick your ass". Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "for someone who can't fly you're a ballsy bastard!"

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Talking Parrot

A guy walks into a pet store and sees a "talking parrot for sale".

He asks the store owner "what does it say"?

The store owner replies "pull it's leg and it talks...give it a shot"

So the man pulls the parrots left leg and the parrot squawks "polly want a cracker".

"Wow", says the man and pulls the right leg. The parrot says "who's a pretty birdy"

"You are a pretty birdy. That's neat! So, what happens if I pull both legs", asks the man.

"Squawk...I'll fall on my ass mother fucker"!

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A down on his luck magician takes a job on a cruise ship

and the captain has a parrot. Every time the magician does a trick the parrot squawks out the secret "Raawwwt he hid it in his sleeve" or "He's hidden behind the mirror. He's hidden behind the mirror Raaaaawttt!" thus always ruining the illusion.

One day the ship sinks and the magician finds himself stuck on a plank floating in the ocean. To his surprise the parrot lands next to him and stares at him for 3 straight days.

It finally says "I give. What'd you do with the boat"?

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So there are two cans on a wall.

One turns to another and squawks in his face before flying to another wall.

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What do you call a small dick that squawks?

A peacock

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What are the most funny Squawks jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Squawks? Well, here are the best Squawks dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Squawks pick up lines to share with friends.

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