Spray Jokes

171 spray jokes and hilarious spray puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about spray that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a few laughs? Check out this article about spray jokes! From fart spray and pepper spray to bear spray and axe body spray, there are plenty of laughs to be found in these silly spray jokes. Plus, learn about bug spray, hair spray, skunk spray, nasal spray, nozzles, Febreeze, and splatter - funny jokes about them included.

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Funniest Spray Short Jokes

Short spray jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spray humour may include short squirt jokes also.

  1. I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today... Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
  2. What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran
  3. A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid. Papa Roach said, Suffocation, no breathing.
  4. A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he? A seasoned veteran.
  5. I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . . . . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?
  6. Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier. He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.
  7. I once knew a soldier who suffered through both mustard gas and pepper spray. He was a seasoned veteran.
  8. I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.
  9. A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray "Is this good for wasps?" he asked the assistant.
    "No, it kills them."
  10. A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, And then Pepper Spray by the police, He's now a seasoned veteran. First time on this sub reddit so don't have a lot of experience

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Spray One Liners

Which spray one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spray? I can suggest the ones about sprinkle and prays.

  1. I knew a guy who survived mustard gas and pepper spray He is now a seasoned veteran
  2. I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent
  3. I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth... and now I talk with a strange Axe scent.
  4. I accidentally sprayed my deodorant into my mouth. Now I speak with this weird axe scent.
  5. What does a priest put on salad? Lettuce spray
  6. Did you hear about the soldier that got pepper sprayed? He's a seasoned veteran now.
  7. How do skunks know who to spray and who not to spray? Instink
  8. I always cry before talking to attractive girls Any tips against pepper spray?
  9. I've been crying a lot recently It's shocking how many girls carry pepper spray
  10. I usually close my eyes when I kiss girls. Not as much pepper spray gets in that way.
  11. I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font. Now that is bold.
  12. I accidentally sprayed a deodorant in my mouth, Now I have this weird axe scent.
  13. I accidentally got body spray in my mouth Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent.
  14. The military man survived mustard gas and pepper spray He's a seasoned veteran
  15. What does a rusty can of spray-on rust remover smell like? Irony.

Pepper Spray Jokes

Here is a list of funny pepper spray jokes and even better pepper spray puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a soldier who has been mustard gassed and pepper sprayed? A seasoned veteran.. I'm so sorry
  • When I go in to kiss a girl, I always close my eyes. Ive just learned from experience, if my eyes are open, more pepper spray gets in them.
  • Did you hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? They say that he's a seasoned veteran.
  • Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night? To protect themselves from a salt
  • I went on a blind date the other day... didn't start that way, but she brought pepper spray.
    *Credit to America's Got talent comedian (I don't remember his name)
  • After years in the Military After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran.
  • Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray? He was a seasoned veteran
  • Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police? He's now a seasoned veteran.
    Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this
  • You hear about the soldier who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray? He was a seasoned veteran.
  • My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars.. ..and came to us a seasoned Veteran.

Spray Paint Jokes

Here is a list of funny spray paint jokes and even better spray paint puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature? Because the spray paint can wasn't invented until 1949.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right... ...For example, your parents.
    (Saw this spray painted on the back of a van. No idea if it's from something)
  • My mom asked me to paint her room for her. Apparently duct taping spray paint cans to a roomba Is not helping and why we don't love you anymore
  • Why are there so few black doctors? Because you can't write a prescription with spray paint.
  • How do you turn a Russian into an Asian? Spray paint them yellow, put their eyes towards the sun, and punch them in the gut so they scream, NEE!
  • Why are Black People's Hands and Feet White? God put them on all fours when he spray-painted them.
  • A s**... has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... ...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.
  • What do the Welsh call safe s**...? Spray painting the sheep that bite.
Spray joke, What do the Welsh call safe s**...?

