Sprawled Jokes
7 sprawled jokes and hilarious sprawled puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sprawled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Ridiculous Sprawled Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What is a good sprawled joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
An Australian on safari...
An Aussie is tramping through a jungle with his hunting gear. He comes into a clearing and finds a stunningly beautiful n**... women sprawled out across a bed of leaves.
"My god," he says. "Are you game?"
She smiles invitingly, "Yes I am."
So he shoots her.
So when Aphrodite sprawls out bare-a**... n**... in a giant clam shell, she's a "goddess."
But when I do it, supposedly I'm "a drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium."
Where ya from Sam?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater
"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"
The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.
"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"
Another faint mumble.
Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"
"The balcony"
Three lawyers go on a hunting trip…
Two were from Germany, the third was Czechoslovakian. They were about two days into their hunting trip, having a good ol' time when two bears come out of nowhere and devoured the three hunters.
Crime scene investigation was called in after a couple of hikers stumbled across the b**... campsite, and the detective came to the conclusion that the two Germans were eaten up by the female bear.
When asked how he knew, he pointed behind a tent where the second bear was sprawled out dead, with a foot sticking out, and he said, 'well, if you do a dna test, you'll find that the Czech is in the male.'
Thank you. I'm here all night.
The moral of the story...
A newlywed man arrives home one day. As he ascends the stairs and enters the bedroom he sees his wife's sister sprawled on the bed completely n**....
"I've always had a thing for you since you started dating my sister", she says. "You can have me right now anyway you want me. I won't tell a soul."
The man immediately does an about face and goes down the stairs and out the front door. Outside waiting is his wife. She immediately walks up to him and embraces him.
"Honey I'm so proud of you!", the wife says. "You resisted temptation and now I know I can trust you the rest of my life."
The moral of the story? Always keep your condoms in your car.
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