The Best 72 Squad Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Squad jokes. There are some squad readhead jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these squad regiment puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Squad Jokes and Puns

Exececution by a firing squad

A guy is about to get executed by a firing squad.
He is granted with 1 last wish.
"a sigaret please" he says
"And fire".

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.

The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."

The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"

The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her bondage and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.

The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."

The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"

The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her bondage and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.

The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."

The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Squad joke, One soldier

A redhead, an brunette, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad.

The redhead is first, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the redhead screams "tornado!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.

The brunette is next, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the brunette screams "earthquake!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.

The blonde is last, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the blonde screams "fire!"

"Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!"

"Copy that"


Lebron James is going to be in Space Jam 2

It's going to be really weird when Lebron quits the Tune Squad and joins up with the Monstars midway through the movie

firing squad

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Polak, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the Polak. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

Squad joke, firing squad

The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.

One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts "Fire"!

What do you call a group of squid?

A squad

Craig david

Craig David is apparently quitting music & has been in hard training for the past 5 years with the British Olympic archery squad... He's going to be their bow selector.

Hostage Escape

A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.

Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.

When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!"

You can explore squad sentry reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean squad team dad jokes. There are also squad puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How do you know you're facing a polish firing squad?

They stand around you in a circle

What's the worst way to lose your job?

By firing squad.

Have any of you seen the new sexually ambiguous cheerleading squad at Yellowstone?

They're called the "Geyser Girls".

A nun is put to death by a firing squad....

She lived and died holey.

What do you call spanish suicide squad ?

Homicide hombres

Squad joke, What do you call spanish suicide squad ?

3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad

The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"

3 men are lined up for the firing squad...

...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, **"Fire!"**

Last request...

A blindfolded man is about to be put to death by firing squad. The general walks up to him and asks if he has a last request.

"I would like to sing the song of my people one last time."

The general agrees and takes a step back.

"One million bottles of beer on the wall! One million bottles of beer!"


Squad goals:

To have a squad

How do you knew which cheerleader is the squad captain?

When she does the splits, class rings fall out.

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.

Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant.

No, not yet. The floor's still wet.

A break-dancer got arrested on suspicion of terrorism

His boombox was safely detonated by the bomb squad.

The head of the 2016 Somali Olympic squad has apologized to officials on behalf of their team...

...after realizing shooting and sailing were two separate events.

Watching a back to school ad is like watching Suicide Squad

Without the squad..

My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the Suicide Squad!

Last request

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.

As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.

The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."

What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth?

Geek Squad

People keep asking me if iv'e seen Suicide Squad

Well, i have watched a documentary on Jones town.

How has the Suicide Squad 2 script been improved?

[deLetoed]

Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America:

Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers.

A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad.

He will be missed.

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,

"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

If you ever feel like you can't do something, just remember...

Suicide Squad is an Oscar nominated film.

Whenever you feel like you can't do something, remember...

Suicide Squad won an Oscar.

Why was the soldier put to firing squad?

Because they found him eating 3 musketeers

What do you call a bunch of squids?

A squad...

There was three pilots...

Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "Bombing run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".

The Russian election system

Where citizens choose between Vladimir Putin or a KGB firing squad.

What do you call a group of people that hang out by sewers?

Sewer-side Squad

I heard the military is assembling a crack squad made up of all T-Rexes

Makes sense - I hear T-Rexes are small arms experts!

What's black and white, and full of fuzz?

A squad car.

A sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said...

" I have a nice eaaasy job for the laziest man here, put up your hand if you are the leaziest "

24 men raised their hands. And the sergeant asked the other man :

" Why didn't you raise your hand ?"

the man replied : " Too much trouble raising the hand, Serg ! "

Why was the chemist fired from the bomb squad?

Because he tried to diffuse the bomb

When I was younger, my sister always said she wanted to be in the Dallas Cowboys Cheer Squad.

I always said the same thing, but just meant it in a much different way.

Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad?

He wanted to say he had large privates.

Spent my summer with the bomb squad!

It was a blast...

How did the US soccer team announce their squad

Without Freddy Adu

What do you call a squad of IRA commandos?

Seal Team Micks

Unlike Donald Trump, Kim Jong-un would NEVER throw a former advisor under the bus.

He'd throw them in front of a firing squad.

SPOILERS for Deadpool 2

The X-Force was the actual Suicide Squad.

An English man, Scottish man, and a Irish man were about to be executed by the firing squad.

They put the Englishman against the wall, when he says
"EARTH QUAKE!".
The firing squad start panicking, whilst the English man runs off.
They put the Scottish man against the wall, when he says
"FLOOD!".
The firing squad start panicking more, whilst he also runs off.
They put the Irish man against the wall, when he says
"FIRE!"

Sex with my wife is like the England World Cup squad

neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.

England squad visiting

England squad visited a russian orphanage today. It was heartbreaking to see the despair and lack of hope in their eyes said Dimitri, 6.

The story of a U.S Army member named Will

His 3rd day into battle, his squad commander, upon seeing enemies, yelled FIRE AT WILL!

It's coming home!

The plane with the English squad is, at least.

What's worse than being Nikola Kalinic sitting at home right now?

The entire England squad sitting at home right now.

Will Smith walks into a group therapy session for depression...

So that's it, huh? We some kinda suicide squad?

what does it feel like to join a suicide bomb squad?

I don't know, you'll have to C4 yourself!

What do you call a group of EMO's?

A suicide squad.

A grandfather tells his grandchild one of his stories from WW2

Grandfather : "Our squad was once captured by the enemy, half of us were raped, the other half got brutally killed."

Grandchild : "Which half were you part of grandpa' ?"

Grandfather : "Pfft, is that even a question ? Obviously the latter !"

When asked how he keeps his cool under pressure...

The bomb squad captain said "either I'm right or it's not my problem anymore."

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department's bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:

Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.

If you ever feel useless, just remember...

... there is an anti-terrorist squad in Pakistan

What do you call a group of supervillains who come from jonestown?

The suicide squad

How many Buzzfeed workers does it take to form a firing squad?

10. But number 5 will blow your mind!

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.

The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.

The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

A group of soldiers stood in formation at an army base.

The drill sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out!"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

I got fired from the bomb squad yesterday. It's too bad really...

I had a blast working there.

What do you call 4 emo friends?

Suicide Squad.

Why is it acceptable for the leader of a Firing Squad to swear?

Because saying oh shoot can cause problems.

What were the last words of a man executed by firing squad?

I hope you will miss me.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the squad squadron jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working squad brigade piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes