Following is our collection of funny Spread Your Legs jokes. There are some spread your legs leg jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spread your legs burrow puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.
Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"
His wife replies "For the flowers of course"
He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"
so he bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. I suppose now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread , said the wife. Why? asked the husband, Don't we have a vase?
This is the strangest thing I've ever had on toast.
A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in.
After bathing, she came out naked, spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?
He replied, Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
she looked at me, sighed and said, "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."
so I asked her, "why, don't you have a vase?"
hahahahaha
just kidding...
I don't have a girlfriend
A man walks into a bar and sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, May I buy you a cocktail?
"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
"No, they spread."
Two young women are drinking tea together. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. One of the women opens the door and finds a courier with a big great bouquet of roses. She walks inside and reads to her friend: *"Much love from your boyfriend!"* She immediately groans out: *"You know what this'll mean? This'll mean I'll be lying on my back with my legs spread wide open for the next two weeks!"* To which her friend says, *"Don't you have a vase?"*
A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "What? Do you expect me to spread my legs for you now?" says the wife. The husband replies, "honey, I love you, but i think a vase will work just fine."
Credit to Uncle Jun.
Wanna come over and spread the word?
Woman: No thanks, whisky is bad for my legs.
Man: Legs? Thats strange, do they pain or swell?
Woman: No, they spread.
There was this hard working prostitute who had been working 18 hours a day for more than a decade.She had a quite a bit of money but money wasn't what she wanted anymore, she was sick of her job,her life ,EVERYTHING.One day she decided to end her miserable life and she lied down on a train track with her legs spread apart. The next day it was all over the news "Local Train Missing".
You can explore spread your legs daddy long reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spread your legs limbs dad jokes. There are also spread your legs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
...clenching a bouquet of flowers.
He goes to the bedroom, turns on the light and in a slurry voice he says:
"Here ya go honey, these are for you.."
To which his wife angrily replies; "Oh well that's great, I guess now you expect me to spread my legs?"
The man looks at the bouquet, then back at his wife and says:
"Why, you don't have a vase?"
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely Willie Nelson."
took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, ''I think you have the wrong room.''
''You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so sexy I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits down in the chair, pulls down her pants and spreads her legs. The dentist says to her, "I think you've got the wrong place. The gynecologist's office is upstairs." The woman says back, "No mistake. You put my husband's dentures in, and now you're gonna get them out."
A guy has never had sex, and gets into bed on his wedding night.
His new wife gets naked, sits on the bed, and says, "Do you know what I want?"
He says, "No."
She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, "Now do you know what I want?"
He says, "Yeah, you want the whole bed to yourself!"
"Yesterday my husband bought me 20 red roses. Guess I'll have to spread my legs for two weeks".
"How so?" asks the other. "Don't you have a vase?"
He asks, Don't we have a vase?
"Well I guess I'll have to spread my legs now" she says.
Guy says "What for!? Don't you have a vase?"
The brunette looks out and sees her husband approaching with flowers. The brunette says: "Oh look, flowers, looks like I'll be having my legs spread open all weekend long..." The blonde replies: "Why? Don't you have a vase?"
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
One says to the other "Do you and your husband have any romantic plans for tonight?"
The second scoffs "Oh, please. These days, he just buys me a half-dozen roses, and expects me to get on my back and spread my legs."
The first looks confused "Don't you have a vase you could put them in?"
The dentist, flabbergasted, tells the lady that he thinks she's at the wrong type of specialist.
The old lady replies, "Last week you put in my husband's new teeth. Now you have to take them out."
*"I guess I'll have to spread my legs now"*, she says.
*"Why?"* He asks, *"don't you have a vase?"*
An old lady walks into a dental surgery, sits down in the chair, lifts her knees up and spreads her legs.
Dentist: 'Miss, I believe you're in the wrong room'.
Woman: 'You put my husbands new teeth in last week. I'm here to have them removed'.
Woman: No thanks, alcohol is bad for my legs.
Man: Do they swell?
Woman: No, they spread
took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week,"
she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
Spread the word.
Got an Organ instead of a harp😬
Mine are a series of yo mama jokes which get progressively dirtier.
Yo mama so ugly her vibrator went soft.
Yo mama so nasty she got fired from a sperm bank for drinking on the job.
Yo mama so nasty, I asked her what's for dinner so she spread her legs and said "crabs."
Best I got, what are yours?
On Valentine's Day I came home with a dozen roses for my wife. She looked at me and said so I guess you want me to spread my legs now?
I said, well, I kinda thought we'd put them in a vase.
Won't spread.
She then begins taking off all her clothes and spreading her legs. The dentist says woahhhh I'm a dentist not a doctor, or a gynaecologist.! the woman replies yeah I know, I need my husbands teeth back.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spread your legs genitalia jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working spread your legs teeth grazed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.