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Squad Jokes

114 squad jokes and hilarious squad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about squad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Don't just laugh at the usual comedy - experience hilarious squad jokes with your friends! From comparing the "Fun Squad" and the "Suicide Squad" to the most outrageous stories of a "Police Squad" in a firefight, explore the oddities of a "Bomb Squad" and the best of a "Firing Squad" for some great laughs. Plus, don't miss the insider knowledge of a "Geek Squad" on how a squad is formed. Enjoy the fun!

Best Short Squad Jokes

Short squad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The squad humour may include short brigade jokes also.

  1. Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad? He wanted to say he had large privates.
  2. What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant? an imPASTA!
  3. When I was younger, my sister always said she wanted to be in the Dallas Cowboys Cheer Squad. I always said the same thing, but just meant it in a much different way.
  4. Lebron James is going to be in Space Jam 2 It's going to be really weird when Lebron quits the Tune Squad and joins up with the Monstars midway through the movie
  5. Why is it acceptable for the leader of a Firing Squad to swear? Because saying oh shoot can cause problems.
  6. Exececution by a firing squad A guy is about to get executed by a firing squad.
    He is granted with 1 last wish.
    "a sigaret please" he says
    "And fire".
  7. When asked how he keeps his cool under pressure... The bomb squad captain said "either I'm right or it's not my problem anymore."
  8. How many Buzzfeed workers does it take to form a firing squad? 10. But number 5 will blow your mind!
  9. The story of a U.S Army member named Will His 3rd day into battle, his squad commander, upon seeing enemies, yelled FIRE AT WILL!
  10. I got fired from the bomb squad yesterday. It's too bad really... I had a blast working there.

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Squad joke, I got fired from the bomb squad yesterday. It's too bad really...


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about squad can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of squad puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Squad One Liners

Which squad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with squad? I can suggest the ones about swat team and team.

  1. A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad. He will be missed.
  2. "Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!" "Copy that"
  3. What do you call a bunch of squids? A squad...
  4. What's black and white, and full of fuzz? A squad car.
  5. A nun is put to death by a firing squad.... She lived and died holey.
  6. What do you call a group of squid? A squad
  7. Did you hear about the Russian firing squad? They stood in a circle
  8. What were the last words of a man executed by firing squad? I hope you will miss me.
  9. What do you call a group of people that hang out by sewers? Sewer-side Squad
  10. Why was the soldier put to firing squad? Because they found him eating 3 musketeers
  11. Squad goals: To have a squad
  12. Why didn't cops like EA's Star Wars Battlefront II at launch? Lack of squads.
  13. Spent my summer with the bomb squad! It was a blast...
  14. How do you know you're facing a polish firing squad? They stand around you in a circle
  15. It's coming home! The plane with the English squad is, at least.

Firing Squad Jokes

Here is a list of funny firing squad jokes and even better firing squad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Russian election system Where citizens choose between Vladimir Putin or a KGB firing squad.
  • Unlike Donald Trump, Kim Jong-un would NEVER throw a former advisor under the bus. He'd throw them in front of a firing squad.
  • Why was the chemist fired from the bomb squad? Because he tried to diffuse the bomb
  • What's the worst way to lose your job? By firing squad.
  • Did you hear about the Irish firing squad? They formed a circle.
  • What was the motto of the firing squad? We aim to please.

Suicide Squad Jokes

Here is a list of funny suicide squad jokes and even better suicide squad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend... We're the s**... Squad!
  • what does it feel like to join a s**... bomb squad? I don't know, you'll have to C4 yourself!
  • What do you call a group of EMO's? A s**... squad.
  • If you ever feel like you can't do something, just remember... s**... Squad is an Oscar nominated film.
  • What do you call 4 emo friends? s**... Squad.
  • SPOILERS for Deadpool 2 The X-Force was the actual s**... Squad.
  • Will Smith walks into a group therapy session for depression... So that's it, huh? We some kinda s**... squad?
  • s**... Squad's Title in Canada Translates To "Mopey Avengers Go To Hot Topic". In Syria it translates to ISIS
  • What do you call a group of supervillains who come from jonestown? The s**... squad
  • People keep asking me if iv'e seen s**... Squad Well, i have watched a documentary on Jones town.

Bomb Squad Jokes

Here is a list of funny bomb squad jokes and even better bomb squad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A break-dancer got arrested on suspicion of terrorism His boombox was safely detonated by the bomb squad.
  • TIFU by having the bomb squad called to my party. They said it was the bomb.
Squad joke, TIFU by having the bomb squad called to my party.

Hilarious Squad Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about squad you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean platoon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make squad prank.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

A redhead, an brunette, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad.

The redhead is first, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the redhead screams "tornado!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The brunette is next, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the brunette screams "earthquake!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The blonde is last, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the blonde screams "fire!"

firing squad

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a p**..., are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the p**.... He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.

One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts "Fire"!

Three guys are at a firing squad...

...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, "Fire!"

Craig david

Craig David is apparently quitting music & has been in hard training for the past 5 years with the British Olympic archery squad... He's going to be their bow selector.

An American, Irishman and p**... are up for execution...

The American is up against the firing squad first. "Ready...AIM..."
The American suddenly points and shouts "t**...!" The squad turns and the American gets away.
Next up is the Irishman. "Ready... Aim..."
"s**...!" Shouts the Irishman. He gets away.
Finally the p**... is next. The commander says to him. "Now we are sure the enemy is not in the area. So don't try what those two just did.
"Ready... AIM..."
Suddenly the p**... points and shouts "...FIRE!"

Hostage Escape

A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!"

Have any of you seen the new s**... ambiguous cheerleading squad at yellowstone?

They're called the "Geyser Girls".

What do you call spanish s**... squad ?

h**... hombres

3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad

The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"

3 men are lined up for the firing squad...

...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, **"Fire!"**

Last request...

A blindfolded man is about to be put to death by firing squad. The general walks up to him and asks if he has a last request.
"I would like to sing the song of my people one last time."
The general agrees and takes a step back.
"One million bottles of beer on the wall! One million bottles of beer!"

How do you knew which cheerleader is the squad captain?

When she does the splits, class rings fall out.

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.
Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant.
No, not yet. The floor's still wet.

The head of the 2016 somali Olympic squad has apologized to officials on behalf of their team...

...after realizing shooting and sailing were two separate events.

Watching a back to school ad is like watching s**... Squad

Without the squad..

Last request

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.
As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.
The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."

What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke m**...?

Geek Squad

How has the s**... Squad 2 script been improved?

[deLetoed]

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,
"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

Whenever you feel like you can't do something, remember...

s**... Squad won an Oscar.

The blonde girl panicked when she got stuck inside her car as her doors wouldn't open.

She quickly dialed 911 and cried, "I'm in the Orlando Mall parking lot, my doors won't open and its getting to be a hot day!"
The dispatcher sent a squad car and soon the police were searching about the parking lot looking for her car.
The operator asked, "The officer wants to know what kind of car you are stuck in."
The blonde replied, "It's a convertible."
The operator said, "I'd imagine there are many convertibles in that lot, which one are you?"
Exasperated, the blonde shouted, "The one with the top down!"

There was three pilots...

Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "b**... run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".

I heard the military is assembling a crack squad made up of all T-Rexes

Makes sense - I hear T-Rexes are small arms experts!

A sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said...

" I have a nice eaaasy job for the laziest man here, put up your hand if you are the leaziest "
24 men raised their hands. And the sergeant asked the other man :
" Why didn't you raise your hand ?"
the man replied : " Too much trouble raising the hand, Serg ! "

How did the US soccer team announce their squad

Without Freddy Adu

What do you call a squad of IRA commandos?

Seal Team Micks

An English man, Scottish man, and a Irish man were about to be executed by the firing squad.

They put the Englishman against the wall, when he says
"EARTH QUAKE!".
The firing squad start panicking, whilst the English man runs off.
They put the Scottish man against the wall, when he says
"FLOOD!".
The firing squad start panicking more, whilst he also runs off.
They put the Irish man against the wall, when he says
"FIRE!"

s**... with my wife is like the England World Cup squad

neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.

England squad visiting

England squad visited a russian orphanage today. It was heartbreaking to see the despair and lack of hope in their eyes said Dimitri, 6.

What's worse than being Nikola Kalinic sitting at home right now?

The entire England squad sitting at home right now.

A grandfather tells his grandchild one of his stories from WW2

Grandfather : "Our squad was once captured by the enemy, half of us were r**..., the other half got brutally killed."
Grandchild : "Which half were you part of grandpa' ?"
Grandfather : "Pfft, is that even a question ? Obviously the latter !"

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department's bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:
Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.

If you ever feel useless, just remember...

... there is an anti-t**... squad in Pakistan

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

A group of soldiers stood in formation at an army base.

The drill sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out!"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

A man faced execution by firing squad and was asked by the officer in charge if he had any last words...

Safely behind his men, the officer shouted, "SQUAD! PREPARE TO FIRE ON MY MARK! I WILL COUNT DOWN AND GIVE THE ORDER TO FIRE! PRISONER, DO YOU HAVE ANY FINAL WORDS? THREE!"
The prisoner said, "Yes sir, I do."
The officer shouted, "WHAT ARE THEY? TWO!
The prisoner shouted "ABOUT..... FACE!"
The officer shouted "FIRE!"

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor...

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped. Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant. No, not yet. The floor's still wet.

A squad of potatoes is engaged in a firefight after being sent to secure several important roads...

Gunfire and explosions are raining down on the group of potatoes until it's only the sergeant on his radio and a couple of others standing over the crispy skins of their fallen comrades. The General's voice suddenly blares from the radio...
"Sergeant, come in! What is your status, are the routes safe?"
"NO SIR, THE ROOTS ARE NOT SAFE - AND WE'RE DROPPING LIKE FRIES!"

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew are sentenced to death. The warden lets them choose the method.

The Christian says "a firing squad would be painless. I choose that." In comes a firing squad and *bang* they kill him.
The Muslim says "yes, that does seem to be quick. I also choose the firing squad." *Bang*. He, too, is killed.
The warden says to the Jew, "and how do you want to die?"
And he responds "old age".

A drill sergeant was drilling the recruit squad in the use of the rifle

Everything went smoothly until blank cartridges were distributed.
The recruits were instructed to load their pieces and stand at the ready, and then the sergeant gave the command:
"Fire at will!"
Private Lunn was puzzled. He lowered his gun.
"Which one is Will?", he asked.

Squad joke, A drill sergeant was drilling the recruit squad in the use of the rifle

jokes about squad

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these squad jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.