Spouse Jokes
63 spouse jokes and hilarious spouse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about spouse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your spouse laugh out loud with these hilarious jokes, perfect for April Fools Day or any day. From cheating spouses to military spouses to newlyweds and ex-husbands, these jokes have something for everyone. Have fun and share the laughter!
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Funniest Spouse Short Jokes
Short spouse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The spouse humour may include short wive jokes also.
- My friend once asked, if killing your father is patricide and killing your mother is matricide what is it called when you kill your spouse? I responded, pesticide
- Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning? His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
- It's normal for married couples to fight. The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.
- Why did the accordion player get a divorce? His spouse couldn’t handle the constant bellowing.
- Why are women called a "widow" when their spouse dies, but a man is called "widower"? Do men have to be better at everything?
- My friend tried to enlist the help of his spouse in our dad-joke contest... She failed miserably, making no decent jokes.
I said, "looks like you brought a wife to a pun fight." - What did the cannibal say as he took his spouse's thigh out of the refrigerator? Today is the first day of the rest of my wife.
- Monogamy is having one spouse. Polygamy is having more than one spouse. Monopolygamy is marrying the Monopoly Guy.
- Why did the sun's spouse leave it? Because it kept acting like the world revolved around it.
- What do you call it when a newlywed foot fetishist cheats on their spouse? Getting off on the wrong foot.
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Spouse One Liners
Which spouse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with spouse? I can suggest the ones about hubby and wife hubby.
- What do South Koreans call their spouses? Seoulmates
- how do you turn a screw into a bolt? the spouse comes home.
- My spouse told me to stop making animal puns or leave.. I guess alpaca my bags then
- When mediums get drunk and all sentimental... They call their future spouses.
- How do trucks get spouses? Pickup lines.
- Can one get Slovenian citizenship through a spouse? Asking for a President.
- What do you call a Slavic spouse? Czech-mate
- Finding out my spouse was disabled and incontinent... Was a wife-changing experience.
- What's an anime with adultery? Cory in the Spouse
- What do you call a spouse of 30 years? A stalemate.
- What did the ghost give his spouse for their anniversary? A boo k.
- where does a cheating spouse take their mistress to a fair
- Spouses should take note from Playstation Network. Now it knows how to go down.
- Why are lucky golfers able to cheat on their spouses? They always have good lies
- I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses.
Cheating Spouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheating spouse jokes and even better cheating spouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad says there are no winners when you cheat on your spouse, but participating is more important than winning.
- I asked a friend of mine who cheats on his spouse how he sleeps at night. He responded "With your wife, John"
- Did you hear about the two people with OCD who were cheating on their spouses to be together? It was a sorted affair.
- What did the woman say to her cheating spouse? Stop explaining!
- Is it still adultery.... ...if you cheat on your spouse with a child?
-&y (oh yeah - one of my own)
Military Spouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny military spouse jokes and even better military spouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's an international multi-event competition for military spouses, but the same team wins every year. The Swiss Army Wives.
Amusing & Witty Spouse Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about spouse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean husbands and wives jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make spouse pranks.
Spouses are a lot like FBI agents
They won't ask you a question that they do not already know the answer to.
Ode to Hillary
Ode to Hillary
There was a crooked woman, and she wore a crooked smile
She found a crooked dollar and she dodged a crooked trial
She bought a crooked server, and wed a crooked spouse
And they all lived together in a little crooked house
LPT: Don't be afraid to tell your SO what you like in bed.
Their spouse might appreciate it.
Spouses are a lot like old toys at home
You realize their importance only when someone else starts to play with them
After 10yrs of marriage is finding out that your spouse s**... 500+ d**... before getting hitched a big deal?
Because I think my wife is just overreacting?
What's the worst possible city to visit with yout newlywed spouse during your honeymoon?
Split, croatia
If you leave your spouse, you are divorced. If you leave your fiance...
You are dis-engaged.
A person calls their spouse, who is currently away on a business trip.
"Big snowstorm today. There's a b**... on our street."
"Invite them in for a coffee then, it's probably freezing out there!"
Marriage is like prostitution
Your spouse is compensated for s**... satisfaction.
If a Bengal tiger is attacking your mother-in-law and spouse, who will you save?
The Bengal tiger of course!! They're getting extinct in the world.
The divorce rate has now reached 50%.
That means statistically speaking, either you or your spouse are going to end up divorced.
This book I found
This book I found in my closet says treat your spouse as you would on the first date, so I split the bill and dropped her off at her parents
Just as quarantine ends, you win your choice of an all-expenses-paid vacation anywhere in the world for you and your spouse, or a steak dinner with your friends. Which do you choose...
(a) medium rare,
(b) medium, or
(c) well done?
A concerned friend asks a guy why he just endures his marriage with an abusive spouse.
He just shrugged it off and says, "beats me."
Struggling to think of a Christmas present for your spouse?
Get them a fridge, and watch their face light up when they open it
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?
Why should it? answered her spouse. I keep telling them it's for you.
A young couple
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?
Why should it? answered her spouse. I keep telling them it's for you.
My spouse will not stop making puns about Jurassic Park.
I would have thought she'd lose her magic by now, but wife finds a way.
A couple is new in town and goes to a local holiday party
The wife admonished her husband, That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?
Why should it? answered her spouse. I keep telling them it's for you.
Programming logic
The programmer's spouse asks the programmer to go to the store
The spouse says, "Get a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and says, "They had eggs."
The programmer's spouse asks the programmer to go to the store
The spouse says, "Get a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and says, "They had eggs."
Hall pass
My wife is really not too bright. We have this system where we have what's called a "hall pass" where you get to have s**... with any two people in the whole world, as long as your spouse agrees to it.
Now, I picked Angelina Jolie and Christie Brinkley. But my wife, she picked the Mexican guy that mows our lawn and his brother! Out of all the people in the world.
My spouse wanted to try some k**... fish/fisherman role play last night.
I'm hooked
My wife was upset that the dog was considered man's best friend. She maintains that a spouse should be considered my best friend.
So I locked them both in the trunk of my car and drove around for twenty minutes. Guess which one was happiest to see me when I let them out?
