The Best 48 Spouse Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Spouse jokes. There are some spouse intimacy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these spouse widower puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Spouse Jokes and Puns

It's normal for married couples to fight.

The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.

Spouses are a lot like FBI agents

They won't ask you a question that they do not already know the answer to.

Spouses should take note from Playstation Network.

Now it knows how to go down.

Spouse joke, Spouses should take note from Playstation Network.


Your spouse called and is fixing dinner early. Please pick up some hummus on your way.

Monogamy is having one spouse. Polygamy is having more than one spouse.

Monopolygamy is marrying the Monopoly Guy.

Why did Hannibal Lectar have communication problems with his spouse?

Everytime something was wrong he would put on a happy face

Ode to Hillary

Ode to Hillary

There was a crooked woman, and she wore a crooked smile
She found a crooked dollar and she dodged a crooked trial
She bought a crooked server, and wed a crooked spouse
And they all lived together in a little crooked house

Spouse joke, Ode to Hillary

I took my African American spouse to the urologist...

He told me how to fix my black wive's bladder.

Why did the sun's spouse leave it?

Because it kept acting like the world revolved around it.

Computers and my spouse are very similar in some ways.

If ever there is something wrong, it's probably my fault.

I asked a friend of mine who cheats on his spouse how he sleeps at night.

He responded "With your wife, John"

You can explore spouse exhusband reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean spouse husband dad jokes. There are also spouse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you call a spouse of 30 years?

A stalemate.

What do you call a Slavic spouse?


Can one get Slovenian citizenship through a spouse?

Asking for a President.

LPT: Don't be afraid to tell your SO what you like in bed.

Their spouse might appreciate it.

where does a cheating spouse take their mistress

to a fair

Spouse joke, where does a cheating spouse take their mistress

What's an anime with adultery?

Cory in the Spouse

Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?

His entire wife flashed before his eyes.

How do you prank your blind spouse ?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Spouses are a lot like old toys at home

You realize their importance only when someone else starts to play with them

After 10yrs of marriage is finding out that your spouse sucked 500+ dicks before getting hitched a big deal?

Because I think my wife is just overreacting?

What's the worst possible city to visit with yout newlywed spouse during your honeymoon?

Split, Croatia

What is the most innocent thing you have said to your spouse that was taken the wrong way?

If you leave your spouse, you are divorced. If you leave your fiance...

You are dis-engaged.

Get something romantic today for that special person in your life!

And uh. Don't forget to get something for your spouse too.

A person calls their spouse, who is currently away on a business trip.

"Big snowstorm today. There's a blackout on our street."

"Invite them in for a coffee then, it's probably freezing out there!"

My dad says there are no winners when you cheat on your spouse,

but participating is more important than winning.

My friend tried to enlist the help of his spouse in our dad-joke contest...

She failed miserably, making no decent jokes.

I said, "looks like you brought a wife to a pun fight."

Dogs love you more than your spouse.

If you lock your spouse and the dog in the trunk of the car for a couple of hours, one of them will be super happy to see you when you open it up.

Marriage is like prostitution

Your spouse is compensated for sexual satisfaction.

What do you call it when a newlywed foot fetishist cheats on their spouse?

Getting off on the wrong foot.

If a Bengal tiger is attacking your mother-in-law and spouse, who will you save?

The Bengal tiger of course!! They're getting extinct in the world.

What member of the melon family is an underachiever? Which one makes a great spouse?

Cantaloupe and Honeydew

What did the ghost give his spouse for their anniversary?

A boo k.

The divorce rate has now reached 50%.

That means statistically speaking, either you or your spouse are going to end up divorced.

My spouse told me she can't handle my primal needs in bed.

So I asked if she can at least feetle them. Mouthling was out of the question.

Old Arab saying...

If your pe-pe doesn't get aroused,

Just buy a younger spouse.

Many women that have lost their spouse through death and haven't remarried are normal.

But some are absolute widows.

I don't like to judge women's personalities.

But if your spouse has died...

Chances are you're a widow.

Finding out my spouse was disabled and incontinent...

Was a wife-changing experience.

This book I found

This book I found in my closet says treat your spouse as you would on the first date, so I split the bill and dropped her off at her parents

Just as quarantine ends, you win your choice of an all-expenses-paid vacation anywhere in the world for you and your spouse, or a steak dinner with your friends. Which do you choose...

(a) medium rare,
(b) medium, or
(c) well done?

A concerned friend asks a guy why he just endures his marriage with an abusive spouse.

He just shrugged it off and says, "beats me."

how do you turn a screw into a bolt?

the spouse comes home.

My friend once asked, if killing your father is patricide and killing your mother is matricide what is it called when you kill your spouse?

I responded, pesticide

Struggling to think of a Christmas present for your spouse?

Get them a fridge, and watch their face light up when they open it

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?

Why should it? answered her spouse. I keep telling them it's for you.

A young couple

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?

Why should it? answered her spouse. I keep telling them it's for you.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the spouse cheat jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working spouse divorce piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes