Square Jokes
167 square jokes and hilarious square puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about square that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the funny and quirky world of square jokes! Learn about puns and riddles with square head, square root, square dance, square shape, square toe boot, square face, square jaw, square up, square math, Wenceslas, cubed, and circle themes. Discover how to lighten up conversations with these funny square jokes!
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Funniest Square Short Jokes
Short square jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The square humour may include short quad jokes also.
- 6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9? Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
- I once tried to make a square but I ended up with an octagon That's what happens when you cut corners
- I actually heard this joke in a dream this morning What do you call a little square that hasn't developed its new dimension yet?
Precubescent - No matter what they say, you matter. Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy
- I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you". I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.
- We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine? Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
- I have to say that my girlfriend is the square root of -100. She's a perfect ten but sadly, she's imaginary.
- Why are ships' portholes round? So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.
- My friends laughed at me when I told them I have a girlfriend. They said she was like the square root of -100, a solid 10 but imaginary.
Well, joke is on them. They are also imaginary. - 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9? Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day
Share These Square Jokes With Friends
Square One Liners
Which square one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with square? I can suggest the ones about boxes and triangle.
- My girlfriend is like the square root of -100. A solid 10, but also imaginary.
- Why did 7 eat 9? Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day
I'm sorry - I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
- Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house? Because it was 2 squared
- My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred She's a perfect ten but imaginary
- My girlfriend is the square root of -100 Perfect 10, but imaginary
- Why do they say "be there or be square"? because if you are square, you are not around.
- Dating women is like squaring numbers If they're under 15, just do them in your head.
- My Valentine is like the square root of -100... A 10, but imaginary
- What do you call a broken square? A REKTangle
- Why did 7 eat 9 ? it's recommended to eat 3 squared meals a day
- Girls are like squaring numbers... If they're under 15 you do them in your head.
- People of China, do you want to hear what happened on Tiananmen square in 1989? No tanks.
- What did 11 say to 4, 9, and 25? You're all a bunch of squares.
- What do you get when you square root a Muslim? Radical Islam.
Square Root Jokes
Here is a list of funny square root jokes and even better square root puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!" The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you need 3 squared meals a day.
The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?
Because 3 was the root of the problem. - What do the square-root of 2 and flat-earthers have in common ? They're both completely irrational.
- My girlfriend is like the square root of 2 She's very real, but completely irrational.
- Girls are like square roots... If they're under 18 just do them in your head.
- my boyfriend is like the square root of -100 a solid 10 but completely imaginary
- I put root beer in a square mug. Now I have beer.
- What's the square root of Minecraft? There's three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.
- What do I get when I pour my Root Beer into a square mug? Just Beer.
If you don't get it, think mathematically. - I have a phobia of the square root of 2 It's just one of my irrational fears
Square Math Jokes
Here is a list of funny square math jokes and even better square math puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Q: What happened to the plant in math class? A: It grew square roots.
- Why do plants hate maths? Because it gives them squared roots
- A Math Joke The mathematician says, Pi r squared.
The baker replies, No, pies are round. Cakes are square. - Why should you never teach a plant math? Because it'll grow square roots
- Where do math teachers go on vacation? To Times Square.
- Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots
- How can you tell you are in a math teacher's garden? All the trees have square roots.
- My son asked if I could help him with his math homework. He said "Do I know the square root of minus 1?" I said "aye"
- Math Question I asked my German friend if he knew what the square root of 81 was..
He replied no - What happened to the plant on the windowsill of the math classroom? It grew square roots!
Perfect Square Jokes
Here is a list of funny perfect square jokes and even better perfect square puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend is like the square root of -100... She's a perfect 10, but also imaginary.
Our relationship is... complex. - Why did 5 leave 4 when 6 came along? To be honest, 4 was a little square. And 6, well 6 was perfect.
What's that about 7? 7 doesn't factor into any of this. - My waifu is the square root of -100 She's a perfect 10, but imaginary.
- My girlfriend is like the square root of negative one hundred A perfect ten, but non-existent
- The teacher told her class to draw a ring. Johnny drew a perfect square.
The teaches said, Johnny why didn't you draw a ring??
I did. It's a boxing ring!! - What's perfectly round and fits into round holes perfectly well? A square peg in denial.
- My wife is like the square root of -100... A perfect 10, but completely imaginary
- The type of girl I want is the square root of negative 100 She's a perfect 10, but she's also imaginary
- That girl that's the square root of -100... ...she's a perfect 10, but she doesn't exist.
Square Shape Jokes
Here is a list of funny square shape jokes and even better square shape puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.... Large, small, circle, square, thin crust, deep dish, extra toppings....