Hair Spray Jokes

Here is a list of funny hair spray jokes and even better hair spray puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I tried to kill a spider by spraying it with a whole can of White Rain hair spray But that didn't work, now it's wearing blue eye shadow and chain smoking Virginia Slims.
  • What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!
  • Why did the hair spray tell on the comb? He was under preasure.
  • Yo mamma's so s**..., she uses hair spray to clean her pet rabbit!
  • whats the differnce from a blonde and a blow up s**... doll only about two bottles of hair spray

Bug Spray Jokes

Here is a list of funny bug spray jokes and even better bug spray puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I just got arrested for buying bug spray at a store Apparently you're not allowed to get Off in public
  • My best friend died from inhaling too much bug spray. The coroner said he offed himself.
  • Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library by killing all of The Beatles
  • What do mosquitoes think of people who wear bug spray? They are just OFF-full
  • My girlfriend asked me to get her off. I told her it was a little cold outside to be needing bug spray.
  • Getting caught I got caught jacking off at the store yesterday. But seriously, who pays for bug spray?
  • So an unfortunate thing happened... I accidentally dropped a whole bottle of "Off" bug spray into this big beautiful bowl of butterscotch pudding I had slaved over all day.
    It was Off-pudding.
  • I have to spray bug poison.... .....2 A B cos Y not?
  • Save yourself from a s**... harassment case. If a fellow employee asks, "Do you know a place I can get Off?". They may just need some bug spray.
  • Yo Mamma so s**... she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
Spray joke

Great Spray Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about spray you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean foam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spray pranks.

Did you hear the one about the sprinkler that tried to spray a man in the eye?

It completely mist!

Windows at home frozen

Wife by text to husband at work ............
"Windows at home frozen - what should I do?"
Husband - "spray some de-icer or pour hot water on them"
Wife a few minutes later - "Done that - now computer won't work at all"!

TIL that 90% of the time black men cry during s**....…

Because of the pepper spray.

Why do black people have red eyes after s**... i**...?

Because of the pepper spray.

I have a tendency to run around n**......

So every morning I spray myself with Windex, to prevent me from streaking.

A n**... man...

... was running outside and causing some pandemonium.
The police tried everything to get this man to stop: pepper spray, tazers, rubber bullets...nothing seemed to work.
With a big grin, one officer turned to the Chief and said, "I've got an idea...we spray him with Windex!"
The Chief, confused asked how that would help...
The new guy says, "Windex prevents streaking..."

3 priests at lunch

So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."

Being a man of many flavors.

I survived mustard gas and pepper spray, yesterday I was honored a seasoned veteran.

A guy has a wasps nest in his garage

He goes to the hardware store and finds a can of spray that says it's for hornets, so he finds an employee just to check if it'll work on wasps.
"Excuse me, is this spray good for wasps?"
"No sir, it kills them."

I often find myself crying during s**......

Probably from the pepper spray...

Two p**... go fishing

These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing on a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other says "well, just make sure you mark the spot!" After they get back on shore, the first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat. The other p**... says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat tomorrow?"

Person who fought in WWII hit with pepper spray...

Now he is a seasoned veteran.

Ambush Watch

Down at the Senior Center the other day Joe was telling a tale about his experience in the jungle during his war. It seems that he was wearing a cheap watch one night while on an ambush and it made so much noise that his buddy insisted that he douse the watch with bug spray . . . to get rid of the ticks.

For some reason I always cry during s**....

I'm starting to think it might be the pepper spray.

How to deal with an anthill

Next time you have an anthill problem, here is what you do;
Grab yourself a can of black spray paint and cover the entire anthill in it. Then grab a stick or something of the sort and stir the paint in. Once all the ants realize they now live in a black neighborhood, they stop working and start shooting each other.

In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas:

What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran.

A Texas man is on vacation in Europe..

As he walks along with a tour guide, they come across some graffiti where someone has spray painted 'Yankee go home!"
The tour guide flustered and a bit embarrassed, said 'sorry you had to see that'
The Texan said 'don't worry, where I'm from we don't like them either'

Adolf h**...'s Refrigerator

Adolf h**... opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?

What do you call Israelis that overly spray tan?

Orange Jews!

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?

He uses Hare Spray...
(Ill see myself out)

Gay men make sure you're using protection

You know: body armor, pepper spray, concealed carry-hand gun, first-aid kit, maybe a flare gun too.