- Some shapes got involved in an accident. The circle got up and looked round, the triangle suffered acute injuries and the square was alright.
- How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment? Zero. Feet are feet shaped.
- Why is it called Red Square called Red Square when it is shaped like a rectangle? Because in Soviet Russia, all sides are equal.
- Pizza is all about shapes Box - square
Pie- circle
Slice - triangle
Me - out of - Why is the triangle the most hipster shape? It's the edgiest you can get without becoming a square
- if you know the formula for a square is true, what is the shape of pi square
- What's square-shaped and yellow? A yellow box
- What is little , green and square shape a little green square
- What did the square say to the blob? You're out of shape.
Square Head Jokes
Here is a list of funny square head jokes and even better square head puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Girls and square roots have one thing in common... If they are under 13, do 'em in your head.
- What is the similarity between women and square roots? If they are under 16 you should just do them in your head.
- Women Are Like Square Roots If they're under 25, just do them in your head.
- Woman are alot like square numbers If there under 13 do them in your head
- What do square numbers and girls have in common? If they're under 12, you do them in your head.
- How is squaring numbers and girls similar? If they're under 13 it's better to do them in your head.
Happy Square Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about square you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cube jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make square pranks.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.
Einstein counts down while the two hide. Pascal immediately runs for it, but Newton just draws a square around himself and stands there.
As he turns around he proclaims "Found you, Newton!"
"No, you found one Newton on a square-metre. You found Pascal."
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek
It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.
Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.
"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein. Of course, Newton is the first person he sees so he tags him. "Gotcha, Newton!"
To which Newton responds, "Nope. Pascal!"
What is the most common death among square dancers?
Over Do-se-do.
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driving her car. The blonde cop says "You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see your license?"
The blonde driver looks confused.
The blonde cop says "Its a little square thing with your picture on it"
The blonde driver reaches in her bag and hands the cop her makeup mirror.
The cop takes the mirror, looks at it and exclaims "Well why didn't you tell me you were a cop? On you go. Have a great day".
So the speed of light, e, and the square root of (-1) walk into a bar...
So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink pretty quickly, as he's wont to do. Then (-1)^1/2 goes and orders his drink, and *e* just flips out on him. The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in here first, and you just went in front of me!" (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "No, no, no, you idiot, it's *i* before *e* **except** after c!
One day, a man ran through Red Square in Moscow, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Khrushchev is a fool!"
He was subsequently arrested for revealing state secrets.
My pi day joke
There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".
The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.
So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.
Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset
Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.
They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"
He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.
Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.
The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"
Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."
A mathematical limerick
A dozen, a g**..., and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."
The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and his mother-in-law has two billion dollars.
The man then says, "I wish for a 10,000 square foot home on 100 acres." The genie grants his wish and gives his mother-in-law a 20,000 square foot home on 200 acres.
Finally, the man cleverly says, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder. "Can I see your licence ma'am?"
"My what?" says the driver.
"Your licence," says the cop, "It's the little square thing that has your picture on it."
"Oh!" says the driver and hands over her compact.
The cop takes one look and says, "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Where do Squarells live?
In Geometrees.
I am not embarrassed to say I made this up two weeks ago while teaching quadrilaterals. The groan from my students could be heard for miles.
What's the Square Root of 69?
Ate something.
How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size?
In square feet.
A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
The man says, "I think it's raining."
His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"
Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.
"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
I lost my watch at a party once..
I found it ten minutes later, but some guy was stepping on it. As he stood on my watch, he was s**... harassing a young woman. So I walked up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody does that to a girl. Not on MY watch.
Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek
Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."
Nerd joke.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!
A blonde is speeding down the highway...
When a female officer, another blonde, spots her and pulls her over. She asks the driver for her license...
Blonde driver says, "What's that?"
Blonde Officer : "Its a square with your face on it."
The blonde driver ruffles through her bag and after a few seconds produces a square make-up mirror and hands it to the blonde officer. The officer looks into the mirror and says to the driver, "Why didn't you tell me you were a cop? I woulda let you go!"
My GPA..
My GPA is the square root of -16.
An imaginary 4.0
A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together
A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...
Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
I was walking through Times Square the other day when a black guy came up to me and asked if the Yankees had won...
...So I said, "Yeah! You're free!!"
2 Black Eyes
A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.
The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks.
"Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in."
I used to be square but then I gave my self to a higher power...
Now I'm stuck in this cubical all day
I was at a party...
I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was s**... assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to s**... assault a girl...not on my watch.
A blonde woman was speeding
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"
Sorry, did that not make any sense?
How about -
>"A dozen, a g**..., and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek
While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"
A mathematician walks into a bar
A mathematician walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry but we've run out of beer. We have only root beer for today."
"No problem", replies the mathematician. "Just serve me in a square glass."
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."
"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What is ISIS's favorite mathematical operation?
Square Root.
Anything it is applied to becomes radicalized.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal...
... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek
Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.
- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.
Why do people say be there, or be square?
Because you wouldn't be a-round
A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...
The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.
She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.
The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"
The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."
After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.
The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"
"Pi R Squared", said my math teacher.
"b**...!" I exclaimed. "Pie are round!"
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
An American boasts to a Soviet about the freedom of speech he has.
He says, "I can literally walk up to the oval office and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country' and I won't get into any problem at all!"
The Soviet replies, "I can do the exact same, too. I too can literally walk up to the Red Square and say, 'Comrade Brezhnev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country' and not get into any problem!"
A nun is doing her rounds around town. . .
. . .when she turns the corner near a bar, only to collide with a mean-looking, stumbling drunk. The drunk flies into a rage, and punches her in the face. He then kicks her square in the gut, and begins to brutally pummel her head and face as she doubles over.
Within a minute, she is reduced to a quivering, sobbing mess on the sidewalk. The drunk spits on the nun, and sneers.
"Yeah. . .not so f**...' tough NOW, eh Batman?"
What's the square root of 69?
Eight somethin'
I looked her square in the eyes and said, "s**... isn't real, right? It's just u**..., right?"
"I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.
Where did the square go after killing the triangle?
To prism.
Who killed Abraham Lincoln?
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a m**... case!"
Guy dies and is at the pearly gates
St. Peter says: before I can let you in, you must tell me one selfless act you did while alive
Guy says One time i was driving and saw this motorcycle gang harassing a little old lady. I pulled over and went up to the biggest guy punched him square in the face and said - LOOK, if you mess with her, you mess with me
St. Peter said wow, that's pretty impressive, but I don't see it in your records. When exactly did this happen?
The guy said oh, about five seconds ago
A blonde gets pulled over for speeding
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The officer replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
I think it's raining. says the man.
No, it's snowing. replies the woman.
How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right! exclaims the man. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?
Definitely raining. Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…
One day a Soviet Party member is walking through red square when he hears a man shout down with the tyrant with the mustache.
Immediately the party member drags the man to Stalin and explains what he said. Stalin, furious asks: why did you say that? The man replies he was talking about h**.... Stalin understands and sends the man on his way. The party member is about to go as well but is stopped by Stalin and asked: which mustached tyrant were you thinking of when you dragged the man here?
The Pope, Xi Jinping and Donald Trump are summoned by God
"OK", said God, "the world's gonna end in 20 years, go back and prepare your people".
The Pope prepared a great mass at St. Peter's Square and announced "Dear Catholics, I have good and bad news. Rejoice, for God is real, but also repent, for the end of the world is coming in 20 years".
Xi Jinping held a speech in front of the CCP. "Horrible news, comrades, not only is God real, he also told us the world is coming to an end in 20 years".
Trump tweeted "Great news everyone! God knows I'm important!"
A psychiatrist was testing a patient's personality. He drew a circle on a paper.
And asked the patient, What does this remind you of?
The patient answered, s**....
The shrink drew a square and asked again, What does this remind you of?
s**..., the patient replied.
Then the doctor drew a triangle.
It reminds me of s**..., the patient stated.
You seem to be obsessed with s**..., the shrink told the patient.
*I'm* obsessed with s**...? *You're* the one who's drawing the dirty pictures!
two h**... trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .
Why is it called Sesame Street?
They couldn't call it Thyme Square.
Blonde vs Traffic cop who will win?
Traffic cop stops a blonde that sped by him. He asked her for her license, and she replied by asking: "What is a license?" He explained that a license is a square thing with your face of it. The blone ruffles around in her purse for a while, pulls out a small mirror and gives it to the traffic cop. He looked at it and said: "Oh! I see you're a traffic cop too, you're free to go."
Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?
God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.
"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher
"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.
The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.
"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to the door.
"Not quite correct Bobby" the teacher said "so you don't get to leave early"
"You didn't say it had to be correct...Just that someone had to answer"
The Psychiatrist
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him.
"What's this?" asks the psychiatrist.
"A t**...," says the guy.
The psychiatrist then draws a square.
"What's this?
"It's a t**...," says the guy.
The psychiatrist then draws a triangle and shows it to the guy.
"So, what do you think this is?"
"It's a t**...!" yells the guy.
"Sir, I'm afraid you have serious s**... issues," says the psychiatrist.
"I have issues? What about you? You keep drawing t**...!"