My eyes always hurt whenever I have s**...

It's probably the pepper spray

Shopping for insect repellent spray is so s**.......

I always get Off.

Why should you spray yourself with Windex when you're n**...?

It prevents streaking.

Did you hear about the ex-p**... star who got fired from the gas station?

Every time he got close to filling the tank, he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gasoline all over the car.

Was starting to get romantic with a woman last night

As usual I began crying uncontrollably. After getting home it took forever to wash the pepper spray off.

I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman.

Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

A soldier was assaulted with pepper spray and mustard gas.

He returned home a seasoned veteran.

I bought a spray used for destroying a particular pasta sauce.

It's a pestocide.

What did the Skunk say at Church?

Let us spray

Someone has been spraying graffiti of what appears to be corporate ledgers all around my neighborhood.

And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls.

Why does Bill Cosby cry after making love ?

The pepper spray.

A boy and his grandfather are playing outside...

A boy and his grandfather are playing outside. They see a worm come out of a hole.
"I bet you $5 you can't put the worm back in that hole," the grandfather said.
The boy gets a glint in his eye and runs into the house. He returns with a bottle of hairspray and proceeds to spray the worm until it is stiff, then he sticks it in the hole.
The grandpa, defeated, gives the boy $5 and takes the bottle of hairspray. He walks into the house and the boy keeps playing.
A while later, the grandfather returns outside and gives the boy $10.
"But grandpa, you already gave me the money for the bet," the boy told him.
"Yeah, I know. *That* money is from grandma."

I was having dinner at my girlfriend's house for the first time.

"Excuse me, I just need the toilet," I said, excusing myself from the table.
"Don't forget to spray the air freshener!" joked the dad.
I said, "No need. c**... doesn't smell."

I met up with a girl to fulfill a r**... fantasy she had...

It turns out she had a pepper spray and police report fantasy too.

Just tried to kill a roach with axe body spray... his name is Brett and he won't shut up about cross-fit.

Some people bring pepper spray for self protection. Others carry a gun.

I bring Goo-Gone for sticky situations.

I used to cry during s**...

but now pepper spray doesn't affect me

As things heat up in Charlotte, Virginia...

Remember that pepper spray is super effective against white nationalist because they aren't use to seasoning.

I'm going to start selling fancy toilet spray

I'll call it Chanel No. 2

Whats the first thing Harvey Weinstein does after s**...?

Wipes the pepper spray out of his eyes...

There's a protocol when it comes to bears [Long]

If you go camping, you should carry bells so not to startle a bear and be attacked, and pepper spray in case it does.
It would help to learn the s**... of the bear, so you can avoid areas with dangerous species.
Brown and black bear's is small and dark.
Grizzly's is large, light in color, has bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

My experience from FPS gaming really paid off when my wife wanted to have a baby.

Spray and pray.

What did it smell like in Sean Connery's bathroom after he used Orange bathroom potpourri spray?


For some reason I always cry during s**....

Maybe it's from the pepper spray.

How do Welsh farmers practice safe s**...?

Spray a red 'X' on the back of ones that kick.

I got fired from my gas station job yesterday...

Apparently, you're not supposed to pull out and spray all over the car when close to being finished.

Why does Bill Cosby cry during s**...?

Pepper spray.

What do you call a fat woman who carries pepper spray?


I just saw the neighbor's kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat.

I'm thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn't supposed to...

Socialism is the Axe Body Spray of political ideologies

It never does what it claims to do but people too young to know better keep buying it anyway.

What's the first thing a Texas Tech graduate does after having s**...?

Washes out the pepper spray.

How do gamer guys pee?

Spray and Pray or split-stream

My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references

My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references. She packed up her suitcase, and she walked out. As soon as she walked out of the door, I noticed that she had left her suitcase here. We live in a bad neighborhood, so she packed some pepper spray in it just in case. I quickly picked it up, ran out the door, and saw her. I handed it to her and said:
It's dangerous to go alone. Here, take this.

Spray joke, My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references

jokes about spray